So Who's The Boy?

The number one question that seems to be asked when people find out that my wife is married to a Transgender Woman is "So Who's The Boy?".

I guess that the question is probably the same one that any "same sex" couple gets and as such it's never really bothered me.  My wife on the other - well it's hit or miss with her.  Most of the time she will laugh it off or have some witty response; but every so often it does seem to agitate her a bit.  Perhaps it's the way it's asked - most seem to ask it out of legitimate curiosity, but on occasion it's asked in almost a repulsive manner and I think those are times she gets agitated.  Not that I appreciate it when it's conveyed in that manner either; but I generally try and be a little more graceful about my response.  If the negativity continues - well then that's simply somebody I have no desire to be around any longer.  Now that's often easier for me than her since I work from home.

As far as the actual answer - well there really isn't one.  When it comes to many things I would say I'm the more "girly" of the two of us; but that doesn't make her "the boy".  And there are things that she would be the more "girly" one of us; that doesn't define me as "the boy" either.  We simply see it as two people in love and never look at it from the perspective that one of us has to be the girl and one of us the boy.  For those that can understand that - well that's great.  For those that can't/won't - well to us that's their problem, not ours.

Now from a legal perspective, it does matter a little bit as we are married in a state that does NOT currently embrace same-sex marriages.  Before we made the decision for me to transition - and yes I mean "WE" since I love my wife so much that had if she had not wanted me to, I would not have - I looked into this as extensively as I could.  I spoke with other transgender couples in the state, attorneys, burned the midnight oil searching Google, and so on.  To the best of knowledge, since we were married prior to my transition, the state of Missouri seems to basically "ignore" situations such as this.  That's not a set in stone legal opinion as there doesn't appear to be any statute specifically addressing this (at least that I, nor anyone I spoke to, could find) so that could change down the line; but if so I guess we'd cross that bridge when we came to.  I guess worst case we'd have to move to a state that did support it - really other than her parents there's nothing holding us here - there are Wal-Marts all over the country for her and I work remotely so I simply need a decent Internet connection - so we could move anywhere.  Now I'm (reasonably) happy here, so I'd hate for it to come to that, but....

I've got some work to do - trying to get a little bit ahead of things this week - so I'm going to cut this short here.  As always thanks for reading.

- M