As I sit here typing this, it's nearly 4am my time and I'm still in the hospital, where I've been for the last 36 hours and apparently will be for at least another 24-48 even if things go well. As I've mentioned before I am on several medications outside of my HRT, including a couple for high blood pressure. I've been on these medications far longer than the HRT with no issues. I've lost 50+lbs, I've taken my A1C down to almost "normal" from what was a double digit value, I exercise now, and so on. Long story short, I'm healthier than I've been in literally 25+ years. I see my regular Doctor as well as the Doctor handling my HRT consistently, my blood work is done on a regular basis, and so on.
So what does all of the above have to do with this post? Well, things started going "downhill" several days ago, almost a week. I had been walking 5-10 miles per day, sometimes more, on occasion less, but averaging in the 5-10 mile range. I had just seen my HRT Doctor a week or so prior and had my blood work done a week prior to that - and my blood work looked better than ever - I think I may have mentioned that fact in a prior entry. Even my blood pressure was great, nearly at the "target" value (120/80). Life was great.
I noticed that I was getting "dizzy" when I stood up, or even sometimes while walking. I won't say it didn't concern me as it did, but it wasn't very often so I just chalked it up to "one of those things" and moved on. But my "energy level" had dropped to almost zero, I was getting tired walking downstairs to get a drink for example, much less trying to actually go for a walk. My appetite was pretty much gone and a lot of other small things were popping up that on their own might have been easily ignored, but together were really starting to concern me.
The "tipping point" so to speak came on this past Wednesday afternoon (6/4/14). I had been out at a "show" of sorts demoing our software for lack of a better term, on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Without delving into a bunch of most non-relevant details, let me simply say that it was a horrible three days, and I'll jump to Wednesday afternoon. The show's "expo" had wrapped up and I had broken all the equipment down and got it back to my car - just barely. I felt like I had been steamrolled by a truck or something. Driving home was difficult at best, and in hindsight I should NOT have done so. Once I got home, well I considered my day to be "done" and literally crashed until J got home from work. I hadn't eaten all day, so when M made dinner I tried to eat, but that only made things worse. So before I went to bed I decided to try and get in to see my GP on Thursday as it was no longer a question as to "if" something was wrong, but rather "what" was wrong with me. J helped me shave and such Wednesday night, but even that was a struggle. On Thursday morning, M said she'd call my Doctor as I simply could not even drag myself out of bed. I was able to get an appointment with my GP's Nurse Practitioner at 1pm. It wasn't my "first choice", in fact I wasn't even aware that they had a NP at their office, I'm assuming she was new. But I figured if something was serious that she'd at least consult with my GP if not simply go get her so I figured that was better than heading to "urgent care" or the ER. M helped me get ready, but I was so sick I didn't even bother with a photo - once I finally get home I'll probably add one of my hospital room or something - but for now - don't have one...
My GP's office is closed for lunch from 12pm-1pm so there was only one other person waiting and he was seeing my GP herself so I got taken back right away. My weight was down another 11-12lbs since I had been there 7 weeks prior which was great, but at the time I really didn't care. The nurse took M and I - she had went with me since I didn't feel that I could drive myself and I was afraid that I wouldn't remember something that might get said - back to an exam room. We went over symptoms and then she took my blood pressure. It was exceptionally low for me (and in general I suppose) - something around 8x/5x. The Nurse Practitioner (NP) came in and retook it and got a similar result. We went over my medications and such and she went and spoke with my GP about my medications, which they altered a bit; but she was still concerned so she ordered some lab work and asked if I could go right then. Since the lab is at the front of the medical building I told her I would. I guess I should have picked up right then and there that things weren't "right", but I just thought it was typical "concern" so I didn't. She also suggested getting a blood pressure device and to call her in 24 hours with an update (or sooner as need be).
We stopped by the lab and I was quickly "in and out", although I knew my appearance must not be as good as normal as the receptionist asked if the orders were "for me". When we left, I knew M had to be hungry and I was too, so we agreed to run about 10 minutes away to get "Lion's Choice" (a local/regional roast beef chain) and to price the blood pressure meter at Walgreens, though we expected Wal-Mart to be cheaper anyway. As we got to Lion's Choice, M ran in and I struggled not to get sick (a struggle that I lost). We took our food home and she ate and I picked at mine while I returned a support call. That call took about 45 minutes and by now it was after 4pm and technically I work until 5pm, but I had put in a lot of extra hours over the prior few days over that "demo" and wanted to lie down. I had just laid down when the house phone rang, which is a semi-rare occurrence around here.
It was the NP and she told me that my labs were back (which hit me as strange since it had only been about 90 minutes since I had seen her - she must have put a rush on them). Apparently my potassium had skyrocketed and some other values were horribly out of line as well. She flat out told me that I "need to get to an emergency room now, and that I needed to either have somebody drive me or use an ambulance" - I was "not" to drive myself. I normally probably would have argued this, but I felt so bad and she was so adamant sounding that I readily agreed and asked for a suggestion as to which hospital. She suggested one that is a bit further away than I'd like, but it's one associated with the medical practice and she said my GP's husband (who M, M2, and P see) would be there and be the "admitting physician". She again told me that I was *NOT* to drive myself which again I told her was fine and that I'd leave as soon as I could get M up to take me.
Since J was at work, I went and woke M up as calmly as I could. Truth be told I was suddenly terrified and on the verge of tears. I've been to the ER before both for myself and for others before and while it's never been an experience I looked forward to, well it also was not one that really "bothered me" either. But now, all I could think about was what if something was happening to me? I'm so wonderfully happy and in love with J - especially the last several months; I worry about M and P, and even M2 to an extent; the cats; the house; and so on. Would they all survive if something happened to me? I'm sure they could and would, but I'm so very happy with things right now the thought of losing all of that - especially the love that J and I have found - well it was just crushing me.
Bless M's heart, she got right up and threw on some clothes as I went back to do the same. As much as I hate to go out without being fully "done up" these days, I quickly made a decision to eschew the wig and the skirt I had worn earlier and go with a pair of jeans and pretty much be "as-is". I mean I still had makeup on from earlier, but it was "so so" at this point. However, the NP had made it clear to me that this was an emergency situation and unlike how I might have done things 20, 10, or even a year ago, I made a practical decision and decided to go like that. I texted J to let her know what was going on and she immediately called - which I expected. I just wanted to get her off the phone - partially so I could leave, but mostly because I couldn't hold myself together and didn't want to freak her out any worse than I knew I already had. She offered to leave work then and there, but reality is that she is 45 minutes away and I didn't have the time to wait for her and in the event that it wasn't really serious why do that to her? I guess in reality we both knew it was, but she acquiesced to my wishes and let me go. However, she called back about 60 seconds later and we debated her leaving work right then. I got more than a little "short" with her over it. This may seem trivial at the moment and to many/most it probably is, but to me it because a huge issue later on. Truth be told after the fact, I wanted her there; but as I said above the reality was that she was 45 minutes from here and from what the NP said I really needed to go; but the real issue was that I was having real trouble keeping myself calm and collected and I knew if I stayed on the phone with J I was going to lose that battle.
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I did *NOT* intend for this piece to run so long, but I think it's time to split it into at least a second (and at this rate perhaps a third) post. I do apologize for that, although I guess that anyone who reads these posts knows I'm prone to do that. I am "home" now (it's Sunday 6/8/14, I got to come home on the afternoon of Saturday 6/7/14, about 12 hours after I started this particular post), so I'm safe and sound. I'm going to try and get the rest of this written now while it's still fresh in my mind. As always thanks for reading. :)
- M
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