Actually my anniversary with J was yesterday; but I didn't get a chance to write this until now and it's after midnight. J and I have actually been together going on 9 years; but it took us a while to get married. In fact, we might not have gotten around to getting married when we did if not for an unfortunate situation that was going on - but that's really beside the point. While our marriage was pushed up because of that situation - it was actually long over due. We had talked about doing something special like going somewhere to get married or even up in a hot air balloon, but as it was - it was a small private ceremony with her parents, M/M2/P, and us along with the person who performed the marriage. While I hate to do it since it's a "pre-Madison" picture - here's one from our wedding day. And *yes* I know the date says 10/25/09, but somebody (probably me) had set the camera date incorrectly. :)
Looking back over the last five years there have been plenty of ups and downs, and lots of changes - both good and bad; but one thing has never changed. And that is how much we love each other. Well perhaps even that is not true. I honestly believe that I love J more now than I did then. It's not that I didn't love her then - or even prior to that - but it's different now. Has my transition played a part in that? I'm sure it has, but it's more than that. Before I loved J and was glad that I was with her; but now I not only love J, but now I realize that I *need* her. I know the line is a huge cliche - but she really does "complete me".
The fact that she loves me as much now - if not more - as Madison than she ever did as the "old me" - well that is just one more in a long line of reasons that I know I've been blessed to have such a special woman in my life. That's not to say we don't have issues from time to time - we do; but as I've mentioned before I really have a hard time believing that any relationship doesn't have issues from time to time. And again as I've said before I think how you deal with those issues that defines not only who you are, but what your relationship will be. This is where I think my transition has had the most effect on things.
I've said it before and I'll repeat it now - I'm like a "shooting star" when it comes to getting angry. I get very mad for a very short time and then it's all gone. That's hard for a person like J to deal with as she doesn't get angry hardly at all and she often has issues dealing with me when I'm angry. As I've transitioned, I can't say I don't still have my moments, but I really do believe they are far fewer than they were before and I think they "burn out" far quicker than they did before. While I wish those moments were completely gone - and I'm working diligently on that - I can honestly say that I'm learning to let things go now that would've caused a fight in years past. I firmly attribute this bit of progress to my transition.
But this isn't about issues - this is about all the wonderful times we have had and continue to have. I can honestly say that every year we've been together has been better than the prior years and I firmly believe that this will continue to be the case and nothing in this world makes me happier than thinking about that. I'm sure she'll read this - so to you J - let me just say how much the last five years (and those years prior to our marriage) mean to me and how much I look forward to every day we will have together going forward. You mean the world to me and I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. Happy Anniversary sweetheart. <3
- M
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