Perhaps that title doesn't really do what I'm about to write justice; but then again I am talking about two near and dear friends of 43 years - my testicles. We've had a long and interesting 43 years together; good, bad, and indifferent at times. However, over the last year or two we've grown apart. It's not them, it's me - I guess that's a typical "girly" answer to their question of what happened to our relationship isn't it? Granted we've been through things such as writhing on the ground in pain from them being kicked/kneed, my daughter's conception, and even a vasectomy. Special props to the boys for that - they handled it like troopers, with nary a complaint, even though I'm sure they weren't exactly happy about it.
Now here we are, a few hours over 11 days until the poor guys will make the ultimate sacrifice to try and make me a happier woman. I can't begin to tell them what their sacrifice means to me - I'd hope they would see this heartfelt post to them, but then again they can't read so I'm not sure how that would work. Boys, we've been through thick and thin, the good and the bad, and I'm sorry that it has to be this way as I'm sure a part of me will miss you both; but what you're doing for me means so much. Just know that I appreciate all that you've done for me; perhaps it would've been better for you to have had a different "host" - but I hope you see it like I've seen the first 42 years of my life. And that is despite my transitioning, I would NOT give up those first 42 years for anything as they did bring me my daughter, my wife, and even my ex-wife/best friend. They brought me experiences that I likely never would've had otherwise and they made me the person who I am today and the person I want to be going forward. I hope you two feel the same way, I'll never forget you both.
---------
Obviously the above was my (probably poor) attempt at some humor; if anyone finds it in poor taste I do apologize, but it's late and I needed a break from getting some work done and this seemed like a way to break some tension/apprehension I have about the upcoming Orchiectomy. It's all scheduled - Saturday the 15th - although I won't know the time for sure until a couple of days prior, but it looks like I'll have the 6am appointment. As I mentioned, the price is still $2500 which made me happy since I had read it was going up to $3000. We'll be in a hotel for three nights - the night before and the night after in the area, and one more night about halfway back home so I don't have to sit in the car quite so long. All three nights are comped with points I've accrued over the years, so that saved at least a few hundred dollars which means the only other expenses are gas and food which shouldn't be too bad - I'm guessing less than $300 total. There are a few miscellaneous things that I need; but we've already picked them up.
Now it's just a matter of waiting and I hate to wait. In hindsight I wish it could've been the 8th instead; but J couldn't get vacation that week and while we could have made it work with her days off, I think long term it's better to have pushed it to the 15th. It just means that I have 7 more days or 168 more hours or 10080 more minutes or 604800 more seconds to contemplate things. That last line is a joke for J since when I have to go out of town I mentally keep track of how long until I board a return flight or leave town if driving. When I'm overly lonely I'll start converting the days to hours or minutes or worse yet seconds and text them to her. It sounds silly typing it so I'm guessing it is silly, but it makes the time apart much more bearable.
I guess I should run now. Suffice it to say future posts will be more "on topic", I just needed a break from things and this in some silly way helped.
- M
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Monday, February 3, 2014
St. Louis Area TG Experiences - Part 5
Shame on me, the whole reason I really started this blog was to share my experiences as a Transgender Woman here in the St. Louis area and it's been two months since I've written a post about any of them. That's not to say that I'm not happy about the things I have been writing and sharing; but I wanted to get back to doing one of these posts regularly, so here we go.
UPDATE: Since the "prior" posts links were getting a bit long, there is now a page with links to all of the posts: My Transgender Experiences. Additionally, I've went back and added more links and made some updates to some of the individual entries below since over time some things have changed.
UPDATE: Since the "prior" posts links were getting a bit long, there is now a page with links to all of the posts: My Transgender Experiences. Additionally, I've went back and added more links and made some updates to some of the individual entries below since over time some things have changed.
Services:
- *UPDATE* - Exquisite Threading (Clayton, Missouri) - I visit here on a regular basis and while the service is always good; sometimes it's really good/great. It - as with most service environments - fluctuates depending upon who is doing the service. There is one young woman (and I keep meaning to ask her name) that simply goes out of her way to do a tremendous job on my eyebrows. That's not to say they don't look good/great when others do them, but this one particular person simply goes above and beyond. I will say that I seem to get a better job when I go in there *dressed* as Madison versus a more or less androgynous look. I haven't always done that as sometimes I've went straight from a laser appointment - hence no makeup and usually no hair since it gets in the way; but now I try and arrange these visits when J has a laser appointment. Still highly recommended.
Retailers:
- *UPDATE* - Schnucks (Wentzville, Missouri location and Des Peres location - the one nearest West County Mall) - As I've said before I've had great luck at Schnuck's Wentzville. Recently I've been into Des Peres a couple of times and if possible they are even more helpful and friendly. It's definitely more of a "fru fru" location (to borrow a phrase from M's husband); and it's way too far to drive just to grocery shop; but if I'm coming from the therapist - which was my first time there - or a laser treatment, or something else it's nice to visit. They carry things such as Jilly's Cupcakes which aren't my thing but M, J, and my daughter love them; as well as lots of other things I don't see out here.
- *UPDATE* - Dierberg's (Wentzville, Missouri) - Again, I don't shop here a lot, but on the occasions that I do I've always been treated very well and the store staff while not quite as "friendly" as say Schnuck's, they are very nice. Their customer base also tends to skew a little more affluent and a touch older than Shop-n-Save and possibly even Schnuck's. I only mention that because I'm a little bit older and it gives me a good frame of reference on dressing age appropriately as most places I tend to go skew younger.
- Bank Of America (Lake Saint Louis, Missouri) - This probably belongs under "services", but since I'm here - well here goes. I've been a customer from the old Boatmen's Bank, through their acquisition by Nations Bank, and finally Bank Of America. Over that 25 or so years I've been extremely happy with the service I've gotten from all three. Yes, there has been an occasional issue; but they've always taken care of it promptly and to my satisfaction. A couple of months back after my name change; M, J, and I went into this branch to get my name changed on my accounts and get J added to one of them. Per their website all I should've needed was an updated ID and a copy of the court order; but I took M just in case since two of the accounts are still joint ones with her from when we were married. A rather nice and friendly young woman promptly took us into her office to take care of it. It turned out that it was a good thing that I brought M since the woman did inquire as to if the joint account holder was there - perhaps it wouldn't have been an issue regardless, but it did simplify things. She got my name switched and ordered me a new ATM card for the joint accounts. She then got my name fixed and J added to my other account and got us ATM cards ordered for that - she did offer to "unify" mine; but I wanted to be able to use the third account to purchase things so I opted for a separate card. She also offered to sign me up for their "rewards card" - initially I didn't want that, but after speaking with M and hearing what the BOA woman had to say I went ahead. I figured I could use it in place of the debit card for the most part and just transfer the money when I got home so I'd accrue the rewards. So she ordered J and I those cards as well. The debit cards came in under a week and I appreciated the fact that she ordered one as a "Visa" and one as a "Mastercard" - normally it shouldn't matter, but if I run into a place that accepts one but not the other I'm all set. We did have an issue with the rewards cards. I got an email saying they were on the way, but they never showed up. Several weeks later we followed up and they had somehow sent them to an address that was two addresses and 8-9 years ago. Initially the person on the phone implied it was our fault; but after we pointed out that our statements and my debit card(s) had come to our correct address they acknowledged it was their issue and got me new cards out. It was a mild agitation, but considering everything that was changed it wasn't a big deal. I strongly recommend BOA.
- Dillard's (St. Peters, Missouri) - M and I went shopping on New Year's day there and picked up several things on clearance. I got a couple of what I'd say were "less than considerate looks" from one particular employee; but she was polite when we went to pay so I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but I didn't feel as comfortable there as I do elsewhere. In hindsight I sort of wish I had used a fitting room to see how that went, but hindsight is 20/20.
- City Trends (St. Ann, Missouri) - M and I also visited here on New Year's day and while their clothing is more geared towards a generation younger than me, I was able to pick up a couple of things very cheap, including a nice pair of pink wedge high top tennis shoes. I didn't really need them, but I liked them a lot better than the pair I already had. Actually I could've easily dropped $100+ on shoes as they had several really cute ones including some Lady GaGa ones - in larger sizes (I wear an 11); but I kept it to the one pair. I had no need to try anything on there as I got shoes and accessories, but the staff was very nice and polite.
- *UPDATE* - Ulta (Chesterfield, Missouri) - I've been here a couple of more times and they continue to go out of their way to be nice and helpful. I'm probably not their demographic (Sephora, M.A.C., etc., seem to cater more to the transgender community); but they always are very polite and graceful so I don't hesitate to shop there.
- *UPDATE* - Beauty Brands (Wentzville, Missouri) - The same can be said here. They are ALWAYS incredibly nice and polite and we tend to go here more often since it's both closer and they often send out coupons for a free item if you purchase something. Now the free item(s) seldom if ever apply to me (often haircare items and I use wigs); but I can give them to J or M. There's a Stilla lip gloss that I really like - it's a bright red - probably too red for me, but I like it and tend to pick it up here.
