Handling Facial/Body Hair For A Transgender Woman

My single biggest issue with my female presentation is hair.  The huge lack of it on my head and the huge abundance of it *everywhere* else.  The lack of hair on my head is something I've dealt with via wigs and while it's not what I want to do; I really don't have a choice and I've found a couple I really like.

The body hair, especially my face, is another story.  I have "5 o'clock shadow" at 5am, much less 5pm; so it's always a concern.  A good shave, and the right makeup and application of that makeup can cover it up; but only for so many hours.  Now that's normally not a huge concern of mine as I normally don't go running around all day - I do what I need to do and return home.  However, even if that's not a huge concern, the time and money spent on cover-up makeup does add up and could be better spent on other things.  For my body, some parts are more important than others as it can really limit the clothing I'm willing to go out in.  I tend to worry about my lower legs (knees down), my arms, and my upper chest the most; I'll generally do those on average twice a week; although that varies - if I'm going out "dressy" - which I usually know in advance I may shave extra; or if I have no plans leading up to when I'm going out, I may drag it out - either way I want to handle it as close to the "event" as possible.  My lower chest/stomach, and upper legs - those are generally once a week as normally those parts won't show; but I don't like the feeling of the hair as it gets longer and it becomes a much bigger hassle if it gets too long.  My back, well I have to coordinate that so my wife can help me as while I can reach most of it, I can't get it all.

However, the real subject here is my face.  When I first started going out, it was so seldom, I tended to let my facial hair grow until I was going out - this made it easier on my face to shave; but also meant I couldn't just "up and go" if something came up.  So now I do it basically every day (unless it's irritated from the laser, which I'll get to in a moment).  I love a good hot bath - I know that may not be the greatest thing, but it's one of my guilty pleasures, and I can think of many worse things I could be doing.  So once I get the water how I want it I'll take a wash cloth or a "bath poof" and dampen my face.  Once that's done I'll apply shave gel or cream (I prefer gel, but I will use whatever my wife picks up) and get as close a shave as I can *twice*.  Once with the grain and once against the grain.  The upside is that I end up with a much better shave that way; the downside being that I tend to have extra redness from the added "abuse" of doing it twice.

Once I've done that, I'll then use a facial scrub and a buffer sponge (or whatever it's called) - basically it's a white oval shaped spongy looking thing - to scrub that off.  Upon getting out, I'll dry my face carefully and then apply some moisturizer when I think about it - I've gotten better about this and go it virtually all the time now; but on occasion I do forget.  Once that's soaked in, I very carefully check for any "missed spots" and correct those as best I can.  At that point I'm ready to get dressed and get my makeup done.

Now, while shaving does work; it's not ideal for a myriad of reasons so I am currently undergoing laser treatments.  I know it's not nearly as permanent as electrolysis, but with my facial hair being so thick - especially around my jawline - my hope was to clear what I could reasonably via laser and then move to electrolysis.  Here I am now six sessions (and about $1500) into it and while I can see spots that appear clear; it's not nearly what I had hoped it would be.  On top of that, if you read one of my recent posts (this one: http://stltg.blogspot.com/2013/10/st-louis-area-tg-experiences-part-3.html), I currently a little agitated at the business I'm using for this.

That being said, since my next appointment is still nearly two months out, I think I'm going to give my face a week or two to "rest" and I'm going to make an appointment for an electrolysis consultation.  I've found a place that is *VERY* close to home (less than 10 minutes) that looks promising.  I'm a little concerned about cost as their rates aren't too bad from my research; but the sheer amount of time it would likely take along with the fact that I'd likely be going (a lot) more often might make it cost prohibitive at least for now.  It appears that it's $32 for the first 15 minutes and then $12 for each additional 15 minutes after that; so I guess to try it once I could probably go for say 30 minutes and if it went well then for future sessions 60 or 90 minutes if I can take that long at one sitting - obviously the longer the session the more it distributes the higher cost of the initial 15 minutes.  My thoughts are that if some work could be done on my jawline then at worst it should make the laser less painful; and if it looks to be effective I could drop the laser - it would still be more expensive if I went every week or even every other week; and it might not be as quick; but it should be permanent.  The bigger concern I have is that apparently you have to have some facial growth for it to be effective which means I'd be basically stuck at home for a day or two before and possibly a day or two after depending upon how my skin reacts; versus the laser which is just the time after.  Once I make a decision and/or go for the consultation I'll post a follow-up on this.

Some comments on the laser - as I mentioned above my face does tend to break out.  The first time it was so bad I ended up going to the Doctor a few days later.  She prescribed some steroid cream that I use as needed after sessions now to address the itching and any breakouts.  Even with the cream I usually avoid any shaving for at least a couple of days afterwards (and usually more than that) and as such can't leave the house.  The actual laser process is fast - perhaps 10-15 minutes each session; now mine is much longer since I go for the numbing cream which adds a hour to that; but it's definitely faster than the electrolysis; although considering the drive time for where I'm going is 30-45 minutes the timing for the electrolysis - even if I went 90 minute sessions) would be far shorter.

Sorry, I realized I've sort of rambled and meandered on here; I normally try to avoid that; but I couldn't help it this time.  I'll see about writing some better entries regarding this topic at a later date.

- M

St. Louis Area TG Experiences - Part 3

This post is a continuation of a series detailing experiences out and about in the St. Louis area as a Transgender Woman.  Prior (and future) parts are available on the following page: My Transgender Experiences.

This entry (nor any future entries) will be nearly as long as those as at this point I'm trying to chronicle experiences as they occur for the most part rather than trying to catch up over a year of outings.  Also with this entry I will on occasion "update" my thoughts on places I have previously written about if something has changed, etc.

UPDATE:  Above I removed the links to posts 1 and 2 in this series and added a link to the "page" with all posts in this series.  Additionally, I've went back and added more links and made some updates to some of the individual entries below since over time some things have changed.

Services:

• *UPDATE* - Infinity Laser (Clayton, Missouri) - I just had my sixth session there yesterday and while it went fine - in fact less painful than my prior session despite the power of the laser being increased - I do have a bit of a concern/agitation I thought I'd discuss.  Now first off, I had previously mentioned that the numbing cream lasted four sessions - well it actually lasted through yesterday's as well.  I appreciated the effort on that as that meant I got five sessions out of the $48 tube when they told me up front it might be as few as two.  Even at two it would've only been $24/session; but at five it reduced that to $9.60/session which was nice.  Now that being said my agitation.  When I was paying the $249/session, they wanted me to come in every six weeks which was/is fine.  However, my prior session (number five) was the last one at $249/session as I previously detailed.  As we were completing that session the topic of my next visit came up and I felt I was being nudged to come in at eight weeks instead of six weeks.  Now I do see noticeable progress, but my hair was so thick to start with there's still *a lot* there so I decided to stay at the six week interval for this session which I did.  Well this session, it was the same thing, except this time I was told that she was "booked solid" at six weeks; but would have no trouble working me in at eight weeks.  I went ahead and booked for the eight weeks and decided to have the back of my neck done as well starting at that next session; but as I drove home it really started to agitate me.  Maybe I'm wrong; but it just seems like as soon as I started getting the lower price, that they weren't nearly as interested in doing the work.  That frustrates me since even with the reduced price, I'm still paying as much as the friend who referred me was for her first five sessions and even if it takes them a half hour for me (which it doesn't) that works out to nearly $300/hr and I think that's a pretty good rate for what they're doing.  Yeah it's not the nearly $500/hr they were making; but these are also *THEIR* pricing policies - not mine.  If they don't want to do the work for the reduced price then they shouldn't offer that.  It's agitating enough that I'm not sure if I'll continue after my next session - I may, I may decide to go somewhere else, or I may switch to electrolysis.  As I said, this is really speculation on my part and even if it's accurate I'm not sure if that's coming from the owner or from my technician (I would really hope not as she's really nice) - but it's definitely something I'm going to pay attention to on my next visit.

Retailers:

• *UPDATE* - Shop-n-Save (Dardenne Prarie, Missouri) - I continue to have great experiences at this particular store and it's to the point that unless it's something they don't carry - well I won't grocery shop anywhere else.

