The "submissive thing" has been very hit or miss - in reality more miss than anything - since my last post on the subject (was it really over a year ago?). Much of it can be attributed to the same struggles that J and I have had in the past - she has a hard time being truly dominant, and I have a hard time being truly submissive. As I've touched on in other posts, the reality is that we are both naturally submissive, though I believe she more than I. I suppose that in a perfect world the two of us would be submissive to ideally the same dominant woman. However, as well all know almost none of us reside in a perfect world so where does that leave us?
We, well more J than I, do still believe that what is best for us is for things to be as they are with her being dominant and me being submissive. The reason I say that J buys into that more than I has nothing to do with me not agreeing with the concept, but rather it is simply because I know it's a challenge for her to be in the dominant role. I will say that in theory should help contain my sometimes less than desirable personality traits. I won't delve too far into those "personality traits", but I think the two that are the biggest issues are the fact that "I'm always right" and my "temper".
The "temper" thing - well I always describe it as a "shooting star". By that I mean it burns hot and bright for a brief period and then just as quickly as it appeared it's gone. The "always right" thing - well, for the most part it is actually true. I honestly almost never argue unless I'm 100% certain that I am right. However, one thing that I've learned during my transition - and yes I should have learned it long before that - is that sometimes even when you are right, you're actually wrong. For someone who sees things in black and white versus shades of grey, that has been a hard thing to wrap my head around and while I've been trying it still rears it's ugly head every so often.
So where does that leave everything now? Well, a few weeks ago a friend of ours (J2) - well she's actually a touch more than that when it comes to me, but that's a story for another time - made what seemed like a radical suggestion to me. And that was to include M in the D/s dynamic. My initial reaction to that wasn't overly positive as during our marriage and even post-marriage for a while, M and I tried the D/s thing and it never worked out well for various reasons. Now let me first say that I take my share of responsibility for that; but a large portion fell onto M. Some of that was her proclivity to focus solely on corporal punishment which is something that I personally don't care for all that much. Don't get me wrong, when it serves a point I can understand and accept it - in fact sometimes I'm grateful for it. But it was far too much of a focal point for her. On top of that M quite possibly has the shortest attention span of anyone who has ever lived and as such she would focus on the D/s stuff here and there, but never consistently and that just has never worked for me. Lastly, and perhaps most concerning was how this would work with J as over the years J has often seen M as "competition" in some ways. I'm not saying I blame her, I would imagine sharing a home with your spouse's ex is probably more difficult than I can imagine; but from my perspective, M truly is a "sister" at this point and I never truly understood why J saw her as more than that. Now over the years this has more or less become a non-issue and in many ways J and M have become pretty good friends; but I was still concerned that this could upset that dynamic.
Well the more the idea was kicked around, the more the idea appealed to me. Mainly for two reasons. The first being logistical. J and M work more or less opposite hours and as such it had the potential to provide far more "supervision". The second and larger reason is that I felt that involving M would motivate J to stay with this a bit better since she'd have some "support" so to speak and I felt she'd be more likely to be successful with that support.
That being said, I did still have some concerns. Mainly how the dynamic of both J and M "being in charge" would work. After all, in a lot of ways it would be like reporting to two supervisors directly and in those cases if there isn't plenty of communication between the supervisors things can go south quickly, and truthfully M and J aren't always the best at communicating with each other. I also worried a bit about resentment on J's part as she is possessive. Well that's probably not the best word for it, she's more "protective" of me than anything and this would require her to relinquish some of that in order for this to work.
So the first step was to take the idea to each of them, J of course being first. She had a few of the same concerns as I had, but the longer she and I talked; as well as she and J2 talking, those were worked through and she concurred with me that the potential benefits would outweigh the potential issues. So J and I decided to push forward with talking to M. M had less concerns than either of us had, and different ones at that, but again after all of us talking we worked through them. Now it was simply a matter of moving forward.
This is going to end up being lengthy so I've elected to chop it up into at least two, more likely three parts. I've tried to avoid doing that lately, but I really think with this topic that it's the thing to do.
-M
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