So What's For Dinner?

I thought maybe it was time for a topic that was a little bit lighter than the recent ones, so I thought I'd talk about one of my hobbies, cooking.  It's not a recent fascination, my daughter P and I used to watch a lot of Food Network (Emeril and Alton Brown mostly) when she was younger and I greatly enjoyed it.  Especially Alton Brown since he went out of his way to explain the science behind things - Emeril was/is a very good "showman", but frankly most of what he made - especially on Emeril Live (which is usually what P and I would watch) wasn't food we'd make/eat, and looking at what he was preparing versus the previously prepared stuff he pulled out of the oven - it wasn't even close, even to our untrained eyes.

As much as I liked to cook, I more or less avoided it up until maybe a year or so ago.  Before that the extent of my culinary adventures were frozen pizzas, finger foods in the fryer, and so on.  I didn't do much beyond those kinds of things, although at some point I'll have the share the story of P and I trying to make beer battered chicken and homemade fries - but that's for another time.  It was almost a shame that I didn't start cooking sooner as over the last few years I was on the receiving end of several different pieces of kitchen equipment as gifts and we picked up a few on our own - the best one we picked up was Kitchen Aid stand mixer at Best Buy.  It was a display model that had no box, but it was I believe 40 or 50 percent off and I had some gift cards so it didn't cost me anything and it's actually probably gotten more use than anything - although even that sat mostly unused for several years.

Part of the reason I didn't do much cooking was that when M and I first got married we were sharing a house with my Mother, Sister, and her son.  My Mom and I had first leased, then purchased the home, although it didn't work out very well for M and I, but that's also a story for another time.  The list of people swelled over time to include our daughter P, as well as my sister's second husband and second child.  Part of the "arrangement" was that I paid the house payment and certain utilities and my mother purchased groceries, cooked, and paid the balance of the utilities.  Once we sold the house and M, P, and I moved into the townhouse I was working a part-time second job to help cover a down payment on a house and as such I often didn't get home until 11:30pm or in some cases Midnight or a bit after.  P was in middle school so she'd be in bed by then and M was working overnights which meant she came in at 11pm so we seldom were home together.  As such there was a lot of fast food and such, although M would go out of her way to make things I liked when she could.  Moving into the house, since I'd be paying well over the majority of the bills, and no longer worked the second job, part of the arrangement was that M would cook dinner so I had no need to as while she's by no means a "chef" and didn't have much of a repertoire, she did make an effort to make things I liked and what she did make was pretty good.

However, as I said about a year ago I started making occasional meals, and over time it's become such that I make the vast majority of the dinners - which is generally the only meal we all eat together.  What actually started it was me trying to come up with some chicken strips that mimicked Long John Silver's Chicken Planks as I really love those.  I've gotten *reasonably* close, but not as close as I'd like on those.  Now I by no means consider myself anything special in the kitchen, but I do make an effort and for the most part I think the majority of things are pretty good.  The vast majority of my recipes tend to come from Pinterest, although they almost always have to be modified due to what M, P, or J likes - mostly M since P really would be happiest having chicken nuggets every meal.  Additionally I try to make enough to feed everybody and have some leftovers for M to have on her lunch since she works overnights and/or J to take for lunch at a minimum.  Sometimes this is easier said than done since M2 is a *huge* eater, but most of the time he doesn't eat what I make (he mostly eats "tuna wraps" or "peanut butter wraps"), but when he does he can demolish whatever is left over.  Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful when he eats what I make, I just wish I had a better idea when he was going to so I could adjust the quantities accordingly.

Sometimes the meals can be as simple as crock pot hot dogs (we actually all like those from time to time), to more "fancy" things such as baked brie or chicken kiev - both of which J really loves, and surprisingly enough M also loves the baked brie.  Some things come out better than others, but for the most part things tend to come out at least decent and I think more often than not above average to very good.  Now of course that's often simply my opinion as J would say anything I made was great and M doesn't give much feedback - I tend to have to see how much she eats or whether or not she eats any leftovers.  But regardless of if they are simple meals or complicated meals; whether they are alright, not so good, or awesome - I enjoy the time in the kitchen - though my feet don't always agree.

Since I do enjoy cooking these days I think I'm going to start writing about it a little more often.  Perhaps that will be sharing the occasional recipe, or giving my thoughts on a piece of equipment, or simple tossing out some random culinary thoughts - hopefully it'll be a nice break from typically more serious topics I try and write about.

Well it's *really* late - nearly 4am - and I need to get a nap in so I can be up for work, so with that I'll bid you all goodnight. :)

- M

Traveling As A Transgender Woman...

A very nice piece about traveling as a Trans-Woman was shared on my Google+ feed yesterday.  I would publicly thank the wonderful woman who shared the piece, but I don't like to name names here as I'm not about to violate somebody's privacy, or even worse out somebody, but if the kind woman who shared this is reading - thank you very much for doing so; it was a nice piece.

I do want to give my two cents on this as while I really do not like to travel, I have to for work on occasion, and J and I traveled to Michigan (albeit by car) for my orchiectomy and my experiences were much better than what is discussed in the piece I linked above.  Now let me say, I by no means am trying to imply that what is in that article isn't true - in fact just the opposite - I'm fairly certain it is.  I've read far too many accounts of those kinds of things going on and it greatly disturbs me that those things are occurring.  The most troubling parts of the article to me were the poor experiences with the TSA, and truthfully I've read about much worse ones than that.  And it's not confined to just those who are Trans-Women (or Trans-Men), there are plenty of cisgender men/women/children who have had poor experiences as well.  I would like to think that we all want to be safe when we travel, especially when we fly; but I firmly believe that this can be accomplished with respect and dignity on the TSA's part and far too often that doesn't happen.

Now, as I said above, I've traveled for work several times since I chose to transition.  Despite the fact that my job is not supportive of things, I am able to travel as Madison.  This is generally due to the fact that because of where we live the flight options are more limited than I'd like; and as such it normally means that I have to fly in a day early.  As much as that used to agitate me, now it's a plus as I can travel as Madison as I've got the balance of that first day to do as I please and I don't have to be "face to face" with anyone in regards to work.  Flying back can be more of a challenge as generally I try to catch a flight out on my last day out of town - even if it's a very late flight - versus spending an extra night and flying out the next day.  Now in some cases I do have to spend one last night there and if so it makes it easier to fly out as Madison since I can get a decent nights sleep and have time to get ready the next morning.  However, if I am able to make an evening flight I can still generally find time to change from my <old name> presentation to Madison.  Now in those cases that may mean I might not have time to really get on my regular makeup and have to make do with just some basics like foundation and lipstick, and I may or may not be able to deal with my wig.  In those cases I'm definitely not as passable as I normally might be, in some cases maybe they read me as a woman anyway, but I doubt it - probably more as just someone who's cross dressing.  In those cases I tend to eschew my normal skirt/dress and heels and go with jeans and flats, but I still feel better about myself than I would if I just up and presented as <old name>.  Even in those cases though, the TSA (and everyone else) is still very polite and hasn't given me any issues, although I might get a few strange looks in the concourses. :)

But back to the topic at hand which is about traveling as a Trans-woman.  My experiences with the TSA have always been very good.  Since I've chosen to transition, I've traveled both before and after my legal name was changed, as well as before and after my ID photo was changed and my legal gender was changed.  Regardless of which trip it was and what the status of my documentation was at the time, the TSA has never made an issue of my gender or mis-gendered me.  I've also not had any issues with the scanners and I've used them at every airport where they are available (I believe Greenville/Spartanburg was the only airport that didn't have them when I was there).  I've read of issues where the TSA has made people go back through the scanners because they chose a wrong gender on their side, but I've not run into that either.  Now perhaps on those trips I've simply been "un-passable enough" that they chose the "male" button the first time through - I'd like to think that's not the case, but who knows.  Regardless I've always zipped right though with no additional pat-downs or other scrutiny.  And since it seems to come up quite a bit on Reddit and other forums, I've always had some sort of "breast enhancement" on - be it full size silicon forms, or more recently those little silicon "add a cup" enhancers and for the TSA it has always seemed to be business as usual.