Restaurants:
- *UPDATE* - 54th Street Grill & Bar (Wentzville, Missouri) - We don't go out as often as we used to since I've been dieting; but we do like to hit here late night for 1/2 price appetizers. What we've found that we like even better are their taco and/or slider specials late night. We now tend to order a single appetizer instead of one each, and then J (and M if she comes) will order a couple of their tacos and I'll either do that or get the sliders. Even though it's discounted and later in the night, the food is always fresh and good and the service is always very good. It's definitely a restaurant I feel comfortable at.
- Ponderosa (Bridgeton, Missouri) - M and I hit here for lunch on New Years day; we used to really like the one in St. Peters, but it's long since closed so we don't get here often. Food is how I remember it; although their pricing has gotten a little funky now as everything is more or less a la carte; and in the future I'd probably only order the buffet as their steaks don't exactly rock my world; but the chicken wings alone are worth it to me. Our cashier and our server were both very polite and I wouldn't hesitate to go back.
- Landmark Buffet (Ameristar Casino - St. Charles, Missouri) - I can't believe I haven't mentioned this before. We really like it here; the weekend Champagne Brunch is especially nice. They don't have as huge a buffet as casino's in Las Vegas or even Hollywood Casino (formerly Harrah's); but the food is always top notch and the dessert area is exceptional. I've always been treated respectfully and politely. Additionally, this is the first place I actually used the ladies room. I normally try to not use the restroom in public and if I have to I try and find a "family restroom"; but late last year shortly after my gender change went through we hit the champagne brunch after a visit to the threading place I've mentioned before. It was an accident as we got on I-170 going the wrong direction - but it worked out well. I did have to use the restroom and I didn't see a family one; so J took me with her and it was uneventful which is just what I'd hoped it would be. I did end up having a few too many Mimosa's and apparently became a little "entertaining" as the meal progressed; but I guess once in a blue moon isn't that bad. If it wasn't quite so far we'd visit more often.
- O'Charley's (St. Peters, Missouri) - I've also been to the O'Fallon location, but those times I was pretty much still going out androgynous so I'm not going to include that. I met a couple of friends of mine there for dinner a few weeks ago - unfortunately one of them couldn't come and the other was very late, leaving just myself and one of the three. It let to a bit of an uncomfortable situation as we waited a good 45 minutes for the one to show up and the server was getting a bit agitated. However, other than that, the service was above average; and the manager did touch our table twice which was appreciated. It's not so much "my thing", but I wouldn't hesitate to go back if somebody wanted to eat there as I did feel comfortable there.
I think that'll cover it for now, thanks for reading.
- M
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Transgender Makeup - Part 3 - Makeup Thoughts - Part 2
Umm, that's lots of parts of parts. :)
This is part 3 of my Transgender Makeup series. It's been way longer coming than I anticipated due to other topics, but I wanted to get back to it as these kinds of things have helped me quite a bit during my transtion. As I've said elsewhere, I'm by no means here to teach anyone how to use makeup as there are LOTS of people far better at it than I am and that's really better meant for Youtube as you can see what they are doing. Rather I'm simply providing my thoughts on shopping for makeup and what has worked FOR ME, obviously your mileage can/will vary.
I've mentioned some foundation from Sephora in previous posts, two actually - the first was the CoverFX foundation and it works well. However, late last year - September I believe - on a trip to Columbia to see Dr. Swenson (my HRT doctor for those that haven't read earlier posts), M who went with me that day and I stopped at the Columbia Mall Sephora which is located inside the JC Penny's there. We wanted to try their ColorIQ system for foundation matching. It didn't work well for me since my face was irritated from a laser appointment a few days earlier and the requisite shaving to look nice. However, the young lady there that helped us (Jordan) was a sweetheart and took a fair amount of time to manually find one that worked well for me.
We settled on Makeup Forever's Mat Velvet+ "30" which is a heavier liquid foundation. Perhaps I'd be okay with something not as heavy; but even with the laser appointments I have a good amount of shadow to cover still so I specifically asked her for something like that. I cannot say enough great things about it. It's not cheap, I believe between $30-$40 for 30ml (1.01oz); but it doesn't take much so it's lasted a good long time for me. I normally use about a dime sized amount to cover my entire face and neck area. Now at Sephora, she applied it with a sponge and used a brush to blend it in for hygiene reasons; but she recommended that when I went to do it myself that I should put it on my hand (the triangle area bordered by the thumb, index finger, and wrist) as she said it would warm it some and make it go on better. She also suggested applying it with my fingers and then using a sponge to finish up. Now I'm not really one for sponges so I use a brush for it all - an Eco Tools Flat Foundation Brush that I got from my visit to Ulta to get my Dermablend a long time back. It's a cheap brush; I think it ran me about $6 or so, but I really like it. I tend to dab several tiny spots all over my face and neck and work down - well that's not entirely true, I work up to my hairline first and then down. I probably don't need to go up that high as my wigs come down further than that, but I've been lectured by both M and J that I don't want to miss spots so I figure better safe than sorry. Truthfully this has always been my weak point as I was always afraid that I wouldn't do a good job and as such would stand out; but even I can't seem to mess this stuff up.
Moving on, lets get to some more things I really like.
- Milani's Lipstick HD Advanced - Specifically color 106, Lovely Rouge. Unfortunately this line has been discontinued; M had gotten me a tube at one point - I believe 114, Candy Apple, and I never used it as while I like red I avoided it since I thought it would make me stand out. I finally gave in one day and loved it and by then it was discontinued. However, recently I found several shades at Dollar Tree. Among them were 111, Cotton Candy; 113, Ignition; and the 106, Lovely Rouge. I ended up giving the Cotton Candy to J and we split the Ignition, but I kept the Lovely Rouge. In the tube it has a very purplish look to it, but it goes on me with a more red tint and I really like it. It's a shame they discontinued it; I went and hit a few Dollar Tree's to get what I could - at $1/tube it was hard to pass up since it wasn't overly cheap originally. I kind of hate to bring this one up, but if you can find the brand it's worth it. It's actually what I'm wearing in my profile picture (at least the one I have up now of me in the yellow sweater with my wife).
- NYX - I've got some sparkly eye shadow of theirs; I normally use it over another color; but what I really like is their blush that I found at Ulta. Specifically PB08, Cinnamon. It's a brighter color; probably too bright for me, but I've always loved the heavy blush look and I just can't help myself. It goes on very nice for me, if anything too nice as sometimes I have to tone it down a bit, but I really won't wear anything else now.
- NYC's Ultralast Lipstick in 410, Plum Rum and 405B, Blue Rose. I didn't realize it until I was in Dollar Tree recently and found the Plum Rum there, but this line has been discontinued/revamped and Plum Rum has been dropped. Now it appears that Blue Rose survived the cut, but I haven't gotten any of the new stuff. The Plum Rum is a nicer neutral color with perhaps some purple to it. The Blue Rose is kind of a more neutral looking (at least on me) shade of pink. I love them both and for $1.99 - well those are the two I wore a lot of back in the day. Partially because they were cheap and I could practice with them and not spend a lot, and partially because I liked them. I was not a fan of the other NYC line - the $0.99 line as those were in a round tube and they didn't retract all the way so invariably I tore up the lipstick with the lid. These on the other had are in a square tube and do retract all the way and I still to this day carry one of the other in my purse all the time, although I suppose that will come to an end sooner rather than later since as I said the Plum Rum is now discontinued and I'm not sure if the Blue Rose will be the "same" or not.
I think I'm going to cut this off here, the foundation part ran a bit long. Part 4 will be up sooner than part 3 was and will probably finish up the things I really like - my powder and mascara mainly since I stick with one brand of those although there are a couple of eye shadows that stand out to me that I want to mention.
As always, thanks for reading.
- M
This is part 3 of my Transgender Makeup series. It's been way longer coming than I anticipated due to other topics, but I wanted to get back to it as these kinds of things have helped me quite a bit during my transtion. As I've said elsewhere, I'm by no means here to teach anyone how to use makeup as there are LOTS of people far better at it than I am and that's really better meant for Youtube as you can see what they are doing. Rather I'm simply providing my thoughts on shopping for makeup and what has worked FOR ME, obviously your mileage can/will vary.
I've mentioned some foundation from Sephora in previous posts, two actually - the first was the CoverFX foundation and it works well. However, late last year - September I believe - on a trip to Columbia to see Dr. Swenson (my HRT doctor for those that haven't read earlier posts), M who went with me that day and I stopped at the Columbia Mall Sephora which is located inside the JC Penny's there. We wanted to try their ColorIQ system for foundation matching. It didn't work well for me since my face was irritated from a laser appointment a few days earlier and the requisite shaving to look nice. However, the young lady there that helped us (Jordan) was a sweetheart and took a fair amount of time to manually find one that worked well for me.