• Ann's Bra Shop (Wentzville, Missouri) - I labelled this as Wentzville since that's the location I had intended on going to; but my interaction (or lack thereof) were actually via email.  A few months ago when the estrogen started doing it's thing it was time to actually try and find some bras that fit correctly.  My research showed that a lot of stores do bra fittings; but most of those stores don't cater to somebody with a band size as large as I would need.  Sure they could probably give me a size; but they wouldn't have any for me to try on and/or buy so those were viable options.  Ann's seemed like a good solution since they specialize in bras and they're a local business and when possible I do like to buy locally and support those businesses.  My ex-wife "M" has been in there a few times so I mentioned it to her and she suggested I check with them first since she said they were a little "stuck up" so to speak.  I figured email was the best method since if I called I'd be putting somebody on the spot and I didn't want to do that.  I sent two separate emails two weeks apart explaining my situation and what I was looking for and did NOT receive a response to either; just to be sure that the email account was actively monitored, I had "M" send a bra question a week after the second email and she had a response in less than 24 hours.  If they weren't comfortable with dealing with a TG person there are many ways they could've tactfully handled that and I would've been fine with that.  But to simply up and ignore not one, but two inquiries - I found that unacceptable.  And considering how expensive they are there per "M", they left a fair amount of money on the table up front and going forward as I will never visit one of their shops at this point and personally would discourage anyone I know from doing so either.  That's simply my opinion, but I stand by it.

• Lake Saint Louis Wigs & Cuts (Lake Saint Louis, Missouri) - I should've touched on this business in first two posts, but somehow forgot about them.  The reason I thought about them today is the above critique of Ann's Bra Shop.  Early on after the decision to transition was made, the single biggest issue I had was that I needed a good wig as I don't have enough hair of my own.  I had some cheap "Halloween quality" ones, but I wanted something better than that, but with what they cost I hated to try and guess via the Internet.  "M" ran across this business which is only a few minutes from home and traded emails with the owner.  She made arrangements for us to come in right at closing time one evening so she could work with us.  Now I got the impression that she was doing this more for her benefit than ours - but even if she was at least she was willing to work with us and didn't simply ignore things like Ann's had done.  We popped in and she spent plenty of time with us - I have a larger head so that meant she only had one or two in the shop that would fit me; but that was enough to determine that an Estetica Wig should fit and at that point we went through their catalog with her help and found one that I liked.  She took a deposit and ordered it for me.  When it came in we went back - this time she wasn't as concerned about when we came in - it was still later in the day but not at/after close - I guess she had relaxed a bit.  She again spent plenty of time making sure it fit well, showing me how to wear it (I was pulling it too far down in the front), and how to take care of it.  All told I probably spent about 25% more than I would've had if I had ordered the same wig off of the Internet; but the money was well spent.  I would strongly recommend them to any Trans (or CIS) woman looking for a wig.

Guess that's about it for now, thanks.

- M

So Who's The Boy?

The number one question that seems to be asked when people find out that my wife is married to a Transgender Woman is "So Who's The Boy?".

I guess that the question is probably the same one that any "same sex" couple gets and as such it's never really bothered me.  My wife on the other - well it's hit or miss with her.  Most of the time she will laugh it off or have some witty response; but every so often it does seem to agitate her a bit.  Perhaps it's the way it's asked - most seem to ask it out of legitimate curiosity, but on occasion it's asked in almost a repulsive manner and I think those are times she gets agitated.  Not that I appreciate it when it's conveyed in that manner either; but I generally try and be a little more graceful about my response.  If the negativity continues - well then that's simply somebody I have no desire to be around any longer.  Now that's often easier for me than her since I work from home.

As far as the actual answer - well there really isn't one.  When it comes to many things I would say I'm the more "girly" of the two of us; but that doesn't make her "the boy".  And there are things that she would be the more "girly" one of us; that doesn't define me as "the boy" either.  We simply see it as two people in love and never look at it from the perspective that one of us has to be the girl and one of us the boy.  For those that can understand that - well that's great.  For those that can't/won't - well to us that's their problem, not ours.

Now from a legal perspective, it does matter a little bit as we are married in a state that does NOT currently embrace same-sex marriages.  Before we made the decision for me to transition - and yes I mean "WE" since I love my wife so much that had if she had not wanted me to, I would not have - I looked into this as extensively as I could.  I spoke with other transgender couples in the state, attorneys, burned the midnight oil searching Google, and so on.  To the best of knowledge, since we were married prior to my transition, the state of Missouri seems to basically "ignore" situations such as this.  That's not a set in stone legal opinion as there doesn't appear to be any statute specifically addressing this (at least that I, nor anyone I spoke to, could find) so that could change down the line; but if so I guess we'd cross that bridge when we came to.  I guess worst case we'd have to move to a state that did support it - really other than her parents there's nothing holding us here - there are Wal-Marts all over the country for her and I work remotely so I simply need a decent Internet connection - so we could move anywhere.  Now I'm (reasonably) happy here, so I'd hate for it to come to that, but....

I've got some work to do - trying to get a little bit ahead of things this week - so I'm going to cut this short here.  As always thanks for reading.

- M

Things I've Learned Being A Transgender Woman

I'm by no means a comic, but I tend to lean towards the funnier side of life when I can and looking at the posts I've made so far they all come across as more "serious" (for lack of a better term) than I normally am.  Therefore I thought it was time for a little levity - although there is a lot of truth in what's below too.

So without further ado, things I've learned in the last 15 months living as a Transgender woman:

1. You can't wear just one top, you must layer your clothes.
   
2. You can never have enough makeup.
   
3. While there are exceptions, the more expensive the makeup the better it seems to work.
   
4. Shoes, shoes, shoes...  Never enough shoes.
   
5. A purse is the greatest invention ever.
   
6. Try everything on - sizes are never consistent from brand to brand.
   
7. It takes (in some cases A LOT) more time to get ready.
   
8. Men see a color such as pink, women see pink, fuchsia, rose, and about 4.3 million other "shades" of the color.
   
9. To apply eye shadow like you see in a magazine advertisement, you need to be better with colors than Picasso.
   
10. Skirts (especially pencil skirts) are great until you have to gracefully get into/out of a car, or as I found out recently, slide into a booth.
    
11. Typing with acrylic nails is an acquired talent.
    
12. Speaking of nails, a nice professional manicure and/or pedicure is one of the best things on earth.
    
13. Skin care products are actually worthwhile.
    
14. Eyebrow threading is not nearly as painful as I heard, and for me at least way better than waxing.
    
15. Back to shoes, there is actually a difference between "practical" heels and "sit and look pretty" heels.  And that difference seems to be inversely proportional - the "prettier" the heels the less comfortable they are.
    
16. Apparently "distressed" jeans are good - and to think I always thought ripped up jeans was a bad thing.
    
17. Back to the purse, no matter how good my intentions are and no matter how clean and organized I get it; within days it's back to a complete mess.
    
18. People are more "touchy/feely" with a woman than they are a man.
    
19. I get talked down to far more often than I ever did when I was presenting as a male.
    
20. Hair takes a little more effort than an occasional shampooing and a quick comb to look nice.

I'm sure there are plenty more, but twenty is a nice round number.  Gotta run. <3

Missouri Name Change / Gender Change Update

As I discussed in this post (http://stltg.blogspot.com/2013/10/going-to-court-for-namegender-change.html), I recently went to court for my name and gender change.

To update that post, I finally received my license two days ago; but still have not received my birth certificate which is starting to get frustrating.  I did receive the paperwork from my attorney today confirming my name publication is complete so there is nothing more to do about that other than wait for the Vital Records department to do their thing.

Then barring something unexpected in hopefully less than two weeks I should receive the court order for the gender change and can start this process over again.  It's funny, we're only talking about changing a "M" to a "F" on a piece of plastic; but it will mean a lot to me.  Not to mention I'll feel much more comfortable when I'm out since I'm living as Madison full-time and my ID shows "M" and my picture is still of my "pre-Madison" self.

