Transitioning 101 - Electrolysis

It's been a good while since I've written something for this little series of articles, but now that I've had over 20 Electrolysis sessions I thought I could give my few cents on that subject.  As I said in the piece on laser hair removal (henceforth "LHR"), I can't speak for every Trans-woman, or really any Trans-woman other than myself, but for me one of the biggest "issues" I've had with my transition was facial and body hair.

Now as I said when I wrote about LHR, quite a bit of what I write about in general tends to be "Your Mileage May Vary" (YMMV).  The same can be said for a great many things in life, but when it comes to transitioning, it seems to me to be even more common.  Now I don't feel that electrolysis falls as much at the far end of the YMMV spectrum as LHR does, but experiences will DEFINITELY vary - and likely a lot.  Anyone else's experience may be better, may be worse, but in all likelihood different.

As with LHR there are definitely some pros and cons - let's touch on a couple of each:

• Pro - is generally considered the only "permanent hair removal option", though some dispute that.  
• Con - works one hair at a time so it's far more tedious than LHR.
• Pro - skin/hair colors aren't an issue like they are with most (virtually all?) LHR techniques.  
• Con - unlike laser which works best with a good clean shave, electrolysis needs some hair growth.  In my case that was at least 2 days, but 3 was better.  

So beyond those couple of pros/cons, what else should be considered?  Well among those things, at least for most of us who are transitioning, would be cost.  As with LHR, there are definitely variances in cost; though at least in my area it wasn't as big of a variance, most places averaged about $1/minute at least if you were doing 30 or 60 minute blocks.  Where I ended up going the numbers worked out to pretty much exactly $1/minute PLUS $5 which seemed reasonable in my research and truthfully the place was recommended by the tech who handled my LHR.  Obviously that could be a pro or a con, but I trust her and thought her recommendation was a good one.

For me, time was also a big consideration as even the best technicians can only do so many individual hairs per minute whereas the laser can hit a pretty good sized area in that same time.  Now for the LHR on my face we were doing it every few weeks so when I switched to electrolysis I was doing several sessions in the same time frame.  Now this mean that the electrolysis was costing me more than the LHR but it was in smaller chunks so in some ways it was nicer.  However, that also means more lost time commuting to/from the sessions.

As with LHR, a big consideration, especially for those that are full-time, is scheduling.  For me, and I suspect many, electrolysis is a bigger concern with this since you do need some hair growth.  As I work from home some might think what is the big deal?  Well as I needed a good 2 days of growth it meant I really had little chance of passing on those two days before a session.  This could be mitigated somewhat by scheduling on the weekend, but those appointments often aren't easy to come by depending upon where you are going.  Additionally for me, my face didn't take electrolysis as well as it did LHR so for a couple of days afterwards I really couldn't do makeup or go out and expect to pass.  Well put those together with more or less weekly appointments and I wasn't getting out very much.  I'm not complaining, just passing along *my experience*.  And before someone says it, *no* - I do *not* believe it was an issue with my technician or her technique.  I firmly believe it was simply my face.  I'm not trying to be discouraging, rather just trying to convey *my personal experience*.  I'd make the same decision over again if that helps.

The last consideration I want to touch on is pain.  Now this one really varies from person to person but for me electrolysis was *far more painful* than LHR.  Now before anyone leaps to conclusions it was NOT an apples to apples comparison.  In the case of LHR the facial session(s) were much quicker than electrolysis.  LHR was maybe 10 minutes for my face (usually less); and my electrolysis was anywhere from 30-60 minutes.  Even if the pain would have been equal to start with, putting up with it for <10 minutes versus 30-60 minutes - well most of us are going to wear down.  Secondly, the longer time of the session meant the numbing cream would be less effective by the end of the electrolysis than it would be for LHR.  Additionally for electrolysis I was applying it myself before heading into the session and for LHR I was arriving early and they were doing it.  Perhaps it could have been handled the same way for electrolysis, but I didn't ask as I started having my Doctor prescribe the cream and paying my co-pay ($4 I believe) in lieu of getting it from the LHR place when I went there were it ran me "their cost" (or at least that's what they profess and I have no reason to not believe them) which was something like $45.  I'm sure I wasn't as effective doing it myself and considering my drive time to my electrolysis appointments, sometimes it was on earlier than it should have been and sometimes I did a less than stellar job with the plastic wrap over it.

As I did with LHR, I won't really delve into the actual process, though if anyone wants a "play by play", simply drop me an email.  However, I do still want to make a few points based upon my experiences and questions I've seen elsewhere.  I'm going to do this in sort of a Q&A format as I did with some of the other posts in this series.  And again, these are my experiences, YMMV.

• Does it hurt?
  
  Again, as with LHR I've ran across people that maintain it doesn't hurt at all.  *I* on the other hand think it hurts *a lot* - even more than LHR.  Though I've seen people who say if it's done right it really doesn't hurt.  I'll say the same here as I did in the LHR post - good for them, but I don't think that's a general statement for the majority of us.  I'd recommend being prepared for some pain and if per chance it doesn't hurt for you - then awesome.  But going in expecting it to be painless because it was for someone else is just begging to disappoint you.

• What can I do about the pain?
  
  Well, as with LHR I did my first session without anything - and as with LHR I regretted that a bit - though I stand by the choice as I felt I needed to know what it felt like without anything to determine what I could/should do about it.  Again, as with LHR I opted for the Lidocaine numbing cream for my face and that helps; sometimes more than others - generally if my appointments were on the weekends or later in the day where work wasn't an issue I seemed to do a better job with it and it worked better.  Regardless, there are some areas that were just horrible regardless.  The upper lip, especially closer to the nose for me was *really* bad.  The other place that was really bad for me was the lip line - think where you'd like lip liner.  Now ironically enough for me, the one place it really didn't hurt me at all was also on the lip line, but right at each corner of my mouth.  I barely felt those - with or without the cream.  A

• How many sessions will it take?
  
  *A LOT OF THEM!*  Seriously this is a hair by hair process and unless you are blessed with little to no hair either naturally or via LHR, it's going to take a while.  As with many others, if LHR can work for you I would *strongly* recommend it first to get what it can and then use electrolysis to "clean things up".  

• I need/want to have my "private parts" done, how can I deal with showing them to someone?
  
  The answer for this to me is the same as the one I gave for LHR, so I'll leave that below.  That being said I did *not* have any electrolysis done "down there".  I can't imagine how painful it would be *for me* based upon my face.  As I've mentioned elsewhere, I did have some LHR done down there, but frankly when/if I approach surgery I will seek a surgeon that does not require hair removal down there.  Yes a lot of mine is gone, and yes I might regret that choice, but I simply couldn't continue to deal with the pain from LHR and I shudder at what electrolysis might have felt like down there.
  