The airlines have also been great, in fact the only time I've had anything close to an issue was when I was checking a bag one morning and I gave the person at the counter my ID which had my male name and picture on it and she assumed I had given her someone else's ID.  Now I'm sure she didn't give me a whole lot of scrutiny when she took my bag and then my ID as it was early and they were busy; but based upon her reaction both when I gave her the ID and after I told her it was *MY* ID, I have to assume that she read me as female from that initial look.  Once I did confirm it was my ID, it was business as usual going forward.  The one time I've had to rent a car went also went well despite it having been a good 8-10 hours after I had left the house that morning so my makeup was starting to show some wear.  Shuttle and cab service has also been fine for me.

In fact as I mentioned above, I really haven't had any real issues, and definitely not the kinds of ones that were in that article, save one.  And that has been that I have the same "bathroom concerns" that the woman who wrote the article has.  Now that my ID shows Madison and Female I don't worry quite as much as I did in the past, but I still think about potential problems.  Before the ID change I did my best to avoid bathrooms in public places when traveling.  Now I couldn't always do that, there were times when I really didn't have a choice, and in those cases I tried to get in and out as quickly as possible.  This really wasn't much different than how I approached public restrooms when being out with J or M - I always tried to get in and out, and usually one of them would either go with me or at least go before me to "check things out".  I'd like to say I was being too concerned, but even in hindsight I don't think so.  Better safe than sorry.  Now with my ID having been changed I don't worry nearly as much, although I still try and not dawdle in the restroom if I'm traveling.  Now around home, I really don't give it a second thought anymore and I don't hesitate to use the restroom just like any other woman would; so I guess I'm still making allowances when I travel, but I think I'm getting less and less concerned as time goes by.  However, I don't think those concerns will go completely away until I have SRS, but at least they're not top of mind anymore.

I think I've rambled enough now, so I'll stop here.  As always thanks for reading.

- M

Being Supportive To Someone Who's Transitioning - What Does That Mean?

I'd been struggling for a topic the last few days, not that I didn't have a couple of things in mind, but nothing that I really had a strong opinion one way or the other.  Then, as so often happens, I spent some time on Reddit tonight and a topic jumped out for me.  Without getting too specific, a trans-woman was complaining about her Mother making a comment on some pictures she had posted to her Facebook account, and because of that she "wasn't being supportive".  I read the comment and viewed the picture and frankly I thought her mother expressed her opinion very politely and respectfully and that her opinion likely would have been the same had if she was talking to a cis-female who happened to be her daughter.  What really stood out to me, even more than the original posters indignation were the bulk of the comments on the post.  Almost all of them (save the last one at the time) were along the lines of "tell her to f*ck off" (literally) and the like.   I was amazed at the vitriol that was being put out there for a comment that frankly I'd make to my cis-female daughter if she had worn the same outfit the same way.

The final comment - and I had them sorted from highest score to lowest, so it had been down-voted significantly - was a bit blunt for my taste, but basically echoed my thoughts that her mother wasn't really out of line for what she said, nor how she said it.  My two cents which wasn't popular either echoed that last comment, specifically I said that the OP didn't have to agree with her Mother (and that she obviously didn't), but that her Mother made a motherly comment to her daughter as many other parents would have and did it in a nice and respectful way.

That got me to thinking about what exactly does a trans-woman (or trans-man for that matter) consider "supportive behavior" - especially from their family.  For *ME*, I want to be treated as if I were a cis-female - if that means I have to hear things I might not like, such as a particular shade of makeup isn't right for me, or that a particular top doesn't flatter me, well then so be it.  In fact, at times I struggle to get those kinds of opinions from my (chosen) family - as J and M to an extent - go out of their way to try and be supportive and at times to them that seems to mean that they can't be critical.  I see it the opposite, in that I want - no I *need* them to be critical when it's going to be helpful.  I'm not saying I want my feelings hurt needlessly - for that matter I don't really want them hurt at all, but there are times that things need to be said that might hurt them and those are the times I need to be a grown woman and understand them for what they are.

For me, and I would assume *most* people that choose to transition, we want to be accepted just as if we were cis-gendered.  That may at times mean hearing things that you do not necessarily like.  Now I'm not condoning people being hurtful for no reason, but again just because you don't like something doesn't necessarily mean it's not true or that the person saying it is being hurtful - they may well be trying to be helpful - as I believe this case to be.  This particular person seems to either not care about that (if so that's her choice and that's fine), or simply doesn't grasp that her mother *is* trying to treat her that way and if it's the latter and she can't see that - well that's simply a shame.  So many trans-women (and again trans-men I'm assuming) would love to have the kind of acceptance that this person's Mother is giving and yet she's not only unappreciative of what she's got, but flat out hostile about it.

Perhaps my opinion is wrong on this, from the reception my comment got it's definitely not popular on that particular thread - but both from personal experience as a trans-woman and a parent - I can see this from both sides and her mother handled it just as I'd like to think I would have and it just boggles my mind that this woman is so hostile about it.  It just seems to me that the majority of the LGBTQ community strives for acceptance, equal treatment, etc; and nothing frustrates me worse than when that does happen and things like this occur.

I'm starting to get off topic, I suppose it's because I'm frustrated and a bit tired, so I'll cut this off here, as always thanks for reading.

- M

Transitioning And The Never Ending Paperwork

One of the best parts of my transition process was going to court to change my name and gender on my birth certificate and subsequently my drivers license to match my chosen name and gender.  That being said, this has also become one of the worst parts of my transition process.  Going to court itself was made relatively painless thanks to a wonderful attorney (Susan Fox Jacobsen) as I documented in a blog post HERE.

However, going to court and getting the court orders was the easy part of things.  Since walking out of court that day with my name change in hand and then getting the gender change order a few weeks later, it's been a seemingly never-ending process to update my information.  Don't get me wrong, I didn't expect it to be quick or easy; but I also didn't give enough thought to just how many places I would need to update.

The first change was the DMV.  Now, when I got the name change court order it was a Friday and I had to go out of town that Sunday and wouldn't return until late the following Wednesday so I didn't get to the DMV until that Thursday.  As I only had the name change order in hand at that point I went in there presenting as a male still with the court order.  The process itself ending up taking about far longer than it should have as there were typos on my court order.  For both my given name and my new name the first and middle names were transposed all the way through the court order.  Now the judge caught the issue while in court, but she simply had the attorney make the changes to the order with her pen and then she signed it.  Now if that's good enough for the judge, you'd think it would be good enough for anyone else, especially since I have a certified copy of the order; but the DMV ended up making an issue over it.  Three or four different people read the entire court order word for word before somebody finally approved the change.  I honestly thought I was going to have to call my lawyer and have the court issue a corrected order, but thankfully it didn't come to that.  Once the DMV supervisor gave her approval the rest of the process was quick.

The next change I decided to make was at my bank.  I have joint check and savings accounts with M from when we were married - they are basically "household accounts" where bills are paid from and such; but I also have my own account and I wanted to get J onto that anyway.  The bank was a fairly painless experience, although per their own website all I should have needed was my documentation which I had, but I went ahead and drug M along since we were going to lunch and in hindsight it was probably a good thing as they seemed more comfortable changing things with her there - although I'm not really sure why.

My next change did not occur until late March when my license was able to be renewed (six months early).  At that point I had the gender change order in hand as well and headed back to the DMV as Madison along with J.  That visit is semi-detailed HERE.  Long story short, the visit was fairly painless this time, although I did note that they physically scanned in a copy of this court order.  Part of me was a bit surprised as I would have thought that a name change was a bigger deal when a simple M to F under Gender, but what do I know?

