Holidays And (Lack Of) Family

I think I've made it pretty clear that my family is basically my wife, daughter, and my roommates (my ex-wife and her husband).  I've had a little contact with my one Uncle/Aunt; but the reality of it is that really been nothing more than superficial at best.

For the most part I've made peace with that; but this time of year it is hard for things to be that way.  I don't begrudge anyone who does have family that they spend time with - in fact I'm very happy for them, but it's so hard for me seeing how happy they all seem to be while I sit here at home basically alone knowing I no longer have that.

There are many reasons it's like this, some are my fault, others probably not; but when this time of year rolls around - well I seem to dwell on the reasons that are my fault.  This isn't meant to be a pity party for me; I made many of the choices that have led to this; but I honestly sit here and wonder if I were to be gone from this life would anybody other than my wife/daughter/roommates even care?  I never used to be able to understand how people could be depressed this time of year; but now not only do I understand it, I'm living it.

But through the depressed feelings, I've come to realize that the family I do have - my incredibly wonderful wife, my loving daughter, and even my roommates - are all I really need to be happy.  We get along, we argue, we make amends, and all of the other things that a genetic family does; but no matter what we are here for each other.  Nobody more than my wife - she's my beacon of light in what sometimes seems like a dark and dreary night.  I would sacrifice everything, including my life if need be, to protect and care for her.  She makes me happy like no other before and no other ever could.  If I have a regret it's that it took me so long to realize just how wonderful she really is.  If you ever read this Mistress - and I say that term with pride, know that I love you and care about you with all my heart.  Every part of me is yours and I will spend every moment the rest of my life showing you that.

- M