I would hope it's obvious by now, but in case it isn't I *AM* Transgender. And in what seems like a minority position among those of us who do identify as Transgender, I am *NOT* unhappy about it. Am I sorry I missed out on 40+ years of life as a girl/woman? Yes I am, it's hard playing catch up with things such as makeup, hair, deportment, voice, etc. However, at this point in my life I would *NOT* trade what I have and who I am to go magically back in time and be born female.
Now what does that have to do with the subject line? Well there is a lot of "debate" (to be kind) on various places such as Reddit, etc., about pronoun usage when it comes to a Trans-Woman or Trans-Man. Now don't get me wrong, when I'm presenting as Madison - which is the only way I present these days; but that wasn't always the case - it is nice to hear Ma'am, Miss, Ladies, and so on. However, it also didn't ruin my day to hear Sir, especially if I was presenting more in an androgynous manner. My Doctor's (both my GP and the one supervising my HRT) always went out of their way to use feminine pronouns and Madison in lieu of my legal name at the time; but not everyone in their office did. Quite a bit of the time I'd be called back by my given name. Truth be told I never went by my given name either; I always used a nickname, but I was accustomed over the years to hear my given name at places such as a Doctor's office, in school, and so on. So if my legal name was still my old male name, why should I be upset that it was used and since it was obviously male (much to my chagrin), when I was dealing with someone over the phone why should I expect to be called ma'am?
I'm not trying to criticize anyone or tell them how they should feel; but I do think for people that do get upset over these things that perhaps they should take a couple of steps back and look at it a little more objectively, especially over the phone. Yes, your voice may sound feminine (and if so I'm jealous of that too <G>), but if the name in front of somebody is obviously male such as mine was; the person on the other end of the phone has to make a judgment call and the safer option for them is to go based on the name.
Now in person is a little different. As an example, one of my Uncles (he and my Aunt are about the only supportive family I have) has went to great lengths to include J and I in family events recently. We had a Christmas get together in early January and he spent a lot of time talking to us which was appreciated. He without fail called me Madison and went out of his way to use "she" for example; *until* he would start talking about stories from years ago when I was living as a male. He would call me <old name> and/or use "he/him/etc". I didn't get upset over it, my rationale was that at the times that those events occurred that's how he knew me and recounting those events now, well that's not only how he remembers them, but it's how they were. I can't/won't expect him or anyone else to "alter history" so to speak; those times were what they were and there were good times, mediocre times, and bad times; but regardless of that I was <old name> and I was male, and there is no changing that fact. In instances such as that, again it would never bother me.
Now if somebody was going out of their way to use an incorrect pronoun or my old name in a hateful manner, yes at that point we have an issue. But short of that I have a lot of other things to worry about that are way more important than he vs she, etc. Now, that's me, and again I would never try and tell somebody else what their own priorities are or what should/shouldn't upset them, but as with *ANY* situation in life, I don't think it hurts to take a few steps back sometimes and evaluate things from a less personal/emotional perspective and more from a logical perspective.
Just my two (potentially controversial) cents on things, as always thanks for reading.
- M
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