We settled on Makeup Forever's Mat Velvet+ "30" which is a heavier liquid foundation. Perhaps I'd be okay with something not as heavy; but even with the laser appointments I have a good amount of shadow to cover still so I specifically asked her for something like that. I cannot say enough great things about it. It's not cheap, I believe between $30-$40 for 30ml (1.01oz); but it doesn't take much so it's lasted a good long time for me. I normally use about a dime sized amount to cover my entire face and neck area. Now at Sephora, she applied it with a sponge and used a brush to blend it in for hygiene reasons; but she recommended that when I went to do it myself that I should put it on my hand (the triangle area bordered by the thumb, index finger, and wrist) as she said it would warm it some and make it go on better. She also suggested applying it with my fingers and then using a sponge to finish up. Now I'm not really one for sponges so I use a brush for it all - an Eco Tools Flat Foundation Brush that I got from my visit to Ulta to get my Dermablend a long time back. It's a cheap brush; I think it ran me about $6 or so, but I really like it. I tend to dab several tiny spots all over my face and neck and work down - well that's not entirely true, I work up to my hairline first and then down. I probably don't need to go up that high as my wigs come down further than that, but I've been lectured by both M and J that I don't want to miss spots so I figure better safe than sorry. Truthfully this has always been my weak point as I was always afraid that I wouldn't do a good job and as such would stand out; but even I can't seem to mess this stuff up.
Moving on, lets get to some more things I really like.
- Milani's Lipstick HD Advanced - Specifically color 106, Lovely Rouge. Unfortunately this line has been discontinued; M had gotten me a tube at one point - I believe 114, Candy Apple, and I never used it as while I like red I avoided it since I thought it would make me stand out. I finally gave in one day and loved it and by then it was discontinued. However, recently I found several shades at Dollar Tree. Among them were 111, Cotton Candy; 113, Ignition; and the 106, Lovely Rouge. I ended up giving the Cotton Candy to J and we split the Ignition, but I kept the Lovely Rouge. In the tube it has a very purplish look to it, but it goes on me with a more red tint and I really like it. It's a shame they discontinued it; I went and hit a few Dollar Tree's to get what I could - at $1/tube it was hard to pass up since it wasn't overly cheap originally. I kind of hate to bring this one up, but if you can find the brand it's worth it. It's actually what I'm wearing in my profile picture (at least the one I have up now of me in the yellow sweater with my wife).
- NYX - I've got some sparkly eye shadow of theirs; I normally use it over another color; but what I really like is their blush that I found at Ulta. Specifically PB08, Cinnamon. It's a brighter color; probably too bright for me, but I've always loved the heavy blush look and I just can't help myself. It goes on very nice for me, if anything too nice as sometimes I have to tone it down a bit, but I really won't wear anything else now.
- NYC's Ultralast Lipstick in 410, Plum Rum and 405B, Blue Rose. I didn't realize it until I was in Dollar Tree recently and found the Plum Rum there, but this line has been discontinued/revamped and Plum Rum has been dropped. Now it appears that Blue Rose survived the cut, but I haven't gotten any of the new stuff. The Plum Rum is a nicer neutral color with perhaps some purple to it. The Blue Rose is kind of a more neutral looking (at least on me) shade of pink. I love them both and for $1.99 - well those are the two I wore a lot of back in the day. Partially because they were cheap and I could practice with them and not spend a lot, and partially because I liked them. I was not a fan of the other NYC line - the $0.99 line as those were in a round tube and they didn't retract all the way so invariably I tore up the lipstick with the lid. These on the other had are in a square tube and do retract all the way and I still to this day carry one of the other in my purse all the time, although I suppose that will come to an end sooner rather than later since as I said the Plum Rum is now discontinued and I'm not sure if the Blue Rose will be the "same" or not.
I think I'm going to cut this off here, the foundation part ran a bit long. Part 4 will be up sooner than part 3 was and will probably finish up the things I really like - my powder and mascara mainly since I stick with one brand of those although there are a couple of eye shadows that stand out to me that I want to mention.
As always, thanks for reading.
- M
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Orchiectomy With Dr. Arnkoff
Well that title is probably a little misleading; as I have not had it yet. I simply managed to get it confirmed today. I first contacted Dr. Arnkoff via his website on the morning of Friday 1/17/14. When I had not heard from him by the afternoon on Monday 1/20/14, I physically called the number from his webpage. I had read elsewhere that it was his personal cell phone and I did get him. There was a lot of background noise but I didn't give that much thought. We *very* briefly discussed the procedure and a possible date. I was looking at 2/15/14 as a primary date with 2/8/14 and 2/22/14 as secondary and tertiary dates since he confirmed that he does them on Saturday's (some accounts of the procedure I had read said/implied that this wasn't always the case but I was fine with it). I told him that I needed to confirm that myself and J could be off - mine isn't really an issue, but hers could've been so he told me to text him back with my name and the date (2/15/14) once I had confirmed that.
Well due to J's days off she didn't get a firm answer until Thursday morning (1/23/14) at which point I texted Dr. Arnkoff as per his instructions. I got a text back that he'd call me later. Well I never got that call - I just figured he got busy and I'd follow up the next day. I did text him back the next day (Friday 1/24/14) and apparently he was actually on vacation (that might explain the background noise from the call that Monday) and that he'd call me later. This time he did and we again had a short conversation confirming the date, the cost - which is still $2500 - I was afraid it might've went up to $3000 per a Reddit post a couple of months ago, but as of now it hasn't. He confirmed I'd have somebody with me, which I said wasn't a problem since J is coming - I mean how could she miss it since it's not everyday your SO gets some of their parts removed. He told me he'd be back in the office the following week and he'd give me a call to give me some more information.
Well here we are a week later (Friday 1/31/14) and I hadn't heard back. I assumed he had simply forgotten which is understandable with him on vacation when we spoke, but I wanted to confirm the date prior to booking hotel room(s), etc., so I texted him and inquired if the date was firm and what, if anything I needed to do/bring besides payment (cash or bank check FYI). He texted me back that he'd call me later and a second text that yes the date was firm. He called me shortly after that again confirming that the 15th was firm and that I'd likely be the 6am appointment - he starts at 6am and if he has more they're scheduled sequentially. We discussed hotel arrangements; I was leanings towards one that is about a 5-10 minutes from him in Novi - partially because I like that particular chain and partially because I have enough points to get the room comped for our time up there. Plus it's close to a nice mall and a Wal-Mart and several restaurants. J and I had debated the merits of an extended stay facility; but since we'll only be there a couple of days and I do most of the cooking normally and likely wouldn't feel like it, it just didn't make sense. It would've been nice to have a freezer in the room so we could just get a large bag of ice and/or some frozen peas or something, but so be it - I think the hotel we've chosen is enough nicer to make the sacrifice. He also mention a few things to bring - Depends and Neosporin specifically as well as to make sure the "hair" was gone. He told me he'd give me a call closer to the date - I'm guessing to confirm I hadn't changed my mind and to give any last minute instructions, etc.
So it would seem I'm all set; in two weeks (and a few hours) I'll be losing Mr. (Un)happy's two friends. Being able to potentially reduce the hormones is part of the reason, but the two big reasons are vanity (my clothes will hopefully fit better), and of course the legal aspect. I do have my gender marker changed already; but I live with a bit of a concern that at some point somebody may issue a ruling to undo the change I and others have accomplished here in this state and while this isn't SRS/GRS, it's *generally* considered enough for this purpose. I had read that Dr. Arnkoff provides a letter in this regard; so I need to confirm that to him. We also need to confirm the hotel and if we are staying an extra day in Detroit or if we're going to leave Sunday morning and perhaps come halfway back to say Indianapolis and spend the night there so I don't have to spend a good 10+ hours in the car. Hopefully J and I can work that out.
In any case I'm tired so I should cut this short; as always thanks for reading. I'll update this - well I'll probably just make a new post - once the "deed is done" with how things went. Not to be disgusting or anything; but just in case anyone ever wanted to know about it as I know I've found it very helpful when others have done the same for things I've went through or at least contemplated going through.
- M
Well due to J's days off she didn't get a firm answer until Thursday morning (1/23/14) at which point I texted Dr. Arnkoff as per his instructions. I got a text back that he'd call me later. Well I never got that call - I just figured he got busy and I'd follow up the next day. I did text him back the next day (Friday 1/24/14) and apparently he was actually on vacation (that might explain the background noise from the call that Monday) and that he'd call me later. This time he did and we again had a short conversation confirming the date, the cost - which is still $2500 - I was afraid it might've went up to $3000 per a Reddit post a couple of months ago, but as of now it hasn't. He confirmed I'd have somebody with me, which I said wasn't a problem since J is coming - I mean how could she miss it since it's not everyday your SO gets some of their parts removed. He told me he'd be back in the office the following week and he'd give me a call to give me some more information.
