In some early posts on this blog I (briefly) discussed visiting the DMV last year after I got my name/gender legally changed. As I said then, even though I only went to court once for both items, they were actually processed a month apart. The young woman who inspired me to pursue the gender change pre-op even though Missouri statute 193.215(9) specifies surgery handled hers as two separate court cases. My lawyer went ahead and handled mine as a single case - one set of court costs, yay; but the rulings were processed 30 days apart. So I'm assuming there is some reason for this, but I never really cared what it was as I was just happy to be successful.
Since the changes were to be processed 30 days apart, I went ahead and went to the DMV a few days after I went to court - that was a Friday and even though I walked out with the court order in hand, my lawyer didn't get back to her office until later in the day and it was then she sent me the paperwork for the Department of Vital Records to amend my birth certificate. I then had to fly out of town that Sunday for work, although due to a disaster at the airport I didn't end up flying out until Tuesday morning and came home late Wednesday, so it was that Thursday I went. Since I only had the name change in hand I processed that and it went "so-so". My court order for some reason had my first/middle name transposed all the way through it. Now not just my new name, but my original name as well - it was correct in the header, so I'm not sure how that happened. They noticed it during the court appearance and the judge/lawyer just marked through them and hand wrote the corrections.
So at the DMV, it took three or four different people reading the court order from beginning to end until they agreed to make the change - in hindsight that agitated me since Vital Records apparently didn't have an issue as they processed my birth certificate without any issue (at least that I was made aware of), but neither here nor there, I got my new license - albeit a paper copy at the time - the physical license came a couple of weeks later and I was happy.
Now, as it would be my license expires this year (actually less than 12 months from when I changed it) and I can renew it six months early which was actually a few days ago. I got my gender change court order in November (there's a blog entry about that too), and sent it off to Vital Records a couple of days after Thanksgiving; I'm not sure why I dawdled those few weeks, but I did. I got a revised birth certificate I believe on/around Christmas Eve, that now not only had my new name as the last one had, but also now had me as Female. I was very happy, but I had a decision to make about my license. It was the last week of the year which isn't a great time with Christmas/etc going on, and then New Years and at that point I could renew my license 3 months down the road for another six years. If I went to correct it then I'd have to pay the replacement fee (a second time, I already had in October), and then renew it this year anyway. So I decided to hold off.
As it was I thought about something else at the same time, and that was work. I had not as of yet changed my social security card, I saw no real benefit for me doing so. All that would do would be to cause issues with work that I really didn't need/want. I haven't gotten into it too much in this blog; but if you visit Susan's Place and look for the "Madison's Musings" blog there (assuming it's still there, it was as of a couple of months ago); you'll see a string of posts detailing my transition and work. Suffice it to say when I floated the idea it didn't go well. I made the decision to transition anyway and just neglected to let them know. I work from home and they are halfway across the country anyway; I may have to travel every so often - more this last year than the last three combined unfortunately - but really why did they need to know? I have a job I more or less like, make a decent salary, and I probably couldn't just get another one with the same conditions. So why put myself in a bad position and possibly jeopardize the lifestyle that J and my daughter are accustomed to? J said she's support whatever I chose to do and I believe her, but it still wouldn't have been fair.
I thought long and hard about things, I could probably pursue a legal remedy, but that would be dicey at best, likely expensive, and as a software company there aren't a lot of assets to go after. So I elected to pursue things anyway and just neglect to mention it. Really, why should I? Yes I'd have to present as a male those few times that I go out of town, but so what? It was a trade I was willing to make. Now my therapist and I have went 'round a couple of times over this, most recently when she wrote my letter for my orchiectomy and I finally told her that I did what I felt best for my family, and if she or the rest of WPATH didn't like/agree with it, well then so be it. She finally relented; at the session after this debate (which actually happened via email between sessions), she said there was a clause somewhere in the WPATH that dealt with this. As to if there is or not, I'm not really sure and I really don't care. I'd sooner eschew surgery and such to ensure that J and my daughter don't have to needlessly have their lives altered.
So what do the last couple of paragraphs have to do with the topic at hand? Well when it came time to renew my license this past week I decided to renew it as Madison, but NOT to change my gender. I went and did so, and a MAJOR THUMBS UP to my local DMV as I was in and out in under 5 minutes - you guys are awesome. I have a renewed (again albeit paper) license and should get my physical one in a couple of weeks. When I do, I'm going to get a scan of it to keep and then go back and change my gender marker. As to why? Well, when/if I finally do change my name with Social Security and then work, I will be able to send them a copy of my birth certificate (remember I have two revised ones, one with just the name change which is what they'll get, and one with both changes) and a copy of my license with my "male" picture, that says "male", but has "Madison" on it. However, my actual license will have Female on it and have my current presentation on it and not only will I finally be able to mark this item off of my "transition bucket list", I'll feel far more comfortable out in public having a correct license.
Now some of you may read this and feel I'm being unethical; and perhaps I am. The thought of that is something I find troubling; but the response I got when I floated transitioning with my employer backed me into a corner. We're too small for any EEOC or other regulations to apply to me; the chance I could succeed legally in any lawsuit is a (potentially very expensive) roll of the dice; even if I did win, would there be anything to win, and so on. And personally I feel after all I've given over the years that I deserved better than what I got. I don't complain about my salary or really anything else and I probably should as when I got hired a huge deal was made about "cost of living" being lower here than there and as such the offer was lower than it probably should have been. Well if you were going to make that argument shouldn't I also receive at least a cost of living adjustment each year - even if I'm not getting a raise for whatever reason? I know that whatever wrongs (perceived or real) that I could discuss don't necessarily justify anything I do/don't do; but in this case - well ethical or not, it's what I've chosen to do and I have no qualms living with that fact.
So long story short (I know too late), or for those Reddit fans - tl;dr - In a few weeks I'll finally have a license with not only Madison as the name, but with a photo of Madison, and a gender of FEMALE on it which may not be a big step for some/all people, but it will be a "baby book moment" for me. :)
- M
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