At that point I figured I was in pretty good shape, after all my old first name is my new middle name so I figured that would minimize any issues going forward; however, the last couple of months it started to bother me that so many things were still in my old name so I've set out to get them all changed.  This is where things have gotten tedious.  The changes I had already made were all simple in that I could go do them in person which always seems to make things quick.  The changes I'm making now aren't as simple.

So far those have ranged from fairly painless - "Netflix" being the easiest as I was able to accomplish the change via online chat in less than five minutes.  Others such as ESPN are being less cooperative and I'm probably going to cancel my Insider account over it.  Then there are things such as credit cards, the one I just did requires a copy of the court order and a copy of my new license to be mailed to them.  Why I couldn't email or fax them what they need is beyond me, but whatever.  We haven't even gotten as far as the cars - they're both paid off so I'm not as worried about those - or the house (I'm dreading what that is going to entail).  Insurance was fairly simple both health and home/auto.  In the former, J was able to handle that since I'm currently on her insurance (hers has better life insurance than my own did); in the latter that wasn't a big deal either as M switched us from one company to another so we started clean with them with me as Madison.

There are still other things I need to get to, for example I'd like to transfer all of my Google Play stuff over to my new email account, but apparently as things sit today that is not even possible.  I've got two more credit cards to change, but I need to go get more certified copies of my court order for those.  A couple of utilities are still in my name such as DirecTV.  Not to mention my passport, although I'm going back and forth on if I'm going to touch that.  I didn't pay for it initially, work did, and as such I'm not sure I want to update it.  I suppose if I were to pursue SRS via Dr. Brassard in Canada then I'd need to, but as of now he's a second, possibly third option, so unless it comes down to that I'll probably not worry about this.

I suppose none of this has been "hard", it's just tedious and I really dislike tedious tasks.  And frankly, some companies (ESPN that means you) are making this harder than it should be.  But I guess I really shouldn't complain and just be happy that I was able go get things changed legally so I can go about all of these other changes. :)

- M

Transitioning And The Real Life Experience....

Well as much as I enjoyed writing about our wonderful cats, it's now time to get back to topics more appropriate to why I started this blog.  Today's topic, or perhaps mini-rant - is about the "Real Life Experience" aka RLE.  As anybody who reads this blog probably knows, I like to hang out on Reddit.  I spent a fair amount of time all over the site, but mostly on the AskTransgender and Ask_Transgender subreddits.  Well a bit earlier tonight I ran across a couple of posts where the RLE came up.

The first was in regards to someone wanting SRS/GRS (subsequently in this post and going forward in this blog, I'll be using the term SRS, so for those that prefer GRS please bear with my choice) without having to have a year of RLE.  I hate to say that no surgeon will waive that requirement, but I've not seen any reputable one who will; and truthfully I have *NO* issues with that at all.  SRS is a serious procedure that should not be undertaken lightly.  I don't think it's out of line at all to expect anyone who wants to undertake such a procedure to at least have some idea of what they are getting themselves into.  That may well be a minority opinion, and if so I respect those that have dissenting opinions from mine, but I don't know that anyone could sway me on this.  HRT is one thing, while there are changes that are permanent, all of my research is that the vast majority of them are reversible by going off of HRT; but for SRS that's simply not the case.  The surgeon cannot just "put things back" if someone were to change their mind.

I'm by no means trying to say that the RLE is easy or necessarily pleasant, although for the most part mine has been.  Nor will I toss out cliches such as "nothing worth having is easy", and so on.  But I will say that the time spent undergoing the RLE should give anyone considering SRS at least an idea of what life will be like if they make the decision to go forward with surgery.  Personally for me, I don't consider what I've done to be RLE, it is simply how I've chosen to live and I made the choice to live as Madison months prior to going on HRT.  I've talked about why I did that in earlier blog entries, but for those that haven't read those, it boiled down to a couple of major points (and several minor ones).  The biggest being that I simply feel better about myself living as Madison.  I feel it was the right choice for me and I'd do it again if given the choice.  I feel that I've picked up mannerisms and social graces that I would still be struggling with had if I had not made this choice.  I also feel that my transition would not have been as successful as I feel it has been if I had not made this choice.  I'm by no means saying that my choice is the right one for everyone, or for that matter anyone, but it was right *for me*.  But I am a firm proponent of it if at all possible and definitely prior to SRS.

The second post was a simple question by someone fairly young about starting HRT.  In this case it wasn't the post that drew my attention but a comment.  The bulk of the comment was helpful, but there was a part of it that basically said that the "RLE was simply dressing as a woman" and I strongly disagree with that.  First off, what is "dressing like a woman"?  Personally I love makeup, heels, skirts, dresses, and so on - basically the traditional "girly girl" stuff.  But plenty of women, be they cis or trans, eschew those things.  That doesn't make them any more or any less of a woman than someone like me who does like those things.  Secondly, I think that RLE is significantly more than how one dresses.  It's about living your life as your chosen gender and appearance is merely one component of that.

I think far too many don't see the RLE for what it should be and instead simply an obstacle in their path and as such automatically consider it a bad thing.  I think rather than seeing it as an obstacle, that instead it should be seen as an opportunity.

As always, just my thoughts - and rather late night thoughts at that.  Agree, disagree, I respect everyone's opinion and I hope you respect mine. :)

- M

Princess - Number Seven Of Seven - Finally Finished :)

Last but certainly not least is Princess.  She's a special case in that she's a rescue cat, but she did not come from a shelter.  Princess was found by M/M2 one evening at our local Wal-Mart.  It was very cold out and apparently she was starving and so desperate that she allowed the two of them to catch her.  They put her in the car and called me and asked me to bring up a cat carrier and some food for her.  I showed up and she let me put her in the carrier and inhaled the entire plate of cat food I had brought.  The poor little thing definitely was starving and cold so I brought her home and put her in the half bathroom downstairs to keep her away from the other cats since we didn't know her health.  I spent some time in there with her giving her more food and water.  She finished two more plates of food and part of a third one.

Our initial intention was to take her to the vet the following morning and then to a shelter.  The next day she ended up at the vet and got a reasonably clean bill of health other than her weight being too low.  They estimated she was around 2 years old and they felt she had been a domestic kitten at one point.  Somehow between the vet and the shelter she ended up back here and became seven of seven, but yet she still didn't have a name.  M and P ended up naming her Princess, there's some debate today as to who actually gave her the name, but it stuck.

She's definitely a cute little thing and ironically enough she bonded with P which was wonderful as none of the first six really did and it was a sore point with P.  She's a very energetic and playful cat - she can play "red dot" with the best of them.  She's also very athletic, she can rival Boots on a good day when it comes to jumping - in fact much to my chagrin she can jump from the floor directly to the back of my desk chair and manage to "stick the landing".

Unfortunately for her, we have to occasionally keep Boots and Francis away from her.  None of us are really sure why the two of them have such a dislike for Princess - especially Francis since she's always been a very mellow cat.  Perhaps it's because she's a young female and Francis was the young female.  As far as Boots goes - nobody knows what's going through his mind.  :)

That aside, she's growing up happy and healthy and P just adores her.  She does like to take up residence in some strange spots from time to time such as this picture.

Or sometimes just in J's chair like this, after having a small plate of treats.

All in all, we've got seven wonderful cats, but it is nice to have at least one young one and one we actually rescued from outside.  As I think is obvious from the first six "bios", we tend to rescue older ones since they tend to not be as likely to be adopted and I'm sure we'll continue to do so going forward.

This (I'm sure thankfully for some) will wrap up "cat week" - hopefully it hasn't been too boring, but I really just wanted to write some nice things about them while they were all still with us.  As I type this, Sampson is asleep in my other chair, Ginger is passed out on the bed, Emily is on her pillow in the hallway and the rest are scattered about.