I guess I shouldn't be frustrated - in all fairness a lot has been accomplished in roughly 15 months since the decision was made and for the most part (taking work out of the equation), it's all gone well, so I suppose I will be grateful for all of that and bide my time on the state.

Family, Friends, and being Transgendered (Part 3 - Friends)

This first post on this topic focused on what I now consider to be my "immediate family"; and the second one on my "extended family".  This post will conclude the topic with my "friends".

Let me first say that I've never been one to have very many friends.  A "friend" to me is someone I can trust, confide in, and is there for me just as I would be there for them.  While many people consider people that they are only casually acquainted with their friends; that's not me.  I generally also keep my distance form co-workers as well.

So when the decision to transition to Madison was made; I didn't have the concerns over friends that many transgender people do.  The people I am friendly with is very limited and the majority of my interactions are via email and/or social networking - I'm not the kind of person who "goes out" very often, so I had few that I intended to tell.

The first two people I discussed this with were my current wife and my ex-wife (who I'll refer to as "M" going forward for her privacy) who I've discussed previously is now in all reality my best friend.  They were both supportive and accepting - in fact it was really M who planted the seed that maybe I should transition - we were having lunch while my wife was in Alaska fishing with her parents and it came up in casual conversation.  The reason it had come up is recently a former co-worker (I'll call her "D" for purposes of her privacy) of all of ours had ran into M and she had invited her over for dinner.  D is a trans-woman and is incredibly passable and had been living full-time for years (I hadn't seen her in a good 5-6 years).  D looked so much happier with her life that it made an impact on us and that's what we were discussing over that lunch.  After all of the years of thinking it wasn't realistic to do; that day it hit me that maybe it was feasible - the fact that D was so successful played a huge role in my thought process - so I started looking into it privately.  After a couple of days of research I discussed it with my wife (she was still in Alaska) and with her support, then discussed it with my M.

The "circle" stayed at that for a couple of months while I arranged to start gender therapy.  M and I did arrange to have lunch out with D.  I had lots of questions and D was very gracious in answering them, including some personal ones.  The only bad part of that day was our experience at Chevy's which was detailed in this post (http://stltg.blogspot.com/2013/10/st-louis-area-tg-experiences.html).  After speaking with D I was more encouraged than ever.  In fact she was kind enough to ride with myself and my wife to see the therapist the first time (it's about a 40 minute drive each way).

I didn't do much for the first couple of visits; but I started to build some confidence after perhaps my third visit and decided it was time to let a few people know.  The first "friend" I said something too was actually somebody I've never met in person.  We became "Facebook Friends" years ago playing Farmville and we had chatted from time to time and I really considered her a good friend.  Additionally she is a lesbian and as such I felt she'd be more likely to be understanding than most.  She was and continues to be incredibly supportive - including providing critiques of wigs and outfits which means a lot to me since sometimes I feel my wife and M would tell me I looked nice no matter how I looked.

The next couple of people were a former co-worker from a past job who was actually a friend (sort of) of M, and a wonderful young woman who I worked with in my prior job (she was the I.T. person for a company that used our company as their POS provider).  I've slowly increased the list of people that know - it's now up to probably 30 people.  A few stand out though.  I did tell a former co-worker that I did like at my prior job - he was laid-off simply because they felt he was over paid and that never sat well with me and was part of the reason I left that company.  He's been probably the only one that I've told that hasn't been outright supportive - but even he is at least understanding.  And ironically not too long ago I got an email from him that a person at his current job is doing the same thing.  He has a great sense of humor and his email had me laughing for days.

The others that I want to mention are two former co-workers at Wal-Mart from when I was there part-time.  Both were cashiers like I was and the one ended up taking a CSM position not too long after I did.  She was incredible to work with - nothing against D or any other CSM's, but she was the hardest working CSM I worked with and I loved the nights we were working together.  I took a chance and let both of them know about the same time and much to my surprise they immediately invited me out with them for dinner.  I've been out with them a few times now - some by myself and some with my wife - and had a great time every time.  Most of my friends are verbally supportive, but these were the first (and currently only) two that actually *feel* supportive.  It did and still does mean a lot that they were willing to include me and treat me as an equal.

That's not to say I don't appreciate the acceptance that I do get from others; just that what these two have done is so much more than I expected that I felt it deserved a special mention.

One other friend deserves special mention and that's the girl I dated between M and my current wife.  I liked her a lot and still care about her - I just wasn't right for her - part of it was age - part of it was simply me.  That being said, she's been incredibly accepting and kind to me - more kind than I probably deserve.  During one of my therapy sessions the subject of previous women in my life came up, and it just fascinates my therapist that she and I can be friends and she can be supportive.  I hadn't given it that much thought before we talked about it and I should have.  She's a great and caring woman and I really hope she finds happiness at some point.

I guess that's about enough for this post and this topic.  As I discussed with somebody on Susan's Place; I almost feel guilty about how accepting everyone has been and how "easy" I have it in comparison to most.  Many people lost their marriage, their family, and their friends over transitioning and not only have I not lost any of those; it seems like it's improved my life in so many respects.  I count my blessings for this each and every day.

Family, Friends, and being Transgendered (Part 2 - Extended Family)

Part 1 of this set of posts detailed my family, or basically lack thereof.  As I mentioned there I've come to accept how it's turned out and have moved on from that; however, it is hard to not have any actual family contact.  My mother's side of the family really only consisted of my grandparents (one of which has passed, the other I'm not sure of); and her two brothers.  I'm sure there are probably uncles/aunts out there somewhere; but if so I've either never met them or I was so young I don't recall meeting them.  While my birth name consisted of parts of each of her brothers names, I never really had much of a relationship with either of them and that was fine.  I was very close to my grandparents growing up; but as I got older I grew apart from them - mainly due to the distance they lived from us and partially due to other more personal reasons.  So any relationships with that side of the family has long since sailed.

My father's side was a little different.  He had three brothers and a sister, I believe he was the second child in the list; his sister is actually only a couple of years older than I am so there is quite the spread between their ages (20 years total give or take I believe).  We spent a fair amount of time around them as a child; we'd often go to my grandparents on Sunday's where there would often be one or more of my uncles (and as the years progressed, their own families) there - my aunt being so close to my age lived at home most of those years.  During my younger years, I wasn't a real fan of going in there - I would rather have spent time at my paternal grandparents house instead; but as the years progressed, that switched 180 degrees.  My father's family (for the most part) was a lot of fun to be around.  In fact, the only gripe I had was that they insisted on calling me by a name I didn't care for ("Little <father's name>") - which really bugged me since I wasn't named after him to start with and it wasn't the name I used; however, after many years that passed and I really began to enjoy the visits over there.

Of my three uncles and one aunt; two stood out.  First off, my aunt.  As previously mentioned she wasn't that much older than I was and when we were younger she provided a "play mate" so to speak when we'd go over there - that was something I didn't have with my mother's family (I do have cousins on my mother's side; but they're either several years younger than I am or they had moved away after a divorce).  Obviously as she grew older that changed - especially since she matured far quicker than I did; but nonetheless, there were a lot of fun times.

