The other day on a private Transgender group I'm in, I read an excerpt - or perhaps it was the whole article - that someone (name withheld to protect privacy) had been kind enough to share in advance of it's publication. It dealt with Transgender stereotypes, specifically those that would apply for a MtF of which I'm a portion of that demographic. While the piece wasn't very long; it was well written and gave some great opinions; whether or not you agreed with them, which I did. There lies the basis for this blog entry.
The basis of the article was that there is a portion (a significant portion in my opinion) of the MtF community that seems to believe that you need to be what I'd call a "girly girl" in order to be accepted; the term the author used was "gender policing" and while it's not an absolute, it is something I see quite a bit of. Now let me say I am the kind of girl who wants to wear heels and makeup; but as the article pointed out there are plenty of cis-women who choose to not do so and are just as much of a woman as the women who do wear those things and conform to what I refer to as the historical female image.
In fact, my lovely wife was that way when we got together; she didn't wear heels (still doesn't really) or makeup and I still felt she was feminine and beautiful and every bit the woman I wanted to be with. Now over time she's developed an appreciation for makeup, partially to try and make me happy I suspect; but as I've told her more than once, it is *HER* that makes me happy, not how much foundation or lipstick she's wearing. I think she's beautiful when she's sleeping and just as beautiful when she first wakes up in the morning as she is after she's put on some nice clothes and makeup for work. Her beauty doesn't come from the clothes and shoes she wears, the makeup she applies, or anything else tangible; her true beauty comes from inside. Yes I know that's an age old cliche, but it's one I firmly believe in. When she's happy her smile simply lights up a room and her love knows no limits, not only for me, but for my daughter - who is her step-daughter, for our cats, for her parents, and even for her friends. So how can anyone say that because she may eschew the traditional feminine stereotype that she is any less of a woman than anyone else? And if we can accept that, then how can it be any different for a Trans-woman?
The answer is that it cannot and should not. As I said above, I *will* be one of those Trans-women wearing makeup, jewelry, heels, and so on; but I have just as much respect, perhaps more, for those that choose to not do those things. Frankly, I'd think that the Transgender population would have more/better things to worry about than whether or not I'm wearing eyeliner or not - which I'm probably not since I'm still not very good with that. For those Trans-women that do fixate on this and do "gender police" other Trans-women, I think you need to take a step back and evaluate your own situation as your problem isn't those "non-conforming" Trans-women, but rather yourself and as long as you fixate on others, well I just don't see how you can be truly happy with yourself.
- M
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