- M

Maxie - Number Six Of Seven

After we got Ginger, we went a year or two with just the five cats and as much as we all love Maxie perhaps we should have stayed that way for reasons I'll get to below.  I'd like to say I wasn't sure why M brought Maxie home, but actually I am sure and it's indirectly because of me.  I had went out of town for work to help a re-seller of ours upgrade one of their customers to a newer version of our software and install/configure some custom software they had us write.  The customer in question was a moderately sized pet store chain and while I was there I spent time at their HQ, but also at a couple of stores.  While at those stores I fell in love with a pair of young rescue kittens and really thought about bringing them home with me; however, the logistics just would not have worked out.  The shelter that had the kittens on display required a few too many hoops to be jumped through in the time I had and I was a good 5-6 hours (if not more) away from home and I didn't think that much time in the car would be good for them either.  However, when I did come home I talked about them quite a bit.  So when I had to go back the following week (which was unplanned), M took it upon herself to go find us another cat.  So when I got home the next week, viola, there was Maxie.

Now, per M, Maxie had been at the shelter a *LONG* time and they told her she just loved over cats.  Well I can't speak to the former, but as far as the latter - well that simply does not seem true.  Now maybe she was only around one or two cats before or maybe they were younger cats or whatever; but Maxie is a real loner and doesn't seem to care for any of the other cats.  Not that this is really a problem or anything on the surface, but it does have issues which I'll get to below.

I don't have a whole lot of pictures of Maxie, mostly because she doesn't tend to do "cute things", I suppose I need to rectify that, but the above is one that was taken shortly after we got her.

Now as I said above, she doesn't really like any other cats, but she just loves humans.  Of all of our cats, she's the one most likely to actually want to be picked up and held or to climb on your lap and lie down.  And she really doesn't care who is picking her up or holding her, just as long as it's somebody; although she does seem to prefer M over everyone and then probably me as a second choice.

I mentioned at the beginning that getting Maxie was perhaps a mistake.  That bears some explanation.  I'm grateful that we adopted her as I hate to see any cat in a shelter - even if it is a "no kill shelter", but I really think in a perfect world she would have went to a home where she could have been the only cat.  I think in that environment she would be nearly a perfect cat for someone.  Bringing her into our environment with the other cats has led to several issues, some funny, others no so funny.

The first issue we had was with Ginger of all possible cats.  We have one of those "L shaped" couches in the living room and Ginger liked to nap on the back of the one end of it.  Well Maxie decided she wanted to nap there to and suddenly we had a "poop war" up there.  Thankfully we always kept a blanket on there, but literally every day for a week or two one or the other would do their business on it.  Finally J coaxed Ginger to sleep elsewhere, and we thought we were done with these issues, but it turns out that was just the beginning.

Next things escalated into "pee wars".  I'm not saying the first five cats didn't on occasion decide that they weren't going to use a litter box, but it was honestly a very rare event.  Maxie on the other hand decided that anywhere in the house was her litter box whenever she felt like it and a couple of the other cats (most notably Boots) took exception to that and would retaliate.  The amount of time we spent cleaning things up - and that usually included carpet cleaning since they seemed to prefer carpeted areas - got to be way out of hand.  And before somebody says something, we actually have more litter boxes than we have cats, and they are cleaned multiple times per day.

The last issue has to do with something I referenced in some of the other cats posts - and that's the fact that if there is a spat among the cats Maxie always interjects herself into it.  At first I thought she just wanted to fight, but over the years I think it's more that she's trying to "break things up".  Unfortunately, sometimes a cat or two who is just an innocent bystander feels Maxie's wrath, but for the most part she acts as the "bouncer" so the speak.

Now, compared to the other cats I've written about it may appear that I'm down on Maxie or don't love her as much as I do them and neither of those could be farther from the truth.  Maxie is a wonderful cat and we love her dearly; I just think that in a perfect world that she'd be an "only cat" and get 100% of the love versus having to be initially one of six and now one of seven and have to share the love.  But regardless, we all do love her and would not trade her for anything.  And I'll have to rectify the picture situation with her.

- M

Ginger - Number Five Of Seven

For as sad as talking about Sampson (Cat #4) makes me, talking about Ginger makes me equally as happy.  We got Ginger sort of by accident.  We often donate food and other things to the humane society for their sheltered pets and M (and possibly M2) happened to be dropping off a donation when they saw "him".  We weren't looking for another cat, we were happy with the four that we had, but something about Ginger drew M to take a closer look.  She called me and said that she was at the shelter and they had a *female* Persian and wanted to know about adopting it.  I really was non-committal about it so she went ahead and brought Ginger home.

Part of the reason Ginger makes me so happy to talk about is that up until Ginger, each of the adults except for J basically had a cat.  Boots was attached to M, Francis to M2, and Emily to myself.  Sampson pretty much played the field, although he hung out with me more than anybody I think and J really wanted a cat that was attached to her.  When Ginger came home J fawned over "him" quite a bit and Ginger hung out with us most of the night.  

We were all under the impression that Ginger was a girl since that's what we had been told; but Sampson of all cats seemed to act like Ginger was a male - he treated Ginger more like Boots than he did Emily or Francis.  Finally, late that evening Ginger was lying back on our bed doing some grooming and J and I were fairly certain we saw a tiny penis.  We snapped a photo with our phone and sent it to M asking if she was sure that Ginger was really a girl since we had a picture of Ginger's "parts".  M was adamant that Ginger was a girl and even after seeing the picture her response was "we'll see what the vet says tomorrow".  

Ginger had a vet appointment and grooming appointment the next day.  The vet confirmed that Ginger was not a "she" but rather a "he" - hence the quoted "him" in the first paragraph.  It didn't change how we felt about him, we really didn't care, but we still remind M about it from time to time.  Upon Ginger returning from the groomer, he was in much better shape, although his hair was so bad they even had to shave his tail which really seemed to depress him - thankfully we haven't had to have his tail shaved since.  :)  J even shared her soup from the Bread Company which Ginger just loved.

Ginger has a very laid back personality, I've never had a Persian before so I'm not sure if that's the case with all of them (I'm too lazy to look that up <G>), but he is so kind and gentle.  Despite being "fixed", he does have a cute habit of humping things - especially fleece blankets and/or stuffed animals.

I'm not sure that still photo(s) can do it justice, but he's normally such a quiet cat, but when he starts humping all of that changes.  It's really funny when the blanket "isn't quite right".  He'll get really loud until you fluff it to suit him.  He especially tends to do it when J is around or even on the phone; although it doesn't have to be her on the phone - basically anytime I'm on the phone - even if it is work he'll start.  I really admire the little guys stamina as he can easily go 20-30 minutes at a time.  

Actually as I type this, he's on my desk sitting in front of my monitor making this difficult to type.  He's incredibly spoiled, J hand feeds him all the time just like this.

When he's hungry he's not as to the point as Sampson is, he'll come pester me and if I don't acknowledge him he'll start pawing at me until I do.  Unfortunately you never know if he wants wet food, "treats", cream, or what - sometimes I don't think he knows.  I do love to watch him eat dry food or treats as he sort of flips them up in the air to eat - I suppose because of his typical Persian flat face.

Some days I think that he thinks that he's married to J as he is incredibly jealous if she pays me attention when he's around and he sleeps right next to her all the time.  Not that J doesn't encourage it as she'll cover him up and cuddle with him.

He crawls right up on *my* pillow and goes to bed with J.  Often at night I don't have the heart to move him so I will crawl into bed below him and sleep with my legs hanging off of the bed until he gets up and leaves.  J makes fun of me for that sometimes, but he loves her so much I can't bear to move him when he does this.

I think one of my favorite photos is this one - J was out of town for 8 weeks for training - she only came home on the weekends and not all of them - I think this photo was when she had been gone about 10 or 12 days in a row.  He climbed up on my old desk and just glared at me.

