While the "50 Shades" books and upcoming movie might (or might not) make an interesting topic to write about, considering the casting choices, or even better - J and I's D/S relationship, this isn't about that. Rather it's about the differences in how men and women tend to see things. So where does the title of this entry come from? Well "pre-Madison", J always said I tended to see things as "black or white", and oftentimes she would maintain there were "grey areas" in between what I would see as black or white - or even "on/off" as I sometimes would refer to things.
Despite my comments to the contrary, to be truthful J was right, at least about the vast majority of things. I know it now, and truthfully I knew it then. I guess in regards to this I could apply that phrase I like so much to myself - "Just because I didn't like it, didn't mean it wasn't right"...
With my mea culpa out of the way, lets get into the subject at hand and is seeing the "shades of grey" in things. Not to be too stereotypical, but I do tend to believe that it's not necessarily a male/female thing to see things as black/white vs the grey areas; rather I tend to think it's more of a function of the kind of person you are. By that I mean I believe that those who are more of "math/science/computer" people tend to see things as black or white. That's not to say that those people who's areas of expertise or interest lie outside of those kinds of things can't be people who see things as black/white, but I do think there is a far higher percentage of the math/science/computer crowd who do. For those that tend to be more creative/artistic/etc - I believe they are far less likely to deal in absolutes. That doesn't mean they can't or won't at times, but I think they are far more likely to see those "shades of grey" that I keep talking about.
I believe there's also an emotional component that comes into play here and that I do believe for the most part is a male/female thing. Again it's a stereotype - and one that has changed over the years at least somewhat - but traditionally males kept their emotions in check for the most part as it wasn't necessarily acceptable to show them, whereas females could generally freely express a far wider range of emotions. I think being able to express those emotions freely leads to being better able to see the shades of grey in things.
So where does that leave me? I am definitely a math/science/computer person - I always have been and likely always will be. However, since my transition I do find it easier to see all of those shades of grey that J used to talk about. I won't sit here and say I do it all the time, but it does happen much more than it ever did before. As to why, I suspect it's several things. I think being able to express my emotions - and I am far more emotional on the HRT than I was before I started it - has helped. I also think that while I am still that math/science/computer person that I also gravitate a lot more to creative tasks which I think helps. But the single biggest reason is that I want to be a good wife/partner for J and that's how she sees the world. I'm not saying that changing for your partner is always the right thing to do, sometimes you have to be who you are. But in this case I do think it was/is the right thing to do. As I said above there are still times that I do operate in the world of black/white, but for the most part I think things are better for me, for us, and for anyone else we come into contact with, if I can see those shades of grey like J does.
I think I'm going to cut this shorter than I had intended. It's early and I've been up all night getting some work done and if I hurry I can get a short nap in before work. Plus I have a few other things I want to write about later in the week and when I do that I try and keep the entries a little shorter than when I just write once a week.
- M
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Transitioning And Social Media - How To Handle The "Old You"...
I actually touched on this a bit in a topic last month (How Open To Be About Transitioning), but social media wasn't actually the topic and after the recent Facebook dust up over "real names", I've been giving this some thought, so here I am.
As I said in the above entry I mentioned, I'm not a huge social media person by any stretch. I guess there are a lot of reasons for it, probably the single biggest one is that I'm by nature a fairly private person - or at least I used to be. Truthfully I only joined Facebook originally to play Farmville with my wife J and my daughter P and while that original account has (well had, I started cleaning it up today which is another reason I'm writing about this now) between 1300 and 1400 "friends", 95+ percent of those are simply people who I played the various games on Facebook with. They were people I really didn't know, although over time I grew to recognize certain names and would interact with them outside of the games on occasion. A couple of those people have become friends over the years and despite never actually meeting them I do cherish those friendships for what they are. Beyond Facebook; there was Twitter, LinkedIn (although that was/is mostly a work thing), lots of "forums" all over the place, and so on.
When I chose to go "full time" as Madison, one of the first things I did do was create a new Facebook account under that name. Some people chose to rename their existing one, but I didn't want to do that for a couple of reasons. The single biggest one was that I wanted the Madison account to be more of a personal thing. I had no intention of playing games on it (though I do play Candy Crush Saga from time to time), and as such I felt I didn't need 1000+ people I didn't really know associated with that account. I also wanted to be able to pick and chose who I talked to about my transition and when I did it. I wasn't sure how those conversations would play out, and by creating a new account and carefully inviting people to interact with it I was able to focus on people who I felt were really and truly friends and/or would be supportive and without fail everyone that I chose to invite were friendly and supportive. I don't spend as much time there as I used to as the account does only have about 40 or so "friends/family" and I've taking a liking to Google+ so my time tends to be split fairly evenly between the two.
I also created a fresh account for Twitter as Madison, although I barely use it, mostly only to express my feelings towards particular businesses (both good and bad), though I do follow a few people there such as Janet Mock, George Takei, and the like. I do have accounts elsewhere such as Pinterest, but that's mostly for myself to look at recipes and such. The only account I didn't create a fresh start for was LinkedIn - partially because I'm not a fan of it in the first place and partially for the reason I'm writing today - and that's because I'm not entirely sure how best to handle things as it relates to me now as Madison and the "old me".
I do consider myself "out" - or at least as much as I can feasibly be. For those that have read this blog before that pretty much means everything other than work. Without delving back into work (there are blog entries that touch on that) - they weren't very receptive to me transitioning and as such I'm not really and truly out when it comes to that. When I have to travel I do so as Madison, but when I'm actually dealing with people face-to-face I have to present as the "old me" and while I don't like it, it's the lesser evil since I do like my job and I really and truly believe not doing that would cost me the job one way or the other. Because of that I feel that I really can't be Madison on LinkedIn - it would be far to easy for my employer or one of our business partners to "connect the dots" and that likely would not have a happy ending.
So now six paragraphs in, I can finally get to the crux of this post and that is what to do with all of those "old accounts"... As I said above the Facebook issues recently made me start thinking about things and I actually signed into that old account earlier today. I hadn't been on there in a good while and personally I didn't expect any issues with the account as I had to "verify" it last October - at first I was concerned since my drivers license, birth certificate, etc., had already been changed to say Madison, but thankfully I had not yet changed the name on my passport so I was able to use that to prove it was my real name - although in hindsight perhaps the best thing would have been for me to have said to h*ll with it and let them close it then. However, I was still playing games there on rare occasions, so I jumped through their hoops to keep the account.
Well, when I signed in today, I probably had a good 100 "happy birthday's" on my timeline from a few days ago, and for whatever reason that sort of made my decision for me. That account needs to go - it was never really something I used other than to play games and I really never sign into it any longer. I did take the time to post a status update thanking everyone for the birthday wishes and explaining that I no longer played any of the games and that I'd be closing out the account soon for "personal reasons". In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have said anything and just simply shut the account, but that seemed rude to do, hence the way I chose to handle it.
Now it wouldn't be too hard to connect one account to the other for people - in fact one person did rather quickly - and that's really the reason that my original account needs to go. I'm no longer that person - I am Madison - it's how I live, it's who I legally am, and while I wouldn't change anything in my past unless I could be 100% guaranteed that I'd still have what I have today - I also no longer feel a need to stay connected with that past. I have a wonderful new life as Madison; and all in all a very happy life. I was never "miserable" pre-transition, but I was also never really "happy" either and I am now. While I can't do much about work short of "seeking life elsewhere" and as of now I really don't want to do that, beyond work there is no reason for me to have any reminders of my pre-transition life - at least via things such as Facebook and the like. As far as the other accounts under the "old me", well I barely use those anymore so they'll go too - at least as much as is possible. I realize that I can't just make the "old me" up and disappear, but the reality for me is that the more I can clean up the better off I think I'll be in the long run. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about my life "pre-Madison", but I also don't need/want the reminders that my life wasn't always as good as it is now.
- M
As I said in the above entry I mentioned, I'm not a huge social media person by any stretch. I guess there are a lot of reasons for it, probably the single biggest one is that I'm by nature a fairly private person - or at least I used to be. Truthfully I only joined Facebook originally to play Farmville with my wife J and my daughter P and while that original account has (well had, I started cleaning it up today which is another reason I'm writing about this now) between 1300 and 1400 "friends", 95+ percent of those are simply people who I played the various games on Facebook with. They were people I really didn't know, although over time I grew to recognize certain names and would interact with them outside of the games on occasion. A couple of those people have become friends over the years and despite never actually meeting them I do cherish those friendships for what they are. Beyond Facebook; there was Twitter, LinkedIn (although that was/is mostly a work thing), lots of "forums" all over the place, and so on.
When I chose to go "full time" as Madison, one of the first things I did do was create a new Facebook account under that name. Some people chose to rename their existing one, but I didn't want to do that for a couple of reasons. The single biggest one was that I wanted the Madison account to be more of a personal thing. I had no intention of playing games on it (though I do play Candy Crush Saga from time to time), and as such I felt I didn't need 1000+ people I didn't really know associated with that account. I also wanted to be able to pick and chose who I talked to about my transition and when I did it. I wasn't sure how those conversations would play out, and by creating a new account and carefully inviting people to interact with it I was able to focus on people who I felt were really and truly friends and/or would be supportive and without fail everyone that I chose to invite were friendly and supportive. I don't spend as much time there as I used to as the account does only have about 40 or so "friends/family" and I've taking a liking to Google+ so my time tends to be split fairly evenly between the two.
