Transitioning And Wigs - Pros, Cons, And Misconceptions...

I haven't been very active here the last month or so.  I suppose part of it is simply the time of year as looking back to last year the same thing happened about this time.  But I think the bigger reason, at least this year, is that I'm finding less things to get animated about.  Part of that is because many of those things that might have gotten me animated in the past have long since been covered here; and part of it is simply that I've come to the realization that for some things anything that I might say or write will only serve to upset some people and as such I've tried to become more selective with my topics.  This last point is actually a large part of the reason why I haven't written much lately as I currently have 4 different posts started here that probably all fall into that category.  Yes, they will likely all end up posted sooner rather than later, but I didn't want to just bang them out like I often do, but rather spend the time to give them the thoughts they truly deserve.

That all being said, a comment to a post on Reddit earlier gave me tonight's topic and that is wigs.  The original post really doesn't matter, but the comment in question had some information in it that I believe was flat out incorrect and likely from someone who has never worn a wig, or at least not one that is a very good one.

As I've talked about before I'm personally relegated to wigs.  My hairline was receding from an early age and it's so thin in the front of my head that it would never look right.  Yes, I've tried to grow it out some and yes I realize there are things that could help it.  But based upon the efforts I've made, it wasn't going to be good enough to make me happy and looking at my family, the long term prospects weren't good so I've went the wig route.  So with that being said, I thought I'd touch on some of the Pros, Cons, and what I feel are Misconceptions, about wigs.  As always these come from my personal experiences, others may feel differently and I respect that, but that doesn't change the experiences I've had nor what I'm about to share.

Let's start with a few Cons since that often seems to be what people lead with when the discussion of wigs comes up.

1. Cost.
• Yes, there is a cost associated with wigs.  The nicer the wig, the larger that cost tends to be.  A nice human hair wig can easily run well over $1,000 depending upon where it is purchased.  However, I've got several here that while they are not human hair, I feel they are very nice and all of them have been under $300 and most of them in the $100-$200 range.  Additionally, I don't have the expense of going and getting my hair cut/styled which can easily offset the cost of the wig.
2. Comfort.
• I can't really argue that a wig is as comfortable as natural hair.  However, I will say that the construction of the cap does make a difference and of the wigs I have, the last couple have been nicer wigs and they are in fact far more comfortable than the early, cheaper, wigs I had bought.
3. They look un-natural.
• I feel this depends upon the quality of the wig.  Yes, many cheaper wigs do look "fake", I won't argue that.  However, plenty of nicer wigs (even synthetic hair ones) can look perfectly real.  Just looking at my first wig versus my most recent one there's no real comparison between how they look - the newest one looks far more realistic than the first one did.  I will say that my second favorite wig isn't one of the more expensive ones I have - it's a nice short lace-front model, and while I love it, the way the hair falls on it - it often exposes the wig cap which is frustrating.  From a distance it's not really noticeable, but up close if you look for it you can see it.  Now most people probably wouldn't be looking and even if they saw it, it might not register, but *I* know it's there and I can see what I call the "Triangle" where the hair is parted if I zoom in on the photo below.  Now I will say that some of the blame falls on me as the wig isn't designed to be parted like I have it, it's designed more for a side part, but I really liked how it looked on me done like this - at least until I noticed the triangle.

Now in fairness, a few Pros.

1. Easy to change hair-style.
• Now let me qualify this.  Some wigs can be styled more/less than others, but I'm not really talking about this.  Rather the fact that I have wigs in varying lengths, colors, styles, and I can chose to wear whatever one I want at any given point.  Now for me, I don't tend to do that very much, but it is an option.  Albeit, one with the expense of multiple wigs.
2. Maintenance Cost.
• I sort of touched on this under the "Cost" point in the cons section, but the reality is that while the wigs do need to be shampooed and cleaned on occasion, that is still cheaper for me than many women would spend going to the hair salon.  Additionally, since most of my wigs have "hi-lights" I don't have to worry about having those redone or any root problems which is nice.
3. It can be taken off at any point.
• This is a huge pro for me.  Before I was "full-time", if I needed to present as my old-self, I could simply lose the wig and go back to my regular (usually bald) head.  For that matter, if I come home and I'm hot or simply don't feel like having hair in my face, again it comes right off and goes on it's stand.  This is especially nice for me since I do really like long hair and if it were my own I couldn't do that.  Yes I know if I had my own long hair I could pull it back into a ponytail or put it up some other way, but there are times when it's nice to have a bare head.

Lastly, what I consider some Misconceptions.