Well here we are a week later (Friday 1/31/14) and I hadn't heard back. I assumed he had simply forgotten which is understandable with him on vacation when we spoke, but I wanted to confirm the date prior to booking hotel room(s), etc., so I texted him and inquired if the date was firm and what, if anything I needed to do/bring besides payment (cash or bank check FYI). He texted me back that he'd call me later and a second text that yes the date was firm. He called me shortly after that again confirming that the 15th was firm and that I'd likely be the 6am appointment - he starts at 6am and if he has more they're scheduled sequentially. We discussed hotel arrangements; I was leanings towards one that is about a 5-10 minutes from him in Novi - partially because I like that particular chain and partially because I have enough points to get the room comped for our time up there. Plus it's close to a nice mall and a Wal-Mart and several restaurants. J and I had debated the merits of an extended stay facility; but since we'll only be there a couple of days and I do most of the cooking normally and likely wouldn't feel like it, it just didn't make sense. It would've been nice to have a freezer in the room so we could just get a large bag of ice and/or some frozen peas or something, but so be it - I think the hotel we've chosen is enough nicer to make the sacrifice. He also mention a few things to bring - Depends and Neosporin specifically as well as to make sure the "hair" was gone. He told me he'd give me a call closer to the date - I'm guessing to confirm I hadn't changed my mind and to give any last minute instructions, etc.
So it would seem I'm all set; in two weeks (and a few hours) I'll be losing Mr. (Un)happy's two friends. Being able to potentially reduce the hormones is part of the reason, but the two big reasons are vanity (my clothes will hopefully fit better), and of course the legal aspect. I do have my gender marker changed already; but I live with a bit of a concern that at some point somebody may issue a ruling to undo the change I and others have accomplished here in this state and while this isn't SRS/GRS, it's *generally* considered enough for this purpose. I had read that Dr. Arnkoff provides a letter in this regard; so I need to confirm that to him. We also need to confirm the hotel and if we are staying an extra day in Detroit or if we're going to leave Sunday morning and perhaps come halfway back to say Indianapolis and spend the night there so I don't have to spend a good 10+ hours in the car. Hopefully J and I can work that out.
In any case I'm tired so I should cut this short; as always thanks for reading. I'll update this - well I'll probably just make a new post - once the "deed is done" with how things went. Not to be disgusting or anything; but just in case anyone ever wanted to know about it as I know I've found it very helpful when others have done the same for things I've went through or at least contemplated going through.
- M
Monday, January 27, 2014
HRT And Hot Flashes?
The last couple of nights I've woke up multiple times - this in and of itself isn't news as I've always had that issue and a couple of medicines I'm on are diuretics which doesn't help. However, these last couple of nights I've woke up with basically what I guess are "hot flashes". I've been on HRT for 13 months give or take and these last couple of nights are the first time I've dealt with something like this. Perhaps it's not really that as it seems like the majority of people on similar medicine to me do not have this issue. But whatever it is, it is annoying. Assuming that it is hot flashes I'm really curious as to how the orchiectomy will affect them as everything I've read says that can be a common side effect.
Onto another topic, yesterday was not an overly good day. J, M, and myself were going to finally get around to getting our eyebrows threaded. We run to a place about 30-40 minutes away to do it. Well, we were running behind mainly because of me and I was overly crabby. Well I was crabby enough that the ride was pretty much in silence which eventually pi**ed me off. Well we finally get to the place and go in, they had three people doing the threading, but only one was free so J went first. While M and I were sitting there she brought up going over to the Galleria to go to Sephora and peek into the Microsoft store.
Now some background here, I wanted to get some more of the foundation I use from Sephora - it does a great job for me (Makeup Forever Mat Velvet liquid) - and M needed something for her lips. We had intended to go previously and hadn't made it. Well we had intended on swinging by a Sephora to get that taken care of - my intention was West County Mall or even Mid Rivers (although that's not my favorite since they don't have a full Sephora there - it's in JC Penny's). However, M's husband had been pestering her to go to the MS store to play some game - I have no idea what, nor do I care. Well we had thought about going to get our eyebrows done a couple of weeks ago on a Wednesday evening and he apparently wanted to go. I wasn't a fan of that as the threading takes about 5-10 minutes for all three of us to be in and out and that would've barely given him time to get upstairs to the MS store. Well we didn't end up going that night anyway. Well today as I said M mentioned to me about running over to Sephora so she could also peek into the MS store and before I could really say anything it was our turn. However, when we got to the car I hurt a bit (they have a lot of work to clean mine up) and was more than a bit crabby. So we drove over to the mall and while driving around to find a parking place I finally lost it with her. In a weird way I do sort of like her husband, but truth be told he's an a**hole; often to her and that bothers me. You know, even though we're not married anymore I do think of her as a sister and do care about her. Sometimes J and I wonder if she only stays with him because he buys her this and that. She says she loves him and maybe she does; but why she puts up with him and his attitude - well that boggles me. Not to mention there's a financial issue in that we all four own the house and as such would think we're each 1/4 responsible for the bills; however, what he pays barely covers his portion of the house payment and perhaps electricity. That leaves, gas, water, trash, phone, Internet, DirecTV, the food he does eat (although he does get a large portion of his own food due to what he eats), and so on. I personally deposit over 1.5 times what M and her husband do towards the house and that's wrong. She made the statement today that he agreed to what he's paying when he moved it and that's true. However, since then his name is now on the house and 5+ years have passed. Over time expenses go up; not to mention that amount was for him to move in with M in her room; not have his own room such as he does. I guess there's no point in continuing to debate this; but suffice it to say in the last five years I've personally put between $70,000 and $100,000 MORE towards the house than M and her husband together. This would've paid for my SRS and a breast augmentation as well probably 3 times over and that's frustrating; but I guess it's either deal with it or for J and I to leave which has financial consequences. I'm guessing we'll stay; but it does get old.
The bad part is that if you can get her away from him, M is pretty good to be around and I do care about what happens to her. But "it is what it is", so enough of that.
I guess I should wrap this up, it's nearly 7am and it's Monday so work beckons.
- M
Onto another topic, yesterday was not an overly good day. J, M, and myself were going to finally get around to getting our eyebrows threaded. We run to a place about 30-40 minutes away to do it. Well, we were running behind mainly because of me and I was overly crabby. Well I was crabby enough that the ride was pretty much in silence which eventually pi**ed me off. Well we finally get to the place and go in, they had three people doing the threading, but only one was free so J went first. While M and I were sitting there she brought up going over to the Galleria to go to Sephora and peek into the Microsoft store.
Now some background here, I wanted to get some more of the foundation I use from Sephora - it does a great job for me (Makeup Forever Mat Velvet liquid) - and M needed something for her lips. We had intended to go previously and hadn't made it. Well we had intended on swinging by a Sephora to get that taken care of - my intention was West County Mall or even Mid Rivers (although that's not my favorite since they don't have a full Sephora there - it's in JC Penny's). However, M's husband had been pestering her to go to the MS store to play some game - I have no idea what, nor do I care. Well we had thought about going to get our eyebrows done a couple of weeks ago on a Wednesday evening and he apparently wanted to go. I wasn't a fan of that as the threading takes about 5-10 minutes for all three of us to be in and out and that would've barely given him time to get upstairs to the MS store. Well we didn't end up going that night anyway. Well today as I said M mentioned to me about running over to Sephora so she could also peek into the MS store and before I could really say anything it was our turn. However, when we got to the car I hurt a bit (they have a lot of work to clean mine up) and was more than a bit crabby. So we drove over to the mall and while driving around to find a parking place I finally lost it with her. In a weird way I do sort of like her husband, but truth be told he's an a**hole; often to her and that bothers me. You know, even though we're not married anymore I do think of her as a sister and do care about her. Sometimes J and I wonder if she only stays with him because he buys her this and that. She says she loves him and maybe she does; but why she puts up with him and his attitude - well that boggles me. Not to mention there's a financial issue in that we all four own the house and as such would think we're each 1/4 responsible for the bills; however, what he pays barely covers his portion of the house payment and perhaps electricity. That leaves, gas, water, trash, phone, Internet, DirecTV, the food he does eat (although he does get a large portion of his own food due to what he eats), and so on. I personally deposit over 1.5 times what M and her husband do towards the house and that's wrong. She made the statement today that he agreed to what he's paying when he moved it and that's true. However, since then his name is now on the house and 5+ years have passed. Over time expenses go up; not to mention that amount was for him to move in with M in her room; not have his own room such as he does. I guess there's no point in continuing to debate this; but suffice it to say in the last five years I've personally put between $70,000 and $100,000 MORE towards the house than M and her husband together. This would've paid for my SRS and a breast augmentation as well probably 3 times over and that's frustrating; but I guess it's either deal with it or for J and I to leave which has financial consequences. I'm guessing we'll stay; but it does get old.
The bad part is that if you can get her away from him, M is pretty good to be around and I do care about what happens to her. But "it is what it is", so enough of that.