I also created a fresh account for Twitter as Madison, although I barely use it, mostly only to express my feelings towards particular businesses (both good and bad), though I do follow a few people there such as Janet Mock, George Takei, and the like. I do have accounts elsewhere such as Pinterest, but that's mostly for myself to look at recipes and such. The only account I didn't create a fresh start for was LinkedIn - partially because I'm not a fan of it in the first place and partially for the reason I'm writing today - and that's because I'm not entirely sure how best to handle things as it relates to me now as Madison and the "old me".
I do consider myself "out" - or at least as much as I can feasibly be. For those that have read this blog before that pretty much means everything other than work. Without delving back into work (there are blog entries that touch on that) - they weren't very receptive to me transitioning and as such I'm not really and truly out when it comes to that. When I have to travel I do so as Madison, but when I'm actually dealing with people face-to-face I have to present as the "old me" and while I don't like it, it's the lesser evil since I do like my job and I really and truly believe not doing that would cost me the job one way or the other. Because of that I feel that I really can't be Madison on LinkedIn - it would be far to easy for my employer or one of our business partners to "connect the dots" and that likely would not have a happy ending.
So now six paragraphs in, I can finally get to the crux of this post and that is what to do with all of those "old accounts"... As I said above the Facebook issues recently made me start thinking about things and I actually signed into that old account earlier today. I hadn't been on there in a good while and personally I didn't expect any issues with the account as I had to "verify" it last October - at first I was concerned since my drivers license, birth certificate, etc., had already been changed to say Madison, but thankfully I had not yet changed the name on my passport so I was able to use that to prove it was my real name - although in hindsight perhaps the best thing would have been for me to have said to h*ll with it and let them close it then. However, I was still playing games there on rare occasions, so I jumped through their hoops to keep the account.
Well, when I signed in today, I probably had a good 100 "happy birthday's" on my timeline from a few days ago, and for whatever reason that sort of made my decision for me. That account needs to go - it was never really something I used other than to play games and I really never sign into it any longer. I did take the time to post a status update thanking everyone for the birthday wishes and explaining that I no longer played any of the games and that I'd be closing out the account soon for "personal reasons". In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have said anything and just simply shut the account, but that seemed rude to do, hence the way I chose to handle it.
Now it wouldn't be too hard to connect one account to the other for people - in fact one person did rather quickly - and that's really the reason that my original account needs to go. I'm no longer that person - I am Madison - it's how I live, it's who I legally am, and while I wouldn't change anything in my past unless I could be 100% guaranteed that I'd still have what I have today - I also no longer feel a need to stay connected with that past. I have a wonderful new life as Madison; and all in all a very happy life. I was never "miserable" pre-transition, but I was also never really "happy" either and I am now. While I can't do much about work short of "seeking life elsewhere" and as of now I really don't want to do that, beyond work there is no reason for me to have any reminders of my pre-transition life - at least via things such as Facebook and the like. As far as the other accounts under the "old me", well I barely use those anymore so they'll go too - at least as much as is possible. I realize that I can't just make the "old me" up and disappear, but the reality for me is that the more I can clean up the better off I think I'll be in the long run. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about my life "pre-Madison", but I also don't need/want the reminders that my life wasn't always as good as it is now.
- M
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Laser Hair Removal Progress...
J and I had laser appointments the other day. We're on about an 8 week cycle so we can go together, although this one was 10 or 12 due to J's schedule having been altered a bit since our last session. We were running a bit later than we would have liked, actually about 5 minutes late, but as luck would have it our technician had just finished her previous client so she was able to immediately take us back and get the cream on my face. Since we started going together we generally show up and have that done and since that normally sits for about a hour, I'll get my face creamed and then J and I will sit and chat for maybe a half hour in the side room. Then our tech will come and get J and do her areas, and then come and get me as well to do mine. It's nice that she is able to go with me as sitting in that room for a hour by myself was boring despite me having my phone and/or iPod, so it's nice to chat; and generally J stays in the treatment room when I'm getting mine done so she can carry the conversation.
Well in this case that's how it went down, but I was a little more bored than normal so I happened to look over on the counter and my treatment paperwork was lying there and I was able to see all of my treatment dates. Somehow I had over-estimated how many sessions I had actually had. This past week was actually only my 11th face session, and my third back of neck session (the last two of those were concurrent with my face, and I had one that was just a back of neck session). I'm not sure how I thought I was around 15-16 sessions, but I now feel a lot better as I've obviously spent a lot less money that I've thought; and I do have significant progress. The session itself was fairly painless this go around, sometimes the cream seems to be more effective than others and this was one of those times, although I'm sure the ibuprofen helped as well. The back of my neck actually almost felt good as she uses a different setup for that - it's one that sucks in the skin and does it's thing. It's very warm, but for the most part as I said it almost feels good. The only issue I have is that I've asked her to go a touch higher than she might normally as I have trouble shaving the "crease" where the back of my neck hits my head. Some might ask why that matters, but my wigs tend to sit right about there and I've gotten an ingrown hair or two from it so it's actually the reason I'm having the back of my neck done. It tends to take her several tries to get the machine to achieve suction in that area, but she's persistent and does get it.
After the session was over, while she was filling out our treatment charts, I asked the question that had been on my mind for a while now and that was about my "parts". I know some SRS surgeons (many? most?) want the hair removed "down south" if at all possible. I really had been hoping that I could get it done at the same place since I'm comfortable there, so I finally muscled up enough courage to inquire. Maybe I'm just a baby, but I just had a hard time asking about having my "parts" lasered. Thankfully she said it wouldn't be a problem to have it done, although upon discussing it a bit I may have to wait a couple of sessions as they do prefer to not do an area for one year after surgery and my orchi was 2/15/14 and as things sit I'll have a session in November and then again in January. If I have to wait until March's session, it's probably not a huge deal as even if J's insurance decides to cover surgery this coming year I doubt there's anyway I could get everything scheduled until mid-to-late 2015 as only a few surgeons currently take insurance and they tend to have longer waiting lists. Actually there may be an upside to that as perhaps my face will be "done" or at least as done as laser will get it by then, I guess we'll have to see.
I will say I'm a touch concerned about how painful it will/won't be. The face has ranged from not bad to hard to take depending upon the session; but my back of neck has been a piece of cake. Considering I have less "parts" down there these days I'm not sure how that will work out. The other question becomes what to actually have done. Dr. Bowers for example has a little chart on her page showing what she suggests and she suggests leaving some hair for scar coverage. After talking with J about it, I'm leaning towards all the hair as really I'm not going to be out "dating" or anything, I'm happily married to J and having no hair down there has some appeal, especially since J seems to be okay with whatever scar(s) I might end up with.
So I guess I'm not really sure I had a point here, I should probably get some sleep since J is peacefully sleeping for work in a few hours - I will miss her being back at work, having her home on vacation was so wonderful. With that I'll bid everyone good night and have a great weekend everybody.
- M
Friday, September 26, 2014
I Am Iron Man....
I thought I'd go with something lighter today. And before I get any further I want to thank all of those on Facebook and Google+ who wished me a happy birthday yesterday. I am now another year older, and hopefully another year wiser. And while it was my third birthday since I chose to transition, it was actually my first one legally as Madison and legally female, so it will hold a special place in my memories. What made it even more special was that J was on vacation this week and we've spent a lot of great time together. We've watched some television, been to a couple of movies, done some shopping, had a couple of meals out, and even went grocery shopping a few times - I know the latter may not sound like fun to some/many/most of you, but believe it or not we have fun doing that together. But all of that stuff aside, the best part was all the time we were simply together, even the times just being able to go to bed together at night or even for a short nap. She is my world and I don't know what I would do without her. I love her with all of my heart.
Now, back to the topic at hand. Let me first say that I am *NOT* a comic book person, nor really a "Marvel" person, so my experience with the "Marvel Universe" is simply from some of the movies I've seen, and those would be:
Now, back to the topic at hand. Let me first say that I am *NOT* a comic book person, nor really a "Marvel" person, so my experience with the "Marvel Universe" is simply from some of the movies I've seen, and those would be:
- Iron Man / Iron Man 2 / Iron Man 3
- The Avengers
- Captain America: The First Avenger / Captain America: The Winter Soldier
- Thor / Thor: The Dark World
- Guardians Of The Galaxy
- Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. television show
I actually had no desire to really see any Marvel movies, but when Iron Man came out on Blu-Ray, M2 bought it - he's a huge comic book and Marvel fan - and he and M sat down to watch it one night and asked if I wanted to watch it. I really didn't, but I wanted to be polite so I sat through it and really liked it. I really think what sold me was Robert Downey Jr.'s performance. I've never been a big fan of his, most of his work that I had seen prior to that were things where he wasn't necessarily the lead such as Back To School and U.S. Marshal's. Watching Iron Man, he was the perfect a**hole as Tony Stark - I really think he nailed that role. I also thought Gwyneth Paltrow was great as Pepper Potts. I normally don't care for her, but something about her in this movie - well suffice it to say that her "Pepper Potts" would be on my list of women I'd love to spend an evening with. :) I wasn't as keen on Iron Man 2, and frankly I thought the first Captain America was alright. For some reason the first Thor movie did hook me, although I think that was almost as much for Tom Hiddleston's portrayal of Loki as anything.
