That being said, I will say that the impetus for the post did come from a couple of discussions I've taken part in recently on Google+. Actually it was really one specific conversation thread that I jumped into a week or two ago. Before I go on let me get a bit of a disclaimer out of the way:
While I strongly disagree with some of the opinions that were expressed in the discussion I took part in, I do respect those same opinions and the people who have them. Just because I do not agree with something or someone does not make me right or them wrong, and I really wish more people could have a debate and keep this in mind in lieu of letting it drift off into name-calling or other unpleasantness.With that out of the way the thing I took issue with was a comment (and I'm paraphrasing here intentionally) was along the lines that "being stealth was wrong". The actual words that were used were more inflammatory than that, but semantics aside this was the bottom line of the comment(s) that were made. *MY* opinion is that the decision to be "stealth", "completely open", or something in between, should be a decision left up to each individual person. None of us can possibly know the exact circumstances of anyone else's life and as such *I* feel it's very presumptuous to make the statement(s) that were made. I feel that anyone who transitions has to make at least some sacrifices in their lives, but for many being "completely open" would lead to sacrifices that aren't necessary such as the loss of employment or family/friends or so on and to automatically expect anyone who transitions to potentially make those sacrifices when they may not need to is wrong in my mind. Now as I said above, just because this is my opinion doesn't necessarily make it "right", but in this case it's definitely one opinion that I don't feel I would ever waver on.
As that discussion went on, the crux of the rationale for the opinion in question seemed to center around the fact that some post-transition friends of this person didn't come out and openly support a rally that was meant to benefit those who were pre/mid-transition. Don't get me wrong, I can understand how that would be frustrating, but to universally condemn those who didn't come out to provide support I felt was short-sighted and honestly wrong. I believe the reality to be that it's no different than a lot of other causes (perhaps almost all of them) - and that is when a person has a "dog in the fight" they are far more likely to be vocal about a given cause. In this case, those that are post-transition no longer really have that dog in the fight so to speak and as such probably aren't as likely to feel a need to rally for something that will not necessarily affect them. Don't take that the wrong way, there are plenty of people who are post-transition that feel compelled to be out and push for changes and I have an immense amount of respect for those people. But just because someone is not publicly active for a given cause/event (or even at all) in no way means that aren't still being supportive - either currently or previously.
I can not speak for anyone else, nor do I want to, but for *ME* I simply want to be accepted as a woman *first* and foremost. The fact that I'm "trans" vs "cis" ideally wouldn't matter. Now I'm not naive and I know there are times it will matter, but hopefully those times will continue to become less and less. I for one would not go to a public march/rally as that's simply not the kind of person that I am. However, I also did fight to legally change my gender on my birth certificate in this state pre-surgery despite the fact that the states statutes require that. While I wasn't the first person to do so and as such the path to do so was laid out for me - I still took the time to do it and I've shared the process and experience that I used to do so with anyone who's wanted to know about it both here and elsewhere. The process was slightly different for me (different part of the state) than it was the person who provided the original information to me so I've made my court paperwork available to anyone who's wanted it as well. Some (many? most?) probably don't care as there is a time and money element to this and reality is that the Federal government will change a gender marker without nearly as much hassle and once that's done a Passport is as good as (if not better than) a license for most things when it comes to ID and in some cases the Passport change has been good enough to get the state to change a marker on a license. Yes it's not a birth certificate change, but in reality how important is that for most things? My goal wasn't really my birth certificate anyway, it was my license, but due to the way the court order was written I went ahead and had it done as it has simplified other things for me. But my feeling is that if it helps even one person in some way then it was worth the time I've spent sharing the information and if it does help someone then it was probably more effective than me personally being out marching in a parade somewhere.
But this isn't about me or what I have or haven't done. It's about the community in general. Yes I am grateful for what anyone has or continues to share/do for the transgender community and I would like to think that everyone else who has transitioned, is transitioning, or has even thought about transitioning, would also be grateful for this. However, to condemn anyone for choosing to remain private before/during/after their transition - well I simply cannot support that kind of thing and I think those that believe that should rethink their position as they may well be in a position at some point where the sacrifice(s) they might have to make to be completely open may not be worth it to them either.
I think with that I'll wrap this up, it's sort of meandered all over the place and that wasn't my intention, but I need to get back to work as I think I've used up the majority of my lunch time on this. As always thanks for reading. :)
Before I go I do want to share a recent photo. I haven't been out as much lately as it's been so very hot (among other things), and I'm still struggling with the new hair, but I hate not having a thumbnail on my posts so here goes.
- M
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