Now, as with all of the posts in this Transitioning 101 series, what I'm writing about are my own experiences and thoughts and what you might have experience or what you may think may well differ from me and that's fine.
- Obviously everyone is different, but among the most common "concerns" I see from those who are transitioning, or at least contemplating transitioning, in regards to shopping is "where to shop". There are several thoughts on that, so I'll touch on some of them here:
- Online - Many people suggest shopping online and it does have both it's pros and cons. The consensus seems to be that the biggest pro is that there is nobody scrutinizing your purchases; and the biggest con (especially with clothing) is that you can't "try it on" before ordering, and depending upon return policies of the retailer this can turn into a hassle if the item(s) don't fit. I won't say I never order online, my foundation for example comes from Sephora and while I personally went in and had them match it up for me, when I need it now it's about 50/50 if I order it from their website or go get it - it really depends upon if I'm going to be near a Sephora when I need it. For clothes, I'm more comfortable ordering tops than bottoms as I have a little more leeway with how a top will fit than say blue jeans, but even then I don't do it often. So for me it's normally not worth it to order online, but some do it exclusively, and many somewhere in between.
- Thrift Stores - Around here the most common is GoodWill, though there are other "chains" and plenty of "Mom & Pop" thrift stores. I'll be honest, I'm not as big of a fan of them as M is, she can spend hours upon hours going thrift store hopping; but on occasion I'll find something I like. And quite a bit of the time it's something that is brand new. In fact my favorite purse is a Guess model that came from the local GoodWill and I would not trade it for anything. The other thing I like is that at least around here, their dressing rooms are gender neutral and unattended so I can try whatever I want on without any scrutiny. These days that's not really a big deal to me, but early on it was.
- Specialty Retailers - I'm talking about places such as Victoria's Secret, Lane Bryant, Sephora, Payless, Ulta, etc. For the most part I like hitting what I'd consider specialty retail stores, especially if I'm looking for something in particular, be that my foundation at Sephora, or a particular piece of clothing or shoes. The obvious downside is that none of these places are going to be a "one stop shopping" experience which at times can be a downside. Now, for me personally, I've never had a poor experience at any of these types of retailers, but I know some have. I'll touch on my thoughts regarding this further down, but for now I will say that if you have a poor experience at a given retailer, don't let it sour you on them in general - there are plenty more that would love your business.
- Big Box Retailers - Here I'm talking about the obvious "Big Box" stores such as Wal-Mart and Target, but also places such as Ross and T.J. Maxx since they carry a wider variety of things than a typical specialty retailer generally would. Frankly these are among my favorite places to shop - especially places such as Wal-Mart for several reasons. Now, I know a lot of people don't care for the business practices of some of these places and in some cases I would probably agree (at least somewhat), but that's a different subject for a different day. I'm focusing on the shopping experience and I think quite often these stores provide a good experience - though as with above there have been occurrences where this has not been the case and again I'll touch on that below. So why do I like these places? Well for one, many of them are in fact "one stop shopping" which I like, especially if I'm not looking for something overly specific. Another reason I like them, is that especially with places like Wal-Mart, they often have plenty of larger clothing which for many of us who are doing the MtF transition is great. Lastly, the way they staff their stores tends to lend itself to not being pestered by employees. Now this last one can vary greatly depending upon several factors - especially the time of day that you are shopping, but I'll also touch on that in a minute. There are other considerations such as return policies and for that matter pricing. Now there are plenty of downsides, such as merchandise being scattered - though if the store is being ran well it should be zoned consistently making this less of an issue. Quality can also be a bit hit or miss at times, I've got tops for example that I've paid less than $5 for that have lasted forever, and others that I've paid $15+ for that had issues after one washing. Makeup can be a problem too, as quite often finding a tube of a particular lipstick that someone hasn't opened can be a challenge for example. But all of that aside, for much of my day to day stuff, be it clothing or makeup, it often comes from these types of stores and I've yet to have a poor experience at any of these stores.
- Now that we've touched on places to shop, what about "when to shop"? Obviously, if you are shopping online this isn't a concern, but what about the brick and mortar stores? For the majority of retailers around here, hours are generally in the 9am-9pm range, give or take a hour or two. Wal-Mart is generally an exception as many (most?) are either 24 hours or at least something like 6am to at least 10pm, if not midnight. It seems that many people encourage shopping at off hours, or in the case of some place like Wal-Mart, overnight. I understand their rationale for that, but based upon both my own shopping as well as the time I've spent working at some retailers, I'd offer a different viewpoint. I'm not saying to go shopping when the stores are super busy such as a Saturday afternoon before a holiday; but I will say that I tend to prefer shopping when a store has a fair amount of activity for two reasons. First off, the customer to employee ratio is higher so I feel I'm less likely to bothered by an overly helpful employee. Secondly, since I tend to be a slow shopper, I find that when there are more customers around that I tend to draw less scrutiny for the amount of time I'm there. Now on the flip side, there are more customers/employees around and that can make some people uncomfortable, including me at one point, but all things being equal I prefer to have a "larger crowd" to blend in with. I'm not saying I don't shop off hours including overnights at places like Wal-Mart, but I prefer to go in at busier times when possible, especially if I'm by myself.
