Let me get a bit of a disclaimer out of the way before I go on. I am not a lawyer. What is below are simply my opinions and my understanding of things that have gone on so far and may go on. If anyone disagrees with my opinions, or believes I am wrong about something, please feel free to say something either via the comments or privately. I'll be more than happy to debate my opinions and/or correct anything that may be inaccurate. With that being said, on to the topic at hand.Today the Supreme Court elected to not hear appeals of several cases which could have decided things once and for all. This in effect means that for many states where the subject was still in contention that the lower courts rulings will stand allowing for same sex marriage. Unfortunately for those states where there has been no traction made on the subject, as well as those states where it's still winding its way through the court system - including my state of Missouri - well not a lot has changed as of today. In the case of the latter states it appears that the various court processes will have to continue to play out, which is a bit of an agitation for those who are waiting for a ruling.
Now, as I tend to do I thought I'd discuss this first from my point of view as to how it does/doesn't affect J and I; and then more generally. So if you aren't particular interested in me particularly, feel free to skip down a couple of paragraphs. :)
J and I were married well before I chose to transition, much less have my gender marker legally changed. When we decided that transitioning was the right decision for both myself and us as a couple, the impact it might have on our marriage was one of our primary concerns. Even when she spoke to her parents about our transition, despite the fact that her father is an attorney, they weren't even sure of the legalities of the marriage going forward. I spend hours upon hours researching it as best I could, but definitive answers were hard to come by. I talked to some other married trans-women that were married and live in Missouri, and even a couple of lawyers, and while there were no cut and dried answers there was at least a reasonable consensus. That consensus - which has some basis via court cases - was that since my marriage to J was legal when it was performed - ie I was legally a male - that it remains legal now.
However, even if we accept that consensus - which we basically do - there are concerns about it. For one, the county we live in actually specifically states on their website that they follow the Missouri state statue 451.022 which specifically states in the 4th bullet point that Missouri - and specifically by extension our county - will not recognize a "same sex marriage" even if it was/is legal where it was performed. Now, again - it was legal at the time it was performed in this county - so we believe we are on reasonably strong legal ground with that, but it's still a concern. Another large concern is when/if a moment comes where we need to prove we are married. There have been far too many instances in the news where a same-sex partner has been denied access to an ill partner, been unable to make decisions for an incapacitated partner, and so on. Now the latter could easily be addressed via legal documents, but the former - well that could be an issue. And while we do have a copy of our marriage license as well as copies of my court orders for my name and gender change where J and I can easily get to them - they aren't things we "carry around" either.
So while some - perhaps including myself - might say that I really don't have a "dog in this fight" since I am already married to J - I think I do at least somewhat. I would like nothing more than to take my court orders down and pursue getting our marriage license amended; but until the day that Missouri recognizes same sex marriage I'm really almost afraid to do it as I think it could cause more issues than it might solve.
Now that I've talked about myself, lets talk about everyone else. For starters, let me say that I really have a hard time understanding the fierce opposition to same sex marriage. I just simply cannot wrap my head around why anyone would really care what two consenting adults get married; or how it "cheapens" their own marriage. My marriage is what J and I make it and no other marriages will make my own stronger or weaker. Then there is the religious argument and that's one I as a trans-woman really find frustrating as I tend to get it on not only the same sex marriage front, but also the transgender front. I'm the first to admit that I'm no expert on the Bible, but I can cherry pick things out of it with the best of them. It seems that a great many people who are against same sex marriage want to use the Bible to support their claims - and that's their choice, but until they stop "picking and choosing" things from the Bible then I personally will continue to simply dismiss their arguments. If that's the basis of your argument then I just don't see anyone can simply pick and choose what to follow from the Bible - I find that as nothing more than hypocrisy and somehow I really doubt those same people would like it if they were on the receiving end of any hypocrisy. Those aren't the only two excuses, just two that I seem to see a lot and really have a hard time finding a basis for buying into.
That's why I'm actually a bit upset over the Supreme Courts actions today - or really lack of action. I understand having some reluctance to step into this issue as marriage has largely been something that states set policy on - but reality is that it's already being appealed in multiple Circuit Appeals courts which handle multiple states each so it's gotten bigger than state level to start with. At the time of this writing there are 93 pending lawsuits - 60 of those in Federal court - per this page. And by choosing to take no action and let those Circuit Appellate decisions stand - well for states such as Missouri where the issue hasn't been "decided" - well it's going to have to continue to navigate it's way through the court system in those cases. I suppose for the most part that's not necessarily a horrible thing as same sex marriage has been on an incredible roll of successes in court; and if the Supreme Court had taken a case and ruled against it - well all of those wins might have became essentially worthless. However, I still think that at some point the Supreme Court is simply going to have to make a decision on the issue one way or the other, so I really wish they would have done so now rather than continuing to put it off.
To me the bottom line is that if two consenting adults wish to be married, well then what is really the big deal? I just really and truly think that we as a country should really quit worrying about if two consenting adults want to be married and instead concern ourselves with some of the *real problems* that are out there. If same sex marriage bothers someone so very much - well then they shouldn't marry someone of the same sex - but to continue to try and prevent those that want to marry someone of the same sex, well I simply thing that's wrong and I've yet to see a compelling argument put forth to try and change my mind.
I suppose I should wrap this up now, so let me dig up a picture so I have a thumbnail. :)
Well I have newer pictures, but apparently I left the camera in the the car, so I'll go with one from a couple of weeks ago - I posted one with the same outfit with J and I together, but since I haven't used this one by itself, well it'll have to do. :)
- M
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