The movie that really hooked me was The Avengers. I really wasn't familiar with "Black Widow" or "Hawkeye", or even S.H.I.E.L.D. for that matter, but I enjoyed the movie enough that I've since made it a point to see try and catch up on the other Marvel movies that I hadn't seen and have even went back and re-watched the ones I had (Hulk being an exception). I really love how they tie the movies together, little cameos here and there and even the teasers in the credits such as Thor's hammer at the end of one of the movies (Iron Man?). Samuel L. Jackson has been great as Nick Fury, and Scarlett Johansson's portrayal of Black Widow would also make my list of women to spend a night with - probably higher on the list than Pepper Potts and that's saying a lot. :)
I think Clark Gregg as Phil Coulson deserves a special mention as well. He's been a bit player in some of the movies and I took a liking to his character, although what really sold me was when M2 showed me one of the Marvel One Shots (I think that's what they are called) of him. It was the one where he went into a convenience store and there was an attempted hold up - I believe the title was "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Thor's Hammer" - although that might not be exact. I think it was on the Captain America First Avenger Blu-Ray. It hooked me enough to make sure I watched the Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. show when it premiered and while I think it started off slow, it was good enough to hook me. It definitely suffers a bit from having to work around the events in the movies, but so be it. I just watched the first episode of season 2 yesterday and I'm not quite sure how it's going to go this year, but I'm interested enough to keep watching.
So what is the point of this post? I'm not really sure, other than to pay homage to what I think have been some good to really good movies and a television show. I will admit that I'm curious about how the Iron Man stuff plays out with Robert Downey Jr. I'm just not sure that I can really see anybody other than RDJ play the role and it really seems like that's where it's heading. Now I'll admit that I felt the same way about the James Bond movies - I grew up on Roger Moore, but I wasn't attached to him like many people were to Sean Connery as Bond. I was excited with it appeared that Pierce Brosnan had the role as I loved Remington Steele, so when he had to pass on Bond because the show got renewed for another season I was pi**ed off and I never took to Timothy Dalton. So when Brosnan got the gig a few years later he was *my* Bond and when he was forced out I was even more pi**ed off than I was over Dalton. I'll admit that I was wrong and Daniel Craig is a very good Bond, albeit a significantly different one than Brosnan was, and in some ways that's great and in others - well it's a disappointment, but I've grown to have an appreciation for him. So when/if RDJ is replaced as Iron Man/Tony Stark, I hope for as much success as the Bond series has had, but I know I'll be disappointed that someone else will have the role.
Of course, I also get the impression - and perhaps I've just not read enough, or maybe too much - that Marvel may well be moving away from established characters such as Iron Man and into others. I suppose Guardians Of The Galaxy is part of that and while I've actually seen the movie in the theater twice now and I liked it (not enough to see twice, that's a long story) - I just didn't like it the way I liked Iron Man or the Avengers - hopefully some of the other newer movies will drag me in, otherwise my time as a Marvel fan may well be short lived. But even if that's the case, it's been fun while it lasted.
With that I'll bid everyone a good weekend, although I suspect I may well be back with another post as I've got a couple of things that I think would make good topics to write about.
- M
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
"Rooting" An Android Device...
Well since my last post was "definitely less than popular", I thought I'd write about something a touch less controversial this time. :) I guess it's my simply getting older, but these days I have a lot less inclination to mess around with things such as operating systems or devices. When I was younger I did like to tinker a bit, for example we had one of the original DirecTIVO units and I modified it with an ethernet card and had TyTools loaded on my PC and would pull shows off of it and encode them to DVD's. I've modified Xbox systems and even Xbox360's with custom firmware's, I've even actually repair several Xbox360's from the dreaded "red ring of death" for myself and others. Enough years ago, before the Internet was what it is now, I ran a WWIV-based BBS, and would spend hours modifying the source code to do this or that. All of that was a lot of fun, but now I seem to just want to get a device and for it to "do what I need/want" without me having to tinker with things. As I said, perhaps it's me getting older, perhaps it's simply a time issue, I don't really know, but it's how things are.
That all being said, I did have a reason to tinker this week and it's been an interesting experience to say the least. I have a laptop, actually several of them - one of my own, two that are actually my employers, and one that is J's, but I tend to only use them when I travel as frankly my desktops do a much better job and a laptop simply can't replicate what I have on my desk at the moment - that's three high end PC's with a total of 5 24in monitors all controlled via EdgeRunner's Multiplicity Pro KVM software. Since laptops don't hold much appeal to me, a table really didn't hold any appeal for the longest time. However, a few weeks ago J and I were out late one night (well actually early one morning). A friend of mine had lost her charging cable for her FitBit One and I happened to have an extra since I had replaced my FitBit a few months ago (I lost my original while at a "show" for work when I was really sick). I offered to send it to her so she didn't have to drop $20 on a new one so we ran out about 1am to Wal-Mart to get a small padded envelope to mail it to her. We were both off the next day so we were just sort of dawdling around and ended up in the electronics section and I was looking at the tablets. They had a HiSense Sero 8 model that was about $120 or so and was running Android KitKat. It looked reasonably nice for the price and I briefly considered getting it, but I just couldn't pull the trigger. I have a nice enough phone (Galaxy S4) that I always have with me and I just couldn't see using the tablet enough to justify it.
But J just loves to buy things for people, especially me and insisted upon doing so. We had a spirited debate, until she pulled the "Mistress" card and did it anyway. Now don't get me wrong, it was a nice thing for her to do, but I really didn't need it. I toyed with it a bit the first few days around the house and it was handy for things like pulling up say Pinterest while I was cooking or something, but it wasn't overly useful as many apps refused to install on it for one reason or another. That agitated me as the specs on the system were good enough to run it, so in most cases there was no technical reason they shouldn't load. Well it got put aside on my desk and I moved on. But then a couple of weeks later J brought home a nice case and bluetooth keyboard for it and I felt obligated to make a go of it again. At this point I researched things and found that it was possible to fudge things so that apps would think it was a different device so I decided to look into that.
I found something called RileyRom that was supposed to work on the device and provide root access as well as instructions on editing a file (build.prop) to fudge the device identification, so I set out to do this. The first issue was that a specific driver needed to be loaded on the PC to make this work and that took a bit of doing as newer versions of Windows either wouldn't run the drivers (Windows 8.1 per what I read - which is what my primary PC runs), it wouldn't work on USB 3.0 ports, and so on. I finally got that loaded, but still couldn't get it to work on any of the three PC's on my desk nor one of the ones downstairs. I finally found a post by someone who mentioned that flash mode on this device required a little different procedure than what I had previously read and lo and behold it connected to the flash program. I tried to flash RileyRom v1.2 multiple times, but it kept hanging on the new splash screen, so I finally gave up about 1am this morning.
However, upon getting up I did some more searching and found someone who said to restore it and try v1.0 of the RileyRom and what do you know it worked like a charm. It came right up for me. From there it was a simple matter of downloading a file explorer tool and modifying that build.prop file to make the tablet look like a Samsung model and suddenly I can load things like USA Today and the DirecTV app will now stream to the tablet as well. Despite it taking far more time and effort than I would have liked, I now have a tablet that's far more functional for me that I did before. I wish it would have not required this effort as truly having "root" on it isn't something I really need/want, but it is what it is I suppose. Now my only gripe is that the speaker is far too quiet, but I have a few options for that: a JBL bluetooth "flip speaker" than M and M2 bought me a while back, my Logitech H800 wireless headphones work with it via bluetooth as well, or simply my iPod earbuds.
Long story short, I know too late, but while I was agitated at the amount of effort this all took, it was nice to actually tinker with something and make it do what I wanted - it's been far too long since I did that kind of thing. :)
- M
That all being said, I did have a reason to tinker this week and it's been an interesting experience to say the least. I have a laptop, actually several of them - one of my own, two that are actually my employers, and one that is J's, but I tend to only use them when I travel as frankly my desktops do a much better job and a laptop simply can't replicate what I have on my desk at the moment - that's three high end PC's with a total of 5 24in monitors all controlled via EdgeRunner's Multiplicity Pro KVM software. Since laptops don't hold much appeal to me, a table really didn't hold any appeal for the longest time. However, a few weeks ago J and I were out late one night (well actually early one morning). A friend of mine had lost her charging cable for her FitBit One and I happened to have an extra since I had replaced my FitBit a few months ago (I lost my original while at a "show" for work when I was really sick). I offered to send it to her so she didn't have to drop $20 on a new one so we ran out about 1am to Wal-Mart to get a small padded envelope to mail it to her. We were both off the next day so we were just sort of dawdling around and ended up in the electronics section and I was looking at the tablets. They had a HiSense Sero 8 model that was about $120 or so and was running Android KitKat. It looked reasonably nice for the price and I briefly considered getting it, but I just couldn't pull the trigger. I have a nice enough phone (Galaxy S4) that I always have with me and I just couldn't see using the tablet enough to justify it.
But J just loves to buy things for people, especially me and insisted upon doing so. We had a spirited debate, until she pulled the "Mistress" card and did it anyway. Now don't get me wrong, it was a nice thing for her to do, but I really didn't need it. I toyed with it a bit the first few days around the house and it was handy for things like pulling up say Pinterest while I was cooking or something, but it wasn't overly useful as many apps refused to install on it for one reason or another. That agitated me as the specs on the system were good enough to run it, so in most cases there was no technical reason they shouldn't load. Well it got put aside on my desk and I moved on. But then a couple of weeks later J brought home a nice case and bluetooth keyboard for it and I felt obligated to make a go of it again. At this point I researched things and found that it was possible to fudge things so that apps would think it was a different device so I decided to look into that.
