I tend to share a lot of things here; some personal (more than I ever thought), and some actual experiences which was the initial point of the blog. I've also shared my experiences elsewhere, with Reddit being the most common these days. Perhaps some people can find it helpful, perhaps not, but either way I've made an effort.
The one thing I try to be careful about is giving advice. Advice to me is dangerous ground as while we all have experiences and opinions, all of us also live/work/play under different circumstances. Perhaps those circumstances are financial, perhaps family, perhaps job related, and so on, but no two people are ever in the exact same circumstances so what I or anyone else may want to suggest may or may not be the right thing for somebody else. So while I'm definitely not bashful about sharing *my experiences* with people, I always am careful about commenting on anything when it is something like "<blah blah blah>, what should I do?" kinds of questions. I'm not saying I don't make comments on occasion, but they are always thought out and carefully worded.
The reason I'm talking about this now is that I see a lot of those types of posts on Reddit - and for that matter I used to see them on Susan's and Laura's Playground too; Reddit is just "busier" and tends to have more of those; especially younger people and that's where my concern lies. One thing that therapy has helped me with is to look back at moments in my life and how it relates to me choosing to finally transition. Remember that I grew up well before the Internet was what it is today. I was in my early 20's before it was what I would consider readily available to the public and I was really into my late 20's before it became the vast entity it is today. So I didn't have the resources then that are out there today about the gender issues I struggled with and the transitioning process. Yes people did it back then, but you couldn't just go do a Google search and find more information than you could read in a lifetime.
The first I heard about a "sex-change" was Danielle Bunten Berry. Dan Bunten was a software designer who worked on several games that I spent a lot of time playing when I was younger such as M.U.L.E. and 7 Cities Of Gold. I read about him a lot in the various computer magazines back then and he became sort of an idol of mine - the fact that he was originally from the St. Louis area didn't hurt either. I believe it was 1992 that Dan Bunten had SRS and became Danielle Bunten Berry. I'm sure it took time, but it really seemed to just happen over night and there were a few articles that I was able to see at the time (I found a lot more a few years later on the Internet). As much as Dan Bunten was an idol to me, Danielle was even more so as she had done what I felt I wanted to do and that was transition to a female. I was crushed later on when I read how poorly it ended up going for her and how she was basically miserable with her decision. I won't lie, that did have an impact on my thoughts and was one of (along with getting married and having a daughter) the reasons I sort of gave up the issue back then.
So why is the last paragraph relevant to this? I see so many younger people that are looking into DIY HRT and trying to make life altering decisions without involving their parents, therapists, Doctors, and so on; and it worries me. I would be the first to admit that children these days are a lot more informed then I was back then; but no matter how informed they may or may not be; they lack life experiences and in many cases the understanding of the consequences that may come from a given decision. As a parent myself I'm not sure how I would've handled it if my daughter would've wanted to transition herself at say 15 or 16; I'd like to think I would've been understanding and done whatever I could for her. In my mind that would've been getting her to see a gender therapist and then going forward from there. However, perhaps I feel that way because of myself; and there are plenty of parents out there who would not handle it well for various reasons. So I understand the apprehension of a young person who feels like transitioning is for them, I'm just concerned about how it will play out when they decide to dive into the deep end of the pool with no lifeguard on duty so to speak.
Now what does the last paragraph have to do with the topic? Well, it comes down to people giving advice on sites such as Reddit, etc. I'm sure (most) of it is given with good intentions - at least I hope so - but I also think that a lot of it is given without any consideration of who the advice is being given to. Now these are simply my opinions, but for example I find it incredibly irresponsible to tell a 16 year old that it's fine to start self-medicating hormones. I find it irresponsible to tell a 16 year old that transitioning is the right choice for them when the only knowledge you have of them is a short post on how they feel. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I hear the term "informed consent" pop up a lot when it comes to justifying DIY HRT, and for the right person perhaps that's fine, but just how "informed" is the consent of somebody who is say 16 going to be?
At 16, are they really ready for the things that come with transition? In the right setting it may well be the right decision and work out wonderfully. However, in the wrong setting it may well end up as a disaster and that's what bothers me so much. I just wish that more thought was given to some of the advice that's being dispensed to people, especially younger people. Giving them a picture of the best possible scenario - well it may make them feel better at the moment, but I think it's sending them down a path where they may not consider how it's more likely to be and that's a recipe for disaster *in my opinion*. Just to be clear, I'm not against giving advice, I'm not against younger people transitioning; what I'm against is painting a rosy picture that all will be wonderful; when the more likely scenario is that it will be difficult at best and possible more than they are ready to handle at such a young age. Maybe I'm wrong in my views on all of this and I welcome dissenting opinions.
- M
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