  I'm the first to admit that I don't have a whole lot of dysphoria at all, much less about what "equipment" I currently have.  That being said, I definitely understand where the question comes from.  For me, it was actually more stressful broaching the subject with my LHR tech than it has been actually having the process done.  But even with that being the case I won't say it doesn't bother me at least a little to have the procedure done.  Now I realize I don't technically have to as many SRS surgeons don't require it, but the ones I've seriously looked at do recommend it; so I see this as something that needs to happen and while it is a touch uncomfortable for me, it's simply another check box to mark off so I deal with it.  Regardless of that my technician is wonderful, and frankly I'm pretty sure she's seen it all.  I can't/won't tell anyone else how to handle their business, but I will say that sometimes we simply have to do things that we may not like in order to accomplish what we want and I see this as one of those things.  If you really and truly cannot bring yourself to have LHR or electrolysis down there, then perhaps you can opt for a surgeon who doesn't need/want that done; but if your surgeon does recommend or require it, then - well it is what it is.

• Can I do this at home?
  
  I've seen people ask this and perhaps they can, but I don't see how you could do it on yourself very well, but that's simply *my opinion*.  I'm not sure I'd chance it though as everything I've read says that you can scar easily from electrolysis if it's not done right so is it really worth the chance of that?  It wasn't for me, but each of us has to make our own decisions, so if you feel it is, please be careful.

As always dissenting viewpoints are welcome; I realize that this topic lends itself to that even more than most of my posts.  Either way these are my thoughts and experiences when it comes to electrolysis and in some areas how I feel it contrasts to LHR.  As always thanks for reading.

I do have one more thing to say.  As you can tell if you visit here much, I haven't posted in months (I think it's nearly 8 months now).  There are many reasons for that and one of them almost led me to take down the blog.  I'm not going to do that as it does still get enough visits I think it might be helpful to some.  However, it's not going to be overly active going forward.  I'll still post certain things here, but my intention is to start another blog here that focuses more on things I enjoy.  That would be be mainly cooking, our pets, and probably some reviews on things and businesses; with a little bit of other things sprinkled in from time to time such as something I might have read or a game that I'm enjoying, and so on.  That was really what I had originally intended when I first decided to start a blog; it just happened that my transition started about the same time and it was easy to write about that and I hoped I could share some things that might help others or at least be found useful.  But for the most part that has ran it's course, though I'll still post here from time to time.  Thanks to those of you who have read this over the years and hopefully you'll pop in from time to time to either see what I have posted here or perhaps to read the new (as of yet un-named) blog that I'll be working on shortly.

- M

Hello 2016....

Somehow I let the entire month of January 2016 go by without an entry here.  It's not for lack of things to write about as I have a half dozen posts in various states of completion.  It's more of a motivation thing I suspect as most of those posts are transition related topics and I find it hard to motivate myself to write about those things these days.  I really need to start writing about other things as I said I was going to do in my prior post.  I still do intend on finishing those half dozen posts that I've started as I do think they are all good topics, but for now I thought I'd knock something out that I could do relatively quickly since it's late and I have to work in the morning.  So with my self-imposed requirement of keeping the topic simple I decided to basically summarize the first month of 2016 for posterity's sake.

From a local perspective the year is off to a rough start.  We had the flooding from the huge rains at the end of 2015 which led to too many lost lives and lots of damage to property.  Then of course there was the relocation of the Saint Louis Rams back to Los Angeles.  Frankly, I had become ambivalent on the subject of them staying or going; but I was disappointed to see all of the hard work done to try and keep the team here go for naught.  Look, if Enos Stanley Kroenke was dead set on moving to Los Angeles, well I may not like it, but it was his team.  But to let the city of Saint Louis and the state of Missouri invest the time and money they did to try and build a new stadium when there was absolutely no intention of even considering keeping the team here - well that's wrong.  Normally I might say that karma would catch up to Mr. Kroenke, but when you have the kind of money that he and his wife have - well I don't think that's a concern.  I do feel sorry for those that are losing their jobs over this and for those that might have obtained jobs building a new stadium.

As far as the family goes, I love J more and more each day.  She's still up for promotion.  She didn't get an interview for the first position she put in for; but she put in for a second one and she did get an interview - in fact two - and is waiting to hear about it which we should this week.  From a selfish perspective I'd love for her to get it as it would cut her commute from 25 miles and 40 minutes via back roads that worry me, to 10 miles and 10 minutes via a major highway and a major artery.  That's an extra hour per work day that she'd have at home.  Plus the schedule would be an improvement at least initially since she'd be going back to overnights.  But really it doesn't matter.  If she gets it then great.  If she doesn't then that's fine too.  She's happy where she's at and she can sit back and wait for the "right opportunity" now that she's been through the process and has an understanding of how things will work.  Everyone else is pretty much as they always are.  I'd like us to be more of a "family" in 2016; though I'm not sure that's going to happen.  But regardless I still am happy with my "chosen family" and would pick them every day of the week over my "birth family".

From a more personal perspective the year got off on a bit of a sour note.  I had been really sick for several days and was starting to get concerned as some of the symptoms I had were similar to those i had back in 2014 when I ended up in the hospital.  As it was, my local Doctor couldn't work me in for nearly 3 weeks (what's up with that?), so 3+ hours in urgent care, followed by 4+ hours in the ER, which ended up in a diagnosis of severe dehydration.  I shudder to think what the blood work and two bags of saline are going to cost.  Speaking of that, I was incredibly disappointed in the entire St. Luke's system over this.  I've written about them before in glowing terms, but the whole process from the Doctor's office to the urgent care to the ER had issues.  I'll probably write about that experience later this week.  I did have one moment of levity in the process.  During my intake at the ER I was asked if I knew when my last "period" was.  Perhaps she was being polite, but in reality I really did feel like I was blending in well that night and all joking aside it made me feel a bit better at the time.  Other things are going better, the electrolysis continues.  She's making great progress on the remaining facial hair, though it continues to be a painful experience.  I have decided to cease the laser completely on both my face and pelvic region.  The former since there's not enough dark hairs left to justify the cost/time, and the latter due to both the fact that surgery is a good ways off and truthfully I don't think it was really getting the hair that it needed to get.  When/if surgery is on the horizon I may have to revisit this depending on the surgeon; but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

I think I'll wrap up with some random thoughts about this and that.

Movies

I saw Spectre finally.  Of the Craig movies I'd put it on par with Skyfall.  I find Casino Royale to be his best and Quantum of Solace to be the worst of the bunch.  Many would disagree with me, but I wasn't as impressed with Skyfall as many were.  As far as the status of things in the Bond universe, I think Naomie Harris and Ben Whishaw as Moneypenny and Q respectively are pretty good.  I'm disappointed in the fact that Judy Dench was killed off in Skyfall, though I suppose they had to move on.  I think that Christoph Waltz was under-utilized in Spectre and do hope he returns as is reported; though apparently that hinges on Daniel Craig coming back.  Speaking of Mr. Craig, I was upset when he replaced Pierce Brosnan, but he's been very good as Bond and when he does leave the series I only hope that his replacement can pull off the transition as well as he has.

I re-watched Straight Out Of Compton the other day.  J, M, and I had actually caught this in the theater one evening after a trip to Columbia to see my Doctor and I felt it was quite good.  I was disappointed to see it not garner more Oscar attention as I think it deserved it.  I was never really into NWA when they were around, but after seeing the movie I've developed an appreciation for them as well as their solo careers.