I found something called RileyRom that was supposed to work on the device and provide root access as well as instructions on editing a file (build.prop) to fudge the device identification, so I set out to do this. The first issue was that a specific driver needed to be loaded on the PC to make this work and that took a bit of doing as newer versions of Windows either wouldn't run the drivers (Windows 8.1 per what I read - which is what my primary PC runs), it wouldn't work on USB 3.0 ports, and so on. I finally got that loaded, but still couldn't get it to work on any of the three PC's on my desk nor one of the ones downstairs. I finally found a post by someone who mentioned that flash mode on this device required a little different procedure than what I had previously read and lo and behold it connected to the flash program. I tried to flash RileyRom v1.2 multiple times, but it kept hanging on the new splash screen, so I finally gave up about 1am this morning.
However, upon getting up I did some more searching and found someone who said to restore it and try v1.0 of the RileyRom and what do you know it worked like a charm. It came right up for me. From there it was a simple matter of downloading a file explorer tool and modifying that build.prop file to make the tablet look like a Samsung model and suddenly I can load things like USA Today and the DirecTV app will now stream to the tablet as well. Despite it taking far more time and effort than I would have liked, I now have a tablet that's far more functional for me that I did before. I wish it would have not required this effort as truly having "root" on it isn't something I really need/want, but it is what it is I suppose. Now my only gripe is that the speaker is far too quiet, but I have a few options for that: a JBL bluetooth "flip speaker" than M and M2 bought me a while back, my Logitech H800 wireless headphones work with it via bluetooth as well, or simply my iPod earbuds.
Long story short, I know too late, but while I was agitated at the amount of effort this all took, it was nice to actually tinker with something and make it do what I wanted - it's been far too long since I did that kind of thing. :)
- M
Just Because I/You/We Don't Like Something Doesn't Necessarily Make It Wrong...
The title of this post is a paraphrase of something I tend to say to M *a lot*. Don't get me wrong, despite all that has went on over the 20+ years we've known each other, she's special to me. Not special in the way my wife J is, not special the way my daughter P is, but special none the less. Like a great many of us she is very opinionated and that in and of itself is fine. That being said, some of her opinions are - well a little bit "out there", and as I tell her (more often than I'd like), just because she doesn't like something, well it doesn't make what she doesn't like wrong. Now by no means is she the only person who this would apply to, the same could be said about myself, J, P, and probably just about every single person roaming the Earth.
As an example, they are instituting a new dress code for her job and she's up in arms about it. Considering the position she holds, she probably does have at least a bit of a gripe about it. However, considering the condition of some of the clothes she's worn to work in the past - well it's people such as her that have helped contribute to the new dress code in my opinion. And truthfully, it's not like her job is the only job in the world with a dress code. Back in the day I worked as a manager for a national pizza chain and at one point they expected us to wear a *white* dress shirt and tie. Well that probably sounded great to some people at the corporate office, but for those of us in the field dealing with pizza sauce all day long - well it simply wasn't practical to wear white and eventually it changed. Don't get me wrong, I expressed my views (as did many other managers) when it came down, but then I moved on and considered it simply part of my job. I didn't continue to beat it into the ground the way M does with things.
But this post isn't meant to be a diatribe about M and her opinions, but rather about people and their opinions as a whole. What really inspired me to post about this topic has been the recent Facebook squabble over "real names". Now I had a different post mostly written arguing the points of their policy, but I deleted it and started over with this one. Mainly because writing an entire post on that wasn't very good reading and truthfully those who probably needed to read it never would have. I'm not going to sit here and argue pro/con for paragraph after paragraph as I had initially done, but rather I'll simply say this. Like the policy or not, it is a part of their Terms Of Service which anyone using their service agrees to. Just because I/You/We may not like it, well in my opinion it doesn't make it wrong or discriminatory as many say.
Personally I will say this, while it doesn't really affect me as things are today since my legal name has long since been changed and that's what I use, I *do* understand and empathize with *some* of the arguments about it. However, as is often the case I think many people are carrying their arguments too far and as such being detrimental to any effort to get the policy changed. Here are some of the arguments I've seen and my thoughts on them. This is by no means meant to be an exhaustive list, and there are likely some valid and even very good ones that I may not touch on. That being said:
As an example, they are instituting a new dress code for her job and she's up in arms about it. Considering the position she holds, she probably does have at least a bit of a gripe about it. However, considering the condition of some of the clothes she's worn to work in the past - well it's people such as her that have helped contribute to the new dress code in my opinion. And truthfully, it's not like her job is the only job in the world with a dress code. Back in the day I worked as a manager for a national pizza chain and at one point they expected us to wear a *white* dress shirt and tie. Well that probably sounded great to some people at the corporate office, but for those of us in the field dealing with pizza sauce all day long - well it simply wasn't practical to wear white and eventually it changed. Don't get me wrong, I expressed my views (as did many other managers) when it came down, but then I moved on and considered it simply part of my job. I didn't continue to beat it into the ground the way M does with things.
But this post isn't meant to be a diatribe about M and her opinions, but rather about people and their opinions as a whole. What really inspired me to post about this topic has been the recent Facebook squabble over "real names". Now I had a different post mostly written arguing the points of their policy, but I deleted it and started over with this one. Mainly because writing an entire post on that wasn't very good reading and truthfully those who probably needed to read it never would have. I'm not going to sit here and argue pro/con for paragraph after paragraph as I had initially done, but rather I'll simply say this. Like the policy or not, it is a part of their Terms Of Service which anyone using their service agrees to. Just because I/You/We may not like it, well in my opinion it doesn't make it wrong or discriminatory as many say.
Personally I will say this, while it doesn't really affect me as things are today since my legal name has long since been changed and that's what I use, I *do* understand and empathize with *some* of the arguments about it. However, as is often the case I think many people are carrying their arguments too far and as such being detrimental to any effort to get the policy changed. Here are some of the arguments I've seen and my thoughts on them. This is by no means meant to be an exhaustive list, and there are likely some valid and even very good ones that I may not touch on. That being said:
- It's being discriminatory. I simply can't get behind that argument. They aren't saying that some groups can do what they want and others can't in this case. I personally think that this argument is not only not valid in this case, but also that using it in this case is very detrimental as a whole - it just reeks of the "boy who cried wolf" to me and cheapens a term that shouldn't be cheapened.
- It's a safety issue. Now, I do understand where this is coming from and I do believe there is some merit to that. However, if someone believes they are at risk by having their real name in use on Facebook then why are they on Facebook to begin with? As a trans-woman I do put thought into the places I go and anywhere I don't feel that I would be safe, well I simply do not go there. If I felt that having my real name on Facebook made things unsafe for me, well then I wouldn't have an account there.
- How will I keep in contact with family/friends/etc. I also see some merit here; however, and maybe I'm showing my age a bit much, but I was around long before Facebook, and believe it or not I was able to keep in touch with those I cared about before Facebook. Email, phone calls, text messages, actual "snail mail", instant messenger, Skype, Google+, and many, many other alternatives exist.
- It's Facebook being greedy. This argument seems to be centered around the fact that "fan pages" (or whatever they are called) don't have a real name requirement, but they can "cost" something. I'll be honest I'm not completely versed in the specifics here and perhaps I should be, but that aside - Facebook is a corporation and corporations are generally meant to make money. Some of the people in the news about this current controversy are making an issue about being able to connect with their "fans". Well at that point aren't we really talking about their business interests? And if so, then why should they expect another business (Facebook in this case) to help subsidize their business? I'm sorry, I just don't get that rationale. If I were to open Madison's Burger Shack, should I expect McDonald's or Wendy's to help my business out?
As I said there are lots of other arguments to be made both pro and con here, and despite my comments above I'm not here trying to defend Facebook for the policy. What I am defending is their right to set that policy and expect those that chose to use their service to abide by it. If I/You/We don't like it, then by all means I/We/You should do what we can to convince them to change their policy. However, if they don't then I also feel that I/We/You should either be willing to abide by it or move on to something else.
And by no means is this simply an issue with Facebook. As an example I *personally* don't believe that DIY hormones are the right thing to do. Truthfully I'm not even a real big fan of informed consent. I myself believe that following the WPATH guidelines and seeking therapy first is the right thing to do. However, I also understand that there are reasons why people may want to go the informed consent route, or even the DIY route. Just because I don't like those options doesn't make them wrong for others.
I could go on and on both about the Facebook issue or any other thing that I (or anyone else) believe, but the whole point of this was just as the title says, just because something runs contrary to what we believe is right doesn't necessarily make it wrong. Now could it be wrong? Yes, of course it could. However, I really feel that as wonderful as emotions are, that all too often issues get clouded by those same emotions and opinions may get formed based more on emotions than facts. I really think that the world as a whole would be a lot better off if before I/You/We decide that something we don't believe in is wrong, if I/You/We stepped back for a moment and tried to see all sides of the issue objectively and fairly - that doesn't mean we have to ignore our emotions, but shouldn't they simply be one factor of many and not the single overriding factor? I/You/We may or may not change our opinions by doing so, but at a minimum we might have a better understanding of things and perhaps it may change our outlook.
These are simply *MY* thoughts and opinions on things, nothing more, nothing less. I am sorry for the length of this, and I'm sure there will be those of you who have read this and vehemently disagree with me and that's fine - I'll be more than happy to discuss the issue(s) publicly or privately with anyone who desires to do so.
