Last night about midnight the realization that it would in fact be Emily and that the time was now really set in. The evening before she had seemed to not really be herself, we had to go get her for dinner - the cats always have dry food out and we feed them wet food through the day if one (or more) of them is hungry, but normally they eat breakfast around 8am and dinner around 7pm and Emily didn't show up for her dinner. She ate, but not like normal, and then went to lie down in a secluded area of the living room. It wasn't really "normal" behavior for her - at least not normal based upon the last several months as she had gotten far more social with us. I suspect at least partially because her eyesight was failing and she needed some assistance from time to time.
Yesterday I really didn't see her during the day, but that wasn't too strange as some days I'd see her more than others, but when she didn't come to dinner yet again we went looking for her. We finally found her holed up in M2's room - she liked to spend time in the closet in there as it was out of the way enough that the other cats didn't bother her and she had a nice quilt she slept on. P brought her down and she really didn't seem to want eat, which really concerned us. About 11pm, J went downstairs to check on the laundry and found Emily at the water fountains - we have two of the Drinkwell ones - she was "crying" to use J's words. Now as I wrote in her little bio a few weeks ago, Emily was always a quiet cat - unless she was "hunting socks" for us, so when J brought her up to me and told me that we knew it was going to be her time and it was no longer a matter of if, but rather when.
She let me hold her for a long time which was out of the ordinary for her as normally a couple of minutes and she'd want down. It was painfully obvious that the last of her eyesight was now gone, she had no reaction to anything in front of her face and when I finally put her down, she could barely walk, she stumbled around the room and couldn't find her way out. She finally made it into P's room which was very out of the ordinary and headed for her closet. At this point I knew she needed to go to the vet this morning and that it would likely be a one way trip. I texted M to tell her, but she had come to the same conclusion before they had all left for work. J and I spent a good chunk of the night sitting with her and petting her and truthfully I wasn't sure if she'd hold on until this morning. I finally convinced J to go to bed as she had to work today and I continued to sit with Emily. She finally got up and made her way downstairs to the fountains but despite seeming to want to drink she couldn't/wouldn't - she finally just settled down between them and let me pet her some more. After a few minutes she got up and started wondering around - but she was obvious "lost" - I suspected she needed to use the litter box so I carried her to one of them which she immediately used, but she could barely get out. She finally went into the formal dining room to lay down and I held out some hope that we were wrong about it being Emily's time as she often slept in there. At this point I couldn't stay up any longer so I went to bed since I knew M was going to wake me in a little bit when she got home for lunch.
About a hour later M did come home and wake me up and Emily had moved downstairs and it was obvious that we weren't wrong and that she would need to go to the vet this morning. M and M2 spent some time with her and I tried to get a little sleep so I could take her. Our vet didn't open until 9am this morning - I suppose we could have taken her to the 24 hour vet that's not that far away, but I wanted to use our vet if at all possible. M called them when they opened and while they were booked solid, once she explained things to them they told us to bring her up. J wanted to go, but I wasn't sure how long we would be and I didn't want her to miss work or be late - probably a poor choice on my part - but as emotional as J gets I figured it was best to say her goodbye here at the house, the same with P.
When we got downstairs, Emily was back in the formal dining room and looked even worse. We picked her up and I didn't have the heart to put her in the carrier so I carried her myself to the car and to the vet. As we were arriving at the vet I knew we were doing the right thing as Emily hated going outside and hated the car and really didn't like to be held very much and yet she let me hold her for a good 15 minutes without so much as trying to get down. M and I took her inside and they put us in an exam room right away. One of the girls came in to find out what was going on and once we told her she said one of the vets would be in shortly and she asked if we wanted to discuss what to do with Emily if the choice to euthanize her was made - as painful as that was to do we elected to. We chose cremation and said we wanted her ashes so she went to get a book of urns to select from. In the meantime the vet popped in. It was a short discussion, we explained the behavior the last 24/48 hours and frankly based upon her last visit the vet (and us unfortunately) knew the day was coming. She said we could probably prolong her life for a few days - but as much as I love Emily and wanted to - I just couldn't do that to her. We felt it was her time and we wanted her to go out with dignity and *WITH US* - while those extra few days would have been nice, I was deathly afraid her time would come when all of us were sleeping or nobody was around or something like that and I was afraid she'd suffer. I wanted to be with her for her last few minutes so we elected to euthanize her.
The vet said she'd be back in a few minutes with a shot to relax her, and about then the first girl came back with a catalog of urns and such. M and I picked one out and continued to pet and comfort Emily as best we could. A couple of minutes later the vet came back with an assistant and they gave Emily the first shot and gave her back to me. Over the next 10-15 minutes she became even more relaxed as the shot was doing it's job - and the girl came back to get our choice of urn and to take care of the arrangements. Finally a few minutes later the vet came back with her assistant to actually finish the process. They lied her on the counter and gave her the last shot and she passed gracefully into her next life. It was as sad a moment as I've had in a long time - perhaps ever - as I had such an attachment to her and I've never suffered a real loss since I've been on hormones and it's hit me hard. I can't seem to stop crying. We stayed with her for a few more minutes and the vets assistant told us we could stay as long as we wanted, and while I wanted to - I just couldn't. I want to remember Emily as the cat she was for the last 8 years. My only regret is that we didn't have her for the first 8 years of her life, but during the 8 we did - I will always believe we gave her a great life and that she loved us - I know we all loved her. It was so crushing to have to euthanize her, but now she can hunt socks as much as she wants, she'll be able to see again, and basically do all those things that she loved to do but could no longer.
We all loved Emily and we will miss her horribly, but I know in my heart that we did right by her both over these 8 years we had her as well as today. She'll always be my baby, my "1 of 7", and a lot of other things, and I'll never forget her - nor will anyone else in the house I'm sure. I know we will all move on because that's what people do, but the house will never quite be the same without her. She moved in with us and had been here every single day since we moved in and none of us - not me, not J, not M, not P, not M2, could say that. Rest in peace Emily - you deserve it sweetie.
- M
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