I guess I should wrap this up, it's nearly 7am and it's Monday so work beckons.
- M
Saturday, January 25, 2014
I Shall Call Them Mini-Rants
I'm still in a remarkably good mood since yesterday; as I said then it's not SRS which I now probably want more than ever; but the Orchi will be a good step for me. That being said, I do have a few ongoing agitations that I thought would be good to get off of my chest.
Starting with this one. Why is it so hard to check the bag/food if you are fetching breakfast/lunch/dinner/etc for people??? My daughter can do it; but neither J nor M can seem to. The fact that M doesn't really gets me as we're at about 20 years of this. I know some would tell me that I should go instead and perhaps they're right; but frankly if I'm paying for it I don't think it's expecting too much for one of them to get it on occasion and to CHECK THE FOOD - at least mine. On those occasions when I do go, I check it and as I mentioned my 20 year old daughter does as well. Why can't the "adults" do it too???
Moving on, I love J with all my heart - even more so now with our current "arrangement", but she has a couple of really annoying traits. I'd like to say that me sharing them here would get me in "trouble"; but even if she reads this I'm sure it won't (and perhaps that's an annoying trait of it's own). The first is that she cannot take constructive feedback - and I mean feedback, not criticism as it's the former and not the latter. Instead of taking it for what it is and making a decision as to it's validity she immediately assumes she needs to completely overcompensate for whatever was pointed out - really makes me want to not say things. The other one is a lack of listening. Obviously our arrangement changes some things; but to me listening is not one of them. If she wants to listen and then choose to do whatever anyway that is part of how things should be working; but to simply not listen is really agitating. If she's not going to listen then why should I take the time to communicate?
My boss. I've vented a couple of times about him; but for the most part he's good to work for - the gender issue aside. However, he has a couple of annoying traits. First off, he tends to read most of his email on his phone and as that's how we predominantly communicate that's an issue because I honestly think he hasn't figured out that there can be more than one screen's worth of text in an email. It's gotten so bad I no longer use paragraph breaks as he'll miss the rest of the message. Another is his prioritization as it relates to me - he'll give me a list of things to do and when I'm part way through it he'll switch priorities. Look, I understand that business is like that at times - especially smaller businesses like ours; but NOT all the time - it gets old at times.
Lastly for now, the lack of consistency by retailers. Look, I don't care what your policies are - just follow whatever they are. As an example, I didn't make dinner last night so J and I ran to Hardees when she got home to get her some dinner. We had some coupon and whatever it was for included a small fry/drink. We paid the difference to upgrade her to large/large. Well today, M and my daughter went over there for some reason and took a similar coupon and were told that they "couldn't upgrade a coupon" or something to that effect. WTF? They're turning down a customer spending more money? That is counter-intuitive to me to start with; but they just did it last night and there was NO MENTION at the time that they were bending the rules or anything. So whatever the policy is for Hardees is fine; but be consistent. And it's just not them, this stuff happens all over the place and it's agitating.
I guess that'll do it for now, I've got some things to do.
- M
Starting with this one. Why is it so hard to check the bag/food if you are fetching breakfast/lunch/dinner/etc for people??? My daughter can do it; but neither J nor M can seem to. The fact that M doesn't really gets me as we're at about 20 years of this. I know some would tell me that I should go instead and perhaps they're right; but frankly if I'm paying for it I don't think it's expecting too much for one of them to get it on occasion and to CHECK THE FOOD - at least mine. On those occasions when I do go, I check it and as I mentioned my 20 year old daughter does as well. Why can't the "adults" do it too???
Moving on, I love J with all my heart - even more so now with our current "arrangement", but she has a couple of really annoying traits. I'd like to say that me sharing them here would get me in "trouble"; but even if she reads this I'm sure it won't (and perhaps that's an annoying trait of it's own). The first is that she cannot take constructive feedback - and I mean feedback, not criticism as it's the former and not the latter. Instead of taking it for what it is and making a decision as to it's validity she immediately assumes she needs to completely overcompensate for whatever was pointed out - really makes me want to not say things. The other one is a lack of listening. Obviously our arrangement changes some things; but to me listening is not one of them. If she wants to listen and then choose to do whatever anyway that is part of how things should be working; but to simply not listen is really agitating. If she's not going to listen then why should I take the time to communicate?
My boss. I've vented a couple of times about him; but for the most part he's good to work for - the gender issue aside. However, he has a couple of annoying traits. First off, he tends to read most of his email on his phone and as that's how we predominantly communicate that's an issue because I honestly think he hasn't figured out that there can be more than one screen's worth of text in an email. It's gotten so bad I no longer use paragraph breaks as he'll miss the rest of the message. Another is his prioritization as it relates to me - he'll give me a list of things to do and when I'm part way through it he'll switch priorities. Look, I understand that business is like that at times - especially smaller businesses like ours; but NOT all the time - it gets old at times.
Lastly for now, the lack of consistency by retailers. Look, I don't care what your policies are - just follow whatever they are. As an example, I didn't make dinner last night so J and I ran to Hardees when she got home to get her some dinner. We had some coupon and whatever it was for included a small fry/drink. We paid the difference to upgrade her to large/large. Well today, M and my daughter went over there for some reason and took a similar coupon and were told that they "couldn't upgrade a coupon" or something to that effect. WTF? They're turning down a customer spending more money? That is counter-intuitive to me to start with; but they just did it last night and there was NO MENTION at the time that they were bending the rules or anything. So whatever the policy is for Hardees is fine; but be consistent. And it's just not them, this stuff happens all over the place and it's agitating.
I guess that'll do it for now, I've got some things to do.
- M
Friday, January 24, 2014
Mike, Mike, Mike, Guess What Day It Is???
Well it's actually Friday; but I didn't have a catchy title - not that I really ever do - so I thought I'd go with a little humor.
It is actually Friday which thankfully means the end of another work week. I really shouldn't complain I do have a job that I more or less like and that allows me to work from home (in my jammies at the moment). However, sometimes it does get old. One of my responsibilities are the Installshield routines for our software. I'm by no means an expert with Installshield - it sort of got dumped on me a few years ago and I've slogged through it enough to get done what needs to get done. Well we're getting ready to put our next version into beta so I had to start on the various builds. That in and of itself isn't an issue as I have the prior version to go from; but because (some of) our resellers can't read the manual - which I also painstakingly keep updates including STEP-BY-STEP instructions with screen shots - my boss wanted to eliminate some of the manual configuration the reseller would normally do. Now as I came from a reseller this is a sore point for me since I've done that job (for nearly 9 years) and it's not that hard; and with the documentation I maintain a child could do it. However, I see his point since it (hopefully) will reduce support calls over installation issues. In order to do some of the things he wanted done it took an inordinate amount of my time to do since it all had to be done in Installscript - well maybe it didn't have to, but that's how our installers currently work and that's what I'm at least semi-familiar with. I just don't think the payoff was worth the investment, but it's not my call so I did it and can now move on to something else - at least for a few days or maybe a week or two until I have to do the same with our other product.
On a more personal note, I'm a touch agitated. As I've mentioned I've decided to pursue an Orchiectomy. I've cleared it with the Doctor supervising my HRT and my therapist - though not my regular GP, but I can't imagine her having an objection if my HRT Doctor didn't. I had settled on Dr. Arnkoff for a few reasons. The first was obviously cost as he's cheaper than people such as Bowers, McGinn, etc. He's within driving distance for us - even if it is a lengthy drive. And I've read several overly positive experiences with him on various sites such as Susan's, Reddit, etc. And lastly he uses "informed consent". I do have a letter from my therapist - well that's not true - it's written, but I won't have it until I go see her in a couple of weeks; although if I needed it prior she would've mailed it for me; however, this does allow me to not have to get the second letter. Some surgeons such as Bowers seem to only require one for an Orchi and two for SRS, others such as McGinn require two for either and personally for this I hate to go to the trouble and expense for a second letter if I don't have to. Additionally, as I said cost is a factor; although not an overriding one as it is my health and this is a one shot deal - they can't put them back.
Well I left my information via his website last week and never heard back, so I called him Monday. As I had heard apparently that number is his cell phone and from the background noise I'm assuming he must have been relaxing at home as there were multiple children in the background. We spent a couple of minutes on the phone as he gave me a short overview of the process and I mentioned the date I'd like - a few weeks from now - he said he does them on Saturday's which is fine. Since I wanted J to go with me I needed her to confirm that she could get vacation as it would be possible to simply schedule it around her since she's on a 3 on/3 off rotation, but I'd really like to stay an extra day just in case so we had settled on her trying to get the time off. So since I couldn't out and out commit while on the phone he asked me to text him my name and desired date. Well J had actually went to the Doctor - she'd finally agreed to start seeing mine - it's not that I really cared that it was mine, I just wanted her to see SOMEONE. So we spoke when she got home. I had thought she'd simply give her boss a call and check then and there as they have no issues calling/texting her at home; but instead she waited until she went back to work yesterday. She called me early to let me know the week prior to the one I wanted was out (that was my second choice), but that the week we had talked about should be fine. So I texted Dr. Arnkoff as he requested and got a response shortly later that he'd "call me later". Well color me silly, but I assumed he meant later THAT DAY. Here I am 24 hours later and I haven't heard back from him. I hate to be a bother, but I guess I'm going to have to be as I need to let J know she can ensure she gets the time off of work.