- M
Friday, September 19, 2014
St. Louis Area TG Experiences - Part 8
Well it's been a good three months since I've written a post on this subject, once again, shame on me since this was the reason I started the blog. It's funny I get out more now than ever (at least for the most part), but we tend to visit the same set of places for the most part so I don't have as much to write about as I'd like. I guess we need to start broadening our horizons. :)
UPDATE: Since the "prior" posts links were getting a bit long, there is now a page with links to all of the posts: My Transgender Experiences. Additionally, I've went back and added more links and made some updates to some of the individual entries below since over time some things have changed.
Retailers:
UPDATE: Since the "prior" posts links were getting a bit long, there is now a page with links to all of the posts: My Transgender Experiences. Additionally, I've went back and added more links and made some updates to some of the individual entries below since over time some things have changed.
Restaurants:
- Fazoli's (O'Fallon, Missouri) - J and I have eaten here a couple of times recently. For those not familiar with the name it is a national quick service Italian chain. I'm not big on Italian food, although the occasional lasagna is fine, but J really likes it - though I do enjoy their bread sticks, a little too much actually. The staff has always been friendly and polite, the only "gripe" I'd have is that J has to go fetch more bread sticks from the counter since they seldom seem to bring them around as they are supposed to. So we'll have a "thumbnail" for this entry, here's a picture of the two of us from last Friday 9.12.2014.
- Quiktrip (Lake Saint Louis, Missouri) - Technically they are probably a retailer as they are a regional convenience store/gas station chain. I put them in this category as while I do get gas there I always pay at the pump. However, I often run in and pick up a soda (they have a huge variety of fountain flavors) or something to munch on like a hot dog or taquito. Recently they've rolled out their QT Kitchens in the ones near us where they prepare a limited menu of food. The personal pizzas are good, as are their kolaches, but I'm a real fan of their pretzels with cheese sauce. Their stores are ALWAYS extremely clean and their staff is fast and efficient. They've never been anything less than polite to me and I really try to only visit there to get gas as they do guarantee it.
Retailers:
- Ross Dress For Less (Wentzville, Missouri) - M and I went recently visited this location and it went fine. She's more of a fan of it than I am, I see it as a cross between a thrift store and something like say T.J. Maxx, but that's simply my opinion. As I said it was basically an uneventful trip, I was able to find a couple of tops I liked for myself as well as one for J. I actually found a really adorable purse as well, but it was a shade of purple which is more J's color so I went ahead and bought it for her instead. M found a few things for herself as well. I did not need to use the dressing rooms and in hindsight I sort of wish I had since there was at least one publicized case a few years ago where a trans-woman had an issue at a location in Washington state. I'm curious to see how well the company has addressed things so I guess I'll have to go back and see for myself.
- *UPDATE* - Shop-n-Save (Dardenne Prairie, Missouri) - As I said a few updates back I try not to post "updates" anymore unless something has changed at a location I've previously mentioned. That's not quite the case here, but I though a recent experience was worth mentioning. Recently I was in this location by myself on a Friday - they were running a $10 off of $50 as they do on occasion so they were busy. My shopping itself was uneventful as always, but upon getting into a checkout line a fairly rude woman behind me managed to clock me. Probably my voice as I had ran over on my "lunch" and since I have to play <old name> on the phone for work and I was in a hurry I probably didn't give it as much effort as I should have. As I was the second person back (and she the third), we were in line for a few minutes total and she stared me down and made a couple of semi-nasty comments that I'm sure were directed at me. I ignored it as I am in that store quite a bit and wasn't going to make a scene, but it did agitate me. The reason I mention this was the cashier I had. She obviously picked up on what was going on and went completely out of her way to address me as "Miss" and "Ma'am" and could not have been any politer to me. As I was pushing my cart out, I paused for a moment to dig my keys out of my purse and I guess the woman said something to the cashier that I couldn't quite make out, but it must have been about me as the cashier replied to her (loud enough I could hear her) that "SHE'S in here all the time and SHE'S a very nice LADY". I am in there a lot and I'm sure I stand out a bit as they've seen me as <old name> up to how I look now and everything in between; but I've never been treated with anything other than the utmost courtesy and respect. But this cashier went above and beyond and it made my day that she did.
- Beauty Queen (Wentzville, Missouri) - This is one of M's favorite local stores, they have a lot of cheap jewelry, makeup, and so on. I can take it or leave it as far as the merchandise goes for the most part, although on occasion I will find something I really like - in fact the other day M and I visited and I grabbed a few things for M, J, P, and myself, including a necklace/earring combo for a $1 that is adorable. They also carry wigs, I never looked at them and assumed they were cheaper "costume" type wigs, but I noticed a sign for Estetica Wigs last time which is the brand I use. As it turns out they do carry those "costume" type wigs, but also some nicer lines such as Estetica and they are actually cheaper than the online site I normally order from so next time I'm looking for a wig I'll have to give them a try. They are always incredibly nice and polite and I have no qualms going in there.
- Dierberg's (O'Fallon, Missouri) - I've written about another location before (Wentzville), but last Friday J and I visited this location and if anything they were even more nice and polite than the Wentzville location I normally visit. I wish their prices were a little more in line with Shop-n-Save as it's a hard sell for me to drive three times as far to pay more even if their deli options are so much better than about any other grocery store in the area.
It's late (well now early), so I think I'll wrap things up now.
- M
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Insurance And Transitioning - Specifically Surgery...
I thought I'd give my thoughts on surgery, specifically male to female "bottom surgery" - aka SRS (or GRS as some prefer). The vast majority of insurance plans here in the United States have typically not covered SRS. Obviously I'm a bit biased here, but it's my understanding that the cost to do so would be incredibly trivial to do so in the grand scheme of things so that's very frustrating. This appears to be something that is starting to change and that taken by itself is a wonderful thing for myself and a great many others. I have high hopes that when my wife's enrollment comes around next month that her plan may start covering it, or if not this year then next. Now that's simply speculation on my part and I could obviously be wrong. However, even if it does, it leads me to what I really wanted to discuss anyway.
What if it does cover it? A great many people seem to think it's "just that simple", but I don't think it really is "that simple". There aren't all that many surgeons performing the procedure in the United States and the assumption is that even if her plan (or for that matter some/many/most other plans) will start to cover the costs, how many surgeons will actually take the insurance? I know Dr. Bowers does and her office from all accounts does a wonderful job working with people and their insurance companies to get things taken care of, but her waiting list tends to be very long (a year give or take is my understanding) and despite the fact that she is now working with a second surgeon (Dr. Nicole), I can only envision that if more insurance plans start to cover SRS that the situation is not going to improve.
Yes there are other surgeons who take insurance, but some (most?) either simply do not, or even if they do, they still require payment for their surgeon's fees up front and require you to deal with your insurance company to be reimbursed. I believe Dr. McGinn handles things this way and in that case I believe that means coming up with something in the vicinity of $14-15k (note: edited this up from $12k based upon talking to someone who just spoke with Dr. McGinn's office) up front for her fees and then hoping you can get some/most/all of your money back from the insurance company.
That doesn't even touch on the expenses outside of the actual procedure as for a great deal of those seeking surgery there will be travel, lodging, food, etc., for a good two weeks - oftentimes for two people as generally I believe you really do need someone to come with you for the procedure. Even done very cheaply I think this would add at least a couple of thousand dollars to the total that insurance isn't going to reimburse, and possibly significantly more.
So where does that leave me and others? Well, unless some things change beyond insurance simply covering the procedure, not a whole lot better off than we were. In my case, Dr. Bowers was my original choice and I'd be okay with the wait, especially if it turns out that J's plan will start covering it with this coming years plan. However, I believe we'd still have to come up with our deductible up front (I believe it was $5k this most recent year) - although I don't know that for certain - plus probably another $3-5k for travel/expenses/etc. Could we pull that off? I suppose so, but it wouldn't be overly easy to just come up with $8-10k for something that I/we didn't "have to have" so despite the fact that I'm certain J would say I/we should do it, I'm not sure I'm willing to put her/us in the position to have to sacrifice other things for that.
But if her plan chooses to not cover it until the following year (or not at all), then we're back to where I've been the last year or so, and that's trying to justify a good $20-25k to "hopefully" make me happy and the more I think about it, I just don't think I can justify the sacrifices needed to make that happen. Yes we'd see some of it back on our taxes the following year, but depending upon how things went down it probably wouldn't be all that much and even if I had the surgery late in the calendar year and filed taxes as early as possible we'd still be talking about several months before we'd see anything out of it.
So what's my point? Well I'm not really sure I have one other than to say for all of those who are talking about insurance and SRS - I'm hopeful that we start seeing more coverage just as many of you are, but I'm also realistic about what that coverage may really mean and that simply may be "not a lot" unless some things change. And I'm not sure how much they will change as many of these surgeons simply don't have an incentive to take insurance. They have thriving practices as is and don't have to put up with the hassles and headaches that come from dealing with insurance companies and as such can set their fees as they see fit.
With that being said, I shared a picture of myself the other day, so today we'll post one from the same day (a week ago Saturday) with both J and I. :)
With that I think I'll bid everyone a good night, and hopefully have a more upbeat subject next time. :)
- M
What if it does cover it? A great many people seem to think it's "just that simple", but I don't think it really is "that simple". There aren't all that many surgeons performing the procedure in the United States and the assumption is that even if her plan (or for that matter some/many/most other plans) will start to cover the costs, how many surgeons will actually take the insurance? I know Dr. Bowers does and her office from all accounts does a wonderful job working with people and their insurance companies to get things taken care of, but her waiting list tends to be very long (a year give or take is my understanding) and despite the fact that she is now working with a second surgeon (Dr. Nicole), I can only envision that if more insurance plans start to cover SRS that the situation is not going to improve.
