Well it's actually Friday; but I didn't have a catchy title - not that I really ever do - so I thought I'd go with a little humor.
It is actually Friday which thankfully means the end of another work week. I really shouldn't complain I do have a job that I more or less like and that allows me to work from home (in my jammies at the moment). However, sometimes it does get old. One of my responsibilities are the Installshield routines for our software. I'm by no means an expert with Installshield - it sort of got dumped on me a few years ago and I've slogged through it enough to get done what needs to get done. Well we're getting ready to put our next version into beta so I had to start on the various builds. That in and of itself isn't an issue as I have the prior version to go from; but because (some of) our resellers can't read the manual - which I also painstakingly keep updates including STEP-BY-STEP instructions with screen shots - my boss wanted to eliminate some of the manual configuration the reseller would normally do. Now as I came from a reseller this is a sore point for me since I've done that job (for nearly 9 years) and it's not that hard; and with the documentation I maintain a child could do it. However, I see his point since it (hopefully) will reduce support calls over installation issues. In order to do some of the things he wanted done it took an inordinate amount of my time to do since it all had to be done in Installscript - well maybe it didn't have to, but that's how our installers currently work and that's what I'm at least semi-familiar with. I just don't think the payoff was worth the investment, but it's not my call so I did it and can now move on to something else - at least for a few days or maybe a week or two until I have to do the same with our other product.
On a more personal note, I'm a touch agitated. As I've mentioned I've decided to pursue an Orchiectomy. I've cleared it with the Doctor supervising my HRT and my therapist - though not my regular GP, but I can't imagine her having an objection if my HRT Doctor didn't. I had settled on Dr. Arnkoff for a few reasons. The first was obviously cost as he's cheaper than people such as Bowers, McGinn, etc. He's within driving distance for us - even if it is a lengthy drive. And I've read several overly positive experiences with him on various sites such as Susan's, Reddit, etc. And lastly he uses "informed consent". I do have a letter from my therapist - well that's not true - it's written, but I won't have it until I go see her in a couple of weeks; although if I needed it prior she would've mailed it for me; however, this does allow me to not have to get the second letter. Some surgeons such as Bowers seem to only require one for an Orchi and two for SRS, others such as McGinn require two for either and personally for this I hate to go to the trouble and expense for a second letter if I don't have to. Additionally, as I said cost is a factor; although not an overriding one as it is my health and this is a one shot deal - they can't put them back.
Well I left my information via his website last week and never heard back, so I called him Monday. As I had heard apparently that number is his cell phone and from the background noise I'm assuming he must have been relaxing at home as there were multiple children in the background. We spent a couple of minutes on the phone as he gave me a short overview of the process and I mentioned the date I'd like - a few weeks from now - he said he does them on Saturday's which is fine. Since I wanted J to go with me I needed her to confirm that she could get vacation as it would be possible to simply schedule it around her since she's on a 3 on/3 off rotation, but I'd really like to stay an extra day just in case so we had settled on her trying to get the time off. So since I couldn't out and out commit while on the phone he asked me to text him my name and desired date. Well J had actually went to the Doctor - she'd finally agreed to start seeing mine - it's not that I really cared that it was mine, I just wanted her to see SOMEONE. So we spoke when she got home. I had thought she'd simply give her boss a call and check then and there as they have no issues calling/texting her at home; but instead she waited until she went back to work yesterday. She called me early to let me know the week prior to the one I wanted was out (that was my second choice), but that the week we had talked about should be fine. So I texted Dr. Arnkoff as he requested and got a response shortly later that he'd "call me later". Well color me silly, but I assumed he meant later THAT DAY. Here I am 24 hours later and I haven't heard back from him. I hate to be a bother, but I guess I'm going to have to be as I need to let J know she can ensure she gets the time off of work.
