- Laser Hair Removal (LHR) takes a *LONG TIME* and *IS PAINFUL*. I will acknowledge that I had a lot of facial hair; however, I'm probably 11 sessions in and I'm still not done. Now most of my darker hairs are gone, although I firmly believe that at least some of them have simply been turned white. Now that's not the end of the world as the white hairs are not nearly as noticeable as the black hairs were. I'm actually very happy with the way my face looks these days. When I see people that say 5 LHR sessions will clear a face, well perhaps the *right* face will be finished in that, but I firmly believe that the majority of people will take longer than the oft quoted number of 5. As far as the pain, well perhaps I'm just a baby - who am I kidding I *AM*, but it hurts - *A LOT*. And that's with my using numbing cream first. I've read some who say it doesn't really hurt and others that it only hurts a little bit. Perhaps they have higher pain tolerances than I do, perhaps they have less facial hair than I did, but whatever it is, it's been far more painful that I was led to believe. It's also been pricey. I've seen a lot of people mention Groupon and perhaps in the right location that's a good option. I did try it once, since I was already having my face done I elected my arms. I had 5 sessions and got virtually nothing out of it. I'm not sure if it was the laser used, or the person doing it, or a combination of both. Perhaps it is possible to find a good deal on Groupon for LHR that will be effective, but based upon my experience, buyer beware...
- HRT is NOT some magic bullet. Now let me say that my expectations were fairly low as to what it could do for me based upon my age. Now I'm sure for someone younger it may well do more, but for all of those that seem to think they can start HRT and suddenly be "passable" - well I'm sure it might happen, but how often? For most of us that is simply a small portion of passing. Now for me, it has done some things, not as much as I'd like, but at least something. And it made me feel better which is an important thing, but for those that expect it to do wonders, well I caution you to have reasonable expectations as to what HRT can or will do.
- Voice, Voice, Voice. If I have a regret about my transition it's that I did not work on my voice early on. I was so concerned about so many other things that it seemed like an afterthought. Something I could quickly and easily take care of. I was *WRONG*. It's been incredibly hard for me and my progress has been very limited. Again, there are some that probably have a natural feminine voice - my friend D always seemed to. I'm sure there are plenty of others who have had an easier time of this than I and I'm happy for you and perhaps a bit jealous. But for those considering transitioning, I *STRONGLY* suggest that you work on your voice early and often. There is very little worse than being in a position where you are passing, right up until you open your mouth and your voice gives you away. I've lost track of the number of times I've done that and watched people's expression completely change. Most of them are polite and don't say anything, but you can still tell that their opinion of you has suddenly changed. It can turn a great outing into a not so great outing very quickly.
- Confidence means everything. Look, I'm not saying that appearance, voice, and other things don't contribute to passing because they do. However, no matter how good you look, how great your voice is, and so on; well if you aren't confident you simply won't pass as often as you'd like (or at all). I cannot say this was a surprise to me, but I had no idea just how important it is. Early on as I've mentioned elsewhere in this blog I tended to not have any confidence and it showed. I felt out of place, so I looked out of place. As time has went by I've gotten over that almost completely and it's made all the difference in the world for me. I'm sure there are some dissenting opinions on this, but for me it's been the biggest key to helping me pass in public.
- The clothing does make the woman. It doesn't matter if you spend a little or a lot on clothes. But, what I've found does matter is to dress appropriately. When I first started cross-dressing and on into when I chose to transition I had a horrible habit of always wanting to wear heels (usually at least 3-4 inch ones), short skirts, bright (almost obnoxious) tops, and so on. While there is nothing wrong with that in and of itself, if I wanted to "blend in" (which I did), that was not the way to go about it. How many cis-women to you run into at the grocery store in a mini skirt and 4 inch spike heels? At my age (currently 43), how many women wear mini-skirts anywhere? The majority of cis-women in my age demographic dress like "soccer moms" when out casually and "tasteful and elegant" when appropriate. With M and J's help I feel I've gotten much better about that. I wear flats a lot, they may not look "as nice" to me, but I blend in much better that way. My wardrobe still has some things that probably aren't truly age appropriate, yet I still like those things at times. However, the bulk of things are more "soccer mom" like or what I'd consider tasteful and/or elegant. I actually feel more confident when I'm out and about in those kinds of clothes because I don't feel like I stick out as much. Hey, everyone should dress how they want, but if you chose to wear that mini skirt and stilettos to the grocery store or library then don't be surprised when you get a lot of attention that you might not want.
- Makeup.... Almost everything I just said about clothes applies to makeup as well. In my age demographic it seems that subtle and elegant is the norm. Now I still have my guilty pleasures such as a blush that's probably way to bright, but for the rest of my makeup I do try and look more my age. That often means things such as skipping the red lipstick for a nice pink or neutral shade, or not using that pretty glitter eye shadow, but it's a small price to pay to better blend in. And I still find times where I can do those things, I'm just more judicious as to when and where that is. I also had no idea just how expensive good makeup can be. Don't get me wrong there is a lot of "drugstore makeup" that I really like, but certain things I do splurge on such as my foundation and it's by no means cheap. I did the math one time to compare the price of my foundation to the price of gas and my foundation came out to something like $4000 or so per gallon. Now that's not necessarily fair as that little bottle lasts a long time, but it just boggles my mind at how expensive that little bottle is. Let me also say that I truly had no idea how much effort it has taken me to become even somewhat proficient at makeup. J is pretty good, and M is exceptional. Me on the other hand - well I've gotten better, but I still ask for their help if I'm going somewhere that I want to look my best. I'm sure one day I'll be good enough and confident enough to not need that, but for now even if I do my own I still try and get one of them to check it over when possible.
- Acceptance. I guess I've been lucky, but outside of work (which is a story of it's own), I've not had any real issues with my transition. I had a less than positive experience at a restaurant on perhaps my first or second trip out, but beyond that - well I have no real complaints. I know that plenty of others are not so lucky and in this day and age that disappoints me so very much. I'm not sure why this really surprises me as there is still racial discrimination going on in places, cis-women still have to fight for equality, and so on. I think things are better for the LGBTQ community that it was even a few years ago, but there is still so much more to do. For me personally, my struggle was with work and that's simply not going to change which is unfortunate. I'd like to think that the job I do matters more than my gender presentation, but in my company apparently not. I know others fight the same battle and while a lot of people think that they will be protected, the reality as I see it is that in many companies that won't be the case. Either the protections simply aren't there (as is my case), or the company - or even simply a particular supervisor, will take it upon themselves to make it their goal to get rid of someone simply over their gender presentation. It can and does happen, it's not right, but it happens.
- Weight. I've long struggled with my weight. I had heard it would be harder to lose weight once I started HRT, but I ignored that. Well, now the other shoe has dropped. Now I have lost a lot of weight (45lbs so far, another 35lbs or so to go), but it's been a huge struggle. I really wish that I had undertaken this before I started HRT, or for that matter before I transitioned. It would have made things so much easier.
- Purses. You can take a lot of things away from me, but my purse is NOT one of them. I wish I would have known just how wonderful one is a long time ago. I would have carried one back then, social issues or not. I know this isn't nearly as serious as the above points were, but I wanted to end on a positive note, and I do mean what I said about my purse. :)
I could go on and on, but I think that's a good list of things. As I said above, anyone else's list may be partially or even completely different, but these are definitely things I wish I would have known or known more about, before I transitioned. It would've made things much easier for me. :)
- M
No comments:
Post a Comment