This first post on this topic focused on what I now consider to be my "immediate family"; and the second one on my "extended family". This post will conclude the topic with my "friends".
Let me first say that I've never been one to have very many friends. A "friend" to me is someone I can trust, confide in, and is there for me just as I would be there for them. While many people consider people that they are only casually acquainted with their friends; that's not me. I generally also keep my distance form co-workers as well.
So when the decision to transition to Madison was made; I didn't have the concerns over friends that many transgender people do. The people I am friendly with is very limited and the majority of my interactions are via email and/or social networking - I'm not the kind of person who "goes out" very often, so I had few that I intended to tell.
The first two people I discussed this with were my current wife and my ex-wife (who I'll refer to as "M" going forward for her privacy) who I've discussed previously is now in all reality my best friend. They were both supportive and accepting - in fact it was really M who planted the seed that maybe I should transition - we were having lunch while my wife was in Alaska fishing with her parents and it came up in casual conversation. The reason it had come up is recently a former co-worker (I'll call her "D" for purposes of her privacy) of all of ours had ran into M and she had invited her over for dinner. D is a trans-woman and is incredibly passable and had been living full-time for years (I hadn't seen her in a good 5-6 years). D looked so much happier with her life that it made an impact on us and that's what we were discussing over that lunch. After all of the years of thinking it wasn't realistic to do; that day it hit me that maybe it was feasible - the fact that D was so successful played a huge role in my thought process - so I started looking into it privately. After a couple of days of research I discussed it with my wife (she was still in Alaska) and with her support, then discussed it with my M.
The "circle" stayed at that for a couple of months while I arranged to start gender therapy. M and I did arrange to have lunch out with D. I had lots of questions and D was very gracious in answering them, including some personal ones. The only bad part of that day was our experience at Chevy's which was detailed in this post (http://stltg.blogspot.com/2013/10/st-louis-area-tg-experiences.html). After speaking with D I was more encouraged than ever. In fact she was kind enough to ride with myself and my wife to see the therapist the first time (it's about a 40 minute drive each way).
I didn't do much for the first couple of visits; but I started to build some confidence after perhaps my third visit and decided it was time to let a few people know. The first "friend" I said something too was actually somebody I've never met in person. We became "Facebook Friends" years ago playing Farmville and we had chatted from time to time and I really considered her a good friend. Additionally she is a lesbian and as such I felt she'd be more likely to be understanding than most. She was and continues to be incredibly supportive - including providing critiques of wigs and outfits which means a lot to me since sometimes I feel my wife and M would tell me I looked nice no matter how I looked.
The next couple of people were a former co-worker from a past job who was actually a friend (sort of) of M, and a wonderful young woman who I worked with in my prior job (she was the I.T. person for a company that used our company as their POS provider). I've slowly increased the list of people that know - it's now up to probably 30 people. A few stand out though. I did tell a former co-worker that I did like at my prior job - he was laid-off simply because they felt he was over paid and that never sat well with me and was part of the reason I left that company. He's been probably the only one that I've told that hasn't been outright supportive - but even he is at least understanding. And ironically not too long ago I got an email from him that a person at his current job is doing the same thing. He has a great sense of humor and his email had me laughing for days.
The others that I want to mention are two former co-workers at Wal-Mart from when I was there part-time. Both were cashiers like I was and the one ended up taking a CSM position not too long after I did. She was incredible to work with - nothing against D or any other CSM's, but she was the hardest working CSM I worked with and I loved the nights we were working together. I took a chance and let both of them know about the same time and much to my surprise they immediately invited me out with them for dinner. I've been out with them a few times now - some by myself and some with my wife - and had a great time every time. Most of my friends are verbally supportive, but these were the first (and currently only) two that actually *feel* supportive. It did and still does mean a lot that they were willing to include me and treat me as an equal.
That's not to say I don't appreciate the acceptance that I do get from others; just that what these two have done is so much more than I expected that I felt it deserved a special mention.
One other friend deserves special mention and that's the girl I dated between M and my current wife. I liked her a lot and still care about her - I just wasn't right for her - part of it was age - part of it was simply me. That being said, she's been incredibly accepting and kind to me - more kind than I probably deserve. During one of my therapy sessions the subject of previous women in my life came up, and it just fascinates my therapist that she and I can be friends and she can be supportive. I hadn't given it that much thought before we talked about it and I should have. She's a great and caring woman and I really hope she finds happiness at some point.
I guess that's about enough for this post and this topic. As I discussed with somebody on Susan's Place; I almost feel guilty about how accepting everyone has been and how "easy" I have it in comparison to most. Many people lost their marriage, their family, and their friends over transitioning and not only have I not lost any of those; it seems like it's improved my life in so many respects. I count my blessings for this each and every day.
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