This is speculation on my part, but I'm guessing that Dr. Arnkoff is more or less doing this "on the side" - hence the reason that he does it on Saturday's and that he's so particular about the way he's paid. I don't really care, it's not my business, but it does boggle me that I'm trying to give him $2500 for what amounts to maybe a hour or two of his time TOTAL and I can't get a call back? I think I'll try again today; but if not then I guess I'll start looking elsewhere. Who knows, I've read that some doctors will even code it so that insurance will pay for it, so I guess we'll see.
One last note. As I've said I left Susan's Place for various reasons; but before I did there were a couple of ladies that I really followed their progress. One of them was Serena Lynn. Now she's 13 or 14 years younger than me so that will make a difference; but she had started hormones about 6 months prior to me. The changes I saw from the photos she posted always amazed me. In some ways it was a little depressing in that I wasn't seeing such vast changes; but in bigger ways it inspired me as even if I couldn't be as attractive as she was (and I can't), the delta between when she started and where she was at was so large it gave me lots of hope for myself. Well I was on Reddit the other day (my new fascination) and somebody asked about Youtube videos from people on HRT and a few names came up. One I recognized was Jesslyn (hopefully I spelled that right) - I had watched several of hers before. However, another popped up - SerenaLynn84 - and I immediately wondered if it was the same woman from Susan's Place.
I hit Youtube and searched and sure enough it is. She's gotten even more attractive that she was before and she had actually just posted a video a couple of days post-SRS. In watching some of her others she also recently had breast augmentation - both with Dr. Meltzer. The videos were amazing; especially the ones showing the changes over time (the 12 month one with photos from before and then month-by-month was especially interesting). It really gave me some motivation that I sorely needed as mine had waned a little over the holidays. I know I won't see the same changes she has; but if I can even see a small percentage of hers I'll be ecstatic. Truth be told - and it's hard for me to admit this - I guess I actually have seen more progress than I give myself credit for. I recently went through some of my photos and compared the one from my first therapist visit (one of the first times I was out as Madison) to some more current photos and there is no comparison. I'm by no means pretty - definitely not attractive like Serena is - but looking at the delta between those photos I do see a lot of progress and I just need to build on that.
Same with the weight, it's stagnated the last couple of months - I put on a good 10+ pounds over Christmas and most of that is gone again, but I need to start actually losing it again. Obviously it's not going to come off as easily as it did at first; but with some effort it can/will. I mean I was small at one point - I was about 125lbs my senior year of high school (and played offensive line on the football team at that weight); but I'd settle for a nice 199lbs right now which means I need to dump another 30lbs.
I've rambled on way too long on this so it's time to go and get some work done and I guess try one more time to get a date set with Dr. Arnkoff; as always thanks for reading.
Update:
I did text Dr. Arnkoff again and got a response - apparently he must be vacationing, but he once again said he'd call me later. If he does then great, I'll see about getting this scheduled. If he blows me off again, I think I've decided to give this up and simply save that money towards having SRS as since I once again really do want that this would in all reality be money "thrown away". Now, it wouldn't be a total loss since there would be some benefit in the interim, I could take lower HRT dosages and hopefully my clothes would fit better; but those things aren't worth it if this is going to continue to be a hassle.
Second Update:
Well Dr. Arnkoff actually did call back early this afternoon - he is on vacation and returns Sunday. We set a date (the 15th like I wanted). He's supposed to give me a call on Monday with more specifics; but it looks like J and I will head up there on the 14th (some Valentine's day for her), have it done early on the 15th, and head back either the 16th or 17th. I was grateful that he hadn't raised his price from last year - the more recent one I had seen was $2500 from a post on Reddit back in November, but there was reference to him going to $3000 in January. Had if he had, I think I either would've skipped it altogether as I mentioned above or I would've seen somebody else such as Bowers or McGinn since they actually put you under for it versus a local in the office.
It's funny, at one point late this morning I had decided I didn't care about this as much and would probably rather wait for full SRS and was almost hoping he didn't call back. But now that he has and I've had a good six hours to ponder things, I'm happy that I'm getting this done now - probably about as happy as I was after my first therapist visit or after my visit to Columbia to get put on HRT and that's saying a lot...
- M
It is actually Friday which thankfully means the end of another work week. I really shouldn't complain I do have a job that I more or less like and that allows me to work from home (in my jammies at the moment). However, sometimes it does get old. One of my responsibilities are the Installshield routines for our software. I'm by no means an expert with Installshield - it sort of got dumped on me a few years ago and I've slogged through it enough to get done what needs to get done. Well we're getting ready to put our next version into beta so I had to start on the various builds. That in and of itself isn't an issue as I have the prior version to go from; but because (some of) our resellers can't read the manual - which I also painstakingly keep updates including STEP-BY-STEP instructions with screen shots - my boss wanted to eliminate some of the manual configuration the reseller would normally do. Now as I came from a reseller this is a sore point for me since I've done that job (for nearly 9 years) and it's not that hard; and with the documentation I maintain a child could do it. However, I see his point since it (hopefully) will reduce support calls over installation issues. In order to do some of the things he wanted done it took an inordinate amount of my time to do since it all had to be done in Installscript - well maybe it didn't have to, but that's how our installers currently work and that's what I'm at least semi-familiar with. I just don't think the payoff was worth the investment, but it's not my call so I did it and can now move on to something else - at least for a few days or maybe a week or two until I have to do the same with our other product.
On a more personal note, I'm a touch agitated. As I've mentioned I've decided to pursue an Orchiectomy. I've cleared it with the Doctor supervising my HRT and my therapist - though not my regular GP, but I can't imagine her having an objection if my HRT Doctor didn't. I had settled on Dr. Arnkoff for a few reasons. The first was obviously cost as he's cheaper than people such as Bowers, McGinn, etc. He's within driving distance for us - even if it is a lengthy drive. And I've read several overly positive experiences with him on various sites such as Susan's, Reddit, etc. And lastly he uses "informed consent". I do have a letter from my therapist - well that's not true - it's written, but I won't have it until I go see her in a couple of weeks; although if I needed it prior she would've mailed it for me; however, this does allow me to not have to get the second letter. Some surgeons such as Bowers seem to only require one for an Orchi and two for SRS, others such as McGinn require two for either and personally for this I hate to go to the trouble and expense for a second letter if I don't have to. Additionally, as I said cost is a factor; although not an overriding one as it is my health and this is a one shot deal - they can't put them back.
Well I left my information via his website last week and never heard back, so I called him Monday. As I had heard apparently that number is his cell phone and from the background noise I'm assuming he must have been relaxing at home as there were multiple children in the background. We spent a couple of minutes on the phone as he gave me a short overview of the process and I mentioned the date I'd like - a few weeks from now - he said he does them on Saturday's which is fine. Since I wanted J to go with me I needed her to confirm that she could get vacation as it would be possible to simply schedule it around her since she's on a 3 on/3 off rotation, but I'd really like to stay an extra day just in case so we had settled on her trying to get the time off. So since I couldn't out and out commit while on the phone he asked me to text him my name and desired date. Well J had actually went to the Doctor - she'd finally agreed to start seeing mine - it's not that I really cared that it was mine, I just wanted her to see SOMEONE. So we spoke when she got home. I had thought she'd simply give her boss a call and check then and there as they have no issues calling/texting her at home; but instead she waited until she went back to work yesterday. She called me early to let me know the week prior to the one I wanted was out (that was my second choice), but that the week we had talked about should be fine. So I texted Dr. Arnkoff as he requested and got a response shortly later that he'd "call me later". Well color me silly, but I assumed he meant later THAT DAY. Here I am 24 hours later and I haven't heard back from him. I hate to be a bother, but I guess I'm going to have to be as I need to let J know she can ensure she gets the time off of work.
This is speculation on my part, but I'm guessing that Dr. Arnkoff is more or less doing this "on the side" - hence the reason that he does it on Saturday's and that he's so particular about the way he's paid. I don't really care, it's not my business, but it does boggle me that I'm trying to give him $2500 for what amounts to maybe a hour or two of his time TOTAL and I can't get a call back? I think I'll try again today; but if not then I guess I'll start looking elsewhere. Who knows, I've read that some doctors will even code it so that insurance will pay for it, so I guess we'll see.