Bottom line is that he's a great cat - just like all of them - but he's just flat out attached to J - so much so his un-official nickname is "Velcro Cat".  I think with that I'll wrap this one up - pardon any typos since Ginger took it upon himself to help me with this one.  :)

- M

Sampson - Number Four Of Seven - And The Reason For All These Cat Posts

While I don't think my precious Emily has many years left and that will really crush me, the real reason I started writing about the cats is actually Sampson.  In fact as I type this, he's lying in a large leather desk chair right next to mine.  We actually just got a second one for me since he's pretty much taken up residence in my original one and I no longer have the heart to move him when I need it.

Sampson is the "middle cat" - aka four of seven.  We went a couple of years with just the first three and then I made the fateful mistake of going out to lunch with M and M2 one afternoon.  We stopped by a Pets Mart and looked at the animals - the cats being last.  Sampson drew some attention from me, but not a lot - I was fixated on a cat next to him that had been rescued from some flooding and was really jumping around to get attention.  However, M and M2 were more fixated on Sampson.  I didn't have anything against Sampson, but he looked to be in pretty good shape, especially for a rescue cat and the one I looked at - well not so much.  Before I go any further into Sampson's story, lets get a picture in here.

This was him a couple of days after we got him home.  He had been to the groomer's and lost most of his hair (more about that in a moment) and had taken up residence in the linen closet.  He would hide out there off and on for the first week or two before becoming acclimated to the house and the other cats.

But back to how we got Sampson.  The three of us came home and we all decided we should rescue another cat since the ones we had were all doing so well.  M and M2 headed back to Pets Mart to get one - I assumed they'd get the one I had looked at since the prior cat (Francis) had taken to M2 and M and M2 had picked her out, so I figured it was "my turn".  However, a couple of hours later they showed up with Sampson.  They said they had played with both of them and they felt Sampson was a better fit for us and that he needed us more than the other (younger cat).  His back story was that he was found outside, starving to death, trying to chase a bug to eat - he obviously had been someone's cat at one point since he was de-clawed - which would have made it very difficult for him to find food and/or defend himself.  On top of that he was still bone skinny, he was just incredibly furry and in need of a grooming.  I couldn't argue with their logic and after a few minutes with him I knew they had made the right decision.

That decision was confirmed when we took him to the vet and then the groomers.  He was bone skinny as we had determined, but once he was shaved - we had no choice due to the horrible matting - the tip of his tail had obviously been broken at some point and not healed properly and his back must have been hurt at some point since he has almost a camel hump on his back.  Now, I don't want to paint a picture that he was decrepit or anything, he got around very well and loved to play "red dot" with the laser pointer as well as chase the toy hanging from the stick like Francis did.  However, he was horribly timid and scared of literally any noise.

Over time we got his weight up as the above picture shows and he became a little less timid, but still would let the other cats scare him.

Above, I said that Sampson was the reason I started writing about the cats, it's also the hardest one I'll be writing.  Don't get me wrong, I love all of the cats and Emily will always be extra special because J and I went and got her together; but Sampson - he's just so very special.  I suppose part of it is because he is so timid and I see a lot of myself in him for that.  There are other reasons, a couple of which I'll get to in a moment, but I had to take a break for a bit as just writing about him and thinking about what will be coming brought me to tears.  I was going to get to this a bit further down, but he's been diagnosed with early stage renal failure - I believe that was the term - it was M who took him to his last vet visit where it happened and she doesn't always have the best recall, but bottom line is that with him it's not if, but when.  I know the same can be said for all of our cats, and even all of us, but knowing that the process has started is just crushing me.  So how about another picture of one of the happy times with him to try and get me back on track...

I know it's not a good picture, but it was one of Sampson and Emily - they both got into the window at the same time to watch the birds and suddenly this happened which was funny at the time since he's so timid and frankly for the most part (other than when Boots is messing with her), so is Emily.  They ended up making nice and sharing the window a few seconds later.

So now that I'm perked up a bit, back to Sampson - well a second delay as Sampson decided he's hungry and as it turned out so were four other cats.  That's another of his wonderful qualities.  When he's hungry he will find somebody - often me since I'm here more than anybody else.  He'll generally start out by nuzzling up against me quietly, but after a couple of minutes if that doesn't do it - then he'll start getting progressively louder until you go feed him.  Now as I've said in other entries there is always dry food available, but he wants wet food - generally Fancy Feast.  As he's aged he's even gotten picky about that and only likes certain flavors - preferably anything other than the "pate".  One upside to him getting a bit older is that he's less likely to let the other cats push him away from a plate as they all seem to want to "plate hop" and early on he'd let the others push him away.

Another favorite thing about him is how he sleeps.  If he happens to sleep on the floor or the bed it's often like this.

But more often for the last four years or so it's been like this.

I went out of town for something and when I came home I left the suitcase lying in front of the dresser that evening and he took up residence on it and has basically used that as his "bed" for the last four or five years.  Now that's not to say he wouldn't sleep elsewhere - he often crashed in M's bed or on a pillow we keep in the hallway, but the significant majority of the time it was on that suitcase.  So much so that the suitcase is still lying right there now and even though he's seldom used it the last couple of months we don't have the heart to move it.

Over the last few months he has started having more trouble getting around, he can't really make it up to M's bed anymore so he will crash on ours a lot or in the hallway either on that aforementioned pillow or behind my makeup mirror/jewelry box.  He has taken to my desk chair as I mentioned above, so when I'd find him in it I'd go get a small folding chair that J and I keep in the bathroom for applying makeup.  Finally M and M2 felt sorry for me and got me an identical desk chair.  Thankfully my desk area is big enough for both - it's a big "U" - two desks put together, so now for the most part he lies beside me in that chair.  I keep it rolled up next to the bed so he has an easier time getting in and out of it.  In fact here's a picture from last night with him breaking in my new chair even before I got to it (he's since went back to the original one).

Turning around now, he's back up here, but he's lying on the floor at the moment - I'm guessing he'll be back in "his" chair in the next couple of minutes though.  At this point I - and really all of us - are doing everything we can to spoil him.  Not that he hasn't been spoiled since we've had him, but now it's different.  I want every day he has left with us to be his best day ever.  Lately that's included a couple of special things for him.  He loves to go outside - both to just sit on the bench on the porch to sun, but to also ride in the car.  He just loves that.  We've been getting him outside more often both sitting on the bench and taking him for walks in the cat stroller.  We need to take him for some more drives though as hopefully he'll enjoy that he always used to.  The other special thing was a bit of a surprise - although it shouldn't have been.  He loves going to be groomed, but lately when somebody goes into the bathroom he comes in and wants his head to be "washed".  Just his head, he doesn't want his body wet, but getting some water on his head and then massaging him just makes him purr like there is no tomorrow.  If one of us is taking a bath and not paying enough attention when he comes in, he'll start getting loud like he does when he's hungry - it's so cute.

What I think I'll miss the most when that ever so sad day comes is how he puts me to bed at night.  He doesn't always do it, usually on the nights he doesn't it's because Emily beat him to it - but if she doesn't, he'll come get in bed right next to me and have me pet him.  When his hair is longer I'll comb him instead.  He has to lay just on the edge of the bed right near my shoulder - he won't lay anywhere else - and he usually stays about 5-10 minutes.  When you pet/scratch him just right he'll start drooling all over the place.  I'm not saying I like cat drool on my sheets and/or pillow - but it's worth it to know I'm making him happy.  I will cherish every day we've had with each of our cats, but as much as I want to say all of the cats are equal - I can't do it - Sampson is just a little more special than the others.