1. They require either some of your own hair and pins, or glue to stay on.
• This is what actually pushed me to write on this subject.  While I'm sure with some wigs this may well be the case, the 5 or 6 I have do not suffer from this issue.  Yes, even my cheaper wigs aren't super cheap for many (I think the cheapest one was around $125 or so), but I've never had any issues with them coming off.  And this includes wearing them in the hospital as well as on occasion sleeping in them - not that I make a practice of that, but it has happened.  
2. They are heavy.
• For some wigs this is the case.  Among mine I can tell the difference between the first one I got and the most recent one, and they are loosely the same length.  But depending upon the cap construction and the hair type, they can be very light and I'm to the point where I don't really notice any of them when it comes to this.
3. They are difficult to deal with.
• This one really puzzles me.  I think mine are incredibly easy to deal with - at least provided that I give it the proper care by storing it on it's stand and making sure it gets shampooed and/or cleaned as needed.  Yes, I brush them out after each use, but even that only takes me a couple of minutes.  If anything I think it's easier to style the wigs on their stands and then simply tweak it as needed once I put it on versus having to do it in front of a mirror on my own head.  Now perhaps I'm in the minority on this, but it is definitely how I feel about it.
4. They don't style like real hair.
• This sort of goes with the above point, and I can understand this to an extent.  My first two wigs, because of their cap construction, didn't style as nicely as my last few do.  And even of those last few, the last one (a mono-filament one) styles easier than the two lace-front models do.  Now, the thing is, I paid more for the lace-front wigs than I did for the first couple; and I paid more for the mono-filament one than the lace-front ones.  When/if I decide to go with a human hair one, I'm sure that will style even better.  I guess the point I'm making is that yes, cheaper wigs may well not style like real hair, but as you go up the chain, I believe the difference becomes less and less, and even with my mono-filament model, the consensus around the house here is that it styles just as easily as J and/or M's hair does.  

The bottom line is that wigs aren't for everybody.  And truthfully, I wish I didn't need to wear them to be confident with my appearance.  However, I do, but that doesn't bother me as I am happy with them.  And as I've talked about above, there are upsides to them as well.  And believe it or not, plenty of cis-women wear wigs as well; so it's not like simply wearing a wig differentiates a trans-woman from a cis-woman.

With that I'll bid everyone a good night and a (few hour belated Merry Christmas).

- M

Some Of My Favorite Recipes - Part 2...

Just as with the first post on recipes, below are some of the ones I've done recently, they all range from "very good" to "exceptional" - although tastes may vary.  I've included the original links, any modifications I've made, and some thoughts on each.

Peach Dumplings

The original recipe that I got came from HERE.

I'm not really a peach person, and as such I've also made this with apples and mixed berries, but J and M really like it as is.  The modifications I've made to the recipe are:

Recipe Modifications:

• I don't separate the crescent rolls, I keep them as 4 "squares" instead of 8 triangles and make them double sized.
• I tend to use frozen fruit that I've thawed, though I have used fresh as well.
• As I said above, I often use fruit other than peaches, sometimes apples, sometimes mixed berries, and so on.

Thoughts:

Not much to say here, these are really good and make a great dessert or a nice breakfast on the weekend.  Very easy to make.

Taco Calzone

The original recipe that I got came from HERE.

This is a quick and fairly easy dinner and actually one I like.  I will strongly suggest fresh grated cheese, not only for this recipe but for any recipe calling for shredded cheese.  Despite what I thought for a long time, it really does make a difference.  The modifications I've made to the recipe are:

Recipe Modifications:

• I do tend to double the recipe for us as one of these often isn't quite enough if 4 of us are eating.
• I often (but not always) use the cheese flavored taco seasoning.
• I also put some cheese down first and make sure the meat is plenty cool.  Otherwise the dough gets too mushy to roll up.
• I also tend to brush a little butter and sprinkle some parmesan and oregano on the top of it right before it's done cooking, but some may prefer it without those.

Thoughts:

This is a quick and easy recipe, but I do strongly recommend that the second bullet point is followed as if the meat is too warm, the dough tears really bad.  I've also made this as more of a "pizza calzone" by swapping out the beef and taco seasoning with some pizza sauce and things such as pepperoni, mushrooms, sausage, basically whatever we have handy that would be good on a pizza.  Regardless, this is a great dinner.

Pizza Egg Rolls

The original recipe that I got came from Facebook, but I can't find the post anymore

Recipe:

The recipe is basically just the following items:

• Egg roll wrappers
• String cheese - mozzarella is great, but so is pepper jack
• Pepperoni slices

The instructions are simple:

• Place egg roll wrapper in diamond position.  Place 3 slices of pepperoni in middle.
• Place string cheese on top.
• Fold corners over cheese.
• Fold bottom corner over cheese and roll until tightly sealed.
• Moisten corners with water to seal.
• Fry at 375 degrees until browned.
• Drain on paper towels

Recipe Modifications:

I do tend to double the pepperoni and as I mention below I also split the cheese lengthwise.  So I have my three pepperoni's, half the string cheese, three more pepperoni's, and the other half of the string cheese.  This can make it a little more challenging to roll the egg roll without tearing it, but I find it gives a better end result; but to each their own.

