Let me start off by saying this post may contain thoughts and opinions that you may disagree with. I won't apologize for anyone disagreeing with my opinions any more than I'd expect you to apologize for me disagreeing with your opinions - they are after all simply opinions and nothing more. That begins said, it is NOT my intention to hurt anyone's feelings and if I do; then that I WILL apologize for in advance.
With all of that out of the way, the subject for today is Self Pity. I firmly believe we all have at least a little of it from time to time; that's part of being human. However, my observations are that in the Transgender community it runs excessively high compared to the general population. I've made it no secret that I feel that my transition has went exceptionally well, in fact outside of work I'm hard pressed to have any real complaints. That's not to say there aren't things that I'm not happy about, for example I seem to cry a lot more than I'd like; especially since the orchiectomy a couple of weeks ago. I wish I had my own beautiful hair instead of having to rely on wigs. I wish my laser hair removal on my face was going quicker and cheaper. It would be nice if I was more proficient with my makeup and/or hair and didn't have to rely on J and M as much as I do. I wish I had already had SRS/GRS. I wish my "blood family" had chosen to be more accepting.
But instead of wallowing in self pity about any of those things, I go out of my way to find positives in them or at least reasons to not let them get me down. Yes I cry a lot now, but it makes me feel more feminine to do so. Yes I'd like my own hair, but I don't have to pay to get it cut/styled and can change styles as easy as grabbing a different wig. I wish I was more proficient with my hair/makeup, but it gives me a chance to learn styles and such that I might not otherwise do on my own. Now other things, it is harder to rationalize, the hair on my face for example, wanting SRS/GRS, and my "blood family"; but I weigh those things against the fact that transitioning has made me so very happy and those around me happier with me. In the big picture of that, those few things that I can't rationalize become much less significant to me and as such I can chalk them up as the price for me to be happy and it's one I'd pay every time.
But what I see on places such as Susan's and Reddit for two; are a large number of people who do wallow in self pity and think they're the only ones who have had problems. I'm not here to tell you that it's wrong to do that; it's your life and you are entitled to live it how you want. I'm also fully aware that you may well have things harder than I do. You may not have a supportive significant other, your financial situation may be worse off, and so on. On the flip side you may be younger, you may be prettier, you may have more breast growth, and so on. The point here is that I'd suggest that you try and focus on what you have that is good and that can/does make you happy. By focusing more on those things and less on the things that you don't have or can't do, hopefully you will be happier and I'm a firm believer that if transitioning can't/won't make you happy then it may well not be the best course of action for you at the given time.
We all have our problems and issues, I believe what sets apart those than successfully transition are that they do what they can to minimize those problems. To me that means working as hard as you can for what you want. But what I all too often see are people who seem to expect things to "just work" and when it doesn't the self pity sets in. I realize there are some who do work as hard as they can and things still don't work out for them and for those I do honestly have empathy for; but unfortunately that is no different than anything else in this world. But for those with the entitled attitude - well if things work out for you then I'm happy for you and perhaps a little jealous since I do have to work hard - but if things aren't working out for you without the effort you can and should give, well I can't feel sorry for that. It's one thing to vent from time to time, most all of us do; but when it becomes a consistent habit, perhaps you should re-think things and invest that time and energy into trying to make things better for yourself.
As I said above, I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings; but I am a little frustrated at a lot of what I read elsewhere and I needed to vent a bit.
- M
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