Well as much as I enjoyed writing about our wonderful cats, it's now time to get back to topics more appropriate to why I started this blog. Today's topic, or perhaps mini-rant - is about the "Real Life Experience" aka RLE. As anybody who reads this blog probably knows, I like to hang out on Reddit. I spent a fair amount of time all over the site, but mostly on the AskTransgender and Ask_Transgender subreddits. Well a bit earlier tonight I ran across a couple of posts where the RLE came up.
The first was in regards to someone wanting SRS/GRS (subsequently in this post and going forward in this blog, I'll be using the term SRS, so for those that prefer GRS please bear with my choice) without having to have a year of RLE. I hate to say that no surgeon will waive that requirement, but I've not seen any reputable one who will; and truthfully I have *NO* issues with that at all. SRS is a serious procedure that should not be undertaken lightly. I don't think it's out of line at all to expect anyone who wants to undertake such a procedure to at least have some idea of what they are getting themselves into. That may well be a minority opinion, and if so I respect those that have dissenting opinions from mine, but I don't know that anyone could sway me on this. HRT is one thing, while there are changes that are permanent, all of my research is that the vast majority of them are reversible by going off of HRT; but for SRS that's simply not the case. The surgeon cannot just "put things back" if someone were to change their mind.
I'm by no means trying to say that the RLE is easy or necessarily pleasant, although for the most part mine has been. Nor will I toss out cliches such as "nothing worth having is easy", and so on. But I will say that the time spent undergoing the RLE should give anyone considering SRS at least an idea of what life will be like if they make the decision to go forward with surgery. Personally for me, I don't consider what I've done to be RLE, it is simply how I've chosen to live and I made the choice to live as Madison months prior to going on HRT. I've talked about why I did that in earlier blog entries, but for those that haven't read those, it boiled down to a couple of major points (and several minor ones). The biggest being that I simply feel better about myself living as Madison. I feel it was the right choice for me and I'd do it again if given the choice. I feel that I've picked up mannerisms and social graces that I would still be struggling with had if I had not made this choice. I also feel that my transition would not have been as successful as I feel it has been if I had not made this choice. I'm by no means saying that my choice is the right one for everyone, or for that matter anyone, but it was right *for me*. But I am a firm proponent of it if at all possible and definitely prior to SRS.
The second post was a simple question by someone fairly young about starting HRT. In this case it wasn't the post that drew my attention but a comment. The bulk of the comment was helpful, but there was a part of it that basically said that the "RLE was simply dressing as a woman" and I strongly disagree with that. First off, what is "dressing like a woman"? Personally I love makeup, heels, skirts, dresses, and so on - basically the traditional "girly girl" stuff. But plenty of women, be they cis or trans, eschew those things. That doesn't make them any more or any less of a woman than someone like me who does like those things. Secondly, I think that RLE is significantly more than how one dresses. It's about living your life as your chosen gender and appearance is merely one component of that.
I think far too many don't see the RLE for what it should be and instead simply an obstacle in their path and as such automatically consider it a bad thing. I think rather than seeing it as an obstacle, that instead it should be seen as an opportunity.
As always, just my thoughts - and rather late night thoughts at that. Agree, disagree, I respect everyone's opinion and I hope you respect mine. :)
- M
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