Holidays....

It's been a little show here the last few weeks - I suppose in a way that's good as it must mean that nothing has agitated me. :)

However, since I do miss writing here I thought I'd write about something and I had a topic all ready to go - but when I got here I thought I'd write about this instead.  The holidays around here have gotten to be a little "ho-hum" for lack of a better word.  M/M2/P are all on a set schedule and have the same shifts/days off every week and J is on a rotation that for the most part doesn't change.  So depending upon when a given holiday falls they all may or may not be working.  Since those four pretty much make up my family these days, despite the fact that I'm normally off on those days they end up being just about like any other day of the year.

Thanksgiving this year was a good example.  I personally get Thanksgiving and the day after as paid holidays and as things are I'm on vacation all week this week, so between that and the two weekends I'm on an 11 day vacation, and the Wednesday prior was a "BVD" (Boss Vacation Day) so it was almost another vacation day as well.  However, with Thanksgiving being a Thursday, M/M2/P all had to work that evening and with them in retail they actually went in 5 hours earlier than normal so they had went to bed early that morning.  J had to put in an extended day as well and had to turn around and go back 7 hours after she got off which accounting for driving time, trying to eat something, and getting to bed/ready in the morning meant she'd be running on about 4 hours sleep.

That made dinner an interesting proposition to say the least so in lieu of "traditional" - we went with progressive and had a "nacho bar" setup - two triple crock slow cookers with various things in them:  black beans, re-fried beans, seasoned ground beef, seasoned chicken, some fajita veggies (I got hooked on putting those on nachos from eating at QDoba), and some white queso.  Then I had the big slow cooker setup with nacho cheese; and then various things in dishes that could be refrigerated as necessary: shredded cheese (cheddar/pepper jack mix), jalapeno slices, sour cream, habanero Rotel, habanero salsa, corn salsa, hot sauce, a couple of different kinds of tortilla chips, and probably 1 or 2 other things that are slipping my mind at the moment.

While it wasn't turkey, etc., it actually worked out very nice as we were all able to graze as we see fit.  As I said above M/M2/P ate early and went to bed for work, and since J was at work, it left me to putz around.  I got some work done that I should have gotten done earlier in the week and watched some football off and on.  It's funny, I will watch sports here and there, but it doesn't have the appeal that it used to so I actually spent a lot of time channel surfing.  When J got home, I was able to have the cold stuff back out so she could eat and get to bed since she had to be back up so early.  I on the other hand stayed up all night as M2 didn't want to work an extended shift and as such he got off several hours prior to M/P and I had committed to coming and getting them so he didn't have to.  That turned into an expensive proposition as I ended up picking up a Vizio 4k TV for J and I's bedroom.  I had been contemplating replacing our older Sanyo (42in LCD) with a newer Smart TV and while this 4K model was a bit more than I had planned on spending, I will say it looks nice.  Now if Netflix would just add some more 4K programming for the extra $4/month it's now costing me I'd be much happier with it. :)

For whatever reason, J has not mentioned visiting her parents for Thanksgiving, which surprises me a bit as I expected she would.  I know her work schedule has been a little rougher than normal, but really not much different than last year and she wanted to then.  But it's her family and her choice.  As far as mine goes - well little has changed on that front and truthfully at this point I'm not sure that I really want it to.  There were times over the last 12+ months where I did miss the whole "family thing".  Let me be clear, my "chosen family" of J/P/M, and even M2, make me very happy.  However, M2 is not really very "social" to say the least and as such there are times when M isn't either.  P is at that age where she wants to do her own thing, so quite often that really leaves J and I.  I've been fine with that for the most part, but ironically enough it was spending time with her parents last year at the holidays that I think made me contemplate the lack of relationships with my own parents and siblings.

I still believe now just as I did at the various times when those relationships were severed, that there were valid reasons for doing so.  I felt that the fault for the way things were fell on each of them - and truthfully I still do - and that the onus for "fixing things" also fell on them.  But, over the last year or so I wondered if perhaps if I should be the person to make the first move and see about reconciling things - in reality life is short (as was made painfully evident by the episode a few months ago) and each day that this continues is a day I'll never have with any of them.

However, this past week or so has made me realize (hopefully once and for all) that my "family" is who is around me and who accepts me - they are my "chosen family" and they are the ones who really and truly matter to me.  My "birth family" - well I'll love them for what they are, but at this point I really and truly don't think they'll ever be a part of my life again.  Normally I would have thought that it would make me sad to type that - you have no idea how often I end up crying while I'm writing here - but in this case it doesn't.  I wish them and their chosen families well, but for me - I have all I need right here in my room, across the hall, and down the hall.  Those are the people that really and truly care about me, and that I really and truly care about.  And regardless of how anyone may feel about our Thanksgiving dinner or anything else, what we all have works for us and in reality that's really all that matters.

- M