To Have SRS Or Not?

This particular topic more or less stands on it's own, but I wrote it in conjunction with my previous post about being intimate as a Transgender Woman (HERE)...  As I've said before when I first chose to transition just a bit over two years ago SRS/GRS (for the balance of this post I'll use the term SRS only for brevity) was the "end game" for me so to speak.  I went through a period, perhaps a year or so ago where for a few months I wasn't so sure that it mattered.  At the time I was in the process of getting my name and gender changed on my license and birth certificate via the courts and I felt for a while that doing that might be enough.  However, after a couple of months of that, I changed my mind and again SRS was important to me.

As with most everything I do - especially things to do with my transition, I've done a lot of research on various surgeries, their pros, their cons, people's experiences, and so on.  Despite my initial decision to not pursue an orchiectomy due to my desire to eventually have SRS, I ended up doing so for other reasons which are detailed elsewhere in this blog.  While that decision might have some impact on eventually having SRS, I stand by that decision *for me* and I'm happy with it.

However, SRS and/or an orchiectomy are not the only surgeries available for a transgender woman.  There are other possible surgeries such as breast augmentation (BA) and facial feminization surgery (FFS), not to mention voice surgery and so on.  I did give careful though to BA and FFS early on (voice surgery I ruled out immediately).  The conclusion I came too was that due to several reasons, BA and FFS weren't really things I wanted to pursue.  Some of those reasons are:

• Cost.  This was a big one for me.  As things stand now none of the surgeries are covered by most insurance companies - although that does seem to be improving a bit.  
• My Age.  I was nearing 42 when my decision to transition was made.  Just following the WPATH would mean it would likely be a minimum of 18 months, if not 2+ years for me to be "ready" for surgery per the guidelines as I read them.  That would put me at 44 and at that age did I really want to have multiple surgeries?
• My Lovely Wife J.  These surgeries would be sacrifices for her.  Be it financial, the time she'd need/want away from work for them, or simply putting up with my recovery.  Additionally, since she is unconditionally supportive, it wouldn't matter to her if I had large breasts or a more feminine face.  She'd love me just as much regardless.
• Work.  This one didn't carry the same weight as the others, but it is a concern.  It's one thing to hide some small breast growth if I needed to, but to have the breasts I'd want - well no chance on hiding those.  The recovery time would be a concern as well - SRS would be bad enough, but at least I could travel if I had too - granted it might be uncomfortable; but if my face was messed up for days/weeks, well that would be a huge issue.

Those are not the only reasons, but they were the ones that "counted the most" for me.  That's not to say that if I won the lottery that I might not change my mind as all of those reasons except my age would become more or less irrelevant; but unless that day happens, my intention is to make SRS my primary target.

However, even the though of SRS has given me pause the last year or so.  As I said above, I went through a period of time where it became something that wasn't really important to me.  A big reason for that is that for more than a few people I've either talked to or interacted with online are less than happy with their choice to have SRS.  One woman who I have a great deal of respect for, had surgery well over 10 years ago and frankly I always thought she was very happy with her decision.  But having had a conversation with her a while back it turns out that despite appearances, she's not happy with her decision.  In fact her comment to me was that she would discourage anyone from pursuing SRS.  She had some very rational and well thought out reasons for that - and I took her very seriously.  In some other cases I've ran across those that are unhappy that they've had SRS but have not had other surgeries in addition to or instead such as FFS and/or BA.  While it would be easy for me to dismiss those thoughts with my own viewpoint that I care more about how *I* feel versus how *I* look - that's easier said than done.  I hate to use the term "passing", I prefer the phrase "blending in" and I do try and blend in.  Now for *me*, I feel that BA can be "faked" with the right bra and either forms or those "add a cup" inserts; but for those who don't already have a SO, well it's not necessarily that simple; and even for people like me with a SO, things like wearing a swimsuit or some lingerie can be an issue.  FFS is a bigger issue as I have a large head for a cis-male, much less a cis-female and it's definitely lacking in feminine features.  However, I feel that with the right makeup and the right hair I can at least mitigate that enough that I can live with it.

That brings me back to SRS.  I am at the point now - approaching my 44th birthday quickly - that I'm questioning if it's going to be worth it for me.  From a financial standpoint we could probably swing it now if we really tried, but I'm not willing to take on the debt it would entail at this point and I don't want to cause J or anyone else in the household to have to sacrifice for me to have it.  And realistically I'm not physically ready anyway.  I'm still working on my facial hair - which is a frustration as it's been 16 months and I think about 14 sessions and there's still hair around my goatee area and my jawline.  Now it's a LOT less than I started with and they can't help the fact that I did start with so much, but I really thought I'd be done by now.  Plus I have a lot of white hairs.  Some of those may have been there before, but I firmly believe that some of them have been caused by the laser damaging hairs but not killing them.  Many (most?) surgeons want at least some hair removed from the genital area which I have not started either.  Then there is my weight.  I'm down 40-50lbs depending upon the day, but I'm still 30-40lbs too heavy for Dr. McGinn and I'm either right at the cutoff to 10lbs too heavy for Dr. Bowers - as for the others it varies; but even if they would perform the surgery now the extra pounds are a concern.  I also would need to get my two letters.  The one from my therapist should not be an issue, but you need two for SRS.  I will be speaking with my therapist when I see her next month, both to confirm she's willing to write hers and to see if she has a Ph.D. that she works with or at least can suggest for when the time comes.

I do suspect that if not this coming year, then perhaps the following year - that J's insurance (which I'm covered under) may well cover SRS or at least part of it.  When/If that happens, it would "tip the scales" a bit for me and make pursuing SRS a lot more palatable as the other things I can control a bit better.  However, if that doesn't happen I (and J) will be left with a rather large decision to make over the next couple of years as I'm reaching a point - more quickly than I'd like - where I would really no longer be able to justify SRS for me.  If it comes to that, well I'm not really sure what our decision would be.  As I sit here typing this now I like to think it would be that I'd proceed with the procedure, but if it's all coming "out of pocket", then I'm just not really sure that I would see enough benefit to justify the costs, but I suppose we'll cross that bridge when the time comes.

- M