While the "50 Shades" books and upcoming movie might (or might not) make an interesting topic to write about, considering the casting choices, or even better - J and I's D/S relationship, this isn't about that. Rather it's about the differences in how men and women tend to see things. So where does the title of this entry come from? Well "pre-Madison", J always said I tended to see things as "black or white", and oftentimes she would maintain there were "grey areas" in between what I would see as black or white - or even "on/off" as I sometimes would refer to things.
Despite my comments to the contrary, to be truthful J was right, at least about the vast majority of things. I know it now, and truthfully I knew it then. I guess in regards to this I could apply that phrase I like so much to myself - "Just because I didn't like it, didn't mean it wasn't right"...
With my mea culpa out of the way, lets get into the subject at hand and is seeing the "shades of grey" in things. Not to be too stereotypical, but I do tend to believe that it's not necessarily a male/female thing to see things as black/white vs the grey areas; rather I tend to think it's more of a function of the kind of person you are. By that I mean I believe that those who are more of "math/science/computer" people tend to see things as black or white. That's not to say that those people who's areas of expertise or interest lie outside of those kinds of things can't be people who see things as black/white, but I do think there is a far higher percentage of the math/science/computer crowd who do. For those that tend to be more creative/artistic/etc - I believe they are far less likely to deal in absolutes. That doesn't mean they can't or won't at times, but I think they are far more likely to see those "shades of grey" that I keep talking about.
I believe there's also an emotional component that comes into play here and that I do believe for the most part is a male/female thing. Again it's a stereotype - and one that has changed over the years at least somewhat - but traditionally males kept their emotions in check for the most part as it wasn't necessarily acceptable to show them, whereas females could generally freely express a far wider range of emotions. I think being able to express those emotions freely leads to being better able to see the shades of grey in things.
So where does that leave me? I am definitely a math/science/computer person - I always have been and likely always will be. However, since my transition I do find it easier to see all of those shades of grey that J used to talk about. I won't sit here and say I do it all the time, but it does happen much more than it ever did before. As to why, I suspect it's several things. I think being able to express my emotions - and I am far more emotional on the HRT than I was before I started it - has helped. I also think that while I am still that math/science/computer person that I also gravitate a lot more to creative tasks which I think helps. But the single biggest reason is that I want to be a good wife/partner for J and that's how she sees the world. I'm not saying that changing for your partner is always the right thing to do, sometimes you have to be who you are. But in this case I do think it was/is the right thing to do. As I said above there are still times that I do operate in the world of black/white, but for the most part I think things are better for me, for us, and for anyone else we come into contact with, if I can see those shades of grey like J does.
I think I'm going to cut this shorter than I had intended. It's early and I've been up all night getting some work done and if I hurry I can get a short nap in before work. Plus I have a few other things I want to write about later in the week and when I do that I try and keep the entries a little shorter than when I just write once a week.
- M
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