Thoughts:

Now I personally split the cheese in half lengthwise and layer it as cheese, pepperoni, other half of the cheese.  This seems to allow it to melt better.  I also fry in an electric skillet with enough oil to submerge them, but you could use a deep fryer instead.  Very simple and tasty recipe, although I tend to use it as an "appetizer" as string cheese tends to be a bit pricey based upon how many everybody eats when I make this as an entree.

Brownie Batter Dip

The original recipe that I got came form HERE.

Made this for last year's Superbowl.  M normally makes a spread for us to sit around and much on before/during/after the game and I wanted to do something a little different.  Was actually better than I expected and pretty easy to make.

Recipe Modifications:

No recipe modifications for this.

Thoughts:

A nice "different" kind of dip.  It's not something I'd make often, but more as a "special" thing.



With that I'll wrap this post up.  As I said above, tastes differ, but I would have no qualms recommending any of these recipes as they are all exceptional.  I wish I had better pictures, I've started taking some of the things I've made recently, but the only photo I have for these is one of the Taco Calzone after it came out of the oven from a while back so that will have to do.  And it really does taste better than this picture makes it look. :)

- M

Early Christmas Presents...

I've never been huge on Christmas, and I'm not really sure why.  As I've mentioned before, my mother treated me as an adult at an early age and one of the "upsides" to that - at least I felt - was that when it came time for Christmas she basically gave me a "budget" and allowed me to pick out what I wanted.  It meant that there weren't any surprises - well that's not true, she'd get me a couple of surprise gifts - but mostly I knew what I was getting which made me happy.  My siblings always got more, but I got *what I wanted*.

As I grew older I got a job and bought the things that I wanted, which really outside of some video games and/or computer hardware wasn't really all that much.  When I got married to M and we had our daughter P, Christmas somehow became a competition between my nephew and P.  Well really my mother and sister versus M, which agitated me to no end and which further soured me on Christmas as I guess I'm naive, but that's not what I felt it should be about.  I finally put a stop to that on our end, though they continued to try and "win" - whatever that meant.

I personally hadn't changed much, I still pretty much had what I wanted - M had gotten me a projection TV at some point and we bought a nice Bose Acoustimass 15 surround sound - this was about the time DVD's were getting big so it was a nice setup.  But beyond that I got to the point that I didn't need/want anything for the holidays.  Over time as I separated from M and ended up with my wife J, that didn't change and really still hasn't.  I always get things for P and J, and usually something for M, but I really don't want anything myself.

This year I made two exceptions though and for the first time in a long time I was able to buy these things and not have any buyers remorse.  The first purchase was online on Thanksgiving.  Best Buy ran the LG Tone+ bluetooth headsets on sale for $40 (they list them at $70).  I know they are a year old model, and truthfully I've never been a headset person.  On top of it, I don't use my phone to listen to much audio, the only real audio I listen to away from the computer is usually when I'm walking and that's on an iPod Shuffle which doesn't have native bluetooth.  However, the various models of these LG headsets were spoken of very highly in a couple of Google groups I'm in and they were on sale, so I ordered three - one for me, one for J, and one for M - which made them another $5 a piece cheaper for buying three.

Suffice it to say I love them.  I've been using them around the house when I cook since J often calls on her way home from work and I can talk to her hands-free now.  I've also been using them for my walks.  I miss the iPod, but I can stream ESPN radio on my phone - both live and podcasts, and I guess I need to get around to loading Pandora or some other streaming since T-Mobile exempts many music services.  I guess I should write a full review on them at some point, but to keep it short here I cannot recommend them enough.

The other purchase was a bit more foolish - a 50in 4k Vizio TV to replace the older 42in LCD one in J and I's bedroom.  We didn't need it, and honestly part of me questions if I should have spent the money, but to be honest it is very nice.  There isn't a lot of 4k content out there - some on Netflix, some on Amazon (I guess I need to join their Prime), and some online stuff.  But even the regular HD stuff looks so nice.  Now part of it is that we went from a 720p to this TV, although it's not just that as the 73in in the living room and the 65in in the game room are 1080p and this picture does look better than those as well.  I can only think that as 4k content becomes more prevalent we'll be even happier with it.  The fact that it's a Smart TV helps too - I had various ways to do things on the older TV (A Logitech Revue box, a Chromecast, and so on), but it's nice to have it native.  If I had a complaint it's because the Vizio sound bar we have in our room is a year too old to be controlled via the TV, but even that is a trivial gripe.

I think at this point I'm back to not really wanting anything for myself (SRS being an exception <G>), but it was nice to pick up a couple of "toys" for myself for a change.

- M

Holidays....