Some other movies that entertained me over the last few months would be Minions, the Vacation remake (obviously not as good as the original, but still it had it's moments), as well as The Martian which was surprisingly good.  As far as the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU), I enjoyed Ant Man; but the second Avengers movie - well not so much.  I think that movie tried to do too much and it suffered because of it.  Hopefully they'll get back on track with the next Captain America movie; though I'm a bit worried as from the trailers I've seen they are packing a lot of characters into it so it may end up being "Avengers Light" and if so I'll probably be a touch disappointed in that.

Food and Cooking

I still find that almost any recipe from Ree Drummond (The Pioneer Woman) tends to be good.  I may not like everything she makes, but for the most part all of what she makes is reasonably simple and I think she does a good job demonstrating things.  She's not for everyone, but I like her.  Other recipes have been hit or miss.  From a food perspective, I've been trying to cook healthier and when we go out eat healthier.  J and even M have really broadened my horizons when it comes to that.  One place I've developed an appreciation for is HuHot Mongolian Grill.  It's not exactly gourmet food, but for what it is I (and J/M) like it a lot.

Television

I don't watch a lot of new shows, I've been burned by getting hooked on shows that end up cancelled.  For example I got into Burn Notice and White Collar towards the end of their runs.  I still watch the reruns when they are on or via Netflix even though I've seen the entire series.  I also worked my way through Leverage which was very good up until the last season.  As far as current shows, I really do enjoy Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Agent Carter.  I've always been a fan of Clark Gregg's Phil Coulson character and Hayley Atwell is great as Agent Peggy Carter.  Of course I'm still a fan of Orange Is The New Black and House Of Cards and am looking forward to the new seasons of each.

Well it's now well after 2am and I need to wrap this up.  I know this wasn't a very informative post - but it's good to write about things like this every so often so I can look back on my thoughts at a later date.  So with that I bid you all a good night.

- M

Goodbye 2015....

I've really been slack about writing here lately, mainly because I've been avoiding any online Transgender discussions - especially Reddit.  Frankly at this point I'm really starting to considering more or less altering the focus of this blog to be more personal.  By that I mean rather than the original intent of focusing on things related to my own transition and that of others; I'd shift the focus to things that are more personal and/or important to me.  Things I enjoy such as cooking for example.  That doesn't mean I wouldn't still write about the occasional Transgender related topic - especially any experiences I have in and around St. Louis, but I think I'd be more likely to write here if I were discussing recipes and current events in both my life as well as the area and world in general.

That all being said I did want to get a topic up for December and with it being the last day of the year I'm out of time to do so.  I had several other topics in various states of completion, but considering it is the last day of the year I thought I'd say goodbye to what has been a year of (mostly) ups and (some) downs.  Since I like to end on a high note lets start with some downs.

The Downs

• My health...  My weight has been pretty much stable all year, which if it were what it was about 18 months ago would be good; but it's not.  It's about where it was a couple of years ago when I set out to lose weight.  There are lots of reasons, the easy excuse is that I'm still not really close to SRS.  We've elected to prioritize J's MBA as for the long term it's the right thing to do.  I had held out hope that 2016 would be the year that her insurance would cover my surgery, but in late October we found out that it would not.  Perhaps 2017 will be the year.  If not, then I suspect we'll be in the position late in that year or early 2018 for us to simply pay for it ourselves.  We could probably do it sooner, but the reality is that we do have other priorities now (such as her MBA) that are simply more important than this.  Unfortunately with the weight being what it is my blood work has suffered.  Things have been better the last few weeks as I've been making more of an effort to exercise and work on my diet, but it's going to be a long hard journey.

• My transition...  As I've said for a long time now (over a year), I consider my transition complete.  Yes I'm still working on hair removal on my face and pelvic area - the former having moved to electrolysis to get the last few dark hairs and the myriad of white hairs on my face; the latter being in preparation for eventual SRS.  In regards to that I'm hopeful to eventually visit a surgeon who won't require hair removal down there, but in the event that this is not the case I wanted a head start on the area so I've had multiple laser sessions on the area.  It's not going as well as I'd like, but there is definite progress down there.  Unfortunately with me currently having electrolysis weekly it's hard to get out fully done up.  I need at least a couple of days of facial hair for the process and with the hairs being mostly white and hard to see I tend to give her 3 or 4 days of growth.  That coupled with the usual day or two recovery from the process puts me on a constant cycle of not being able to really do my makeup the way I'd like.  I still go out plenty, but it's usually sans makeup (at least no foundation or CC cream) and as such usually no wig.  I'll probably start wearing the hair out even without the makeup as considering the rest of my appearance I usually get correctly gendered even without the hair and makeup - and yes I realize that in at least *some* of those occurrences it's simply out of politeness, but it's not always simply that as there have been times when I've let me voice slip after getting a "ladies" or a "ma'am" and you can see their look visibly change if my voice slips so it wasn't simply them being polite.

• The weather...  This past week has been really bad.  The flooding has been horrible in our area and it's made things hard for J to get to work and caused some issues in the house due to a failed sump pump.  Not to mention all of the displaced people and the nearly two dozen deaths in our area.  The frustrating thing about those deaths is that nearly all of them were from people driving through water on roads - and most/all were likely preventable.  That's sad.

• My job...  Nothing much has changed.  I'm no more happy with it that I have been since I broached my transition with them.  It's a shame as there was a point where I really loved the job and now it's simply something to pay the bills.  I miss the days when I had a job that I was proud of and that I loved.

I'm sure I could come up with other things, but the truth is that for the most part the year was at least average and mostly good so I don't want to dwell on little things.  So without further ado let me move onto "The Ups".

The Ups

• My health...  While my health isn't what it should be or needs to be, overall it was better than it was in 2014 as I didn't end up in the hospital and I am lucky enough to have a wonderful Doctor to help me monitor things.

• My transition...  While this was my longest entry above, it was mostly me talking about my hair removal and venting some frustration to not being able to get out as "done up" as I'd like.  However, all in all things are great.  I've had virtually nothing but great experiences when out and about and they've consistently gotten better especially the last few months.  I've gotten better with my makeup application, my tastes in clothing have improved to the point where I'm 100% comfortable shopping for my clothes alone without feeling like I need "approval" from J or M, and for that matter I've gotten far more confident about being out and about alone.

• J...  We have our less than stellar moments - in fact more that I would have liked.  However, even with those moments factored in it's been the best year of our marriage and that's saying a lot.  Sometimes it's a challenge between her job, my job, her family, and her working on her MBA, but we've made it work and are happier than we've ever been.

• J's job...  She's been in her current position a touch over two years and been far more successful than I ever could have expected.  I'd say I'm proud of her, but that would not do it justice.  I'm in awe of the job she's done.  She's now in a position to be promoted.  It could be in the next few weeks or the next few months, but it appears that it's going to happen and I'm incredibly happy for her.  Yeah it'll be good for us for obvious reasons, but that's secondary.  She's the kind of person that makes a great manager/leader and there aren't nearly enough of those people in the world.

• Our cats...  I lost my Emily in 2014, but this year all of the cats have done well.  You can tell they are aging but they have all been healthy and happy and that makes me happy.

• My life as a whole...  While I'm sure things could *always* be better - I mean I could win the lottery or something - my life on the whole was good this past year and for that I'm grateful.  Very grateful.