- M

Francis - Number Three Of Seven

As I mentioned in the post about Boots, we were seeking a "playmate" for him so he'd leave Emily alone a little bit.  So M and M2 went looking for another shelter cat just before Halloween and came home with Francis.  She's all black as you can see:

Due to that fact we almost didn't get her as the particular shelter that had her (and I'm assuming other shelters too?) pull their black cats before Halloween to keep them from being adopted by people with the wrong intentions.  On a side note, I simply cannot believe that in this day in age that this kind of thing would still go on, but I see enough of it on the news that I know it does and that saddens me.

Francis did help take Boots attention away from Emily somewhat, so I suppose that was a success.  Early on, she was a very social cat and hung out with everybody, including me a lot.  I suppose part of that was simply that J, M, and M2 all worked overnights and P was still in school so she was normally in bed.  I often stayed up late so she'd come visit.  She was a very athletic cat and could run and had an incredible vertical leap.  Probably not as much of a leap as Boots had (he can really jump), but she was much more playful.  And she was tolerant of Boots - he has this fascination with cleaning other cats and he likes to pin them down while he does it.  Emily does not take kindly to it, but Francis seemed to tolerate it pretty well.

Over time Francis decided to hang out in the basement more and since M2 spends a large amount of time down there (we have a "game room" and a "workout room" down there) - she became attached to him and had less desire to hang out with me or anyone else.  Due to her desire to hang out in the basement along with the fact that in the dark you would only see her eyes, we gave her an informal name of "Bat Cat".

Up until the time that we adopted Princess (Cat #7) - we also referred to Francis as Switzerland, since she literally got along with everyone - be it the other cats or any humans.  However, she (and Boots) have for some reason taken an intense dislike to Princess so we have to stay on top of that.  She's the sneaky one though - unlike Boots she tends to try and corner Princess when she thinks she can get away with it and she's quiet about it.

She does have one unique trait among our seven and that is that she really could care less about the Fancy Feast - in fact she almost always prefers dry food.  Now on occasion she'll eat something wet, but she gravitates towards the dry and the occasional cat treats.

But that issue aside, just like the others she's a great cat.  If I have a regret with her it's that I don't have many photos of her as she tends to hang out with M2 and spends a lot of time in the basement.  Although every couple of months she'll go through a phase where she'll spend time in our bedroom for a couple of days.  No rhyme or reason as to why, she'll just do it.  Other than Princess, she's our youngest cat, but she's starting to age and she's gotten a bit chubby so she's nowhere near as playful as she once was, but as with the others she's still a wonderful part of our family.

So I'll part with one last photo of Emily giving Francis a bath as they were bird watching.

- M

Boots - Number Two Of Seven

Boots is half himalayan, half siamese, and just a bit crazy at times.  Just before we moved into the house my (now estranged) biological sister asked us if we would take Boots as they had two Dalmatians that were a bit much for him.  We weren't really looking for another cat, but he was basically relegated to being pinned in their laundry room and we felt sorry for him.  Technically, he's our only non-rescue cat, although I suppose we did rescue him from my sister's dogs.

When we first brought him home we put him in what was then a spare bedroom with food, water, and a litter box for a few hours and we took turns hanging out with him to try and acclimate him to us.  After a few hours of that we introduced Emily (read about her HERE) - suffice it to say she did NOT take kindly to him and we had a bit of a spat.  Over time they developed a bit of love/hate relationship.  Boots took to M of all people, but looking at his personality and hers there is a lot in common.  For the most part he's a fairly nice cat, but he has his moments - sort of like M.  He can go from incredibly nice to very mean at the drop of a hat - again sort of like M as well.

I think of all the pictures I have of Boots, this one is my favorite.  He was just enthralled with the camera - he tends to do that.  He's got the curiosity of a Siamese, but not quite the brains of one. :)  To illustrate, one day I was vacuuming near my computer desk and had put the plastic mat out of the way - Boots crawled under it and was just boggled by things - as the picture below shows.

After a few months of him pestering Emily, we finally decided that perhaps we should get another cat - a younger cat - to be more of a playmate for him.  M and M2, ended up bringing home an all black cat named Francis (Cat #3) just before Halloween of that year and while it helped some - Boots still insisted on screwing with Emily off and on, and usually it did not end well for him.  It's funny, as I think I mentioned in Emily's post, she more or less ignores the other cats and they ignore her; but with Boots it's not that way.  He interacts with all of them and for the most part gets along with all of them.  However, there are a couple of notable exceptions.  Those would be cats 6 and 7 - Maxie and Princess respectively.  In the case of Princess, both Boots and Francis seem to have an intense hatred of her for whatever reason and we constantly have to keep an eye on them and her.  The issue with Boots and Maxie is a little different, Maxie sort of reminds me of Tackleberry from Police Academy.  There's a scene in that movie where Tackleberry is a bit distraught and somebody asks what's wrong and the response is "there was gun play sir and he missed it".  Well Maxie is that way when there is a fight.  As soon as a spat breaks out, she injects herself into the fracas.  We're not quite sure if she just enjoys the fight or if she's trying to break it up, but since Boots is at the center of most spats, he and Maxie rumble from time to time.

He is de-clawed - that was not a decision we made, my sister had it done before we got him, but he has jaws of steel and can bite through anything.  One of the funniest moments we had with him was the first couple of weeks after we got him.  M had brought home doughnuts and left them in the box on the table.  At some point with us in the next room, Boots got up on the table and ate through the package and had half of a vanilla long john.  Another cute moment of his was one night we went out to dinner and somebody had left a container of cat nip on the dining room table.  When we got home we found that he had knocked it off onto the carpet and got it open and had rolled around in it - I will have to find the picture of that and add it to this post later on as I'm not sure where it's at - but it was incredibly funny - despite M's complaints about having to vacuum all of it up.  :)

I had a laptop out charging one evening - I think I was going out of town the next day or something - and Boots found it and spent a good hour messing with it.  Every time the screen saver came on he'd bat a key until it went away.  Just thinking about that night still brings a smile to my face.

He's probably also responsible for a sales spike in Fancy Feast cat food.  Boots has a thing for chicken - he'd rather have that than anything and he'll eat plenty of it.  Well one night J and I were in Wal-Mart and we went down the cat idea and they had Fancy Feast with chicken and cheese and we bought a can to be funny.  Well when we came home we put it out and Boots and Sampson (cat #4) scarfed it.  They seemed to like it so well that I saved the mostly empty can on the edge of the kitchen sink for M so she could get some more when she shopped next.  Boots actually got up on the counter there - the only time I've ever seen him get on that counter - and found the can and started licking the inside.  Once we saw what he was doing we took the can away as I didn't want him to hurt himself on it, but once we did that J and I went back and bought more and now that's pretty much the majority of their diets.  There is always dry food out and Francis prefers that, and on occasion we will give them Friskies wet food, but generally it's always Fancy Feast - and feeding seven cats with that adds up quickly.  :)

One last photo of Boots - if the first picture in this post is my favorite, well then this is my second favorite.  We were cleaning and threw some blankets and stuff out in the hallway.  He burrowed himself in them and waited for Emily to walk by so he could pounce.  He did pounce and as usual it did not end up well for him, but he continues to try.

I'm assuming it's the part Siamese in him, but he loves the sun and heat - we have a cat stroller that J's parents got for her and we will take him for the occasional walk in it which he seems to love.  Even when he's not outside, he manages to find the warmest place in the house to stretch out - and stretch out he does.  Some days I question if he has a spine as he can contort himself into some interesting positions and fall asleep like that.  As he's gotten older he has mellowed out some, but every now and then he reverts to what I can best describe as d*ck mode and will out and out do something mean or simply find something to pee on and he'll do it right in front of whoever is there at the moment.  He's not as bad about it as he used to be, but it is still really annoying - especially to M since he's basically become "her cat"; but as with all the others he does bring a lot of joy to us.

