Life Is Boring These Days... And I'm Fine With That...

When I first considered transitioning it seemed like there were so many things to think about, much less do.  And when J and I decided it was the right thing for me/us, it seemed like there were even more things to think about and do.  But as time has went by, so many things have had their boxes checked off, and the vast majority of those that haven't - well those were deemed not necessary.  I was giving this some thought the last couple of days as I had a therapist visit scheduled a couple of weeks ago - I go visit about every three months or so to keep in touch - and for perhaps the first time ever I really didn't have anything specific to talk about.

That's not to say that everything is perfect, that's simply not a realistic expectation.  I still need to do a better job with my voice, we still have SRS as a goal (though it's not nearly as important to me as it once was), and my job isn't quite what I would hope for - though I'm still reasonably happy there.  Those things aside, I can say that for myself personally and for J and I as a couple, things are about as good as we could hope for.

Things that in the past might have been "concerns" for myself and/or J generally aren't anymore.  For example, when we decide to go somewhere, we simply "go".  We no longer ponder how I might (or might not) blend in.  We simply go and expect that we will simply be treated as any other women would be.  That's not to say we willfully put ourselves in harm's way - for example we've never really been the type of people to go bar-hopping for example, and we still don't.  But beyond that, we simply do the things we need/want to do without giving much, if any, thought to the fact that I am a Trans-Woman and may or may not "pass" (though I'm still not a fan of that word).  Don't get me wrong, I still love to "doll up"; but I'm just as likely to run to the store or out to eat with J with just some women's clothes and a bit of jewelry, but without much (if any) makeup or a wig on.  When I do that, sometimes I get gendered as a woman, sometimes I don't - but really either way it no longer matters - at least when I make the decision to go out "as is" versus getting "done up".

Other concerns such as HRT, facial hair, and so on; have mostly taken care of themselves.  The orchi removed the need to be on Spironolactone as well as reduced the amount of Estradiol I need to take, though it did basically guarantee that I'll have to be on some sort of estrogen the rest of my life.  Now at my last visit with Dr. Swenson (my HRT doctor) she did bring up putting me on some sort of progesterone, and after discussing my thoughts and preferences (I prefer pills to injections), she did put me on Medroxyprogesterone, but that's something I could drop at any point.  As far as the facial hair, I have virtually no dark hairs left; though I have a fair amount of white ones.  I've expounded on my thoughts/frustrations with that in other posts; but the bottom line is that I no longer have to worry about covering up "shadow" which has not only made makeup application simpler; but it does allow me to be comfortable going out "as is" like I mentioned above.

So what't the point of all of this?  Really I don't have one.  This was more of a post to document how I'm feeling at this point in my life and the reality is that I am feeling pretty good about things.  So with that I'll cut this short.  Below is a picture from the therapist visit I mentioned in the first paragraph.  It was sort of a "middle ground" day for me - I wouldn't say I was "dolled up" like I normally might have been; but I did have some makeup on along with one of my wigs.  I almost felt "soccer mom-ish" and thinking about things - I really think that was the target I was shooting for from the beginning.