As with the "downs" - I could prattle on for a long time about good things, but this was getting long and I wanted to cut it short as J will be heading home soon and I need to make her dinner.  So goodbye 2015, and hopefully 2016 will be at least as good if not better.

-M

St. Louis Area TG Experiences - Part 13

I knew it had been a while since I'd written a post on anything (about a month) and a couple of months since I've done one of these so I thought it was about time.  Due to the semi-regular electrolysis appointments and the need to have some facial hair growth for those I haven't been out as much, not to mention the Thanksgiving holiday, but there are a few places I felt deserved a mention.  

Since the "prior" posts links were getting a bit long, there is now a page with links to all of the posts:  My Transgender Experiences.  

Restaurants:

• Burger King (Hwy K O'Fallon, Missouri) - J and I have been in here several times and the staff has always been very polite.  We try and avoid fast food these days, but if we are going to have fast food this is one of our go to places these days.
• Denny's (O'Fallon, Missouri) - This is a fairly new location - it replaced a Ruby Tuesday that we used to frequent.  J and I have been in there 3 or 4 times, always later in the evening.  The food has always been reasonably good and the service fair to good.  I've been treated just fine, the service "issues" have tended to be the fact that the staff is new and apparently not as trained as they could/should be.  But all in all, if we are going out late enough it's an option.
• Qdoba (O'Fallon, Missouri) - We made our first visit here last week.  It was pouring out that day and the place (as was everywhere else we went) was basically dead.  That being said it was the dirtiest Qdoba we've ever been in which was disturbing as it's a new location (they moved a mile or two to the north to a nice modern looking location.  The service was just as bad as the store looked.  We were in during the early afternoon and apparently post-lunch they had cut the staff due to lack of business, but really it didn't excuse what we saw.  The woman making our food said she was the only one there, but in the 20 minutes or so we were there we saw 3 other employees and none of them made any effort to clean up the dining room.  We were treated nicely enough, but we likely won't be back as the Qdoba closer to our house is always clean.

Retailers:

• Fresh Thyme Farmer's Market (O'Fallon, Missouri) - I won't waste time explaining what Fresh Thyme is, their website can do that far better than I.  I will say that in the few weeks it's been open near us that we've shopped there far more than I would have expected.  I've been in there both completely "done up" as well as without makeup and hair - as I said above those outings have been fairly common these days because of the electrolysis.  I've been treated wonderfully regardless of my appearance by all of the staff there.  As of this point they are a strong alternative to Trader Joe's or Whole Foods since those two are each at least a 20-30 minute drive from us and Fresh Thyme is less than half of that.
• Whole Foods (Town & Country, Missouri & Brentwood, Missouri) - We've visited both of these stores, the Town & Country one several times and the Brentwood one once.  Due to the distance they are from us they aren't really conducive for regular grocery shopping, but there are some neat things there we've picked up.  The people at both stores have always been incredibly nice and helpful every time we've been there.  That being said we won't be back to the Brentwood location due to the parking being a nightmare, but when we are in the area we do tend to swing by the Town & Country location, especially now that I-364 makes it so easy to get there.
• Michael's (O'Fallon, Missouri) - J and I ran in here a few weeks ago to get me a couple of things for my crochet work.  I was basically treated with indifference, which I suppose is a good thing; but I didn't get a vibe like I was "welcome" there either.

Services:

• Electrolysis Etc. (Clayton, Missouri) - I was referred here by our laser technician (they are in the same building, albeit on different floors) and I've been very happy so far.  My technician here has been Sunyatta and she has been incredibly patient and efficient.  She is *always* on time which is greatly appreciated since I tend to visit every week or every other week and she's been very flexible with my schedule so that I've been able to come in late enough in the day that I don't have to take time off work (I can simply take my lunch at the end of the day and leave a hour early).  I don't have anyone to compare her to, but she seems to move at a good pace and I'm incredibly happy with the work she's done so far.  I would strongly recommend her to anyone needing electrolysis.

So there's a thumbnail with this post, here's a picture of myself from my most recent visit to Columbia for my checkup and visit with a dietitian.  It's also my first picture with my newest wig, it's similar in style to the short one that was my favorite and it's the same color as that one.  The difference being that it's a monofilament model like my most recent one and not a lace front one.  I've only had it on a few times, but so far I'm very happy with it.  I was happy with the prior monofilament one as well, but the color was just darker than I wanted, this is a color that I really like (RH268 in Estetica if anyone cares).

As always have a great day.

- M

Electrolysis - Session 2...

Two weeks ago I had my first electrolysis appointment as I talked about HERE.  Looking back at what I wrote about that session, well I probably didn't do that session justice.  It was among the worst pain I've ever felt.  I cried during the session and pretty much the whole drive home.  It was physically painful and mentally stressful.  Part of that I brought on myself.  I chose to go in for that session without any Lidocaine - my Doctor had prescribed some for the laser on my pelvic region, but I hadn't used it for that since that really doesn't hurt much so I have two tubes sitting here.  I felt beforehand that I wanted to have a frame of reference as to what it felt like without taking anything - I had done the same with my first facial (and pelvic) laser sessions and survived those.  I also believe my face wasn't in great shape.  I had switched to a different CC cream a week prior to my session and in hindsight I think my face had a reaction to it.  I didn't think about that at the time, I just thought it was irritated from shaving a few days prior but when it happened again last week I came to the conclusion that perhaps I needed to find a different CC cream.

As I said in that first post, my second session was to be two weeks later (yesterday) as I had a facial laser scheduled last week and since that needs a clean face and the electrolysis needs some growth the only way I could have pulled that off was to either drive in there twice a few days apart which I didn't want to do as it's 40 minutes each way so with that and the session time it would necessitate a half day off of work twice in the same week.  *OR* I could have done both the same day (the electrolysis first) and I didn't think that was really feasible from a logistical or pain standpoint.  So I scheduled the second appointment for yesterday, late morning.  I had a previously scheduled therapist appointment for that morning.  I visit with my therapist every 3-4 months to keep in touch for the day when/if I pursue surgery and need a letter - plus I find the occasional visit to be good for me.

I had the therapist appointment set for 9am as I can normally get in there for that and be home by 10:30am or so and not have to take time off work (I skip lunch and work a touch late to offset the missed time).  Well in this case I simply decided to take the day off of work and set the Electrolysis appointment for later in the morning which happened to be 11:30am.  So I went to my therapist which did stress me out a bit as I had to go with a couple of days of facial hair so I wasn't dressed as I'd normally be.  That's one of the places I tend to "dress up" as I won't be "out of place" in heels and a dress for example, and considering I had the facial hair and didn't want to wear a wig because of that and the fact that the hair simply gets in way for these kinds of things I was in that awkward look of dressed like a girl, with more or less a man's face.  Not that I don't go out like that on occasion, but those times are fewer and fewer and to lose an outing where I'd be able to doll up a bit frustrated me, but the end justified the means to me so I sucked it up and went.

The therapist session was fine as always.  Really it's not so much of a session anymore, it's more of a chit-chat but I still find it helpful.  When I left there I realized that in my rush to leave the house I had forgotten to bring some plastic wrap to put over the cream so I had to run and get some of that.  By the time I had done that (and grabbed a late breakfast) and headed over to where the electrolysis was it was nearly 11am.  I quickly applied the cream and the plastic wrap and then spent 10 minutes handling a work issue despite being "on vacation".  I went ahead and sat in the car until about 20 after 11 and then took off the plastic wrap and headed in.  I stopped at a restroom and clean up my face and headed down to get started..