The one that really stood out was my uncle who was directly younger than my father.  Technically I guess he was the middle child of the five.  He was always the "life of the party" so to speak and the uncle that all of us kids loved as he went out of his way to be entertaining.  Frankly, when you got a couple of them together they were funny; but this uncle was always the one that made the effort with all of the kids - which initially was just myself and my brother; but later on was quite a few of us as my uncles (including him) got married and started their own families.  I still recall being in his wedding - I was probably 8 years old at the time and I can distinctly remember the tuxedo fitting, the rehearsal, and the actual wedding - I was the "ring bearer" and had to walk down the aisle with my aunt's younger sister (I believe, maybe it was her niece, I was too young to pay attention to specifics like that <G>).  At the time, I really didn't even want to be in the wedding as I was 8 and would rather have been playing a game or something.  However, they just celebrated their 35th anniversary a week or two ago and looking back I'm eternally grateful that I can say that I was a part of a wedding that's lasted 35 years and is still going strong.  And his wife (my new aunt) was just as wonderful as he was - for as obnoxious as he could be, she could go toe to toe with him. :)

But I don't want to get ahead of myself so back to the story at hand.  As I grew into my early to mid 20's, my parents had divorced and I fell out of touch with my father's side of the family - keep in mind 20 years ago the Internet was still in it's infancy as far as general use; computers weren't in every house; and there was no Facebook; so it wasn't like it is today.  In fact, it wasn't until my grandmother passed that I saw any of them; but when it happened I did go to the viewing - and I hated that I did.  I loved her a lot; but going to that was such a mistake as instead of remembering her how she was - my eternal image of her is one of her lying in that casket.  A few years later when my grandfather passed I chose not to go for this reason.  Since I really hadn't been around them in so long I figured they probably didn't notice; although if they did it probably caused some animosity; but I stand by my decision.  I wanted to remember him just as I do; sitting in his chair in the living room "holding court" so to speak.  I have that image of him indelibly etched into my memories and it's a far happier image than I have of my grandmother.  So if there is any animosity regarding that decision then so be it as I felt it was right at the time and I still do.

Fast forward to about a year ago.  My roommate, my wife, and myself went out to breakfast on a Saturday morning.  It's funny, we had no intentions of going where we did when we left the house as where we ended up is a good 30-40 minutes away; but I suppose fate intervened that day.  As we sat down at our table we ran into one of my aunts - as it happened to be it was my favorite uncle's wife.  She noticed me - I was shocked that she recognized me after all of these years.  Especially since while I wasn't fully done up as "Madison" - it was just before I went "full-time" so I was more or less dressed androgynously that day.  We were able to spend a few minutes talking which was so nice.

As it would happen, after the chance encounter above, there was some contact via Facebook - as I said my "male" account was already friends with many people including both of them; but there really wasn't any contact.  As it was getting later in the year, they invited myself along with my wife/daughter to a Christmas party.  That had me torn; a large part of me wanted to go; but by then I was living full-time so I didn't know how that would go over; and I really didn't want to run into my father which I figured was a distinct possibility.  However; I did want to go so I finally broached the gender change with the two of them.  They both took it wonderfully which meant so much since at the time since they were the first "family" I had told - in fact at the time less than 10 people knew.

Recently as I mentioned above, they celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary - my uncle was throwing a surprise party for my aunt and he invited us.  I immediately decided I wanted to go and thankfully my wife happened to have that day off (her schedule rotates so it was a fluke that she was off).  However, as the date came upon me, I was really torn - I wanted to go; but the same concerns as the Christmas get together came up for me - would there be "issues" with me showing up as "Madison"?  Would my father be there (or for that matter, my brother and his family, or even my sister and hers?  I was torn up until a couple of hours before we had to leave - I finally decided that I had committed to going and my uncle and aunt do mean enough to me that regardless of how it went for me I wanted to be there.  Below is a photo of me as we were leaving:

Suffice it to say, we went and stayed for perhaps 2 hours and had a very nice time.  My uncle and aunt couldn't have been nicer and more supportive.  Especially my uncle; sitting here thinking back to that evening, I'm actually starting to cry thinking about the things he said - they were so sweet and caring.  It's funny it was always a running joke that I looked far more like him than my own father and after that evening I really wished he were my father.  I also wanted to take the time to give a special mention to the wife of one of my cousin's (their second son's wife) - she went out of her way to come and introduce herself to us (we really didn't know much of anybody there) and spent a good 10-15 minutes chatting with us.  It really meant a lot and made me feel much more comfortable there.  As a side note, their daughter is just adorable, it really made me pine for the days that my own daughter was young. :)  The effort she made really offset the mild disappointment that neither my aunt (the one I mentioned above that is about my age) nor any other of the few people we did know didn't make any effort to even say hello.  Obviously I could've pushed the issue on that; but I don't want to put anyone in an uncomfortable situation so I had decided that I wouldn't.  I don't regret that decision, and while in hindsight that was mildly disappointing, the way my uncle, aunt, and "cousin-in-law" (is that the term?) were made the whole night worth while.

I do hope that going forward they invite us around as I'd definitely love to spend more time around them - I can't make up for lost time; but I would cherish any time going forward.

I suppose this has also gone on long enough - I find that I'm overly verbose; but I can't seem to help that.  Tomorrow, we'll get into friends and their reactions.  Thanks for reading.

Family, Friends, and being Transgendered (Part 1)

So far my posts have focused on my experiences out in public with strangers; but I would be remiss if I didn't discuss how things have went with friends and family.  This post initially started to explain how I ended up today; but frankly it's a *very* long story and probably not really relevant.  If there is ever any interest I may actually detail it then, but for now suffice it to say that with regards to my family, I have what most people consider a "strange" living arrangement.  We have a nice sized house that myself, my daughter (from my first marriage), and my current wife live in.  Additionally we have two roommates - my ex-wife and her husband.

Again, without going into a ton of detail, my ex-wife and I were horrible as a husband/wife; but we are friends now (not that there wasn't some contentious times during the separation/divorce).  It's allowed our daughter to grow up in a single household and there is/was always somebody around to keep an eye on her (often to her dismay).

Initially it was my house; but over time, but my ex-wife and I have each remarried to someone else and now after a refinance (thanks Vinson Mortgage), it's now all of our houses (well almost, my daughter isn't on the paperwork) and while there are occasional times of discord; all in all we get along pretty well and it's a nice arrangement.  Frankly, we have a lot of things that we wouldn't have if we lived apart; so from that perspective it also works out nice.

As far as my physical family, I have had no contact with my father for at least 10-15 years; my Mother and Sister (to this day they are attached at the hip still) for a good 5 years; and no other family for far longer than that save a couple of exceptions below.

The first exception is my brother and his family - which includes his wife, a son (the oldest), and two daughters. The middle child (his older daughter) was always a favorite of mine growing up.  She tracked me down on Facebook a few years ago (pre-transition) and we kept in touch.  Speaking of Facebook, several members of my extended family on my Father's side have done the same; but there is no actual interaction - I simply accepted the requests and left it at that.  Back to my brother's family - we ran into them a few months ago in a Wal-Mart - it was funny since we never quit going to the one 2 miles from here since everybody works there (sans me) and I didn't want to cause any issues with my transition - specifically for my daughter or my wife since she was trying to get into their management program (which she since has and is an Assistant Manager at a store about 30-40 minutes from here).  Normally we go to the Wentzville location - I'm not really sure why, but we do.  However, on that evening we had headed to O'Fallon.  Now, I was living what I considered "full-time" at the time; but my face was really broken out from a laser treatment a day prior so I couldn't wear makeup and as such I elected to skip the wig (I have to wear a wig, genetics has NOT been kind to me in that regard) and while I was wearing women's clothing, shoes, jewelry, and my nails were done I was basically what I considered "androgynous" that.  As we were going down an isle, I hear my (non "Madison") name and spin around to see my brother's older two children, which included the niece I referenced earlier.  A couple of minutes later my brother and his wife appeared; we spoke for maybe 10 minutes (blocking an aisle horribly) and then went on our ways.

That evening, they tracked down my "Madison" account on Facebook and I accepted their requests since the "cat was out of the bag" so to speak.  We interacted back and forth for several weeks, including a very nice note from my sister-in-law about how happy my niece was to see me and such.

Out of the blue, it appeared that my sister and mother made contact with my brother and his family (I have no idea who initiated it - nor do I really care); but I started seeing all sorts of photos with them together out and about.  Really that's none of my business and I don't care; but the contact I had with my niece and the rest suddenly came to a grinding halt.  I'm not really sure why; but I have to believe it had to do with my mother and sister.  As I mentioned above, I cut my mom off several years ago over an incident with my daughter and as such my sister was collateral damage since they're attached at the hip despite my sister being in her mid thirties.  I've received emails from my sister maybe twice in five years; once to change her wi-fi password (which I helped her with) and once looking to borrow money (which I offered to do; but not as much as she asked for, so she declined).

