I've had bathroom issues for a long time. My gall bladder was removed 10 or 12 years ago and upon doing so, I became one of those people that had to use the bathroom after every meal. I did not expect that, nor was I apprised of the possibility (and apparently it happens to a lot of people), but it wouldn't have mattered the pain from the gall stones made that surgery decision for me. Things didn't really change until I went on HRT. I was already on blood pressure medication that included a water pill (diuretic) and when the Doctor supervising my HRT prescribed my Estradiol and Spiro, she expressed concern about constipation. Well I more or less ignored that, partially because I was excited to start the HRT and partially because I figured it wouldn't be an issue with me because of the gall bladder surgery.
Well, I was wrong. I've battled constipation now for 16 months and it's been bad enough at times to prompt Doctor's visits and one ER visit. The fact that I'm exercising (and sweating) now seems to have made it worse, I just can't seem to get enough liquids in. Well, M and I got into it about two weeks ago over this, it hurt my feelings at the time, but she was right. When it would get so bad that I had "sulfur burps", I was so miserable, I was making the house a miserable place to be and she felt I needed to suck it up and see a specialist. I'll be honest, I wasn't keen about that idea as when they were trying to diagnose the gall bladder all those years ago I had all sorts of tests - upper gi, colonoscopy, etc., and none of them were pleasant. But after thinking about it the next couple of days I realized she was right.
So a couple of days ago, J and I went to see a specialist. I had just renewed my license and changed my gender marker that morning so I was dressed as Madison with a license that now has a "F" for gender (albeit the temporary paper license). I thought I looked nice enough, I've had better days, but considering how I felt I thought it wasn't too bad.
So we get there and I fill out the paperwork and that obviously threw them for a loop since the insurance is in J's name, but really none of their business. A nurse finally takes me back and tells me to undress from the waist down, lie on the table facing the wall and cover myself with the sheet. Now she said sheet, I say a large piece of paper, but whatever. I had (foolishly) left my phone in my purse across the room so I had no real idea of the time, but based upon the number of songs that played overhead, I'd guess 20-30 minutes I laid there. Long enough that I (more than once) considered getting dressed and leaving. However, each time I decided to stay as I knew I needed to see what's wrong and I was already there. The Doctor and a nurse finally show up and he starts asking me questions. He then has me roll over on my back and starts feeling around my stomach area which was fine and something I semi-expected.
However, what I didn't expect was for him to actually take a peek to see what "parts" I had. He was quick and discreet about it, but I immediately felt "violated" for lack of a better term. If he had wanted to know all he needed to do was ask, the fact that I'm transgender is not something I make a secret of. I started to say something and stopped as at this point I really didn't know what to say and for that matter I didn't think I could keep my composure if I said something. He finishes the exam which was one of the most unpleasant things I've ever sat through. I don't want to get too graphic, but he did perform a quick procedure which hurt quite a bit - now it probably wasn't as bad as I made it out to be, but it did hurt. They told me that they'd be back in a few minutes and not to roll over as I had basically a large q-tip "up there". All I could do was lie there and cry. I hurt, but the tears weren't really over that, they were over the fact that he did "sneak a peek". I'm not sure why it bothered me so bad, as like I said if he had asked I would've told him whatever he wanted to know.
She came back a few minutes later and removed the q-tip thing, and told me to get dressed. Once I did he came back in and went over what he did, what he thinks the problem is, and what he wants to do. Now, I've thought long and hard about this, hence the reason I haven't posted this before now, but I'm not going to name his name here as all in all he seemed like a good guy, he has great reviews, and I am going back to see him in two weeks for a (dreaded) colonoscopy. I realize I could go somewhere else, but the little indiscretion aside, I have a lot of confidence and faith in him. I'm probably making a mountain out of a mole hill, but I just needed to vent some and this is a place I can do that.
- M
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