St. Louis Area TG Experiences - Part 11

Well it's only been a few weeks since I've written a post on this subject, so that's a bit of an improvement. :)  

Since the "prior" posts links were getting a bit long, there is now a page with links to all of the posts:  My Transgender Experiences.  

Restaurants:

• Village Cafe (Lake Saint Louis, Missouri) - The Village Cafe is located in the "Shoppes At Hawk Ridge" in the location that used to be the Dragon Buffet.  M, M2, and P have been there a few times, and a couple of weeks ago they brought me breakfast home.  That breakfast happened to be a buffalo chicken sandwich and hash browns.  The chicken sandwich was huge and had a generous amount of blue cheese crumbles on it, and was excellent.  The hash browns were plentiful and M had ordered them with cheese.  They were not as well done as I would normally like, I suspect that M simply didn't ask for them well done.  Despite that they were very good as well.  This past Saturday, M/M2/P invited J and I to meet them there for breakfast and the food was even better there and the service was excellent.  I was treated wonderfully which was nice since it was a last minute thing so I was NOT "done up" like I would normally be.  I wish nothing but the best for the Village Cafe and we WILL be back.
• Texas Roadhouse (O'Fallon, Missouri) - The last time I had been here was before my transition, so it had been a while.  No particular reason as the food/service had always been good, it just hadn't happened.  J and I hit there for an early dinner recently and the food/service was just how I remembered it and as with Longhorn, I could not have been treated better.  
• Denny's (Lake Saint Louis, Missouri) - This location re-opened a few months ago after being closed for approximately 2 years for a "remodel".  Actually, we were a bit surprised as we had long since assumed it was simply closed for good.  J and I were actually heading elsewhere to get a late dinner, but at the last minute when we realized that they had reopened we elected to stop here.  Let me say that prior to the location closing, our last two visits there had been very poor.  In fact poor enough that the last time we actually complained to their corporate office.  However, after two years we had high hopes.  Suffice it to say, they may have given the location a nice new look and feel; but the experience hasn't seem to have changed; and based upon our visit seems to have gotten worse.  Let me preface this by saying it was later in the evening, about 10:30pm when we arrived as it was a late work night for J.  Since we had not planned on going out, I wasn't "fully done up"; so no wig and only some light makeup - basically how I'd look if I were running a quick errand or something.  I mention this because I believe our experience was affected by my appearance; though at the time I didn't give that much thought since I'd never had an issue being dressed as I was.  Now the visit wasn't a complete disaster as the food was decent for Denny's, but the service was literally the worst I/we have ever had anywhere.  I won't take the time to go into all of the details; but it was bad enough that I finally felt compelled to bring the issue up to the manager who in my mind handled it poorly - mainly because she neglected to remove the server from our table and when he did finally come back after I had said something he was brazen enough to make not one, but two snide comments.  I probably should have made an issue with their corporate office, but frankly I've given up with the location and simply will NEVER return.  It was a bit of a culture shock to have such poor service, but even more so for it to apparently be because of how I was presenting.
• McDonald's (Kingdom City, Missouri) - I've stopped at this location many times over the last 25+ years when I've been going to/from Columbia.  Now over the years more restaurants have opened up here, but the food and service at this McDonald's is usually top notch and I try and support places like that.  I've been through the drive thru as Madison, but coming back from the Doctor's visit I mention below was the first time I had been inside as Madison.  It wasn't my intention to do so, but Green Meadows Clinic (where Dr. Swenson was located) is no more - they've moved into a new building down the street and frankly I wasn't quite sure where the restrooms where there so rather than search I figured I'd stop here and get a late lunch and use their restroom.  The restroom was reasonably clean for a McDonald's, the food was pretty good, and the store personnel were incredibly polite despite the fact that I know my voice wasn't up to par.  I know McDonald's can be hit or miss, but this location is almost always a "hit" and this visit was no exception.
• O'Charley's (O'Fallon, Missouri) - I was sure I had mentioned this location before; but apparently only in reference to the St. Peters location.  We've been here a few times now with me as Madison and the food and service has been great; though I'm not a huge fan of their clam chowder.

• Cracker Barrel (O'Fallon, Missouri) - I've been here with both J and M several times and the service is always exceptional, and while I'm personally not a huge fan of this type of food, M and J love it and despite my feelings it's always been fresh and good.  As with some other places I've been here both in full Madison regalia as well as "as-is" and they've never batted an eyelash or been anything other than super polite and courteous.  Strongly recommend this location.