I have to assume the sudden lack of communication with my niece, etc., was due to my mother and/or sister.  Truth be told, it *really* hurt my feelings at first; I wondered what I could have possibly done.  I've finally came to the conclusion that I didn't do anything; and if that's how it's going to be then so be it.  I have a surrogate family here and am happy with that.  Do I wish it were different?  Yes, by all means; but I no longer really give it a second thought (except for this post).

I think I've went on long enough for this.  Tomorrow I'll detail the contact I've had with my "extended family" - it's (currently) a happier story than this one is.

Name Change and Gender Change in St. Charles County, Missouri

As I've mentioned elsewhere, I used to frequent Susan's Place (www.susans.org).  While I no longer do for various reasons; I do encourage anyone who considers themselves Transgender to do so.  There is a wealth of information there - some of what I really found helpful were actual accounts of things - as an example the GRS/SRS process; therapist visits, and so on.

I did also have a blog (which as of this post is still there under "Madison's Musings" - you can view by visiting the link above, clicking on "Forums" at the top of the page and then browsing down to "Member Blogs" - this can be done as a guest *without* signing in) and while early entries consisted mainly of me discussing/complaining about my transition and my job; later on I did make an effort to "return the favor" and document some of the processes I was going through.  One of the posts that stands out to me was the one I made regarding my efforts to get my name (and gender) legally changed.  I've decided to re-post that here (with some updates) in the event that anybody who reads this might find it helpful.

This is a very long and detailed entry; but I didn't want to leave anything out.  So without further ado, here we go.  Again please keep in mind that this was originally posted elsewhere so any references to "other posts" and such are not referencing posts in this blog.  I have also updated this with a couple of things that have occurred in the two weeks since my court date.  Any "updates" will have a normal white background in lieu of the gray that the copied text from the original post have.

This is probably going to be very long and overly detailed and for that matter contain plenty of things that I've covered in early entries.  But I've always really appreciated details that others have posted for things like this and I'm trying in my own little way to return the favor for anybody else that is curious about the process in general; or as it specifically relates to the State of Missouri.  And for that matter, I've always considered this blog a "diary" for me and I'm sure that I'll want to be able to look back at this in it's entirety at some point.

Well the big day finally came.  I had taken a short - maybe 90 minute - nap last night from about 8pm until 9:30pm or so; but after that I couldn't sleep.  So I spent part of the evening/early morning working to pass the time (sometimes it is really nice to work from home) in between taking a couple of leisurely baths to get my legs, etc., shaved and such.  Finally about 5:30am I got really tired which was about the time my wife got up.

She had managed to get her work schedule altered enough to be able to go with me and was getting up to get ready since she'd have to head to work after the proceedings.  So I decided to try and nap a bit as I was really tired and we were going to have to drive separately so she could go to work after we were done.  I probably managed to get 20 or 30 minutes before she woke me up to start getting ready.  I settled on the outfit below after much debate both internally and with my wife and roommate:

And as long as I'm linking to photos, here's a second with my WONDERFUL wife - I need to get some lessons from her on smiling <G>:

Once I got dressed it was makeup time.  Normally makeup comes first for me; but I felt the top I chose would mess up my makeup putting it on.  I was torn as I wanted to be "conservative", but I also still feel that I need all the help I can get and that usually equates to heavier makeup.  I tried to split the difference.

Finally it was time to leave, we had to meet the lawyer there 15 minutes prior to court.  We got to the courthouse about 10 minutes earlier than that; at which point the first trauma of the day reared it's head.  I had neglected to clarify where to meet Susan (my attorney).  So we waited outside for the 10 minutes and then decided to head inside.  However, before we did another of the circuit judges - one that happens to know my wife and her parents - happened to be walking into the courthouse and noticed her.  She came up and they chatted briefly, but thankfully our reason for being there didn't come up as I wasn't really in the right frame of mind to discuss it.  Once we got through security we waited another couple of minutes in the foyer before deciding to head upstairs to the court room.  Our courtroom was on the fourth floor - normally name changes are heard in family court which is on the fifth floor, but with the gender change it got assigned to a judge who apparently is at least semi-familiar with them so we headed to the fourth floor where trauma number two came up.  We couldn't find our courtroom.  We went all over the floor until it finally occurred to me that we were looking for "fourth floor, courtroom 1" per the information downstairs; but the rooms on this floor were number 5-8.  As it turned out we were in room 5 and for some reason ours didn't have a posted docket or the judge's name on the sign outside the room (hence the reason we walked by it three times).  

I still hadn't seen Susan, so we waited outside the courtroom and about 5 minutes to 9, here she came.  She was as wonderful today as she's been for the entire process (more on that below).  I introduced her to my wife and she went over what would happen.  She then went in to see where we were at on the docket and came back out telling us we were fourth on the list.  She then said she was going back in and we could come in and wait there or we could stay where we were at; but either way she was going to ask for a "closed hearing" so they'd clear the courtroom.  We opted to stay outside and wait.  Within a couple of minutes it appeared the judge came in as while we couldn't see her; we did see everyone briefly stand up.  By now my phone was going nuts with emails from my boss about this and that and I was trying to answer them.  I saw several people exit the courtroom but it didn't dawn on me that it was time for us - it had only been maybe 5-10 minutes so I wasn't expecting us to be up so quickly.

Susan came out and let us into the courtroom.  My wife took a seat in the gallery and Susan and I proceeded up in front of the judge.  The judge was having trouble getting signed into the court system so that took a couple of minutes, but once she did, she swore me in and offered to let me stay where I was at (standing in front of her next to Susan) or to have a seat in the "witness box".  I elected to stay where I was at and Susan started going over the petition.  She basically went through each point one by one; but in the form of questions to me which I answered.  Once we completed that the judge started to go to part two which is the gender marker change; but Susan asked her to deal with that separately (which I'll also cover below) so we stopped at that point and the judge signed the order for my name change and explained that I'd have to have it published (which I knew, but again I'll touch on this below since it wasn't the same as I had read about).  

Susan then started on part two and repeated the process from the first time, turning each point of the petition into a question to me.  As we got to the "remedy" portion, she started to cover the state statute, but the judge said she was familiar with it, but that she had a few questions.  One of the points was that this wasn't going to be "detrimental" to myself or anyone else; and she asked about my wife who was in the gallery; as well as my daughter who I had not brought with me.  Specifically she said that since my wife was here she assumed she was supportive, so Susan specifically asked me about that (I was surprised they didn't just ask her up there herself); then we repeated the question with regards to my daughter and then she asked would my wife also say my daughter was supportive.

At this point the judge was satisfied so Susan provided a "suggested" order for her to sign; but requested she hold it for 30 days.  She had mentioned this to me previously and I'll get into this more in the post court summary below.  The judge agreed to do so and asked Susan to fill out an "order" specifying the date to process it and how many copies/certified copies to send out and where.  The judge then asked how many copies/certified copies of the name change she had already ordered so the clerk went to get those for us.  At this point, Susan told me I could go sit in the gallery while she took care of that "order" and they reopened the court room.  I'd say less than 10 minutes total and it was so much easier than I thought it would be - just like Susan had said it would be.

The other lawyers, etc., came back in and actually another case was finalized while she was filling out the order.  Once she was done she brought it to me to sign and I started to sign my given name and she corrected me and said once the earlier order was signed I was officially "Madison" now.  I had thought I would have to wait for the announcement to be published three times over the three weeks for this so I was pleasantly surprised.  My first official act as "Madison".

Susan then waited a couple of minutes until there was a break in things and returned the order to the judge and got the copies of the name change order for us.  We then proceeded outside and she explained a few things for me:

1) Yes the name change has to be published; but at least in this case (or perhaps all of county I'm in - St. Charles) - the change itself is immediate.  Additionally, she said she would take care of getting it published in the appropriate journal and I didn't have to do anything.

2) She then went back over the 30 day wait on the gender change.  I was a little bit in the clouds so I think I missed something so I'm not sure if it's actually a state thing or just her suggestion; but she is having me file the name change with the state first and update my birth certificate (I also plan on doing my license, also more on that below); and then in 30 days we'll update the gender marker as a separate order.  It'll be an extra $30 to the state; but since I was able to file the cases together and have them heard together I've already saved money there.

