Growing up I was a smaller child; or at least it seemed that way. I think part of it was my age in comparison to my peers. I did start school a year earlier than most and when my senior year started I was still 16 instead of the 17/18 most of my classmates were. I did play 3 years of high school football as an offensive lineman, so you might think I was good sized, but that would be wrong. In fact my senior year I actually started as the right guard on the offensive line and my weight by the time the first game of the season rolled around? A whole 125lbs and a height of 5 feet 7 on a good day (in spikes). At my size I was probably better than many would expect, but by no means anything special. However, due to my academics I did some mild interest from a few D3 schools, including Washington University here in St. Louis. While WashU would've been a nice school for me to attend, the price even with grants, scholarships, and such was higher than was really feasible for us without me burying myself in student loans. As such as I ended up going to the University of Missouri - Columbia for year on a full-ride (that's a different story for another day).
The point of all that was that suddenly without football and football practice and being away from home for the first time I started putting on weight. I didn't really get the "Freshman 15", but more the "Freshman 25", which made me start to look chubby, but not too bad as I had incredibly muscular legs from pushing that 7-man sled around in practice. I stayed around 150lbs for a couple of years, but eventually I started to creep upwards. Eventually a couple of years ago I had hit nearly 260lbs which on my frame *is a lot*. Truth be told, all five of us could stand to lose some weight and at times we have, J did some great work a couple of years ago when she was running a lot, but she's slipped since. Three years ago, M talked me into trying the HCG diet and that was effective for me and I lost 25-30lbs; but I couldn't keep it off and put it on within 1-2 months of going off of the diet. I had sort of given up on being any smaller.
Then came my decision to transition. I won't say my weight was a deterrent to me doing so as I've obviously pursued it anyway; but the further in I've gotten the more it's concerned me. Part of that is simply my overall health, especially the last few months since J and I's relationship has gotten so much better (not that it was bad before, but it's different now), part of it is simply vanity. I'm not saying that you can't find cute "plus sized" clothes as I have some; but as you get bigger the options dwindle and that frustrated me. Not to mention that a larger person is simply more prone to get scrutinized and in public I want to fit it. However, the single biggest "incentive" for me to do something is that at least some, if not all, of the "name" SRS/GRS surgeon's basically have weight limits in place. Dr. McGinn wants I believe a BMI <=28, Dr. Bowers wants I believe a weight <= 210lbs, and so on.
Now, as I've discussed I'm in a best case probably 2-3 years from pursuing surgery, but I was also a good 50lbs (Dr. Bowers requirement) to 80lbs (Dr. McGinn's BMI requirement) over the weight I'd need to be. Now while I initially was interested in Dr. Bowers, from what I've gathered her wait list is exceedingly long so I've moved my focus to either Dr. Brassard in Canada or Dr. McGinn. Going to Canada is more of an "all inclusive" experience and I'd likely go alone, but if I went to Dr. McGinn then J would go and she wants that so that means 80lbs need to come off.
I started working on things when J went away for her training last year. With her gone I was able to better watch what I ate and I started losing weight. Over those 8 weeks I lost about 20-25lbs and got down to the 235lb range and was much happier with myself. Over the next couple of months I lost another 10-15lbs, I actually got as low as just under 222lbs, but I more or less settled around 225lbs. By then we entered the holidays and I would gain a few pounds here or there, but I could get right back to around 225lbs without much effort which made me happy to be able to maintain that weight for so long.
Well here we are in March 2014, I'm still around the 225lb mark which is nice that I can maintain that weight, but I still need to lose 45lbs (if I want to see Dr. McGinn). Over the last few months I've discovered how much I do like to cook and I tend to try and make J (and anybody else who wants it) dinner most nights and we do get out more so it's gotten hard to get going again. So recently because I know J wants to go when/if I have SRS/GRS, I made her an offer, if she can help see that I get down to 180lbs and stay there then we'll pursue Dr. McGinn in lieu of Dr. Brassard and she could go with me. As such we've put some processes in place that hopefully will help. I had intended on getting to those here, but this has run long so I guess this will be a 2 part entry after all. :)
- M
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