Transitioning 101 - Bathrooms

It's been a while since I've written a Transitioning 101 piece.  That coupled with the fact that I recently headed to Columbia for a quarterly checkup on my HRT medicine got me to thinking about "bathrooms".  For those that don't regularly read this blog, the reason the trip to Columbia is relevant is that it's about 90 minutes from home each direction and as such even if I'm just going for the Doctor and coming right home it's at least a 4+ hour trip and on those occasions when either J or M (or both) come with me - as they both did this trip - it often turns into a good 6-8+ hour day out and I simply cannot avoid using a public restroom during an outing of that length.

For me, and frankly from the amount of discussion I've seen on this topic in various places I'm far from the only one who has concerns about using the bathroom during their transition.  This whole series has had a fair amount of personal thoughts and experiences; but as this topic was such a concern of mine the focus will be on my thoughts and experiences even more than normal.  As always, nobody has to agree with my thoughts or how I did things, it's simply what worked *for me*.

Maybe I'm naive, but I really think that something that sounds so natural - being able to use the bathroom that corresponds to your gender identity - shouldn't end up being not that simple and at times far worse than that.  Despite my concerns and worries about bathroom usage during my transition, I've been lucky and had no issues; but I've read far too many accounts from those that have.  That doesn't even touch on the seemingly non-stop legislative attempts to control bathroom usage.  I can't speak for everyone, but I believe the majority of us can sum things up with this - #IJustWantToPee...

When I initially wrote this I got a lot more personal than I've normally gotten in these "Transitioning 101" posts and upon thinking about it for a while I've decided to remove most of that as it's better meant for it's own post.  That being said, I do still have plenty of thoughts about the bathroom and I am going to share those here.

Now with that being said, here are some thoughts on bathroom usage from me.  I know I always say this and I've already said it here; but once again these are simply *MY OPINIONS* and nothing more.  If you agree great, if you disagree that's fine too.  They aren't rules or guidelines, but simply one Trans-woman's thoughts on things based upon HER experience(s).  And again, since I have a MtF perspective on things, these are slanted towards that perspective.  I'm not trying to ignore/minimize FtM or anyone else, but I haven't lived/experienced life from those other perspectives so I'm choosing not to comment on them.

• If you aren't comfortable using the ladies room, it's not a crime to seek out a family restroom to use; or if you are comfortable with doing so - the mens room.  You need to do what's best for you at the time and not feel pressured into doing something you aren't comfortable with or don't feel safe doing.

• Thankfully (in my opinion) the ladies room has stalls and no urinals, so there is a modicum of privacy.  That being said, do yourself a favor and don't "stand up" facing the toilet.  Your feet will be facing "the wrong way" and somebody very well might notice.  If that happens you may well be facing some unwanted attention.  And even if someone doesn't notice your feet, unless you are careful with your "stream", it'll make far more noise coming from a standing position than a seated position and again may well draw unwanted attention.

• This one is more of a personal thing for me, but as I mentioned above I'm not at a point where I'm happy with nor overly confident in my voice.  As such, I don't "linger" in the ladies room.  I get in and I get out.  That doesn't mean I won't stop to check (and fix if need be) my makeup, or wash my hands, but I don't dawdle while doing so as I want to minimize the chance that I'll get dragged into a conversation.

• The above statement being made, don't hesitate to take the time *you need* to use the restroom, to check your makeup, and so on.  That being said, it's impolite to spend 5-10 minutes tying up a sink doing your makeup if people are waiting to wash their hands.

• For me, I no longer hesitate to hit the ladies room by myself when I need to.  That being said, it was very helpful early on to have someone to go with me; and frankly while I suppose it is a stereotype of sorts, women do seem to make a restroom visit a "group outing". :)

• I read something on Reddit a few weeks ago, and questioning a few cis-women, it seems to be more or less true.  It seems that most men tend to drop their clothing around their ankles when in a stall and most women tend to keep theirs up at their knees.  Yes this is a generalization, and yes most people won't notice, but in a crowded restroom it is one more thing that might stand out so take it for what it is worth.

• These go for any restroom in my opinion, but make sure you wipe the seat off if necessary and make sure you flush if it's not an automatic toilet.  Nobody wants to walk into a mess.  And if you like/use those seat covers (and I personally do), don't leave them on the seat for the next person, flush it.

• If you are wearing a skirt/dress, make sure the back of it isn't caught in your panties or hosiery.  And I believe a "girl rule" is to warn another woman if her's is as well.  :)

There are probably plenty more that others could add, but I think this is a good start, and I really should wrap this up.  There will be a follow-up post in the next couple of days that's a touch more personal; I just didn't feel like it really belonged here.

- M