Yes there are other surgeons who take insurance, but some (most?) either simply do not, or even if they do, they still require payment for their surgeon's fees up front and require you to deal with your insurance company to be reimbursed. I believe Dr. McGinn handles things this way and in that case I believe that means coming up with something in the vicinity of $14-15k (note: edited this up from $12k based upon talking to someone who just spoke with Dr. McGinn's office) up front for her fees and then hoping you can get some/most/all of your money back from the insurance company.
That doesn't even touch on the expenses outside of the actual procedure as for a great deal of those seeking surgery there will be travel, lodging, food, etc., for a good two weeks - oftentimes for two people as generally I believe you really do need someone to come with you for the procedure. Even done very cheaply I think this would add at least a couple of thousand dollars to the total that insurance isn't going to reimburse, and possibly significantly more.
So where does that leave me and others? Well, unless some things change beyond insurance simply covering the procedure, not a whole lot better off than we were. In my case, Dr. Bowers was my original choice and I'd be okay with the wait, especially if it turns out that J's plan will start covering it with this coming years plan. However, I believe we'd still have to come up with our deductible up front (I believe it was $5k this most recent year) - although I don't know that for certain - plus probably another $3-5k for travel/expenses/etc. Could we pull that off? I suppose so, but it wouldn't be overly easy to just come up with $8-10k for something that I/we didn't "have to have" so despite the fact that I'm certain J would say I/we should do it, I'm not sure I'm willing to put her/us in the position to have to sacrifice other things for that.
But if her plan chooses to not cover it until the following year (or not at all), then we're back to where I've been the last year or so, and that's trying to justify a good $20-25k to "hopefully" make me happy and the more I think about it, I just don't think I can justify the sacrifices needed to make that happen. Yes we'd see some of it back on our taxes the following year, but depending upon how things went down it probably wouldn't be all that much and even if I had the surgery late in the calendar year and filed taxes as early as possible we'd still be talking about several months before we'd see anything out of it.
So what's my point? Well I'm not really sure I have one other than to say for all of those who are talking about insurance and SRS - I'm hopeful that we start seeing more coverage just as many of you are, but I'm also realistic about what that coverage may really mean and that simply may be "not a lot" unless some things change. And I'm not sure how much they will change as many of these surgeons simply don't have an incentive to take insurance. They have thriving practices as is and don't have to put up with the hassles and headaches that come from dealing with insurance companies and as such can set their fees as they see fit.
With that being said, I shared a picture of myself the other day, so today we'll post one from the same day (a week ago Saturday) with both J and I. :)
With that I think I'll bid everyone a good night, and hopefully have a more upbeat subject next time. :)
- M
Saturday, September 13, 2014
A "Passing Obsession" Follow-up....
I had another post that I had started on and intended on finishing today, but I got a little distracted spending the day with J. When I sat down to work on it just now I checked the stats of the blog and noticed that this week something a little out of the ordinary happened. Since I wrote my detailed post about my Orchiectomy back on February 19th, 2014, it has consistently been the top viewed post. There have been *days* where other posts would have more views, but every single week since then that particular post has had the top amount of views, up until this week.
For whatever reason a post I wrote back on March 5th, 2014 has not only beaten the orchi post out almost every day this week, it's also been the top post for the entire week. The post in question was titled A "Passing Obsession" - A Transgender Quandary. Since for whatever reason it has seen a fair amount of activity this week - and it's now the third most viewed post of the entire blog - I thought I'd re-visit what I wrote a little over six months ago.
The first thing that comes to mind is that I've developed a real preference for the phrase "blending in" instead of the term "passing". I may or may not "pass" - especially up close where I have to carry on an extended conversation. My voice is still a struggle and up close some things may stand out more such as the size of my hands/feet - they are probably on the larger side for most cis-women, but small for most cis-men; my makeup may show some flaws that aren't evident from even a few feet away, and so on. However, I can deal with this in a multitude of ways, I can be selective about the majority of my interactions - for example I may pick a younger female cashier at the grocery store in lieu of an older male cashier, and so on.
What I feel is more important to me is to be able to "blend in". By that I mean be able to not draw excess scrutiny when I'm out and about. Don't get me wrong, I do want to "pass" and I do make a concerted effort to do so; but by being able to "blend in" more often than not I am able to pass by avoiding the scrutiny in the first place. Now some of you may have a different view on this than I do and as always you are welcome to have your own opinion - in fact I encourage that. However, for *ME*, this is how I see things and it works for me and as such I feel makes it the right decision for me. I make a point of this because I do spend a lot of time on sites like Reddit and passing seems to be one of the biggest (possibly the single biggest) concerns that those who chose to transition have. As I said above, I'm not naive enough to think that what works for me can/will/should work for everyone, but I also think that for at least some people this kind of approach might be helpful.
That being said, several of my points I made in the original post I still feel are important for me and I suspect others. None more than confidence. Everything I said about confidence in that first post still stands for me today:
The other thing that really stands out is to dress the part. As I said in that original post I love certain types of clothes; however, the clothes that I like may or may not be "appropriate" for where I'm going. For example, if I'm going grocery shopping I tend to dress more "soccer mom" than "night on the town". It's not that I don't love my skirts/dresses, heels, and heavier makeup - I do - but I tend to be more judicious about when I break those kinds of things out. That's not to say I won't wear a skirt/dress or heels to the grocery store - I do at times, but when I do I tend to pick more conservative skirt or dress and lower heels than I might for dinner out or a movie. I know there are some people who are of a mindset that they will dress how they want when they want and again that's fine. However, I do believe that walking into a grocery store in a mini-skirt, 5 inch stilettos, and bright red lipstick is growing to draw (potentially a lot) more attention than a longer skits, flats or wedges, and a more neutral makeup palette and for those who are worried about blending in and/or passing I think this extra attention is something they probably would want to avoid. But that's simply how I see things from my experiences.
The rest of the stuff I had there all still holds true to me; but of all of that the one remaining thing that I feel is most important is this:
I could go on for another few paragraphs, but it's getting late and I'm tired so I'll wrap this up here. I do want to share an obligatory picture for a thumbnail. This is how I went out shopping and to lunch with J and M *last Saturday* - I do have a picture from today but I'll save that for another update since I haven't had a chance to use last Saturday's. It's a new top paired with one of my favorite skirts.
And with that I bid you all a good night. :)
- M
For whatever reason a post I wrote back on March 5th, 2014 has not only beaten the orchi post out almost every day this week, it's also been the top post for the entire week. The post in question was titled A "Passing Obsession" - A Transgender Quandary. Since for whatever reason it has seen a fair amount of activity this week - and it's now the third most viewed post of the entire blog - I thought I'd re-visit what I wrote a little over six months ago.
The first thing that comes to mind is that I've developed a real preference for the phrase "blending in" instead of the term "passing". I may or may not "pass" - especially up close where I have to carry on an extended conversation. My voice is still a struggle and up close some things may stand out more such as the size of my hands/feet - they are probably on the larger side for most cis-women, but small for most cis-men; my makeup may show some flaws that aren't evident from even a few feet away, and so on. However, I can deal with this in a multitude of ways, I can be selective about the majority of my interactions - for example I may pick a younger female cashier at the grocery store in lieu of an older male cashier, and so on.
What I feel is more important to me is to be able to "blend in". By that I mean be able to not draw excess scrutiny when I'm out and about. Don't get me wrong, I do want to "pass" and I do make a concerted effort to do so; but by being able to "blend in" more often than not I am able to pass by avoiding the scrutiny in the first place. Now some of you may have a different view on this than I do and as always you are welcome to have your own opinion - in fact I encourage that. However, for *ME*, this is how I see things and it works for me and as such I feel makes it the right decision for me. I make a point of this because I do spend a lot of time on sites like Reddit and passing seems to be one of the biggest (possibly the single biggest) concerns that those who chose to transition have. As I said above, I'm not naive enough to think that what works for me can/will/should work for everyone, but I also think that for at least some people this kind of approach might be helpful.
That being said, several of my points I made in the original post I still feel are important for me and I suspect others. None more than confidence. Everything I said about confidence in that first post still stands for me today:
If you have it you've already nearly won the battle. Without it, it doesn't matter how nice you look, how good your mannerisms are, or how well your voice fits your presentation - people will pick up the lack of confidence and the attention will lead to you being "read" far more often than it should. Be it the grocery store, the mall, or wherever, act like you belong there and people normally won't give you a second glance. Act out of place and you'll have their undivided attention.I still get read at times, more than I'd like. But the more confident I've gotten the less often it happens. I no longer hesitate to go shopping, go out to eat, use the women's dressing room or rest room, or anything else. I act like I belong and I'm treated as if I do belong. Now perhaps at some point I'll run into someone who won't treat me as I feel I should be treated and when/if that happens I'll handle it as gracefully as I can and then pursue the issue with the "powers that be". Hopefully that will never happen, but statistically I'm sure it will, but unlike six months ago I no longer fear or even worry the least little bit about that day finally happening. I simply expect things to go well and so far they have. It doesn't mean I'm not prepared for the situation where they don't, but I no longer feel the need to ponder the possibility of it every time before I leave the house.