It's been a little show here the last few weeks - I suppose in a way that's good as it must mean that nothing has agitated me. :)

However, since I do miss writing here I thought I'd write about something and I had a topic all ready to go - but when I got here I thought I'd write about this instead.  The holidays around here have gotten to be a little "ho-hum" for lack of a better word.  M/M2/P are all on a set schedule and have the same shifts/days off every week and J is on a rotation that for the most part doesn't change.  So depending upon when a given holiday falls they all may or may not be working.  Since those four pretty much make up my family these days, despite the fact that I'm normally off on those days they end up being just about like any other day of the year.

Thanksgiving this year was a good example.  I personally get Thanksgiving and the day after as paid holidays and as things are I'm on vacation all week this week, so between that and the two weekends I'm on an 11 day vacation, and the Wednesday prior was a "BVD" (Boss Vacation Day) so it was almost another vacation day as well.  However, with Thanksgiving being a Thursday, M/M2/P all had to work that evening and with them in retail they actually went in 5 hours earlier than normal so they had went to bed early that morning.  J had to put in an extended day as well and had to turn around and go back 7 hours after she got off which accounting for driving time, trying to eat something, and getting to bed/ready in the morning meant she'd be running on about 4 hours sleep.

That made dinner an interesting proposition to say the least so in lieu of "traditional" - we went with progressive and had a "nacho bar" setup - two triple crock slow cookers with various things in them:  black beans, re-fried beans, seasoned ground beef, seasoned chicken, some fajita veggies (I got hooked on putting those on nachos from eating at QDoba), and some white queso.  Then I had the big slow cooker setup with nacho cheese; and then various things in dishes that could be refrigerated as necessary: shredded cheese (cheddar/pepper jack mix), jalapeno slices, sour cream, habanero Rotel, habanero salsa, corn salsa, hot sauce, a couple of different kinds of tortilla chips, and probably 1 or 2 other things that are slipping my mind at the moment.

While it wasn't turkey, etc., it actually worked out very nice as we were all able to graze as we see fit.  As I said above M/M2/P ate early and went to bed for work, and since J was at work, it left me to putz around.  I got some work done that I should have gotten done earlier in the week and watched some football off and on.  It's funny, I will watch sports here and there, but it doesn't have the appeal that it used to so I actually spent a lot of time channel surfing.  When J got home, I was able to have the cold stuff back out so she could eat and get to bed since she had to be back up so early.  I on the other hand stayed up all night as M2 didn't want to work an extended shift and as such he got off several hours prior to M/P and I had committed to coming and getting them so he didn't have to.  That turned into an expensive proposition as I ended up picking up a Vizio 4k TV for J and I's bedroom.  I had been contemplating replacing our older Sanyo (42in LCD) with a newer Smart TV and while this 4K model was a bit more than I had planned on spending, I will say it looks nice.  Now if Netflix would just add some more 4K programming for the extra $4/month it's now costing me I'd be much happier with it. :)

For whatever reason, J has not mentioned visiting her parents for Thanksgiving, which surprises me a bit as I expected she would.  I know her work schedule has been a little rougher than normal, but really not much different than last year and she wanted to then.  But it's her family and her choice.  As far as mine goes - well little has changed on that front and truthfully at this point I'm not sure that I really want it to.  There were times over the last 12+ months where I did miss the whole "family thing".  Let me be clear, my "chosen family" of J/P/M, and even M2, make me very happy.  However, M2 is not really very "social" to say the least and as such there are times when M isn't either.  P is at that age where she wants to do her own thing, so quite often that really leaves J and I.  I've been fine with that for the most part, but ironically enough it was spending time with her parents last year at the holidays that I think made me contemplate the lack of relationships with my own parents and siblings.

I still believe now just as I did at the various times when those relationships were severed, that there were valid reasons for doing so.  I felt that the fault for the way things were fell on each of them - and truthfully I still do - and that the onus for "fixing things" also fell on them.  But, over the last year or so I wondered if perhaps if I should be the person to make the first move and see about reconciling things - in reality life is short (as was made painfully evident by the episode a few months ago) and each day that this continues is a day I'll never have with any of them.

However, this past week or so has made me realize (hopefully once and for all) that my "family" is who is around me and who accepts me - they are my "chosen family" and they are the ones who really and truly matter to me.  My "birth family" - well I'll love them for what they are, but at this point I really and truly don't think they'll ever be a part of my life again.  Normally I would have thought that it would make me sad to type that - you have no idea how often I end up crying while I'm writing here - but in this case it doesn't.  I wish them and their chosen families well, but for me - I have all I need right here in my room, across the hall, and down the hall.  Those are the people that really and truly care about me, and that I really and truly care about.  And regardless of how anyone may feel about our Thanksgiving dinner or anything else, what we all have works for us and in reality that's really all that matters.

- M