3) She then gave me two certified copies of the name change order and told me by this evening (which as I type this I already now have), she'd send me the document to send to the state along with instructions on it for getting my birth certificate amended.

With this she headed upstairs to get some paperwork - as I said earlier normally these are done in family court which is a floor up; and my wife and I headed out.  Since we were done so early, we had time to go to a late breakfast - my first time out as "Madison" officially.

So that about sums up the process of the day; below I'm going to share some back ground and such again for those that might care later on.

1)  The above process was for St. Charles County, Missouri and obviously may/will be different for other counties/states.

2)  A *HUGE* thank you to another Transgender woman for her assistance in this.  If not for her going through this process earlier this year and sharing that process here (along with her documents) I would not have even considered trying this.  I am incredibly grateful to her for this. 
I've redacted the person's name I was referring to above.  A quick Google search will probably turn her up; but I didn't feel comfortable sharing that here - if someone needs/wants the information feel free to email me and I will provide the information.

3)  I chose to use a lawyer for this.  The other Transgender woman did her's Pro se and even during the consultation with the attorney I chose (Susan); she even said I could do so as well; but I was more comfortable with her helping.  I believe her fees have been very reasonable and she's been so kind and reassuring during the process, I know I made the right decision to go with her.  If anybody in the St. Louis/St. Charles area is thinking of doing this and would like her contact information please PM me and I'll send it along.
Again, I've redacted the name of the person I was referring to above, same goes as my above comment.  Additionally, on an earlier entry in this blog I've posted some comments on Susan and her website address is there with her contact information - that post is here:  http://stltg.blogspot.com/2013/10/st-louis-area-tg-experiences.html

4)  While my legal documents weren't quite the same as the ones that the other woman graciously supplied they were reasonably close; most of the differences appeared to be subtle wording changes and formatting that I'm assuming were specific to the way this court likes things or perhaps Susan is comfortable with.  That being said, in the spirit of the other woman's generosity, I can provide examples of mine to anyone who might need them, again simply PM me.
Another redaction, same goes as above.

I'm sure I'm missing plenty of details; but I've been typing for some time now and frankly I doubt if anybody would still be reading this anyway.  

Madison

Some updates since this original post.

1)  As I mentioned above I got the "paperwork" that evening for getting my name changed with the state.  It was simply a matter of me signing it, and putting a copy of the paperwork, the court order, a SASE, and a check for $30 into an envelope and sending it off which I did the next morning (Saturday October 5th).  As of last night (Friday October 18th), I still have not gotten a copy of my amended birth certificate.  I'm not sure if this is due to the state simply moving slowly *or* if it has to do with an issue with my court order (I'll get to that in the next point).

2)  I was able to get my license changed.  I had to travel for work early the following week and couldn't get to this right away, but the following Thursday I went to the local license bureau.  I happened to go around lunch time and there were only two people in front of me, so after about 5-10 minutes my number was called.  As it turned out, there were typos in my court order.  Name new name was listed backwards (middle name first, first name middle).  This was *my* fault as I had initially considered doing that; but I changed my mind right before the Susan filed the paperwork.  Unfortunately the "suggested judgment" was the one piece of paperwork that Susan hadn't sent me in advance to review or I might have caught this.  Well the judge did and Susan manually corrected it on the suggested order and the judge signed it.  However, the DMV had "concerns" about it.  A supervisor finally okay'd the change and from there it was fairly quick - so 10 minutes (and $12.50) later I had a new license - albeit a paper one.  As of today (9 days later) I also do not have my official license either; but I simply chalk this up to the state being slow with those.  Back to the first point above, I do wonder if the holdup on my birth certificate is actually the state moving slowly or if they're having an issue with the court order as well.  I will note that in "Case.net" the copy of the order is as mine appears (with the manual change); but the actual docket has it correct; so I guess worse case Susan may have to go back to the judge to get a corrected order; but I'm hoping it won't come to that.

3)  As far as the "newspaper publication", Susan did handle that as well.  I initially misunderstood and thought it would be in the "St. Charles Journal" which is a part of the Post-Dispatch family.  We went looking for a copy and I could not find the "ad" that was to be placed.  Upon going back to the copy of the receipt that Susan had sent me, it was actually published in the "St. Charles County Journal" which is actually a different publication (not affiliated with the Post-Dispatch) and it appears to be mostly (if not all) centered around legal notices and the like.  While it appears that you can subscribe to this paper, I did not see any references to it being readily available outside of a subscription which was a plus to me since the chances of anyone reading it that I preferred didn't know is significantly decreased.

4)  Regarding the gender change, when Susan followed up with me she confirmed that the Gender Change order would be processed in approximately a month from my court date (so two more weeks give or take) and at that point I'll perform another amendment to my birth certificate as well as my drivers license.  Again, I'm not totally clear if it had to be done this way or if it was simply Susan's recommendation; but I trust her judgment so I'm following her advice on this.  Yes it will be an extra $42.50 (another $30 for the second birth certificate amendment and another $12.50 for another drivers license change); but considering she was able to file the name and gender change requests together she saved me far more than $42.50.  Once again I can't speak highly enough of Susan Jacobsen and would recommend her to anyone looking for a name change or to pursue a gender change.

With that I'll wrap things up for now - I'll update things once I get my birth certificate and/or physical license.  Thanks for reading.

Madison

St. Louis Area TG Experiences - Part 2

This is a continuation of my first post (here: http://stltg.blogspot.com/2013/10/st-louis-area-tg-experiences.html) - it was getting very long and it was getting very late so I decided to break it into multiple parts.  Without further ado, here is part 2.

UPDATE:  Since the "prior" posts links were getting a bit long, there is now a page with links to all of the posts:  My Transgender Experiences.  Additionally, I've went back and added more links and made some updates to some of the individual entries below since over time some things have changed.

Services:

• Infinity Laser (Clayton, Missouri) - I've had five laser sessions on my face here.  A good friend of mine recommended them to me, and specifically Susanne and I've been nothing but happy.  They do have published pricing on their web site which is appreciated; although that is "flexible" as I've been paying more than my friend - but I do have a larger face/neck area and my hair is significantly thicker so I have no issue with that.  The pricing for me has been $249/session for the first five sessions; and now for the next two years it will be $149/session.  It's not "cheap", but I also didn't find it excessively expensive - and you do pay by the session which appealed to me as I didn't want to commit to a "package" like some places do.  After the first session I opted for the "numbing cream" which helps; although frankly I still find the process painful in some areas (specifically my jawline where the hairs are very dense).  The numbing cream is $49/tube and despite being told it generally only lasts two sessions, I've gotten four out of mine so for an extra $12/session it's been worth it.  They do keep the cream there with your name on it and you need to arrive early (in my case 1 hour) for them to apply it and it to take effect.  I plan on continuing the sessions for the foreseeable future; but will probably have to move to electrolysis at some point to finish up.
  
• Nail Pros (Wentzville, Missouri) - Definitely not as cheap as many nail places; but I love their work and have never had *ANY* issues in there.  While walk-in's are fine; I normally make an appointment so I can get Tonya.  I've seen some poor reviews on Yelp; but I've never been anything less than happy with the work, I just wish they were a little cheaper.

• Dr. Katherine Huhn-Usry (Tri-County Family Practice, O'Fallon, Missouri) - Dr. Huhn-Usry has been my GP for several years now and I have nothing but wonderful things to say about her.  She's been supportive of my transition and she even handles my blood work for my HRT with Dr. Swenson so I don't have to drive up to Columbia to take care of that.  There are two other Doctor's in the office - Dr. Hargraves and Dr. Usry (her husband).  I have seen both of them once each when Dr. Huhn-Usry was on vacation and while I liked Dr. Usry; I personally do not care for Dr. Hargraves - I find his "bedside manner" less than appealing; but obviously plenty of people do not share my opinion on that.
  