Once I arrived, my tech took me back almost immediately, I really do appreciate the fact that both times I've been there that she's been ready for me right on time.  We got started immediately and she noted that the laser had done a good job the prior week.  I then mentioned that she must have done a good job too as the laser on my upper lip last week was far more pleasant than normal so she had obviously wiped out a good chunk of what was previously there.  She spent a few minutes on my upper lip cleaning things up and then the balance of the session on my chin.  The only real issue I ran into was that a good portion of the dark hairs there had apparently been taken care of by the laser the prior week but hadn't come out yet.  So rather than potentially waste time on those she focused on the white hairs and we'd come back to the darker ones at my next appointment.

The pain this time was far more bearable.  I still had a few tears but it was more like eyes watering than crying this time and for good stretches I was able to be completely still as she worked rather than fidgeting so much.  I can't say it didn't hurt as it did at times, but it wasn't anything like the first session was.  Obviously 10 minutes on the upper lip versus 40+ made a difference, I'm sure the cream did too, and I'd guess my face not being irritated helped as well; but it was definitely something I could easily handle.  And just as with the first visit, she was incredibly nice and compassionate and again she seemed very efficient.  I easily made the whole hour and probably could have handled a second hour, perhaps in the future I might see about scheduling two hours, even if it's not consecutive; but that's a concern for another day.  I did elect to schedule my next session for next week, though later in the day so I can avoid taking time off work for it.  Hopefully it'll go as well as this one did.

-M

A Submissive Update - Part 1

The posts I've made about being submissive always seem to draw the most attention here (at least short of the orchiectomy ones) and I'm painfully overdue for an update.  I have been making a conscious effort to keep my posts to a single entry for a given subject; but this one will probably take three posts to cover.  I do apologize for that, but I really think it's better presented that way.  So this post will touch on the background to our current situation, the second one will touch on the logistics of how things have been the last couple of months, and the last one will touch on my thoughts on how things have been during this time.  Now if my occasional prattling on about the "D/s" portion of J and I's relationship isn't your cup of tea - well you'll probably want to skip this post along with the likely follow up posts I just mentioned.

The "submissive thing" has been very hit or miss - in reality more miss than anything - since my last post on the subject (was it really over a year ago?).  Much of it can be attributed to the same struggles that J and I have had in the past - she has a hard time being truly dominant, and I have a hard time being truly submissive.  As I've touched on in other posts, the reality is that we are both naturally submissive, though I believe she more than I.  I suppose that in a perfect world the two of us would be submissive to ideally the same dominant woman.  However, as well all know almost none of us reside in a perfect world so where does that leave us?

We, well more J than I, do still believe that what is best for us is for things to be as they are with her being dominant and me being submissive.  The reason I say that J buys into that more than I has nothing to do with me not agreeing with the concept, but rather it is simply because I know it's a challenge for her to be in the dominant role.  I will say that in theory should help contain my sometimes less than desirable personality traits.  I won't delve too far into those "personality traits", but I think the two that are the biggest issues are the fact that "I'm always right" and my "temper".

The "temper" thing - well I always describe it as a "shooting star".  By that I mean it burns hot and bright for a brief period and then just as quickly as it appeared it's gone.  The "always right" thing - well, for the most part it is actually true.  I honestly almost never argue unless I'm 100% certain that I am right.  However, one thing that I've learned during my transition - and yes I should have learned it long before that - is that sometimes even when you are right, you're actually wrong.  For someone who sees things in black and white versus shades of grey, that has been a hard thing to wrap my head around and while I've been trying it still rears it's ugly head every so often.

So where does that leave everything now?  Well, a few weeks ago a friend of ours (J2) - well she's actually a touch more than that when it comes to me, but that's a story for another time - made what seemed like a radical suggestion to me.  And that was to include M in the D/s dynamic.  My initial reaction to that wasn't overly positive as during our marriage and even post-marriage for a while, M and I tried the D/s thing and it never worked out well for various reasons.  Now let me first say that I take my share of responsibility for that; but a large portion fell onto M.  Some of that was her proclivity to focus solely on corporal punishment which is something that I personally don't care for all that much.  Don't get me wrong, when it serves a point I can understand and accept it - in fact sometimes I'm grateful for it.  But it was far too much of a focal point for her.  On top of that M quite possibly has the shortest attention span of anyone who has ever lived and as such she would focus on the D/s stuff here and there, but never consistently and that just has never worked for me.  Lastly, and perhaps most concerning was how this would work with J as over the years J has often seen M as "competition" in some ways.  I'm not saying I blame her, I would imagine sharing a home with your spouse's ex is probably more difficult than I can imagine; but from my perspective, M truly is a "sister" at this point and I never truly understood why J saw her as more than that.  Now over the years this has more or less become a non-issue and in many ways J and M have become pretty good friends; but I was still concerned that this could upset that dynamic.

Well the more the idea was kicked around, the more the idea appealed to me.  Mainly for two reasons.  The first being logistical.  J and M work more or less opposite hours and as such it had the potential to provide far more "supervision".  The second and larger reason is that I felt that involving M would motivate J to stay with this a bit better since she'd have some "support" so to speak and I felt she'd be more likely to be successful with that support.

That being said, I did still have some concerns.  Mainly how the dynamic of both J and M "being in charge" would work.  After all, in a lot of ways it would be like reporting to two supervisors directly and in those cases if there isn't plenty of communication between the supervisors things can go south quickly, and truthfully M and J aren't always the best at communicating with each other.  I also worried a bit about resentment on J's part as she is possessive.  Well that's probably not the best word for it, she's more "protective" of me than anything and this would require her to relinquish some of that in order for this to work.

So the first step was to take the idea to each of them, J of course being first.  She had a few of the same concerns as I had, but the longer she and I talked; as well as she and J2 talking, those were worked through and she concurred with me that the potential benefits would outweigh the potential issues.  So J and I decided to push forward with talking to M.  M had less concerns than either of us had, and different ones at that, but again after all of us talking we worked through them.  Now it was simply a matter of moving forward.

This is going to end up being lengthy so I've elected to chop it up into at least two, more likely three parts.  I've tried to avoid doing that lately, but I really think with this topic that it's the thing to do.

-M

A "Bathroom" Follow Up...

I recently did a Transitioning 101 piece on "bathrooms".  As I said in that piece, I originally had some personal experiences that I felt were relevant, but they quickly took over that topic and as I edited it for publication I decided that it would be best to remove those experiences and place them in their own piece - so here we go.

Early in my transition, when I was presenting as Madison (which wasn't all that often), I went out of my way to avoid using any bathroom other than a family restroom.  I simply wasn't very comfortable with my appearance when I was presenting as Madison.  It wasn't a cause of dysphoria for me as it may be for many; it was simply "the way it was" for me and I lived with it.  It did cause us to alter our outings a bit though as one of my blood pressure medicines at the time was a diuretic and I had to pee quite often.  So we either planned shorter outings, or we tried to ensure we would be by somewhere that had a family restroom (thankfully, the Wal-Marts around here all do, as do a few other places), or I simply presented male if necessary.

