Early in my transition, when I was presenting as Madison (which wasn't all that often), I went out of my way to avoid using any bathroom other than a family restroom. I simply wasn't very comfortable with my appearance when I was presenting as Madison. It wasn't a cause of dysphoria for me as it may be for many; it was simply "the way it was" for me and I lived with it. It did cause us to alter our outings a bit though as one of my blood pressure medicines at the time was a diuretic and I had to pee quite often. So we either planned shorter outings, or we tried to ensure we would be by somewhere that had a family restroom (thankfully, the Wal-Marts around here all do, as do a few other places), or I simply presented male if necessary.
However, about three months in things became more of an issue for me as I purged all of my male clothes and went full-time as Madison. Things became even worse that December (about 5-6 months in) when I started my HRT as that added Spironolactone to things which is also a diuretic. At this point I still had not used a ladies room anywhere other than a few places where it was a single person restroom, and I still wasn't even really comfortable doing that. Looking back I was probably being overly paranoid about things. I did have a "carry letter" from my therapist (for what that might or might not have been worth), and I *was* presenting as Madison, but I just had this nagging worry that someone would make an issue of things and that all sorts of bad things might happen.
The turning point for me was when I was able to go to court and get my gender marker changed. While I didn't immediately update my license for a couple of reasons, I did start carrying a copy of my court order with me and decided that I no longer had any real excuse to not use the ladies room when I needed to - at least when I was "done up" (more on that phrase later). I can still remember the first time I actually used the ladies room anywhere. It was a few weeks after I had gotten my court order (late 2013) and J, M, and myself went to get our eyebrows threaded and went to brunch at one of the local casinos. I was nervous, but J was gracious enough to go with me. In hindsight, while it was a "baby book" event for me, it was really uneventful. Despite the "success" of this first visit, I still wasn't really comfortable using the women's room, so while over the next year or so I would do so, generally it was only if I was going with J or M (or both), or if I was fairly certain nobody else was in there.
This drug on for me for a great many months until mid to late 2014 (so about a year ago). Things changed for me again around that point, and not just in regards to the bathroom. I may or may not leave the house all "done up" (ie full makeup, wig, etc), but even for those times that I do go out without being "done up", in my mind I'm presenting "female" - no longer just "androgynous". I no longer make any effort to minimize my feminine appearance, I wear whatever jewelry I see fit, I wear visible lipstick/gloss all the time (it's my guilty pleasure), and so on. If it's hot or I'm in a real hurry I may opt to leave without a wig on, or really any makeup other than some lipstick. But I no longer hesitate to use the ladies room regardless of how dressed up I might or might not be. Yes, having my license have a "F" on it helped early on, but I no longer even really think about that. I'm simply using the bathroom that I feel is appropriate and when/if someone makes an issue about it, well then I'll deal with it. But as of yet nobody has and I really don't expect anyone to.
Now, due to my voice not being what it needs to be, I don't tend to hang around in there - I do my thing, wash my hands, check my hair/makeup, and move on - I don't turn it into social hour. But even on those occurrences when I do have to speak, I simply do my best and move on. I won't say that I don't still use the family restroom on occasion - such as at a movie theater when a movie has let out and a horde of young girls descends upon the ladies room - it's a rare occurrence for me to do so.
I'm not advocating how I did things as the best way or the right way, it's simply how it worked out for me. I will say that I'm much more happy using the ladies room and I do wish I had been at least a touch bolder early on.
- M
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