The other thing that really stands out is to dress the part. As I said in that original post I love certain types of clothes; however, the clothes that I like may or may not be "appropriate" for where I'm going. For example, if I'm going grocery shopping I tend to dress more "soccer mom" than "night on the town". It's not that I don't love my skirts/dresses, heels, and heavier makeup - I do - but I tend to be more judicious about when I break those kinds of things out. That's not to say I won't wear a skirt/dress or heels to the grocery store - I do at times, but when I do I tend to pick more conservative skirt or dress and lower heels than I might for dinner out or a movie. I know there are some people who are of a mindset that they will dress how they want when they want and again that's fine. However, I do believe that walking into a grocery store in a mini-skirt, 5 inch stilettos, and bright red lipstick is growing to draw (potentially a lot) more attention than a longer skits, flats or wedges, and a more neutral makeup palette and for those who are worried about blending in and/or passing I think this extra attention is something they probably would want to avoid. But that's simply how I see things from my experiences.
The rest of the stuff I had there all still holds true to me; but of all of that the one remaining thing that I feel is most important is this:
Even if you are "read", it's not the end of the world and DO NOT let it ruin your attitude or confidence. This one was hard for me for a while as when I felt I didn't pass my confidence sagged and my attitude with it. Biggest mistake I made; and one I really hope that anybody who reads this can avoid.As I said above I do get read at times; less often than I did six months ago, but even once is once more than I and probably most everyone who transitions would like. When I wrote the above statement about not letting it ruin attitude or confidence I was still working on following that advice. Well six months later I do follow that advice. Even when I'm obviously read - as I was by the woman behind J and I in the checkout at the grocery store this evening - I not only didn't let it ruin my night - I didn't care. I had passed plenty of times earlier in the day and plenty of times after that little hiccup and I had a wonderful day with J regardless. Six months ago, that might not have been the case. I might have wanted to come home and take off the wig and makeup, change into a nightgown, and stayed in for the night. Instead J and I came home to drop off the groceries, went and fed some geese that have taken up residence for now where they are adding on to our subdivision, went out for dinner, and then came home and went for a nice long walk. That women in the checkout line behind me - I have no idea who she is, nor will I likely ever see her again, so why in the world should I care what she did or didn't think about me? If she had a problem, well then that's *her* problem. I was having a nice day with J and I was not about to let some random stranger doing some staring change that. I know it can be hard to have that kind of attitude - I sure didn't when I started transitioning or even when I went full-time - but now that I do truly live by that I am so very much happier and I believe J is as well since we do get out more and stay out longer than we did before.
I could go on for another few paragraphs, but it's getting late and I'm tired so I'll wrap this up here. I do want to share an obligatory picture for a thumbnail. This is how I went out shopping and to lunch with J and M *last Saturday* - I do have a picture from today but I'll save that for another update since I haven't had a chance to use last Saturday's. It's a new top paired with one of my favorite skirts.
And with that I bid you all a good night. :)
- M
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
My Two Cents (And Then Some) About Chase Culpepper
For those that aren't familiar with that name, Chase Culpepper is a 16 year old living in South Carolina. His name came into the news a while back when the South Carolina DMV required him to remove his makeup for his drivers license photo. He's back in the news this week due to a lawsuit that has been filed over this. Here is a link to a CNN article about it, if you don't like CNN a simple search will turn up plenty of other pieces on the subject. Now before I go on, let me get a few things out of the way:
But what really gets me are the large amount of mean, hateful, and simply nasty comments I've seen on the various articles. It seems to run about 50/50 as far as support. Hey, if people don't want to condone his lifestyle choices (or mine, or anyone else's for that matter) - hey that's their choice. But to say the things that are being said - well it really pains me to such a segment of our society feels the need to do that. Maybe I'm a little touchier on this kind of thing than some would be simply because of my own gender issues, but even before I made the decision to transition this would have bothered me. I disagree with people, ideas, etc., all the time, but I try to do it constructively and without resorting to the kind of vitriol I've seen come up here.
And you know what? Even if the portion of people acting like this don't agree with his lifestyle choices, perhaps they should take a step back and think about the bigger picture here. If South Carolina can enforce this, it's really not that far a leap for them to tell somebody to shave their beard or mustache, to cut their hair, to take off a wig/toupee, change their clothing, and so on. Perhaps some people would be fine with those things, but I'm guessing a significant portion of these people spewing the hate would be upset if one of those things happened to them. If the young person was a cis-woman, is there anyone here who thinks that the picture taker would have required the makeup to be removed? I know I don't and I really don't know that anyone else would be able to argue that with a straight face.
So yes, there are plenty of "bigger issues" to be upset about, and for that matter plenty of "smaller issues" to worry about. But this issue struck a chord with me - because of the actual issue, but more because of the way so many people are reacting to it... Off my soapbox (for now). :)
- M
While some/many/most people who might read this may think that there are plenty of bigger issues that I could be writing about and perhaps those people would be right. However, this is in the news right now and I do think that there is some relevance to more people than some might initially realize. This by no means is to minimize any other issues, this particular subject just struck a nerve with me, and really not even so much the issue itself as many people's reaction to it and that's why I'm writing about it now.With that out of the way a little background for those that are not familiar with the issue and didn't want to read the linked article above. The young person in question considers himself "gender non-conforming", and often chooses to wear makeup and dresses. He passed his drivers exam in March (apparently with a perfect score), but when it came time to take the photo for his license he was told that he had to remove his makeup because he was not allowed to "wear a disguise" and he "didn't look like a boy should". I think those comments from the DMV employee(s) in question are bad enough on their own. If you've seen any of his pictures, I personally feel the makeup is very tasteful and well done - it doesn't appear to me that he was trying to "disguise" himself in any manner. And for the DMV to feel they should tell anyone how they should look - I simply don't get that at all.
But what really gets me are the large amount of mean, hateful, and simply nasty comments I've seen on the various articles. It seems to run about 50/50 as far as support. Hey, if people don't want to condone his lifestyle choices (or mine, or anyone else's for that matter) - hey that's their choice. But to say the things that are being said - well it really pains me to such a segment of our society feels the need to do that. Maybe I'm a little touchier on this kind of thing than some would be simply because of my own gender issues, but even before I made the decision to transition this would have bothered me. I disagree with people, ideas, etc., all the time, but I try to do it constructively and without resorting to the kind of vitriol I've seen come up here.
And you know what? Even if the portion of people acting like this don't agree with his lifestyle choices, perhaps they should take a step back and think about the bigger picture here. If South Carolina can enforce this, it's really not that far a leap for them to tell somebody to shave their beard or mustache, to cut their hair, to take off a wig/toupee, change their clothing, and so on. Perhaps some people would be fine with those things, but I'm guessing a significant portion of these people spewing the hate would be upset if one of those things happened to them. If the young person was a cis-woman, is there anyone here who thinks that the picture taker would have required the makeup to be removed? I know I don't and I really don't know that anyone else would be able to argue that with a straight face.
So yes, there are plenty of "bigger issues" to be upset about, and for that matter plenty of "smaller issues" to worry about. But this issue struck a chord with me - because of the actual issue, but more because of the way so many people are reacting to it... Off my soapbox (for now). :)
- M
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Transitioning Dates And Milestones...
There are lots of important dates and milestones in any of our lives. Some we have little control over such as the date of our birth or in many/most cases the date of our death. Others, well we get to chose those - things such as getting married, getting a drivers license, starting work, and so on. Now with those things we not only get to chose the date(s), but we get to chose if we undertake those things, though working is something very few can avoid. :)
I've got plenty of important dates in my life beyond the ones I mentioned above. The birth of my daughter P, the date I proposed to J, the date J and I finally got married, and so on. Those dates are important enough to me that I remember the exact date (month/day/year) of them. Other dates, while still important to me - well I know loosely when they happened. I know for example that M and I were married in 1993, actually I know the full date since our "anniversary" as the day prior to my birthday, but it's only because of that; I know that we were divorced in 2004, but despite being able to look the date up I don't know exactly when it was. I know loosely when I got my license (it was after football season ended my junior year of high school), I know the month/year that we closed on our house, and I know approximately what year(s) we got each of our cats. All of those dates are important, just some more important than others and those are the ones I do tend to recall the exact date(s) of.
When it comes to transitioning - be it my own or I believe most anyone's - there are plenty of dates and/or milestones in the process. Some of these are more important than others, though I suspect that each of us has our own ideas about which ones are those "more important ones". :) Even for myself I've found that some dates have become less and less important over time, while others are just as (if not more) significant than they originally were.
As an example, I know the date that I decided I wanted to transition and that I talked to J about it - June 29th, 2012; although the "seeds were sown" over the few days prior to that. That date will probably always stick with me. On the other hand, while I know the date I started HRT was December 19th, 2012 (well technically the 20th as I didn't pick up the prescription until the next day) - I wasn't entirely sure of the exact date and had to look it up to confirm it. I *knew* it was December 2012 for sure and I knew it was towards the end of the month, but I simply wasn't 100% of the 19th. I'm guessing given a little more time that I'll forget the "19th" and perhaps eventually even the December and/or 2012 parts of it. For some neither of the two dates I've mentioned may be things they would even make an effort to remember, for others they might mark both dates on the calendar, and for some perhaps they are like me in that the decision date was simply more important than the HRT date.