- M

Emily - Number One Of Seven - Our First Cat

Updated 8/23/2014:  Emily took a severe downturn on 8/21/2014-8/22/2014, and it what was an agonizing decision for all of us was euthanized on the morning of 8/23/2014 which is detailed HERE.  As sad of an event as it was for all of us, we were all (including Emily) able to say our goodbyes and be together up until she passed on to the next part of her existence.  It has made me incredibly grateful that I took the time to write this (as well as the other cat bios) while they were all still with us as I'm not sure I could have done this now that she's left this world.  Emily, we all will always love you and always miss you terribly, but of the 8 years of your life that you spent with us (we believe she was 16-ish) - you brought us great joy and love and we tried to do the same for you - hopefully we were successful.  Hopefully as I type this you are "hunting socks" and enjoying some "tuna soup" - I know that's how I will always remember you.

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As I mentioned in the post that prefaced this series (HERE), I had cats (and a dog) growing up, but as I got older with work and a family we avoided pets.  A few months after J and I got together, we were actually both working an early shift one Saturday just before my birthday and we decided to go over to Pets Mart right by work and take a look at the animals - specifically the cats.  I'm not sure why we did it, we had no intention of getting one - I suppose it was just one of those silly things that people in love do.

This particular store had a large assortment of young cats from a local shelter on display and they were actually all out of their cages as the women from the shelter were there cleaning.  There must have been at least 10 or 12 very young cats - really almost kittens - playing around and we watched them for a couple of minutes when something caught our eye.  Over on the far end of the room, underneath the cages, was an older cat all by herself.  Frankly she looked more than a bit unfriendly and definitely seemed to be less than amused to have all of those young cats running around.  J and I watched her for a few minutes, before we moved on and looked around the rest of the store.

For the next few days, nothing much was said, but on the day before my birthday J and I got to talking.  Now this was before we had bought our house - we were looking, but M, P, and I were still living in the townhouse - although while J was still renting her house, she had more or less moved in with me.  Well as I said, J and I started talking about going back to see if that older cat was still at Pets Mart.  We checked our lease and saw we could have two animals provided we paid a pet deposit ($50 I believe).  I (and J) really wanted her, so we checked with M who was cool with it, so J and I went over there and she was still there and still just as unhappy looking.  As it was, the ladies were there cleaning the cages again, and the older cat - by now we knew her name was Emily - was back under the cages by herself.  We purchased the things we would need (food, litter, litter box, some toys, and such) and took care of the adoption.  Once we did a young employee went to go get Emily.  Well he couldn't get her out from under the cage - every time he reached for her she swiped at him and she still had her claws so he decided to get a broom to "poke" her out.  That wasn't going well either, and finally one of the ladies cleaning the cages realized what was going on and coaxed Emily out.

The first few days after we brought her home she mostly hid under M's bed.  It was so bad I'd go find her and bring her down to eat and introduce her to her little box.  After a few days she started to explore a bit and seemed more at home with everybody.

Now some background on Emily - when we got her she was 8 years old and had always lived in a home.  The woman who gave her up did so because a grand-child was allergic to cats.  She was very well behaved - she would NOT get on furniture and we had no issues with her using her litter box.  Our biggest concern was getting her to eat as she was very skinny as shelter cats tend to be, but she started warming up to us and me in particular and got better about eating.  Now I think I helped warm her up to me via food.  At the time I was working my regular job and then at Wal-Mart part-time saving for the house.  On those Wal-Mart nights I'd get off work and have time to come home and change and head to WM to work and wouldn't get off until usually 11pm (I was a CSM at the time and that's when the overnight CSM's would come in).  On those nights, I often had White Castle for dinner since it was open late and only a couple of minutes from where we lived.  Well Emily took a liking to the White Castles - to the point where I'd order an extra burger or two for her and tear the meat up into small pieces.  Probably not the best thing in the world for her, but she really liked them and they seemed to make her happy.  She also took a liking to tuna, but not so much the meat itself, but rather the water it was in - so much so that we got to the point of making her "tuna soup" where we'd empty the tuna into a dish, add some more water and stir it up.  She'd drink all the water and almost always leave the tuna.

This is one of my favorite photos, it was about a year and a half after we moved into the house so she was about 10 at the time - she's the one in the middle (Boots - cat #2 is on the left, and Francis - cat #3 is on the right) - it's probably one of the few times that Emily and Boots got along - we had the windows open and birds were chirping.

As time went by in the townhouse we had a few interesting moments.  We lived right on the edge of the "lake" there and ducks would come to our door (which we fed).  Well Emily never had a desire to go outside, but when we'd open the door to feed the ducks she'd stalk the door like she thought she would catch one.  It was so very cute.

Probably my favorite moment early on was when we moved - we still just had Emily - and I decided to bring her to the house myself one evening and I decided to let her ride loose in the car (bad idea in hindsight I know).  She did not take the ride well - she cried for a few minutes (it's about 30-40 minutes from the townhouse to where we live now), and then hid in the back seat.  But once we turned her loose in the house she was ecstatic - she had all sorts of rooms to explore.

She has (well really had) a habit of sleeping with her paw over her eyes.  We call it her "hungover" pose.

As far as the other cats, she pretty much ignores them, although she has a love-hate relationship with Boots (cat #2).  That's actually the reason we got Francis (cat #3) - we thought she'd be a playmate for Boots and keep him from pestering Emily.  It worked somewhat, but they still rumbled on occasion - like this:

One of our favorite things about her is that she "hunts" socks.  She's an incredibly quiet cat - EXCEPT - when she goes and gets a sock - usually M or M2's - and starts bringing it down the hall.  She gets very loud and stays that way until somebody acknowledges her.  Now it's funny, if you spot her with the sock before she's ready to announce it herself she'll drop it and walk off.  At first we thought it was a maternal thing, but now we tend to think she's hunting for us and bringing us "dinner".  Regardless, it's incredibly cute.  There are some days that we'll go out into the hall or downstairs to the family room and see literally 10-12 socks lying there.  Ironically enough I just had to stop typing this and go acknowledge yet another sock. :)  As luck would have it I just ran across a picture of her "sock haul" one morning.

Over the years she's "turned into a real cat" as we like to say.  She'll now get on the couch on occasion or one of the beds.  She will now beg for food on occasion as well.  But my favorite is that she seems to have radar - almost every night without fail, as soon as I lie down in bed she comes in and climbs up next to me so I can scratch her head and back.  Some nights it's for a minutes or two, others it's for 10-15 minutes.  If you get just the right spot(s) she'll have what we like to call a "cat-gasm" and start frantically licking the bed, the carpet, your hand, or whatever else she can get to.  But like most cats, once she's done - well she's done.  Another of my favorites was when she'd attack her own tail - she would get so angry at it, it made us all smile.

As I type this she's about 16 years old and time has gotten the better of her.  Her sight seems to be mostly gone.  She still gets around really well, but we often have to help her find the food for example.  She tends to sleep downstairs now so she doesn't have to climb the steps as much, although she still "tucks me in" almost every night.  Her and Boots don't fight very often, although a couple of times recently she's made us laugh as we'll see Boots running down the hall and here Emily comes behind him, kind of trotting like Pepe Le Pew does in the old Bugs Bunny cartoons.

I'm not sure if she'll be the first one to pass - I'm afraid it may well be Sampson (Cat #4).  But as much as I love them all, I think when she passes it will hit me harder than any of the others.  Partially because she was our first adoption, partially because she always seemed to be "my cat", but mostly because she's what inspired us to adopt the others - without her, several other cats might not have found homes.

Regardless, I'll always cherish every day we have had together and every day we have left and with that I'll part with one final picture of my baby.

That's one of my favorite shots of her.  We love you Emily...

- M

Pets And The Inevitable...

There are many wonderful things about having pets, but there is one ultimate downside and that is when that saddest of days comes and the pet(s) move on from life in this world.  As I've mentioned off on on throughout this blog, we have cats.  Actually 7 cats.  Six of them are actual rescues, and the other one was "rescued" from my sister as her dogs were too much for him.  Each of them has their own wonderful and special personality, and each of them is important to all of us here.  However, most of them have "attached" themselves to one of us primarily - although a couple of them have either no allegiances or perhaps multiple allegiances.