Retailers:

• Dollar Tree (Grindstone Parkway, Columbia, Missouri) - It seems like when I choose to leave the house that I invariably forget something.  Sometimes it's something small - such as I like to wear an anklet when I wear a skirt, yet I often forget that.  Sometimes even when I'm running out "as-is" I forget things such as earrings (even when I'm not "done up", I still like to wear at least a pair of studs in my ears).  But it's usually more of a "trauma" for me when I am done up and this particular day I was heading to Columbia for a visit with Dr. Swenson.  About 15 minutes after I left the house I realized I had forgotten to put on any perfume and it bothered me the entire rest of the drive.  Normally when I'm going out looking nice I'll wear a nicer perfume, but I do keep some cheaper stuff around the house for when I simply want to smell nice or when I'm running out "as-is".  Well, I was tight on time and I've picked up some decent knock off perfumes there before, so I stopped here and grabbed one that was a knock off of Chanel No. 5 that I actually liked.  While I was in and out pretty quick, the store personnel were all nice and polite and one even held the door for me on my way out.  All in all a very nice experience.  I've never had a poor experience at any Dollar Tree, but I felt this one was especially good.  Speaking of this "trip", here's the outfit for that day so I have a thumbnail.  I love the top, the skirt - not as much.  I feel I've looked "better", though part of that is probably due to this being a cell phone photo since I managed to misplace my digital camera somehow.

• Dierberg's (Des Peres, Missouri) - This is another location that I thought I'd mentioned before, but apparently haven't.  Dierberg's in general has been great for me to shop at, both when fully done up as Madison and when just running out more or less "as-is".  However, this location has really been the "best of the best".  I only wish it were closer as I'd love to shop there more often.

I realize this entry is heavy on restaurants, but for various reasons I haven't been out doing much other than the last couple of months.  I hope to rectify that sooner rather than later, but for now this will have to do.  :)

- M

The Truth....

Even though I don't really take part in the various Reddit Transgender subreddits these days I do still browse them on occasion and a thread did stand out this weekend because it hits fairly close to home for me.  The gist of the thread was about someone being honest when their Trans-woman friend asked about if she "passed" or not.  Apparently she doesn't pass, or at least doesn't as well as she thinks, yet this friend (and apparently others) tell her she does when she asks.  I've written on this particular subject before - it was a little over a year ago and was titled:  "Does this dress make me look fat?"

Both of those questions - "Do I pass/blend in?" and "Does this dress make me look fat?" are in a lot of ways unfair questions to ask friends and family as they often put those friends/family in an awkward position of deciding if they should be brutally honest, totally concerned about feelings, or somewhere in the middle.  Now, I'm not saying that the two questions are completely equal - personally I think the passing question carries far more ramifications for some/many/most people asking it, as while a dress not looking well may upset somebody at the moment, the passing question can be absolutely devastating for someone who is transitioning.  But that aside, I don't believe it changes the underlying quandary that it puts the person being asked in.

I discussed my personal feelings on this back in that aforementioned post, but to reiterate them here, I personally want to hear the truth and I'd rather hear it from a friend or family member than a stranger.  I'm sure there are some that would disagree and would rather simply have their confidence boosted; and that's fine, I'm just not one of those people.  Perhaps a honest critique can be helpful to me, but even if I can't change the thing(s) in that critique, at least I've been made aware of them by someone who's opinion I respect and who hopefully cares about my well being; rather than being embarrassed (or worse) in public.

But the impetus for this post isn't about whether or not the person from Reddit did or didn't pass, or for that matter if I do on any particular day or not.  It's about the truth in general.  I don't care what I'm asking about, I'd rather hear the truth - brutal or not - when I ask a question, than have a friend or even worse a family member, try and gloss over something or even worse out and out lie to try and spare my feelings.  I understand why they would think they were doing what is right, but I simply don't agree with it.  I believe that one of the key building blocks of a relationship, be it friend or family, is trust and doing something like this violates my trust in that person and in my mind damages the relationship.  I find it especially frustrating when I believe I've made it clear that I believe they aren't being completely honest about something and they continue to stand their ground.  At some point whatever they've been glossing over is eventually going to come out and the fact that they weren't totally honest about is going to come up and in my mind at least make things all that much worse.

The way I see it, whatever they were trying to "save my feelings from" - well it's highly likely that it's not something that is within either of our control.  Perhaps I/we/them can do something about it, perhaps not.  Perhaps it will upset me, perhaps not.  But what I can absolutely guarantee is that the fact that they weren't honest with me is that my feelings will be far more hurt by that than whatever it was they were trying to "spare me from".  I'm sure others may not feel that way, but is how *I* feel and for those close to me I believe I've made that feeling crystal clear.  So when a friend or family member makes the decision to spare my feelings at the expense of being truly honest it not only hurts; but it makes me question what other things this has occurred with and that's not a recipe for a healthy relationship.

Maybe I've let this topic get a little too personal and hit a nerve that it shouldn't have, but regardless of what I should or shouldn't have done, it has gotten a touch personal and has hit a bit of a nerve and that's upsetting.  Not for the particular subject in question, as I had long since suspected that things were how they are and while that does hurt a bit - "it is what it is".  Rather it hit a nerve because the person in question didn't have enough faith in me to handle the truth such as it is.  Frankly for me that has been hurtful and while I'll get over it because I care about the person, it's something that's going to bother me for a long time.

Sorry for the the vague passive agressive venting here, but sometimes a little venting here goes a long way towards me getting over something and hopefully this is one of those times.

- M