  UPDATE:  As of May 2015, I have elected to no longer utilize Tri-County Family Practice, and am instead seeing Dr. Swenson in Columbia as both my HRT Doctor as well as my GP.  This has nothing to do with Dr. Huhn-Usry herself as she was always wonderful to me; but rather the office in general.  For the last year or so, it has been very difficult to get into see her, or even either of the other two Doctor's in the office.  The final straw was back in May when we were told it was a three week wait and that we should go to urgent care instead.  While there, the urgent care personnel made some pointed comments about Tri-County and the "difficulty" they seemed to be having seeing patients.  It's a shame as they were so close and convenient and Dr. Swenson is 90 minutes away; but if I'm going to have to use urgent care in an emergency; I can do that anywhere and I might as well consolidate to one Doctor and since Dr. Huhn-Usry wasn't really receptive to handling my HRT a couple of years ago when I broached it, well it made the decision for me.  Again I think she's a wonderful Doctor and I'd recommend her to anyone, including those who are transitioning, but beware of the issues with getting appointments and the fact that they consistently ran anywhere from 30-90 minutes late on appointments.

Retailers:

• Wal-Mart (Wentzville Missouri) - Wal-Marts tend to be hit and miss based upon the time you go in as well as the personnel working; but I've never had a poor experience at this particular store, including using the dressing rooms which is sometimes hit or miss at other retailers.

• Payless Shoe Source (O'Fallon, Missouri, and Wentzville, Missouri) - My feet run a size 11 or 11 1/2 depending upon the shoe which is often a size above what most retailers carry.  Payless does carry a reasonable selection of shoes in my size(s) and personnel at both of these locations have been very polite and helpful as needed.

• Shop-n-Save (Dardenne Prarie, Missouri) - I cannot say enough about how polite, friendly, and helpful everyone in this store is.  I know that virtually all of my entries are positive - which is simply because almost all of my experiences have been that way - but this location is above and beyond virtually all of them and is where I try to do virtually all of my grocery shopping these days.

• Ulta (Chesterfield, Missouri) - My experiences have been very good here; with a couple of minor nitpicks on my part.  My first visit was to pick up some Dermablend Cover Creme.  My best friend took me out there with the intention of getting some help picking out an appropriate shade.  The young lady that helped us was initially a bit stand-offish for lack of a better term - but after a minute or two she got over it and did a wonderful job helping me pick out what I needed and even taking the time to show me how to apply it as well as a good primer.  The second nitpick was a later visit when I went in "androgynously" and at checkout when asked if I had one of their shopper cards I told the cashier I didn't.  She didn't offer to sign me up and I believe had if I had been a cis-woman she would have.  Minor nitpick I know and I could've asked I know; and the next time I was in dressed as Madison the cashier I had on that visit did get me signed up.  Overall, it's definitely not the same experience as Sephora or MAC, but I do continue to shop there and haven't had any significant issues.

• Beauty Brands (Wentzville, Missouri) - My experiences here fall in between Ulta and Sephora/MAC.  I think part of that is simply the culture of the chain - Sephora/MAC seem to be more "hands on" and Beauty Brands more of a browse by yourself place; but they've always been polite and helpful when asked and the first visit there even though I was also dressed androgynously they got me signed up for the frequent shopper program (which is partially why I was annoyed at Ulta).  I still prefer Sephora to all of them, but I do shop here on occasion.

Travel:

• TSA (Lambert Airport, St. Louis, Missouri) - I've read all sorts of horrible accounts of TSA treatment to non-TG people, much less TG people, so when I had to travel for work recently and decided to travel as Madison I was more than a little apprehensive about going through security.  My apprehension was totally without any merit.  The initial boarding pass check was done without so much as a question (my license still has my male photo on it) and the actual scanning was without incident.  I expected an additional "pat down" as I had on breast forms; but they took me right though without a second look.  In fact I was so apprehensive that I left my license and boarding pass on the tables prior to the baggage scanner and a very nice TSA woman found me on the other side to return them.

• Southwest Airlines Counter (Lambert Airport, St. Louis, Missouri) - The same trip as above, I had a checked bag and I always do that at the counter inside.  I won't call this an issue so to speak - I like to think it was simply because I passed so well; but I'm guessing it was more that she wasn't paying enough attention; but when I checked my bag and she asked for my ID in a reasonably loud voice she told me she needed to see <male name>'s ID - I quietly told her that it was in fact my bag and my ID and at that point she sent me on my way.  I wish she had been a little quieter about it; but if that's the worst that happened on the trip - well then I think it went well.

• Enterprise Rent A Car (Greenville/Spartanburg Airport, Greenville, South Carolina) - Same trip as above.  The young man who handled my car rental was completely professional despite the fact that again the car was reserved in my male name and my ID had my male picture.  I've never had anything but positive experiences with Enterprise and attempt to use them whenever I can.

I think this just about does it for now.  Obviously I've been to plenty of other places at this point; but these are the ones that stand out positively (or in some cases less than positively).  Going forward I'll document things in a more "real-time" manner.

St. Louis Area TG Experiences

As I mentioned in my welcome post, part of my intentions for this blog are to document some of the experiences - both good and poor - that I've had in the last 15 months (and going forward) as a transgender female in the St. Louis area.  Eventually I may simply start putting these into a document and linking to it in these entries; but for now they'll simply be a part of my posts and as this one will be lengthy I'll likely link back to it in future "updates".

I will be posting current experiences going forward as they happen; but there have been a lot of (almost all positive) experiences during those past 15 months that I feel like I should share.  Again, just because I've had a positive - or not so positive - experience with any of the people/businesses below does not mean anyone else will have the same experience and/or opinions.  These are simply my experiences and thoughts on them, please read/use them for what they are.  I've tried to provide locations for all of the entries here and websites for those that aren't "National Chains" since an experience at a single location does not necessarily indicate a company-wide ideology.

UPDATE:  Since the "prior" posts links were getting a bit long, there is now a page with links to all of the posts:  My Transgender Experiences.  Additionally, I've went back and added more links and made some updates to some of the individual entries below since over time some things have changed.

Websites:

• Susan's Place - As I mentioned in my welcome post, I have since deleted my account; however, it was an excellent resource for me early on.  I simply felt I didn't really "fit in" there for some reason and while there is a lot of activity there, a great deal of it falls into simple banter and/or "mutual feel-good" stuff.  For me personally, I'd rather get "honest" feedback on how I look, etc., and not simply hear "you look great" which is predominantly what goes on.  That being said, I would strongly suggest checking it out - you may not find it to your liking, but it can't hurt to at least take a look.

• Laura's Playground - I haven't spent a whole lot of time there, but it does seem to be a very good site and I did get the contact information for the Doctor I'm seeing for my HRT there.  Doesn't seem as busy as Susan's Place; but it also seems to have less "chatter" as well which some may prefer.

Services:

• Exquisite Threading (Clayton, Missouri) - I would HIGHLY recommend them for eyebrow threading.  I had heard that it was more painful than waxing; but my experience is that it's not; and not only are they incredibly friendly; it's a very quick process and the results are awesome.  I have naturally thick eyebrows with little or no arch and they manage to give me nice feminine eyebrows with at least some arch.  I never had results this good with waxing.  I cannot recommend them enough.  I believe their current price for threading is $12 (may be $1 more for a credit card); and if you get their punch card I believe every 7th one is free.

• Kelly Storck LCSW (Webster Groves, Missouri)  - I've been seeing Ms. Storck for the last 14 months or so - initially every other week, then once a month, now approximately every three months.  She's an excellent therapist with significant experience dealing with gender issues.  I've never really bought into therapy, but my time with Kelly has made change my views on that.  I couldn't imagine another therapist who could make me feel as comfortable as Kelly has, and she provided a very well written letter for my HRT as well as a "carry letter" to keep with me.

• Dr. Amanda Swenson (Green Meadows Clinic, Columbia, Missouri) - I obtained Dr. Swenson's information from the aforementioned Laura's Playground and I am incredibly happy with her.  I had obtained the names of several Doctor's familiar with HRT in the St. Louis area on my own; and Ms. Storck provided the names of a couple of more; but they were all male and I prefer seeing a female Doctor.  The fact that she is in Columbia was not an issue for me as I spent a year at Mizzou and am familiar with the town and while it's twice as far for me as downtown St. Louis, I find that I enjoy the drive.  They are incredibly efficient there - in fact if I lived closer I would probably try and see her as my GP as well; they've always referred to me as Madison even though up until two weeks ago that wasn't my legal name which meant a lot.  And I know it probably sounds silly, but the fact that on the initial paperwork they had a "Transgender" option under "Gender" instantly made me comfortable that they were familiar with dealing with Transgender issues.
  