However, about three months in things became more of an issue for me as I purged all of my male clothes and went full-time as Madison.  Things became even worse that December (about 5-6 months in) when I started my HRT as that added Spironolactone to things which is also a diuretic.  At this point I still had not used a ladies room anywhere other than a few places where it was a single person restroom, and I still wasn't even really comfortable doing that.  Looking back I was probably being overly paranoid about things.  I did have a "carry letter" from my therapist (for what that might or might not have been worth), and I *was* presenting as Madison, but I just had this nagging worry that someone would make an issue of things and that all sorts of bad things might happen.

The turning point for me was when I was able to go to court and get my gender marker changed.  While I didn't immediately update my license for a couple of reasons, I did start carrying a copy of my court order with me and decided that I no longer had any real excuse to not use the ladies room when I needed to - at least when I was "done up" (more on that phrase later).  I can still remember the first time I actually used the ladies room anywhere.  It was a few weeks after I had gotten my court order (late 2013) and J, M, and myself went to get our eyebrows threaded and went to brunch at one of the local casinos.  I was nervous, but J was gracious enough to go with me.  In hindsight, while it was a "baby book" event for me, it was really uneventful.  Despite the "success" of this first visit, I still wasn't really comfortable using the women's room, so while over the next year or so I would do so, generally it was only if I was going with J or M (or both), or if I was fairly certain nobody else was in there.

This drug on for me for a great many months until mid to late 2014 (so about a year ago).  Things changed for me again around that point, and not just in regards to the bathroom.  I may or may not leave the house all "done up" (ie full makeup, wig, etc), but even for those times that I do go out without being "done up", in my mind I'm presenting "female" - no longer just "androgynous".  I no longer make any effort to minimize my feminine appearance, I wear whatever jewelry I see fit, I wear visible lipstick/gloss all the time (it's my guilty pleasure), and so on.  If it's hot or I'm in a real hurry I may opt to leave without a wig on, or really any makeup other than some lipstick.  But I no longer hesitate to use the ladies room regardless of how dressed up I might or might not be.  Yes, having my license have a "F" on it helped early on, but I no longer even really think about that.  I'm simply using the bathroom that I feel is appropriate and when/if someone makes an issue about it, well then I'll deal with it.  But as of yet nobody has and I really don't expect anyone to.

Now, due to my voice not being what it needs to be, I don't tend to hang around in there - I do my thing, wash my hands, check my hair/makeup, and move on - I don't turn it into social hour.  But even on those occurrences when I do have to speak, I simply do my best and move on.  I won't say that I don't still use the family restroom on occasion - such as at a movie theater when a movie has let out and a horde of young girls descends upon the ladies room - it's a rare occurrence for me to do so.

I'm not advocating how I did things as the best way or the right way, it's simply how it worked out for me.  I will say that I'm much more happy using the ladies room and I do wish I had been at least a touch bolder early on.

- M

Electrolysis Fun...

At my last laser appointment, I only had my lower area worked on and not my face.  We had agreed that I'd go in with a few days of facial hair growth to make a determination as to whether or not it was worth it to continue on my face.  Frankly I hadn't really had a good look at my face in a while as I hadn't went without shaving in a while and having several days of hair growth I do have some areas in my lip/chin and along the tops of my cheeks that she can probably still work on.  For the latter she's going to use smaller goggles on me so she can get to those areas.  However, she did suggest that I might want to go with some Electrolysis as well.

I had previously made that decision and thought I had a place lined up, but as things are my schedule became an issue and truthfully the place in question had pi**ed me off so I never made it there.  This time I got a referral from my laser tech to a place in the same building as they are that they speak highly of so last Friday I called for an appointment.  Unfortunately for me I didn't get around to calling until after they had closed for the day, but a very nice woman called me back early Saturday and we setup an appointment for this past Wednesday.

I arrived a bit early and got my paperwork filled out and was taken back a few minutes early.  It seems that anywhere I have an appointment these days is running late so being able to go back early was a nice change.  We had a brief consultation since I had done my research on the process and knew what I wanted.  The laser tech had suggested focusing on my lip/chin since those were the areas that would be the biggest impact at this point and I concurred.  Now I did make the decision to NOT have her only focus on dark hairs, but rather on all the hairs.  I have a fair amount of white hairs these days, I'm sure some of them were always there, but I do suspect that some of them are from where the laser didn't completely zap things, but either way they are there.  Now they aren't nearly as big a deal as the dark hairs, but I figured I'd be happier if everything was gone, so that's what I settled on.

She started on the right side of my lip area and the first few minutes was a piece of cake.  However, as she got closer to the center of my lip area, well my lack of pain tolerance kicked in.  I know a lot of people say it doesn't or they say it's like a rubber band snapping, well for them I'm happy.  For me the center area of my lip hurt - a lot.  I suspect it probably hurts less than the laser does; but the laser is only a few zaps across the whole lip and this was hair by hair and I had plenty and the cumulative affect of the zaps started to get to me.  She switched to the other side and started working in from there and while it wasn't as painful as the center that hurt somewhat.  I assume because I had been worn down by then.  As she got closer to the center from that side, I wasn't sure if I'd make it through the whole lip or not, but I managed to.  We did agree at that point that I had probably had enough for the day and broke off there.

Once we were finished we took care of the fee, which she adjusted down from the hour I was scheduled for.  Many places would not do that and I would not have been upset if she hadn't since they had blocked the time off for me, but I was appreciative that she did so.  We got my next appointment scheduled which is actually in two weeks since I do have a laser appointment next week and considering it takes my face a couple of days to recover from that I didn't think doing both the same week was a good idea.  Once that was done she gave me some ice for my lip and I was on my way.

I can't say enough about how nice and compassionate she was and she seemed very efficient, though I don't really have a frame of reference to compare her too on that. I'll probably have more to say after the second session as I will be using some numbing cream then and probably some OTC pain reliever beforehand.  I elected to not do either of those this time as I felt I needed to know how it felt - I did the same on my first laser session.  Plus as she pointed out the upper lip is generally the most sensitive area on the face and while I'm sure there will be some cleanup there from hairs that weren't active this week, I imagine the focus will be on my chin this time.  I know from the laser that the chin hurts, but not as much as the upper lip, so....

-M

Some Thoughts On Spike TV's Ink Master...

I normally don't take the time to comment or "review" TV shows or movies.  There are a couple of reasons for that, the first being that most of the time anything I could say has already been said (and probably said better) by others.  The second is that often by the time I see something it's been out for a good while.  As an example I recently watched Leverage from beginning to end on Netflix, and it's been off the air for a while.  By the time I got into some other shows such as White Collar or Burn Notice they were at or near the end of their runs as well.

There are a couple of shows that are exceptions to this.  One is Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. which still has a few weeks before season 3 starts; and Ink Master.  I, along with M and J, have watched every episode of every season of Ink Master, up and including the episode this week.  As such I have some observations (which others have probably made) and some suggestions (which nobody in a position to do something with them will ever read) to make.

