I saw Dr. Swenson for the first time one year ago today and she (pleasantly) surprised me by starting me on HRT then and there. Now the appointment was later in the day and as she's 90 minutes from here so I didn't get back until later in the evening and I was so "excited" for lack of a better term we went to dinner to "celebrate" so I didn't end up getting my prescriptions until the following day, so technically I guess tomorrow marks one year; but since I've got time to write this today we'll go with that.
I had done my research prior to visiting her and knew the risks, effects - both reversible and non-reversible, and the expectations given my age. We discussed the best way to proceed, be it to dive right in or to start small and see what happened. Due to my age, and the other medications I'm on among other things we did decide to start slowly and build up. So I've been on Estradiol and Spirolactone (forgiven me if I don't have the names exact, I'm too lazy to go look for the correct spellings) since that time. Without getting into specific dosages I'm still below what is probably the "standard dosage" for a trans-woman (if there really is such a thing). I am on enough now that my estrogen level is in the 160-170 range which again is probably low based on my research; however, I do have definite breast growth along with the other "benefits" of the hormones and as I'm looking into having the Orchiectomy, we've elected to keep my dosages stable for now until that's done and then go from there.
However, none of that is really the basis for this post. Over the last few months - basically since my dosage went to it's current level; I've been far more emotional than before. A *lot* of crying especially. Now, I've seen conflicting information as to whether or not the hormones have an actual affect on that or not. I personally believe they do based on these few months. I may have shed a tear or two at a sad movie before for example, but now I'll sit and flat out cry like there's no tomorrow. Yesterday was really bad - I just had the urge to cry all day - for no particular reason. Every little thing that somebody said would upset me. Last night it came to a head - I must've spent a good half hour plus just bawling in my wife's arms - and for no real reason. Maybe it has nothing to do with the hormones; but I don't have any other explanation for it.
My wife, bless her heart, tries to convince me that it's "normal"; but I still wonder if it is or not. I was always independent and preferred to be left along, now I'm a "stage 5 clinger" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14ZO1b3T6jo for those that never saw "Wedding Crashers"). It works out well for my wife since she likes that sort of thing; but it's been a major adjustment for me.
I guess I should cut this short as I'm starting to lose my train of thought (work is getting in the way <G>), so we'll leave it at that.
- M
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