- That leads me to my next thought, and something that I've talked about more than once in this blog and that is "checking out" with your purchases. My thoughts on this are strongly influenced by my time as a cashier and later a customer service manager at one of the big box stores. Yes there are exceptions to what I'm about to say, but in reality there are exceptions to almost anything so take that for what it's worth. I tend to see a huge amount of suggestions along the lines of "tell them...." where the balance of the sentence is something like "you lost a bet", "it's for your wife/daughter/SO/etc", "I'm dressing up for a party/Halloween/etc", and so on. Frankly, the vast majority of cashiers, especially at bigger stores, could care less about what you are buying, right up until you give them a reason to which is what those kinds of excuses often do. They're generally more worried about their next break/lunch, when they are getting off work, what happened earlier, etc. As I said, generally they don't care in the first place and frankly it's none of their business even if they do; but when you start dropping phrases like the above then it makes the curious. Do yourself a favor and try not to worry about what some random cashier might or might not think and be happy that you're about to leave with things that you want and hopefully make you happy. And if you really are that concerned about your cashier, gravitate towards younger and faster cashiers, preferably female cashiers. I saw younger because in general they are going to be more accepting, faster because they are less likely to pay attention to what you are buying, and female simply because they are more familiar with clothing and makeup and less likely to think twice about it. I know that last bit probably sounds sexist/etc., and it's not meant to be, but I do believe that in general it's an accurate statement. And a few words about another common suggestion and that's "self checkouts". I'm not going to lie, I use them from time to time, especially if I only have a few items. But if you are at a retailer who actually has somebody watching over them - and really all should - then they aren't as anonymous as many seem to think. Generally there will be a "check stand" where they have a monitor(s) showing each and every item as it's rang up anyway. Additionally, if the person watching the self-checkouts is doing a good job, they should be out supervising them visually which means as soon as you have a problem scanning an item, you may well have an overly helpful employee next to you. And yes self-checkouts have gotten better over the years, but sometimes there are still issues. Maybe it's a missing tag on clothing (though many pieces will have a UPC number on a tag somewhere that can be hand keyed), or a difficult to scan barcode on something small such as a lip liner or eye liner. I'm not saying not to use them, rather I'm simply saying that they aren't always the best way to avoid interaction as many seem to think they are.
- Moving on to prices. To the vast majority of us who are transitioning or have transitioned, finances are a concern. One of the culture shocks I've had with shopping as a woman is how expensive things can get. I think I've made it clear that I like Sephora for example, but I don't normally shop there except for my foundation simply due to the cost. I'm not saying their merchandise isn't good, the things I have bought there have been without exception very good; but for me I simply can't justify dropping that kind of money on a consistent basis. So the majority of my makeup tends to come from places like Wal-Mart, Ulta, etc. The same can be said for clothing, for someone my size and age, Lane Bryant for example has some really nice things from time to time, but I tend to look elsewhere for the majority of my clothing simply due to price. I'd rather get 5 tops that I like for $40-$50 from say Wal-Mart or D.E.B. (before they closed their stores) than one top that I loved for the same amount from some place like Lane Bryant or Dillard's. Obviously others may disagree and that's their choice, but for me this is what works best. I also tend to shop clearance racks/sales a lot. Yes, the items may be last seasons merchandise or they may not be my favorite color(s), but getting something 75% (or more) off more than makes up for that to me. And back to makeup, and I mentioned this in my makeup post itself, but as far as getting makeup for "practice" or even for daily wear, I like to hit places like Dollar Tree. Again it may not be the shades I prefer, but considering the cost difference, I'm more than happy to make that trade off. Yes, I splurge on occasion for that pair of shoes that I really love, a nice pair of jeans, or my foundation, but I tend to make those the exceptions. I also pick things up at thrift stores from time to time. At least around here, it's not uncommon to find a fair amount of brand new merchandise, tags intact. Obviously that is very hit or miss, but it never hurts to look.
I think I've touched on most of the major things I wanted to, with one exception and that's when the unfortunate occurs and you have a poor experience with a retailer. In a perfect world this would never happen, and thankfully for myself it really hasn't happened as far as shopping goes - though I have ran into it at a couple of restaurants. For me, when it has happened, I've chosen to escalate my issue. In one occurrence I did so after the fact, and in the other I did it then and there. I had my reasons for each and my results varied; but I felt better about myself because I at least made an effort to point out what I felt was inappropriate treatment. But even beyond that, the biggest thing you can do is to spend your money at businesses that treat you right; and when possible share the names of businesses that do treat you right. Those are the types of businesses that should be encouraged and frankly that's a large part of the reason I started this blog in the first place.
I think I'll wrap this up now - as with anything in this blog, and especially this little "series", feel free to agree or disagree; these are my experiences and feelings on things - nothing more and nothing less.
- M
I think I'll wrap this up now - as with anything in this blog, and especially this little "series", feel free to agree or disagree; these are my experiences and feelings on things - nothing more and nothing less.
- M
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