Unfortunately for at least a couple of our cats, that sad and inevitable day is approaching - far quicker than any of us would like.  I'm not sure if it is the hormones or simply me getting older, but when I was younger I had pets - mostly cats, but as a teenager I also had a poodle that my grandparents couldn't keep.  Eventually all of those pets passed away and while that made me sad - I also didn't dread that day coming like I find myself doing with our current crop of cats.

Upon giving it some thought while on the treadmill just now I thought it would be nice if I wrote a little something about each of them - sort of a "bio" of them - along with some pictures and thoughts.  I want to do it now while they are all still here with us, bringing us joy, and hopefully us bringing them equal joy.  I think what really prompted me to do this was something George Takei (yes Sulu from Star Trek fame) shared on his Facebook feed.  It was the story of a dog's "last day" as told from his point of view.  J warned me not to read it as she said it was sad, but I chose to anyway and I cried my eye's out doing it and even on our walk later on that night.  In fact tonight when we walked I cried again, and just looking up the link I'm crying now.  Here is the link:  HERE - be warned though, like I said it's brought me to tears repeatedly.

Now I probably shouldn't let me, his owner made his last day a wonderful day, but I can't help it.  I know that sooner rather than later we are going to go through this and more than once.  So over the next few days I'll be posting a post for each of our cats, feel free to skip over them if you'd like, but if you have a few free minutes - hopefully they'll be worth reading.

- M

What Makes An Effective Leader?

Let me start off by saying this is most definitely an *opinion* piece.  You may or may not agree with any/all of what I'm going to write here and as always that's fine.  I'm by no means saying my opinions are the end all be all, but they have been formed over various jobs.  In fact this is the first job that I've had where I've not ended up supervising at least some personnel - at a company this small that will never happen and truthfully that's part of the appeal to this job.  Many submissive people make effective supervisors or managers and I while I feel I fall squarely into that demographic, I also simply do not like doing so.  It simply goes against the kind of person I am.

So if I don't like being "in charge" then why am I writing about it?  Well mainly because of my current job and what I perceive to be a complete and utter lack of appreciation.  Now I know that I am appreciated at least on some level as I hear many nice things that my boss says about me, unfortunately I simply never hear them from him directly - but rather second hand from people we both deal with.  I'm not quite sure why it is this way and I strongly feel it should NEVER be that way for anyone at any job.  For all of my faults, and the list is long and distinguished, I have always went out of my way to make my subordinates appreciated.  Actually not just my subordinates, but anyone I come into contact with.  That includes anyone I've worked with, as well as anyone I interact with in my persona life.  I simply appreciate it when *anyone* does *anything* for me and on a personal level I feel it incredibly important to convey that appreciation.

The frustrating thing for me in this case and in many other cases is that a simple and sincere "Thank You" goes a long way with many/most people and doesn't cost a thing other than a few seconds of your time.  My frustrations with my current boss has been there for a long time.  As I've mentioned, we are a small company and I may or may not get a yearly raise which on those years I do I'm very grateful and those years I don't I'm understanding.  Putting money aside, and I'm not being naive to think it doesn't matter as it does to many/most/all of us, even on those years I don't get a raise at least an evaluation would be nice and failing that a simple "I appreciate what you do" would really make a difference at least to me.

Now that I've vented a bit about me specifically, lets talk about what makes an effective leader?  J and I had a couple of lengthy talks about this a bit over a year ago when she decided to go into management at her current job.  I had my "concerns" to put it mildly as she is even more submissive than I am and I wasn't sure she had it in her.  We talked about what I felt were qualities that effective leaders had as well as specific examples of supervisors that I've had, that she's had, and even how I had handled things as a supervisor at various jobs.  Now let me say that I was 100% wrong about J, she's not only turned out to be a very effective leader, she's blossomed into an exceptional leader.  I couldn't be happier to have been wrong, or more proud of her.

So what were some of the qualities we talked about?  Well here are just a few, In no particular order.  There were a lot more, but I want to keep this reasonably short.

• Consistency - This was a lesson I was taught by someone 20+ years ago, who to this day I consider to be the best manager I've ever worked for/with.  People can adapt to whatever kind of person you are (within reason) and however you chose to handle things - provided you are consistent.
• Flexibility - A good leader is flexible.  The best laid plans can quickly be turned upside down for a myriad of reasons and a good leader can be flexible enough to adapt to whatever comes up and make the best of the situation.
• Conviction - I firmly believe that you have to believe in what you are doing or it shows.  And once a leader shows they don't believe in something, it quickly flows down to their subordinates and that seldom if ever is a good thing.  Now there may well be times that you simply do not believe in what you are doing, perhaps it's a new way of doing things, or a policy you don't agree with, or whatever.  I'm not saying you cannot voice your objections to the "powers that be" and there is a time, place, and way to do that.  But some of the least effective leaders I've ever seen/worked for are those that choose to air their issues to their subordinates.  Not only do they undermine themselves by doing that, they undermine what the company is trying to accomplish and generally that leads to a lose-lose situation for all.
• Compassion - The lifeblood of almost any business are its people.  You can be strict, lax, or somewhere in the middle; but people spend the majority of their lives away from work and "things happen".  It's easy to say they should leave their issues at the door, but reality is that for most people they simply can't always do that.  A little compassion can go a long way.  Maybe it's letting somebody leave a little early or come in a little late.  Maybe it's as simple as giving them an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.  But in most cases that little bit of compassion reaps loyalty that you simply would not have gotten any other way.
• Honesty - I'm not sure that there is much to say about this other than "duh", but I've worked for my fair share of bosses that didn't seem to understand that so I doubt I'm the only one.

As I said above, there are a lot more than J and I talked about, and probably plenty we didn't.

Now, before I wrap this up, J and I also talked about some things that made an Ineffective leader and I'll part by sharing just a couple of them, but just as above we discussed plenty more of them and there are lots we didn't even get to.

• Sell Out Your Subordinates - There are times when one of your direct reports will do something so far out of line that they simply have to take the fall for it.  But to me nothing says "poor leader" like a supposed leader who lets their people take the fall for things that they simply aren't responsible for - or even worse were told to do by their supposed supervisor/manager/"leader".  And for that matter, even if the subordinate does make a legitimate mistake, *I* as a supervisor always felt that since that person was my responsibility I would do everything I could within reason to shield them from any fallout.  However, the worst case I can think of is when a supervisor sells out their employee in front of a customer.  I've dealt with that on both ends and as a subordinate few things (if any) made me as upset/angry as a supervisor choosing to override me and making me look bad.  Look I have no issue with them making a different decision - goodness knows I did it plenty of times as a supervisor - but when I would do that I *ALWAYS* made it clear that the employee was following policy/etc and that I was making an exception in the name of customer satisfaction.  Even if the employee was/is wrong, it can be handled without embarrassing the employee in front of the customer.  
• Publicly Discipline - This can often go hand-in-hand with the last couple of sentences above.  But even if a subordinate of mine was flat out wrong in what they did, I *NEVER* handled that part of an issue "on the floor".  This kind of thing was handled somewhere out of customer and peer view - now due to the times we live in that often meant I had to involve a third party - especially if the employee was of the opposite gender, but that would generally be another manager where possible and if not then a peer of their choosing.  I can think of perhaps one exception I made to this in all the years I've been a supervisor and in that case the situation was so far out of hand I actually fired a delivery driver during a busy Friday evening dinner rush right in front of the entire staff - but even then, prior to doing that I had made an effort to get him off the floor, but he was simply out of control and enough was enough.  

As with the good traits, there were/are a lot more bad ones, but those two just always stick out to me.  Well I think I've rambled on long enough, have a great weekend. :)

- M