I think the difference to me is that I considering starting HRT more of a "milestone" so to speak than anything. It's sort of like using the "ladies room" - I vividly recall several experiences in that regard. The first time was at brunch with J and M at a local casino. The first time I did so completely by myself, it was at the medical building where I see Dr. Swenson. And the first time that I do so without even really thinking about it was at lunch with J and M at a local pizza place not all that long ago. While I'm sure I could look up those dates from blog posts; or in the case of Dr. Swenson, my discharge paperwork; the dates aren't really important to me, but rather the fact that I did those things. The same goes for when I consider myself going "full-time", again I could probably find the date, or get it from my therapist since it was the day after a visit with her, but the actual date isn't important to me, but rather that I crossed that off of my "list" of things I needed/wanted to do. Not all "milestones" will be dates that I eventually forget - my orchiectomy (February 15th, 2014) probably being one of those, but in that case it's simply because it was the day after Valentine's day which will cause it to stick in my mind; but even more because J and I had such a wonderful few days together so the whole trip will stick with me.
I'm not really sure what my point was here or that I even really had one. What actually caused me to write about this was a post that J has been working on for the better part of two months (perhaps she'll finish it at some point <G>) and she mentioned dates in it and how she's not very good with them. Well sweetie, all kidding aside, I don't recall as many dates as you think - at least not without looking some of them up - I just like to have a little fun with you sometimes. :)
- M
I've got plenty of important dates in my life beyond the ones I mentioned above. The birth of my daughter P, the date I proposed to J, the date J and I finally got married, and so on. Those dates are important enough to me that I remember the exact date (month/day/year) of them. Other dates, while still important to me - well I know loosely when they happened. I know for example that M and I were married in 1993, actually I know the full date since our "anniversary" as the day prior to my birthday, but it's only because of that; I know that we were divorced in 2004, but despite being able to look the date up I don't know exactly when it was. I know loosely when I got my license (it was after football season ended my junior year of high school), I know the month/year that we closed on our house, and I know approximately what year(s) we got each of our cats. All of those dates are important, just some more important than others and those are the ones I do tend to recall the exact date(s) of.
When it comes to transitioning - be it my own or I believe most anyone's - there are plenty of dates and/or milestones in the process. Some of these are more important than others, though I suspect that each of us has our own ideas about which ones are those "more important ones". :) Even for myself I've found that some dates have become less and less important over time, while others are just as (if not more) significant than they originally were.
As an example, I know the date that I decided I wanted to transition and that I talked to J about it - June 29th, 2012; although the "seeds were sown" over the few days prior to that. That date will probably always stick with me. On the other hand, while I know the date I started HRT was December 19th, 2012 (well technically the 20th as I didn't pick up the prescription until the next day) - I wasn't entirely sure of the exact date and had to look it up to confirm it. I *knew* it was December 2012 for sure and I knew it was towards the end of the month, but I simply wasn't 100% of the 19th. I'm guessing given a little more time that I'll forget the "19th" and perhaps eventually even the December and/or 2012 parts of it. For some neither of the two dates I've mentioned may be things they would even make an effort to remember, for others they might mark both dates on the calendar, and for some perhaps they are like me in that the decision date was simply more important than the HRT date.
I think the difference to me is that I considering starting HRT more of a "milestone" so to speak than anything. It's sort of like using the "ladies room" - I vividly recall several experiences in that regard. The first time was at brunch with J and M at a local casino. The first time I did so completely by myself, it was at the medical building where I see Dr. Swenson. And the first time that I do so without even really thinking about it was at lunch with J and M at a local pizza place not all that long ago. While I'm sure I could look up those dates from blog posts; or in the case of Dr. Swenson, my discharge paperwork; the dates aren't really important to me, but rather the fact that I did those things. The same goes for when I consider myself going "full-time", again I could probably find the date, or get it from my therapist since it was the day after a visit with her, but the actual date isn't important to me, but rather that I crossed that off of my "list" of things I needed/wanted to do. Not all "milestones" will be dates that I eventually forget - my orchiectomy (February 15th, 2014) probably being one of those, but in that case it's simply because it was the day after Valentine's day which will cause it to stick in my mind; but even more because J and I had such a wonderful few days together so the whole trip will stick with me.
I'm not really sure what my point was here or that I even really had one. What actually caused me to write about this was a post that J has been working on for the better part of two months (perhaps she'll finish it at some point <G>) and she mentioned dates in it and how she's not very good with them. Well sweetie, all kidding aside, I don't recall as many dates as you think - at least not without looking some of them up - I just like to have a little fun with you sometimes. :)
- M
Monday, September 1, 2014
A Wonderful Weekend
As J is on a "rotation" schedule (4 on, 2 off), her days off don't align with mine very often; but as it happened they did this week. Originally the "plan" was for M, J, and myself to go get our eyebrows threaded on Saturday morning. I prefer to go completely "done up" as I seem to get a better job done when I'm in full makeup and such than I do if I show up "casual", which would have meant being up *early* on Saturday morning. Well J and I didn't get to bed very early on Friday night so we didn't want to get up very early on Saturday. I worked it out with M that her and I would swing by the threading place on Monday as I had promised to take her and P to a Japanese festival since they have to work the evening prior and she didn't want to drive on little sleep and with it being a holiday I was off. J would get hers done later in the week when she went to visit her parents.
However, by the time this happened, J and I were awake - in hindsight we should have went ahead and gotten our eyebrows done, but by then M was heading to bed. J was going to go get us lunch, but at the last minute I decided I'd like to go with her and we had a nice lunch together, ran by the bank, and did some grocery shopping. It sounds silly, but we had a good time. I made dinner that evening, pulled buffalo chicken sandwiches and scalloped potatoes, and we watched some television and even got some walking in. It was a nice evening.
But today was even better. We got up fairly early as J was going to see about going to her parents, but they had plans so we started to settle in and do "nothing" - but at the last minute we decided to go see a movie. In 8 years we've been to only two - the "Simpsons Movie" and the fourth "Indiana Jones" movie, so it's been several years since we've went. We caught the 11am showing of Guardians Of The Galaxy - it was pretty good, although I didn't like it as much as some of the other "Marvel Movies" such as Iron Man or the Avengers, but it wasn't about the movie, but rather about spending 2+ hours in that theater with J. We snuggled and enjoyed ourselves more than we had in a long while.
After the movie we went across the parking lot and had a nice lunch at Qdoba, it's not someplace that I'd normally "ask for", but I know J likes it and truthfully it was a good lunch. From there we ran by the grocery store to get a few things for dinner and then by Wal-Mart to pick up some prescriptions for M that we had forgotten to get the day before. We came home and did "this and that" - me prepping dinner - seafood quesadilla's and taquitos, J did some laundry and so on. It was mundane stuff, but we were together and it was again wonderful. I know it probably sounds silly to have enjoyed the time while I was grating cheese and she was doing our laundry, but I did. We spent some more time together this evening before she went to bed - she has to work early - in fact I should probably get some sleep, but I'm working while I'm typing this so it's productive time.
Suffice it to say it was the best weekend I've had in a *long time* - arguably the best one J and I have had - the trip to Detroit for my orchi was very good too - but most of that weekend she was "taking care of me" in hotel rooms versus us actually getting out and doing things so I'd rank this one higher and I can't wait for the next time our days off line up like this. I love you so much sweetie. :)
And since I've been slacking about thumbnails on my posts - here's a picture from the other day. I'm still struggling with the new hair, but it's growing on me. :)
- M
However, by the time this happened, J and I were awake - in hindsight we should have went ahead and gotten our eyebrows done, but by then M was heading to bed. J was going to go get us lunch, but at the last minute I decided I'd like to go with her and we had a nice lunch together, ran by the bank, and did some grocery shopping. It sounds silly, but we had a good time. I made dinner that evening, pulled buffalo chicken sandwiches and scalloped potatoes, and we watched some television and even got some walking in. It was a nice evening.
But today was even better. We got up fairly early as J was going to see about going to her parents, but they had plans so we started to settle in and do "nothing" - but at the last minute we decided to go see a movie. In 8 years we've been to only two - the "Simpsons Movie" and the fourth "Indiana Jones" movie, so it's been several years since we've went. We caught the 11am showing of Guardians Of The Galaxy - it was pretty good, although I didn't like it as much as some of the other "Marvel Movies" such as Iron Man or the Avengers, but it wasn't about the movie, but rather about spending 2+ hours in that theater with J. We snuggled and enjoyed ourselves more than we had in a long while.
After the movie we went across the parking lot and had a nice lunch at Qdoba, it's not someplace that I'd normally "ask for", but I know J likes it and truthfully it was a good lunch. From there we ran by the grocery store to get a few things for dinner and then by Wal-Mart to pick up some prescriptions for M that we had forgotten to get the day before. We came home and did "this and that" - me prepping dinner - seafood quesadilla's and taquitos, J did some laundry and so on. It was mundane stuff, but we were together and it was again wonderful. I know it probably sounds silly to have enjoyed the time while I was grating cheese and she was doing our laundry, but I did. We spent some more time together this evening before she went to bed - she has to work early - in fact I should probably get some sleep, but I'm working while I'm typing this so it's productive time.
Suffice it to say it was the best weekend I've had in a *long time* - arguably the best one J and I have had - the trip to Detroit for my orchi was very good too - but most of that weekend she was "taking care of me" in hotel rooms versus us actually getting out and doing things so I'd rank this one higher and I can't wait for the next time our days off line up like this. I love you so much sweetie. :)
And since I've been slacking about thumbnails on my posts - here's a picture from the other day. I'm still struggling with the new hair, but it's growing on me. :)
- M
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