One last note. As I've said I left Susan's Place for various reasons; but before I did there were a couple of ladies that I really followed their progress. One of them was Serena Lynn. Now she's 13 or 14 years younger than me so that will make a difference; but she had started hormones about 6 months prior to me. The changes I saw from the photos she posted always amazed me. In some ways it was a little depressing in that I wasn't seeing such vast changes; but in bigger ways it inspired me as even if I couldn't be as attractive as she was (and I can't), the delta between when she started and where she was at was so large it gave me lots of hope for myself. Well I was on Reddit the other day (my new fascination) and somebody asked about Youtube videos from people on HRT and a few names came up. One I recognized was Jesslyn (hopefully I spelled that right) - I had watched several of hers before. However, another popped up - SerenaLynn84 - and I immediately wondered if it was the same woman from Susan's Place.
I hit Youtube and searched and sure enough it is. She's gotten even more attractive that she was before and she had actually just posted a video a couple of days post-SRS. In watching some of her others she also recently had breast augmentation - both with Dr. Meltzer. The videos were amazing; especially the ones showing the changes over time (the 12 month one with photos from before and then month-by-month was especially interesting). It really gave me some motivation that I sorely needed as mine had waned a little over the holidays. I know I won't see the same changes she has; but if I can even see a small percentage of hers I'll be ecstatic. Truth be told - and it's hard for me to admit this - I guess I actually have seen more progress than I give myself credit for. I recently went through some of my photos and compared the one from my first therapist visit (one of the first times I was out as Madison) to some more current photos and there is no comparison. I'm by no means pretty - definitely not attractive like Serena is - but looking at the delta between those photos I do see a lot of progress and I just need to build on that.
Same with the weight, it's stagnated the last couple of months - I put on a good 10+ pounds over Christmas and most of that is gone again, but I need to start actually losing it again. Obviously it's not going to come off as easily as it did at first; but with some effort it can/will. I mean I was small at one point - I was about 125lbs my senior year of high school (and played offensive line on the football team at that weight); but I'd settle for a nice 199lbs right now which means I need to dump another 30lbs.
I've rambled on way too long on this so it's time to go and get some work done and I guess try one more time to get a date set with Dr. Arnkoff; as always thanks for reading.
Update:
I did text Dr. Arnkoff again and got a response - apparently he must be vacationing, but he once again said he'd call me later. If he does then great, I'll see about getting this scheduled. If he blows me off again, I think I've decided to give this up and simply save that money towards having SRS as since I once again really do want that this would in all reality be money "thrown away". Now, it wouldn't be a total loss since there would be some benefit in the interim, I could take lower HRT dosages and hopefully my clothes would fit better; but those things aren't worth it if this is going to continue to be a hassle.
Second Update:
Well Dr. Arnkoff actually did call back early this afternoon - he is on vacation and returns Sunday. We set a date (the 15th like I wanted). He's supposed to give me a call on Monday with more specifics; but it looks like J and I will head up there on the 14th (some Valentine's day for her), have it done early on the 15th, and head back either the 16th or 17th. I was grateful that he hadn't raised his price from last year - the more recent one I had seen was $2500 from a post on Reddit back in November, but there was reference to him going to $3000 in January. Had if he had, I think I either would've skipped it altogether as I mentioned above or I would've seen somebody else such as Bowers or McGinn since they actually put you under for it versus a local in the office.
It's funny, at one point late this morning I had decided I didn't care about this as much and would probably rather wait for full SRS and was almost hoping he didn't call back. But now that he has and I've had a good six hours to ponder things, I'm happy that I'm getting this done now - probably about as happy as I was after my first therapist visit or after my visit to Columbia to get put on HRT and that's saying a lot...
- M
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
This And That
Posts two days in a row, I guess I'm back on a roll. Yesterday's post was titled "Catching Up", but I really didn't do any catching up, I ranted about Charter and discussed that I'm strongly leaning to having an Orchiectomy in a few weeks.
So now, perhaps we can really catch up. I went for another laser session this past Saturday - it had been almost three months due to them pushing for a two month interval now that the price has dropped (which still agitates me - the interval, not the price - but I've discussed that previously) and some other commitments. Unfortunately since I've been leaving the house more than means more shaving and more irritated face. As it stood I had a couple of spots on my face where I had gotten what I'm assuming were ingrown hairs and it was a concern when I arrived for the numbing cream application. They decided to go ahead with the process so she applied the cream and left me to wait for the hour. Well I had been up about 25-26 hours at that point and actually dozed off once or twice waiting. I'm not sure if they could hear me snoring, but I'm sure I was which was a bit embarrassing for me.
I had spoken to "D" recently and she had mentioned that when she went the last couple of times the laser was set to 41 and 38. I had never asked but I assumed I was probably in the 30's somewhere since it had been hurting even with the cream. Much to my dismay, when I asked I was told it was at 23 the last time. I felt like quite the little baby at that point. I believe she turned it up some this time - it hurt pretty good. Parts of my face/neck not all that bad, but other parts - it was a lot of pain. I'm torn at this point, I can see progress and the price is a little more reasonable these days, but I'm tempted to give that up and do electrolysis instead. I have a lot of hairs still, but they could focus on specific areas whereas the laser gets the whole face but it's more hit or miss as to what it actually works on. I'll have to give that some more thought.
Speaking of giving things more thought - SRS comes to mind. Originally when I (seriously) contemplated transitioning SRS was the "end-game" so to speak. Then as time passed the cost of the procedure, the recovery time, my age, and the "work issues" made the decision for me -- I decided it wasn't important and I could be happy without it. None of those things have changed, including me being happy; however, the single biggest "concern" was the cost, but I've given that a lot of thought this week with the orchi on the horizon. Depending upon where I went the surgery would run about $18k-$30k for the SRS and another couple of thousand for travel, etc. Now I realize I could get it done cheaper by going to Thailand for example but I'm limiting myself to the continental United States and possibly Canada (Dr. Brassard in that case - partially due to him being so reasonably priced and being basically "all-inclusive"). That's still a *LOT* of money and wouldn't be easy to pull off; but I now think it's doable. Not this year, not next year, but perhaps within 3-4 years I could pull it off. The question becomes do I want to make the sacrifices necessary to do that; and more importantly do I want to put "J" in the position to sacrifice things to do that? I don't have the answer to that question at the moment. I think I'm willing and I know she would be willing too, but I'm just not sure I can put her in that position. I'm sure I'll have more thoughts on this going forward.
As far as being "out and about", I do need to update my ongoing series on places I've been and the experiences I've had there - they've all been good ones as they almost always are - but I like to do that anyway since that was one of the two main reasons I started this blog. The other was to share things such as the court process for my name/gender change, what therapy (at least for me) is like, and so on. I know I did a *LOT* of reading going into this, and I still do from time to time and I love to be able to read about specific experiences of people so I have an idea of what to expect for me.
I think with that I'll bring this entry to a close as I have work to do and I'm still not sure if we're going to get our eyebrows done tonight or not - I'd actually rather wait since I've been up for about 24 hours now and if we do that it'll end up being a good 36+ before I get to bed and while that was not a problem 20 years ago; well it's not so easy these days. :)
- m
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Catching up...
Despite my best intentions, it's been nearly three weeks since I've posted here. It's not that I didn't mean to - I have several times, but something always seems to come up. As I sit here now late at night (early in the morning?), I have some time and thought I'd get back to it.
First off a rant about Charter Communications. When we moved to our current home it was a new development and we could not get Charter to our dismay so we used Centurytel for phone/Internet and DirecTV for television. We were reasonably happy with both; we had a fiber run (either FTTP or FTTH I forget) and got good speed 20mb/768; which was enough to keep us happy but the upload speed became an issue with what we do. Once Charter became available we switched the phone/Internet to them and all was good. Well about six months ago I got a call one evening with them offering to add cable. I explained that we had tried fairly recently and as we have 6 HD DVR's for DirecTV (that we've purchased over time) that the local office couldn't/wouldn't match that setup. Our current bill was about $140/month give or take ($90 for the 100mb/5mb Internet and the balance for two phone lines), and they could give us 6 HD DVR's and their top of the line package for $252 give or take including taxes, etc. I jumped at that as we were paying about $140 for DirecTV so we'd save $30/month, get some premium channels, the NFL Red Zone, etc. We'd lose the Multi-room DVR; but we also would have TV when the weather was bad.
Well the install was a fiasco, they missed two appointments. They finally get an installer out here about 5pm one night and when he realized he couldn't splice into the DirecTV cables since we were going to keep it for a couple of months due to our "commitment" (and to protect ourselves in case Charter didn't work out) he was less than friendly. Most of the rooms had an existing cable run anyway as we had gotten basic cable when we first switched; but one of the TV's in the basement didn't, the one in the living room didn't, and our daughter's room didn't. Our daughter's room is on the second floor and he didn't want to go outside and run cable. We had a stand off for about five minutes and he decided to do it. Well we ended up helping run the cables inside for him, but that was fine; but what wasn't is that he was short a DVR. So somebody else had to come out the next day (which they did) to swap it.
