How To Come Out....

Let me first say that this post, and the topic I plan to write on next, may well contain opinions that you simply *do not* agree with.  I understand that and welcome any thoughts/comments both publicly or privately.  These are going to simply be *my* thoughts and opinions on these topics - that doesn't make them "right", nor does it make them "wrong".  So without further ado...

Since I made my decision to transition way back when, I've spent a lot of time doing research.  Large portions of that have been on places such as Susan's Place, Laura's Playground, and the like; not to mention spending lots of time on the AskTransgender subreddit over at Reddit.com.  A subject that comes up constantly is how to come out.  This may be to family, friends, at work, and so on.  While I have no "hard data" to support this, it seems to me that the vast majority of people want to come in via a "letter".  Now I understand the appeal of doing that; there's no face-to-face confrontation(s), you can give a lot of thought to what exactly you wish to say, and so on; I just don't think it's the right course of action - at least for the most part.

I'm a firm believe in doing this in person whenever possible.  I realize in some cases that's simply not feasible - in some cases friends/family may live too far away to make this practical for example; but when it is feasible I simply believe it's the best course of action; and even in those extreme cases, a phone call is preferable to a letter in my opinion. As I said above, the letter method does have it's allures.  But there are downsides too, downsides that I think are often overlooked and those are what I thought I'd talk about here.  

Coming out to people, especially family and friends, is going to bring questions from those family and friends and a letter simply cannot provide the answers to every question that they may have.  Now, even in person you may or may not be able to answer every question either; but at least you can make the effort.  However, what I think is an even bigger point in favor of handling this in person is to me it shows just how serious you are about transitioning.  Think back to grade school - did you (or anyone you know) ever write a note to a person you liked?  Would you do that now as an adult?  Or would you simply ask them out?  Now I know that plenty of people do ask others out via text message, email, etc., but I just personally feel that something like that is an "in person" kind of thing and I think coming out merits the same kind of effort.

I guess I'll wrap this up, I haven't felt very good in several days and I find myself losing my train of thought.  But I stand by what I've said, I really think that coming out is something best done in person and not via a letter, but again that's simply my two cents.

- M