Well, a year ago today the court granted my legal gender marker change. I actually went to court on October 4th, 2013 and my name change was granted that day; but there was a 30 day hold on the gender marker change. At the time it was a big deal to me as this state technically requires surgery in order to obtain an updated gender marker so I wasn't sure if I would actually be successful in court or not as I was pre-op. Now let me say that I do know a few people who have managed to get their licenses updated pre-op in this state, but that is hit or miss and as such I had not tried because of that. I suppose going to court was also hit or miss, but I had some help from a nice woman who had done it before me as well as a nice lawyer who made it very simple.
At first I was actually almost ecstatic - I suppose I felt somehow validated that I was "legally" considered "female" even as far as my birth certificate went. Looking back I guess it's kind of silly to have felt that way as does it really matter all that much what that little piece of paper known as a birth certificate said? In reality probably not, but at the time it was important to me. I did start changing my name (and gender marker where relevant) over time - although there are still a few things I haven't updated for one reason or another. I will say that one thing that it did really make a difference for me was my license. As I said above - perhaps I could have gotten it changed anyway, but that would have depended upon the kindness of someone at the DMV - so to be able to have a court order in hand made it a fairly painless process. But back to the license - getting it changed allowed me to start feeling comfortable using the ladies room.
As the title says, I'm now looking back on this a year later and thinking about what has/hasn't changed because of trip through the courts. I will say from a positive perspective I am now completely comfortable using the ladies room. Not that I've had any issue(s), but if someone where to make one I am legally female and I would like to believe that this simple fact would preclude any issues. But what about beyond that?
Well in reality, while there have been plenty of changes for J and I both individually and together; really almost none of them relate to the gender marker change. Yes I'm now on her insurance as a "Female", the same can be said for my Doctor's offices, but the reality is that those changes don't mean much of anything other than to make me feel good. Otherwise, beyond some cashier wanting to see my license, I don't know that it really mattered all that much in the grand scheme of things. The truth is that the court order, the birth certificate, or even my license are just pieces of paper and they don't really and truly mean much to me. They could say I was a Vulcan for all it matter, I know who and what I am and I know how J and the others who care about me see me and really *that* is all that matters.
So in hindsight, I guess it was still worth it - if for nothing else because it has made using the "right" bathroom much more comfortable for me; but beyond that I'm not sure if I could go back a year that I'd go through the trouble to do it again.
- M
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