Ma'am, Miss, Ladies - When They Get The Gender Right....

As promised last time, a more positive topic today, and that would be when people get gender "right".  I would never try and speak for anyone else, but my observations over the last couple of years would indicate that being correctly gendered is high on the list of concerns of anyone who is transitioning.  For some, perhaps the most important thing, for others perhaps not so much; but I suspect that there aren't all that many who transition that don't give it more than a little thought.

Speaking from my own experiences, early on it was very important to me.  Then over time it became less and less important as I became more sure of myself and less concerned about what others think/thought of me.  However, lately it's taken on a bit more importance again.  I'm not entirely sure why, I suspect it's because going out as Madison is now less of an "event" and more what I'd say a "normal occurrence".  Don't get me wrong, I'll still "dress up" more for particular outings, but for the most part I've settled into almost a "soccer mom" mentality.  I still prefer skirts over pants/jeans, especially when it's warmer, but the makeup is now more subtle, the shoes tend to be flats in lieu of heels, the jewelry tends to be more low key, and so on.  I still try and "look nice", but I also want to dress more in line with what J and/or M wear when we go out together.  I want to be "one of the girls" and "blend in" versus standing out because I'm in a dress and heels and they're going with a more casual look.

I really noticed it the other day.  J, M, and myself went out Saturday to get our eyebrows threaded, some quick shopping for a few things M needed, and then to lunch.  I wore jeans, partially because my legs had a touch of stubble, probably not enough to notice - but I knew it was there; and partially because J and M were wearing jeans and capri jeans respectively and I thought I'd fit in better with them that way.

They always recognize us at the threading place, perhaps because they don't often get three women coming in together; or perhaps it's simply because I stand out - either way it doesn't matter as they are always polite and friendly and do a great job.  The shopping was peaceful as well, I didn't notice anyone giving me a second look, nor did J or M mention that they did; so I'm assuming I was blending in well.

The restaurant is where it really stood out though as the interactions were more up close and personal and we were constantly addressed as ladies as a group without any hesitation or second glances.  I'm not saying I was blending in 100%, perhaps I stood out, perhaps I didn't.  But either way, I felt good about how I looked and acted and how I was treated.

As I said above I hadn't put much emphasis on how I was gendered for a good while as I really felt that more often than not it was simply people being polite, and perhaps that was part of it here as well - but for the first time in a long time I really felt like it was more than that.  I felt like I blended in and was being treated as any other cis-woman would and not simply being humored out of politeness.  Regardless of if that's the case or not, that's how I took it and it was a much needed pick me up.  I know my voice still needs work to be consistent, although I was mistaken for M on the phone twice yesterday morning so perhaps even that is getting a little better.

So with that I'll wrap things up, although first I'll share another picture from the other day - this one with J as I thought we looked really nice together.

- M