  UPDATE:  Green Meadows Clinic has "closed".  The University of Missouri has opened a nice new building a few blocks down the street - the South Providence Medical Park - and the staff (most if not all) has moved down the street to this new building, including Dr. Swenson.  I detail this in the 12th entry in this series HERE).

• Susan Jacobsen (Attorney, Brentwood, Missouri) - Ms. Jacobsen assisted me with my legal name (and gender) change recently.  While no lawyer is "cheap", I found her rates very reasonable and her "bedside manner" has been wonderful.  She provides a free consultation, and when we discussed what I wanted she even took the time to explain that I could do all of it on my own if I chose.  Personally, I know people who have, but I was more comfortable with legal representation (I wouldn't overhaul my own engine or perform my own surgery either) and choose to utilize her services and couldn't be happier.  

Restaurants:

• Chevy's Fresh Mex (O'Fallon, Missouri) - Frankly this is one of my few poor experiences on this list.  The visit in question was about 14-15 months ago, right as I made the decision to transition.  My best friend and I had lunch with a good friend who is also transitioning herself.  It was one of my first times out as Madison so I was more than a little nervous as it was.  The three of us met for an early lunch on a Saturday and our server obviously took offense to us.  My best friend is a cis-woman, and the friend we met is virtually 100% passable, so I assume that it was me that offended the server's sensibilities. She was fairly rude and went out of her way to avoid our table despite the fact that we got there right at open and she only had one other table which she visited twice as often as ours.  We did complain to their "corporate" office and ended up receiving a call from the store manager who my best friend spoke with and came away with the feeling that he was simply calling so he could say he did and not because he really cared about our issues.  While this may have been an issue with our particular server; the conversation with the manager told me that this wasn't a business worthy of my patronage.  Again, this was simply my experience and it may well have been isolated; but there are plenty of places in the area to get Mexican food without the poor service we received at Chevy's.

• 54th Street Grill & Bar (Wentzville, Missouri) - I've had very good experience here and we love the food.  We often hit there after 9pm and (most of) their appetizers are $4.99 at that point.  In fact we visited there tonight, and the service was once again stellar as was the food.  I've probably been there 10 times as Madison and never had an issue with being correctly gendered or had any attitude like we had at Chevy's above.

• El Azteca (O'Fallon, Missouri) - We've only been there for their lunch buffet which is the only Mexican buffet I've ever been to.  The food has always been good and everyone has been incredibly polite and friendly.
  
  UPDATE:  It "appears" that they no longer do the lunch buffet which is a shame as it was quite good as far as buffets go.  We have NOT been there for a regular dine-in experience, though I'm sure we will in the future.

• China Buffet (Wentzville, Missouri - next to QuikTrip and Steak-n-Shake) - We've been here a significant amount of times with me as Madison and as with the above two entries never an issue.  It does seem that the employees take a little more "interest" in me than most restaurants; but not enough to bother me, so I just chalk it up to curiosity.

• Hibachi Grill & Buffet (St. Peters, Missouri - behind McDonald's at the Cave Springs exit) - Better food than the above buffet and less "interest" in me.  We simply don't go here as often as it is a bit more expensive; but the bigger reason is that the drive is about double the distance.  

Retailers:

• Sephora (West County Mall, St. Louis, Missouri, And Columbia Mall, Columbia, Missouri) - The first Sephora on this list is a stand-alone store; the one in Columbia Mall is inside of a J.C. Penny's store.  I had a "makeover" at the West County Mall location and the associate that did it was wonderful.  She took the time to explain what she was doing, why she was doing it, and answered all of my questions.  The makeover is "free" if you buy a certain amount of cosmetics (I know I bought way more than I needed to achieve that).  The Columbia Mall visit was to try out their ColorIQ foundation system.  Frankly it didn't work well for me - perhaps my skin was irritated from the shaving I had to do, or something else - but instead of leaving it at that, the young lady that assisted me (Jordan) took the time to manually find a foundation that matched wonderfully.  Once she did, she redid my face with the new foundation (you have to remove what you have on to use the ColorIQ) and again explained the techniques she was using and why she was and how she would do them personally (for example she used a sponge to apply it to me, but she recommended using my fingers when doing it myself).  I can't say enough about how wonderful and non-judgmental the store personnel at both locations have been.  Their stuff isn't cheap; but it's generally worth the investment and the treatment I get is simply icing on the cake.

• MAC (Plaza Frontenac - Frontenac, Missouri) - I initially visited here for help in picking out a neutral lipstick I could wear when I first started to transition.  A wonderful young lady (Kimmy) went above and beyond to help me pick out an appropriate shade as well as showing me how to apply it via a brush versus directly from the tube (not to mention teaching me about and how to use lip liner).  I'd probably visit here more often; but West County mall is more appealing to me than Plaza Frontenac - it's not an indictment of Sephora over MAC - I consider them both to be great places to shop - both for TG and non-TG people.

• Deb (St. Louis Outlet Mall, Hazelwood, Missouri, And Mid Rivers Mall, St. Peters, Missouri) - I have had nothing but great experiences at both locations.  While I am losing weight, I'm still good sized and they have plenty of attractive options that fit and again everybody has been incredibly polite and helpful.  While the styles are probably a little "young" for my age; it's simply my favorite place to shop for clothes.
  
  UPDATE:  Deb Shops closed their retail presence several months ago which is a huge shame as it was one of my favorite retailers.  In the interim they apparently have re-opened an online presence of some sort, though I have not tried that as I prefer to purchase clothing in person.

It's really late, so I'm going to cut this off here; but I'll post a "part 2" of this list in the next day or two.

Welcome and about me. :)

I'm a 43 year old Transgender woman in the general area of St. Louis, Missouri.  I'm happily married to a wonderful woman and have a daughter that means the world to me.  I've got a job that I really like; albeit one that is not very supportive of my gender transition.

The decision to transition was made about 15 months ago; although it's something I've thought about for at least 25 years - something was always in the way.  With my daughter grown now and both her and my wife being supportive, everything sort of came together last year.  I've been seeing a gender therapist for the last 14 months, and have been on HRT for approximately 10 months; although only recently on significant dosages.  Facial hair removal is ongoing, currently via laser - although eventually that may switch to electrolysis to finish up.  I've been living "full-time" for 6-12 months depending upon the definition of "full-time" - I consider it closer to the 12 as that's when I got rid of all of my "male" clothes; although for a few months I tended to "present androgynously" at times.  I recently went to court and my name has been legally changed to "Madison", I'm now waiting on my birth certificate and actual license (the State of Missouri issues a temporary paper one and mails you the actual one sometime later).  Upon receiving those (well at least the license), I can proceed with changing my name on things such as our home, cars, credit cards, etc.

I think that probably paints enough of a picture of me.  My intentions for this blog are two-fold.  The first is to have sort of a "diary" of my life as it is and secondly to document my experiences at businesses as a transgender woman.  This forum may not be an ideal place for the latter; but until I'm certain I can be committed to this blog I figure that it will have to do.  

As far as the "diary" portion, I was posting to a "blog" on Susan's Place - it is a great resource for Transgender, etc., I just never felt overly comfortable there - sort of like I didn't fit in.  I'm not sure why, I just felt that way so I recently deleted my account and decided to go this route instead.

Regarding the "experiences" part, I will be posting experiences as I go along as well as sprinkling in posts about the experiences I've had the last 15 months.  Obviously just because I had a good/poor experience doesn't mean that anybody else will have the same; but I for one have greatly appreciated the fact that others have done the same and I want to provide mine in the event that even a single person finds them helpful or educational.

I think that's enough for a first entry and it's getting late, so I'll let it go at this.  Thanks for reading.

Madison