I had a different topic in mind for today, actually it went in conjunction with yesterday's topic and in fact it's basically all written. However, I decided to hold off on that until tomorrow as I wanted to talk about something else today. Specifically someone else. My wonderful wife J.
I know some of you are probably tired of hearing me discuss her virtues, but I simply cannot help it. She means the world to me and the way she's handled my transition and what has come with it goes far above and beyond what I could have ever expected, much less hoped for. But even with that, she's gone above the call of duty the last couple of months.
I could not have asked for a more wonderful "nurse" during/after my orchiectomy. I had considered going alone, but in hindsight, having her accompany me was one of the best choices I could have possibly made. The care and compassion she showed during the entire trip and the weeks after means the world to me. Especially the weeks after since it was as much emotional support as it was anything physical. The first week wasn't really bad, but the second week the hormones took over with a vengeance that I never expected. I'm going to have to ask Dr. Swenson about that when I see her next month, but from some of the (after the fact) reading I've done apparently even though the testicles are removed, the rest of the body doesn't want to give up the testosterone easily and that second week I was a basket case like I've never been. I cry my fair share these days - well actually probably well more than my fair share - but that week, anything and everything had me in tears. J was patient, caring, understanding, and comforting through it all.
I had three or four paragraphs typed here that were going into an explanation of things that you probably really didn't want to read anyway, so I removed those and let me simply say this. I've been more than a touch sick the last couple of weeks. Digestive issues is I guess a polite term for it. I've seen my GP a couple of times and she's prescribed something that seems to be helping; but I've still been worried as I think the issue may lie with my stomach and not my intestines. The Internet is a wonderful place for information, but when you start Googling symptoms it generally is never good as you read about a lot of bad things - in many cases upsetting things - and in this case one of the possibilities is more than a bit upsetting. I was *really* upset by the time J got home from work last night but I managed to hold it together through dinner with her and M. However, after dinner I lost it and was a bundle of tears. Instead of us going downstairs to walk as we had discussed, J gave me the nicest, sweetest bath I've probably ever had and then cuddled with me for a good while. I finally convinced her to go to sleep as she had to work today, but she was willing to stay up as late as need be to ensure that I was emotionally alright.
Her kindness and compassion was once again off of the charts and just thinking about it has me in tears right now. But not the sad/depressed tears of last night, but happy tears. Happy that I have someone so wonderful in my life. Happy that I haven't had to face any of my transition alone. Happy that I do have one true soul mate. No matter what this turns out to be (or not to be), or whatever else may happen going forward I know I can handle it because I have the support of such a wonderful woman who will stand there right beside me no matter what.
J, sweetheart, I love you so very much. More than any words I can put here or tell you in person can ever possibly convey. To this day I'm still not quite sure what I did to deserve you, or that I even actually do deserve you; but I cherish every moment we have and love you now and forever like I've never loved anyone or anything else. You make every day worth living regardless of how good or bad it may otherwise be. Your smile lights up the room and makes me so happy no matter what else is going on. If I have a regret it's simply that there aren't more people like you in this world as it would be a far better place if there was.
- M
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