First off let me start by saying, while I have watched every episode, this season (season 6) is the first season where I didn't do so either live or within a day or two of airing.  In fact, J and I just binge watched the first 9 episodes on her last couple of days off and then caught the 10th (and current) episode a couple of hours after it aired.  Now why do I make this point?  Well, mainly because the show isn't holding the same interest for me (or J, or even M) that it once did - and that's the main reason for this post.

For those that know me, they may well be surprised that I watch this show at all since I'm not a "tattoo person".  M has 4 or 5, P has 2, J and I each have one, and M2 has none.  For me it's not so much about the tattoo's, but rather the amazing art work that these people can come up with and bring to life.  I've never been artistic, but I've always been amazed by those that are and Ink Master did a great job early on illustrating this.  The "early on" part of that last sentence brings me to my main issue with the show as it exists today.

The first season, the show was truly about the tattoo's and that seemed to be the focus.  As the seasons have progressed, the priority seems to have shifted to just how much drama can be shown.  This has manifested itself in many ways;

• The primary one being interactions "in the loft" where the artists stay.  Early on, especially in season one, those were simply to "flesh things out" a bit and were not really the focal point of the show.  You'd see the artists discussing their lives, the challenges, or even the tattoo's they had done.  Now don't get me wrong, there was always "some drama", but it didn't seem to be the focus.  As the seasons have progressed, the video of the loft interactions has become less about the artists and the tattooing, but more about infighting and drama among the artists.  I know this may sound funny since it's always been a "reality show", but early on it didn't feel like the stereotypical reality show, and now it does and that's disappointing.

• The introduction of the "human canvas jury" in season three has been nearly as bad.  Obviously a huge part of the show has always been the judges critiques of the artists work.  But in the first couple of seasons this was almost always done without any of the human canvas's present.  That's still the case for the most part; but starting with season three, all of the human canvas's now meet to discuss the "worst tattoo of the day".  Now, this is heavily edited as is the rest of the show, but the vast majority of the video that they do show focuses on the "group" tearing into each tattoo.  To me, this is nothing more than another way to "increase the drama" as almost without fail when the artists are done with their tattoos, the human canvas is shown as being very happy with the work.  Having this "jury", to me is about on the same level as tossing a single steak to a pack of hyenas.  Having a bunch of people sit there and pick at something that you've just spent 4-6 hours having permanently placed on your body - well at it's core isn't much more than a group bully session.  Now, I realize that these people should know what they signed up for, but do they really need to do this?  From what I can tell, for the most part it doesn't have much (if any) impact on the actual judging anyway.  I think if somebody is really and truly not happy with their artists work, they could simply bring them down and let them say their piece to the judges in lieu of this "jury" idea; for that matter they could let every canvas do that - after all the judges go out of their way to tell the artists how important it is to work with their clients and make them happy, so why not get the actual opinions of the canvas's, without it being clouded by the tear downs that come from the jury session?

• As much as I dislike the whole human canvas jury, what bugs me even more is how the eliminations go.  Early on, it was pretty cut and dried - the judges gave their critiques and the artists responded to those, and then a decision was made.  In fact in season one, part of the reason for Bili being eliminated was not taking responsibility for his shortcomings.  Somewhere along the line, at least for most of the artists, it's turned into "throw everyone else under the bus" when it comes to critiques.  Instead of defending their own work on it's merits, they are more concerned about trying to pick apart the work of the others up for elimination.  I'm sure the "powers that be" find this to be "compelling television", but I don't.  In a lot of ways, I shouldn't be surprised as society as a whole has morphed from an era where personal responsibility was a way of life, to an era where there is little or no personal responsibility.  Maybe I'm just getting old, or maybe I'm just naive, but this has always bothered me and to see a show I like taking this route bugs me.  Perhaps this is simply the personality of the particular artists that have been chosen for later seasons, but I *strongly* suspect that it's more of the "powers that be" encouraging this, or at least editing things so that it comes across this way.

• To further expound on the eliminations, the "woe is me" factor has really gotten out of hand as well.  On the most recent season for example, one of the artists (Duffy) all but had a melt down both in the loft and in the elimination because she was missing her daughters birthday.  To the judges credit - and I believe it was Chris Nunez that said it - they pointed out that she *knew* that her child's birthday would fall during the competition and if she wasn't prepared to deal with that then perhaps she should have rethought coming.  I don't want to pick on Duffy, or even necessarily focus on her when it comes to this, as she's far from the only artist who's played the "woe is me" card.

• One last gripe about the eliminations.  For the first season, the contestants probably had little or no idea of what kinds of tattoos they'd need to do; they were basically going in blind.  But for subsequent seasons, especially these last couple - how on earth do these contestants act surprised that they might need to be able to do (in no order):  black and grey, color, portraits, American traditional, Japanese, pinup girls, and so on?  The judges have made it clear over the years that to be "Ink Master" you have to be able to do everything; but yet constantly I see artists that say "I don't do <insert tattoo style here>".  Shouldn't these artists have made an effort to learned these styles before singing up to compete?  Especially the styles that are near and dear to the judges (American Traditional for Oliver Peck and Japanese for Chris Nunez)?  Season six has been even worse as I've watched multiple artists whine that they are having issues dealing with being told what style to do.  Umm, have they never seen the show before?  What did they think they were signing up for?

I have some other issues with the show that fall outside of the "drama" that I've focused on, so let me touch on a few of those.

• The first season finale has stuck with me throughout the show.  The judges said that Tommy's pinup girl was the "best tattoo of the season", yet they awarded the title of Ink Master to Shane based upon his "body of work".  That bugged me at the time and still does.  But what really bugs me is that in seasons since then it seems like they've awarded overall victory more than once to artists that had the best final tattoo, but a lesser "body of work" over the entire season.  Pick a set of rules and go with it.

• Product placement.  Look, I get it, it helps pay for the show and Ink Master is far from the first show or movie to do it.  But some of it is out of hand - I'm looking at the Taco Bell "Live Mas" stuff from season six as an example.  If they are going to do this placement, at least try and do a better job of integrating it into the show.  Some of the placements have included a special prize for an artist(s) - which at least to me makes it a little better; but others such as this seasons Taco Bell placement added nothing to the show in my opinion and as such turned me off more than a bit.  As an example of what I think was good placement was the Star Wars challenge from season two.

• Lose the "team" challenges - at least for eliminations.  This became a real issue here in season six when two of the best (possibly *the two best*) artists ended up facing off in an elimination in episode seven (less than halfway through the season).  Not only did the season lose a good artists, but it also lost arguably the biggest "sh*t disturber"; so I suspect that the powers that be may rethink some things.  I did admire Katie speaking up when the judges seemed to consider not eliminating either of the two artists in that episode as it wasn't everyone else's fault that the rules of the game came back to bite the show in the backside.

• The judging bugs me as well.  Dave Navarro seems to focus on the specific challenge which I think is the way it should be; but the two tattoo "experts" (Oliver Peck/Chris Nunez) often "go off the reservation" and base their decisions on body of work, etc., which I don't think is right.  Why have specific challenges if the artists aren't actually going to be judged on those challenges?  Its like giving the other artists and the viewers a huge middle finger in my opinion.