The next issue came the next day when I realized they had downgraded our 100mb/5mb to 30mb/? which was NOT what we had agreed to. In the process of getting that fixed they disconnected my work phone line and it took hours to get these two things fixed. Our next issue came with our first bill after the installation - we were getting charged about $20 more than they had promised. I assumed it was over the two extra DVR's as they had issues getting it into the system the night I had agreed to add the TV. I was a bit miffed, but we accepted it. Well now fast forward three more months out; suddenly our bill is over $300 (about 20% higher than what they promised me). By now I'm beyond agitated, their excuse was that we weren't being charged for the second phone line. Enough was enough, I wasn't going to pay 20% more than their quote, so M went to their office to see what if anything they could/would do. As usual they weren't much of any help so we've now cancelled the TV and I just finished disconnecting their six DVR's to go back tomorrow. I'm so glad we kept DirecTV during the interim. This will supposedly take our bill back down to $12x which I find amazing since the Internet alone is $90 per my last bill so two phone lines, unlimited long distance, an advanced feature pack on my work phone line, taxes, and fees are only $3x total? So when M and J return the boxes tomorrow I really hope she confirms everything as I'm not up for another hassle.
I did call Charter Business and they can give me the two phone lines and 60mb/4mb for $142 give or take plus taxes so figure $150. While it's a speed cut, that also includes a static IP which holds appeal and NO cap. They normally don't enforce those from what I read but I can't take the chance with 5 of us streaming things, all of my work stuff, etc. That's why we're on the 100mb/5mb now as from a speed perspective we could drop down a level (I believe it's 60mb/? - 4mb or maybe 5mb), but the cap on that is currently 250GB (it's 500GB on the level we're on) and we normally use 350GB-450GB. Enough ranting about Charter
though.
On a personal note I did speak with Dr. Arnkoff in Michigan today about an Orchiectomy. Sounds like it's a go in the next few weeks pending J and I getting time off which I don't think is an issue. We're going to drive up the day before and spend a day or two after in the relative peace and quiet and maybe look around a bit since we really haven't ever had a vacation together. Not that this is a vacation per se, but it's the closest we've had in 7+ years. The procedure itself is minor; although still surgery. It's done in his office on a Saturday and he said it takes 30-60 minutes. He said there's pain afterwards, but it's not like I'll be bedridden so I think I can handle that. While the courts have ruled me legally female as it sits; I'd like to actually get this done in the (unlikely) event that it became an issue I'll be able to say I've had surgery (and I believe Dr. Arnkoff provides a letter to that effect for this purpose). Obviously long term I'd like to have the Vaginoplasty; but at my age, and at the expense, I'm not sure when/if that will happen and I think this is enough to make me happy since I should be able to lower or get rid of part of my hormones and from a vanity perspective not has an issue with any unsightly bulges since the remaining part has become a real non-issue since going on the hormones. Probably TMI there, and with that I'll bid you adieu.
As always thanks for reading.
- M
First off a rant about Charter Communications. When we moved to our current home it was a new development and we could not get Charter to our dismay so we used Centurytel for phone/Internet and DirecTV for television. We were reasonably happy with both; we had a fiber run (either FTTP or FTTH I forget) and got good speed 20mb/768; which was enough to keep us happy but the upload speed became an issue with what we do. Once Charter became available we switched the phone/Internet to them and all was good. Well about six months ago I got a call one evening with them offering to add cable. I explained that we had tried fairly recently and as we have 6 HD DVR's for DirecTV (that we've purchased over time) that the local office couldn't/wouldn't match that setup. Our current bill was about $140/month give or take ($90 for the 100mb/5mb Internet and the balance for two phone lines), and they could give us 6 HD DVR's and their top of the line package for $252 give or take including taxes, etc. I jumped at that as we were paying about $140 for DirecTV so we'd save $30/month, get some premium channels, the NFL Red Zone, etc. We'd lose the Multi-room DVR; but we also would have TV when the weather was bad.
Well the install was a fiasco, they missed two appointments. They finally get an installer out here about 5pm one night and when he realized he couldn't splice into the DirecTV cables since we were going to keep it for a couple of months due to our "commitment" (and to protect ourselves in case Charter didn't work out) he was less than friendly. Most of the rooms had an existing cable run anyway as we had gotten basic cable when we first switched; but one of the TV's in the basement didn't, the one in the living room didn't, and our daughter's room didn't. Our daughter's room is on the second floor and he didn't want to go outside and run cable. We had a stand off for about five minutes and he decided to do it. Well we ended up helping run the cables inside for him, but that was fine; but what wasn't is that he was short a DVR. So somebody else had to come out the next day (which they did) to swap it.
The next issue came the next day when I realized they had downgraded our 100mb/5mb to 30mb/? which was NOT what we had agreed to. In the process of getting that fixed they disconnected my work phone line and it took hours to get these two things fixed. Our next issue came with our first bill after the installation - we were getting charged about $20 more than they had promised. I assumed it was over the two extra DVR's as they had issues getting it into the system the night I had agreed to add the TV. I was a bit miffed, but we accepted it. Well now fast forward three more months out; suddenly our bill is over $300 (about 20% higher than what they promised me). By now I'm beyond agitated, their excuse was that we weren't being charged for the second phone line. Enough was enough, I wasn't going to pay 20% more than their quote, so M went to their office to see what if anything they could/would do. As usual they weren't much of any help so we've now cancelled the TV and I just finished disconnecting their six DVR's to go back tomorrow. I'm so glad we kept DirecTV during the interim. This will supposedly take our bill back down to $12x which I find amazing since the Internet alone is $90 per my last bill so two phone lines, unlimited long distance, an advanced feature pack on my work phone line, taxes, and fees are only $3x total? So when M and J return the boxes tomorrow I really hope she confirms everything as I'm not up for another hassle.
I did call Charter Business and they can give me the two phone lines and 60mb/4mb for $142 give or take plus taxes so figure $150. While it's a speed cut, that also includes a static IP which holds appeal and NO cap. They normally don't enforce those from what I read but I can't take the chance with 5 of us streaming things, all of my work stuff, etc. That's why we're on the 100mb/5mb now as from a speed perspective we could drop down a level (I believe it's 60mb/? - 4mb or maybe 5mb), but the cap on that is currently 250GB (it's 500GB on the level we're on) and we normally use 350GB-450GB. Enough ranting about Charter
though.
On a personal note I did speak with Dr. Arnkoff in Michigan today about an Orchiectomy. Sounds like it's a go in the next few weeks pending J and I getting time off which I don't think is an issue. We're going to drive up the day before and spend a day or two after in the relative peace and quiet and maybe look around a bit since we really haven't ever had a vacation together. Not that this is a vacation per se, but it's the closest we've had in 7+ years. The procedure itself is minor; although still surgery. It's done in his office on a Saturday and he said it takes 30-60 minutes. He said there's pain afterwards, but it's not like I'll be bedridden so I think I can handle that. While the courts have ruled me legally female as it sits; I'd like to actually get this done in the (unlikely) event that it became an issue I'll be able to say I've had surgery (and I believe Dr. Arnkoff provides a letter to that effect for this purpose). Obviously long term I'd like to have the Vaginoplasty; but at my age, and at the expense, I'm not sure when/if that will happen and I think this is enough to make me happy since I should be able to lower or get rid of part of my hormones and from a vanity perspective not has an issue with any unsightly bulges since the remaining part has become a real non-issue since going on the hormones. Probably TMI there, and with that I'll bid you adieu.
As always thanks for reading.
- M
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Breast Growth
With the holidays and such I've been a bit lax posting here; although my submissive blog has been fairly regularly updated. However, I wanted to get back to this one as it's more personal for me and a nice outlet.
I've been on hormones for 54 weeks now and I've had fairly nice breast growth considering my age and genetics. What I have not had is any of the tenderness normally associated with it. It seems that many (most?) trans-women that go on hormones do experience breast tenderness at some point when the growth occurs. Well you can now add me to that list, it's taken the 54 weeks, but suddenly I have the tenderness that I've so often read about. I guess I should be happy as I can only assume that indicates further growth; but I'm puzzled as to why now and not sooner. My hormone dosages have not been changed in the last 5-6 months nor has anything else changed so I don't get it. But hopefully I'll get more of "them". :)
- M
I've been on hormones for 54 weeks now and I've had fairly nice breast growth considering my age and genetics. What I have not had is any of the tenderness normally associated with it. It seems that many (most?) trans-women that go on hormones do experience breast tenderness at some point when the growth occurs. Well you can now add me to that list, it's taken the 54 weeks, but suddenly I have the tenderness that I've so often read about. I guess I should be happy as I can only assume that indicates further growth; but I'm puzzled as to why now and not sooner. My hormone dosages have not been changed in the last 5-6 months nor has anything else changed so I don't get it. But hopefully I'll get more of "them". :)
- M
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