This is speculation on my part, but I'm guessing that Dr. Arnkoff is more or less doing this "on the side" - hence the reason that he does it on Saturday's and that he's so particular about the way he's paid. I don't really care, it's not my business, but it does boggle me that I'm trying to give him $2500 for what amounts to maybe a hour or two of his time TOTAL and I can't get a call back? I think I'll try again today; but if not then I guess I'll start looking elsewhere. Who knows, I've read that some doctors will even code it so that insurance will pay for it, so I guess we'll see.
One last note. As I've said I left Susan's Place for various reasons; but before I did there were a couple of ladies that I really followed their progress. One of them was Serena Lynn. Now she's 13 or 14 years younger than me so that will make a difference; but she had started hormones about 6 months prior to me. The changes I saw from the photos she posted always amazed me. In some ways it was a little depressing in that I wasn't seeing such vast changes; but in bigger ways it inspired me as even if I couldn't be as attractive as she was (and I can't), the delta between when she started and where she was at was so large it gave me lots of hope for myself. Well I was on Reddit the other day (my new fascination) and somebody asked about Youtube videos from people on HRT and a few names came up. One I recognized was Jesslyn (hopefully I spelled that right) - I had watched several of hers before. However, another popped up - SerenaLynn84 - and I immediately wondered if it was the same woman from Susan's Place.
I hit Youtube and searched and sure enough it is. She's gotten even more attractive that she was before and she had actually just posted a video a couple of days post-SRS. In watching some of her others she also recently had breast augmentation - both with Dr. Meltzer. The videos were amazing; especially the ones showing the changes over time (the 12 month one with photos from before and then month-by-month was especially interesting). It really gave me some motivation that I sorely needed as mine had waned a little over the holidays. I know I won't see the same changes she has; but if I can even see a small percentage of hers I'll be ecstatic. Truth be told - and it's hard for me to admit this - I guess I actually have seen more progress than I give myself credit for. I recently went through some of my photos and compared the one from my first therapist visit (one of the first times I was out as Madison) to some more current photos and there is no comparison. I'm by no means pretty - definitely not attractive like Serena is - but looking at the delta between those photos I do see a lot of progress and I just need to build on that.
Same with the weight, it's stagnated the last couple of months - I put on a good 10+ pounds over Christmas and most of that is gone again, but I need to start actually losing it again. Obviously it's not going to come off as easily as it did at first; but with some effort it can/will. I mean I was small at one point - I was about 125lbs my senior year of high school (and played offensive line on the football team at that weight); but I'd settle for a nice 199lbs right now which means I need to dump another 30lbs.
I've rambled on way too long on this so it's time to go and get some work done and I guess try one more time to get a date set with Dr. Arnkoff; as always thanks for reading.
Update:
I did text Dr. Arnkoff again and got a response - apparently he must be vacationing, but he once again said he'd call me later. If he does then great, I'll see about getting this scheduled. If he blows me off again, I think I've decided to give this up and simply save that money towards having SRS as since I once again really do want that this would in all reality be money "thrown away". Now, it wouldn't be a total loss since there would be some benefit in the interim, I could take lower HRT dosages and hopefully my clothes would fit better; but those things aren't worth it if this is going to continue to be a hassle.
Second Update:
Well Dr. Arnkoff actually did call back early this afternoon - he is on vacation and returns Sunday. We set a date (the 15th like I wanted). He's supposed to give me a call on Monday with more specifics; but it looks like J and I will head up there on the 14th (some Valentine's day for her), have it done early on the 15th, and head back either the 16th or 17th. I was grateful that he hadn't raised his price from last year - the more recent one I had seen was $2500 from a post on Reddit back in November, but there was reference to him going to $3000 in January. Had if he had, I think I either would've skipped it altogether as I mentioned above or I would've seen somebody else such as Bowers or McGinn since they actually put you under for it versus a local in the office.
It's funny, at one point late this morning I had decided I didn't care about this as much and would probably rather wait for full SRS and was almost hoping he didn't call back. But now that he has and I've had a good six hours to ponder things, I'm happy that I'm getting this done now - probably about as happy as I was after my first therapist visit or after my visit to Columbia to get put on HRT and that's saying a lot...
- M
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