• There have been occasional Ink Master specials and while most have been good, I did take exception to the Master versus Master show prior to season six.  Four of the first Five masters came back, the exception being Shane from season one.  Look, I don't have an issue with him not coming back, especially if that was *HIS* decision.  But why not explain why he wasn't there and the other four masters were?  Doesn't the audience deserve that?  And the format agitated me as frankly while I'll admit I don't like Scott very much, to get into the finals he lucked out as I believe he had the 3rd best tattoo of the 4; but because the two best had gone up against each other one of them was eliminated.  Now Scott did a nice job in the final; but in reality he really didn't deserve to get there.  Now I know this is often how it goes in sports, etc. (see the NL Central race in Major League Baseball this year); but it still agitated me.

There are other things, but I think I've rambled on long enough.  Now don't get me wrong, I do still like the show overall and have really enjoyed the early seasons.  I just feel that the things above, if changed, could greatly improve the show; although I'm also realistic enough to understand that many of the things I've railed against are done in the name of ratings, so if my options are to have to deal with these things or lose the show - well I'll deal with them.  But I won't be as hooked on the show as I have been in the past either.

- M

St. Louis Area TG Experiences - Part 12

Well it's been several weeks since I've written a post on this subject, and for that matter I haven't written much at all the last month or two, in fact it appears that I went the entire month of August without a post.  So I felt I should knock out a few posts, so this makes two in two days (well really about 10 minutes, but....).

Since the "prior" posts links were getting a bit long, there is now a page with links to all of the posts:  My Transgender Experiences.  

Restaurants:

• Ethyl's Smokehouse (O'Fallon, Missouri) - I have spend nearly all of my life living in and around the O'Fallon area and am old enough to remember when the building that is Ethyl's Smokehouse was "Bubba and Coy's Catfish" (which I ate at several times as a child), but while we have driven by Ethyl's more times that I can count over the years, I had never been there.  I suppose primarily because it comes across as a "bar" and we're not really drinkers; but M and I were out running around the other day and I really wanted to try something new for lunch and we settled on Ethyl's and I'm glad we did.  Since it's not really the focus of this blog, I won't go into the details of the meal, those can be found in the Yelp review I left HERE, instead I'll focus on how I was treated.  From the moment we walked in, until the moment we left, I was treated as any other woman.  Even though my voice probably slipped here and there, our server never wavered on pronoun usage or politeness.  While I generally have good experiences, this one was exceptionally good and I wish every experience went this well.
• Pi Pizzeria (Kirkwood, Missouri) - Pi isn't some large national chain, they have a few locations in St. Louis, one in Washington D.C., and one in Cincinnati, Ohio.  However, thanks to some love from President Obama, they are a little more well known than most chains their size.  J and I visited here after our most recent laser appointment; and since I was having my face done yet again I wasn't in any makeup or even dressed overly nice.  That being said, I was treated wonderfully.  As far as the food, well it's a touch "fru fru" for me, but it was good and we would go back.  As a side note, we visited around 4:30pm or so on a Monday - before their dinner rush, so they were *very* slow, I'd be curious to see how our experience is when they are in their dinner rush.  As a side note - especially timely considering another recent blog post - their bathrooms are single person uni-sex bathrooms which was nice.
• Fox & Hound (Chesterfield, Missouri) - I always hate to put too much weight on a single experience, be it good or bad, especially at a restaurant - but we were very pleased with our experience here.  We elected to sit in the "dining area" (which is fairly small) versus the bar area, so our experience is based upon that.  Now let me first say that I was not wearing makeup or a wig, we had a laser appointment a few days prior and my face was still in pretty bad shape.  However, despite that fact, I still got ma'am and together we got "ladies" from the hostess, our server, the manager when he "touched our table", and the other server who dropped off some of our food.  That alone, scored them points with me/us as often times when I'm out sans hair/makeup, I either get no pronouns or on occasion male ones.  I don't let that bother me when it happens, but I do prefer to hear feminine pronouns, so as I said I was very happy with that.  The food was great, and our service was also quite good.  All in all, I'm sorry we hadn't eaten there before and I really hope our future visits go as well as this one did.

Retailers:

• Dollar Tree (Bridgeton, Missouri) - Typical Dollar Tree experience, store personnel were all polite and customers tend to be focused on themselves so it was a typical un-eventful experience for me which is always nice.

• Payless Shoe Source (St. Charles, Missouri) - We popped in here (as well as the one in O'Fallon) looking for a replacement pair of flats for me.  The pair I currently wear most of the time actually has a small heel on them.  When M bought those for me, I didn't like them, but after wearing them over time they've become my favorites and I wanted a similar pair.  Unfortunately I guess they aren't in season at the moment so I couldn't find something I liked in my size.  However, the store personnel were very nice and helpful and treated me wonderfully.  
• Ruler Foods (St. Ann, Missouri) - For those not familiar with Ruler Foods, it's an "Aldi's" equivalent owned by Kroger.  The one in St. Ann opened a few months ago and M wanted to check it out.  The store is really similar to Aldi's.  We did find enough things cheaper to justify the trip since we stocked up on some things such as block cheese, but normally unless we were in the area it wouldn't be worth the drive for us.  The store personnel were all nice and polite and treated me as any other woman.
• Trader Joe's (Chesterfield, Missouri) - I had never been to a Trader Joe's, though J had.  Well last weekend we were bored and decided to go running around and somehow we ended up here.  To be honest much of the food is a touch "fru fru" for me; but we did pick up a few things and everyone there was so incredibly nice.  We will definitely go back.

Services:

• South Providence Medical Clinic (Columbia, Missouri) - This "clinic" has replaced the Green Meadows clinic in Columbia.  It's a nice, new, modern building perhaps a mile or two down the road from the aforementioned Green Meadows building.  I believe the majority of the providers (perhaps all?) from the old clinic have moved down here, but regardless of that Dr. Swenson, who has handled my HRT since I started it and has recently became my GP moved down here so I have as well.  There is a lot to like about the new clinic, and a couple of things I don't like as much.  It has a much more open floor plan which is nice in some ways, but annoying in others since it's not as "intimate" as the old clinic since the different teams have a common waiting area now.  Additionally I miss the nice fish tank from the older building as well.  On the plus side, there are multiple reception areas to get checked in which makes the process faster in general; and the rooms are obviously newer and have a nicer setup.  One of the nicest things for me is that they can check you out in the exam room - they don't always do it, but when they do it's nice since I don't have to make an extra stop at the reception desk.  This can include scheduling appointments.  They have a lab onsite as well, which I did make use of at a prior visit, they were very quick and efficient which was appreciated.  My results were up on their MU Healthe site the next morning which is quicker than I was accustomed to when using the lab here at the Tri-County location.  Dr. Swenson and her nurse are still just as wonderful as always and all of the reception personnel have been great - even considering a "check-in snafu" at a prior appointment.  I still strongly recommend Dr. Swenson and South Providence has been just as good, if not better, than Green Meadows so I'd give it a strong recommendation as well.

Since I like to have a thumbnail, here's a picture of J and I the day we went to Columbia for my checkup and shopping with her and M.  I'm not overly happy with the picture - I'm not sure if it's us getting used to the new camera or if I just didn't look as good as I'd have liked, but "it is what it is", so...

There are a few other places I should note, but I'll save those for the next entry.  So with that I'll wrap this post up.  As always have a great day.

- M